even hell can be cold
I have the insane urge to write, to vent, to let things out, but no audience and nothing new to say. The world is still spinning on its axis, without even noticing the decline in my existence. I'm lacking a point, lacking direction. 11:11. Lara always told me that you have to make a wish at 11:11. I just made mine. Its nothing new, not a surprise to anyone, I'm sure you've figured it out already. Just another day that I wish for something I cant and wont have, and lack control of, nothing new, nothing special.
You always accused me of giving up so easily, yet what would you call this? Even me fighting, pouring my heart out, waiting and hoping with what little will I have left hasnt even caused you to say hello to me. But still I press on, as unhealthy, or stupid, or crazy as it is, I'm holding on and fighting until I have absolutely nothing left for either of us.
I'm just afraid that thats not a far distant future.
I just know me, I know my inability to forget, to let go, to move on. I also know how I feel, how I felt, how alive I felt with you. I'm terrified, to be completely honest, terrified that the way I felt with you was the first, the last and the only time I'll ever feel that. I wouldn't trade it for the sky, and if one day is all I will have, I will hold tightly to it, refusing to let it go. I wont forget it, and I hope upon all hopes that it wasnt the only occasion that I will feel that way. The lights behind my eyes, the complete comfort, the only uncomfortable thing about being with you was the knowledge that it wouldn't last as long as I wanted it to, because if I could choose, I would have made that day last forever.
I stand alone in these thoughts. And out here on this ledge, I'm shaking, alone, and scared, and wishing that life could be like a fairy tale, and that my prince would dash out to save me, just at the precise moment. But life is not a fairy tale, and when you stand shaky and alone on a ledge, it usually leads to a free fall.
I'm preparing for the sudden stop at the end,
Jess
You always accused me of giving up so easily, yet what would you call this? Even me fighting, pouring my heart out, waiting and hoping with what little will I have left hasnt even caused you to say hello to me. But still I press on, as unhealthy, or stupid, or crazy as it is, I'm holding on and fighting until I have absolutely nothing left for either of us.
I'm just afraid that thats not a far distant future.
I just know me, I know my inability to forget, to let go, to move on. I also know how I feel, how I felt, how alive I felt with you. I'm terrified, to be completely honest, terrified that the way I felt with you was the first, the last and the only time I'll ever feel that. I wouldn't trade it for the sky, and if one day is all I will have, I will hold tightly to it, refusing to let it go. I wont forget it, and I hope upon all hopes that it wasnt the only occasion that I will feel that way. The lights behind my eyes, the complete comfort, the only uncomfortable thing about being with you was the knowledge that it wouldn't last as long as I wanted it to, because if I could choose, I would have made that day last forever.
I stand alone in these thoughts. And out here on this ledge, I'm shaking, alone, and scared, and wishing that life could be like a fairy tale, and that my prince would dash out to save me, just at the precise moment. But life is not a fairy tale, and when you stand shaky and alone on a ledge, it usually leads to a free fall.
I'm preparing for the sudden stop at the end,
Jess