Welcome to Lilah Land
The nerve of those people. They kicked me out of the bar. Said I'd had too much. They actually kicked me out of the bar! At the Ritz. A place that prides themselves on service and legendary drunkard-ry
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I'm sorry too, but it's a habit that has grown I suppose. I think the hurting goes both ways. It has been a part of our...past relationship. It was actually as much entwined as not so little word games. You lash out, I lock up, aren't we a pair? Are you so certain nothing is going to hurt you more then anything in the past? Or that I'll not anger you? You see, I'm not so sure, I guess that is where the 'walking no eggshells comes in.'
Do you? I seem to recall reading something about ripping me a new one. It's not really presumptuous, you've always made it pretty clear which side you were on. Or am I wrong?
You're sorry that I'm not happy? Even more then that you're not happy? I-I don't know what to do with that.
Why am I not surprised you do know a lot about my father. I can be cruel, if need to be. Just as my father was when he thought it was needed. (Vice versa I'm sure)
That is what I had gathered from your words. You needed a clean cut decision, which I can't give you at this moment.
Yes, that billboard made it pretty clear that you did. Do. And as I said, I've no idea what to do with that at this moment.
I'll try, and I'll most certainly will take care of the girls. I've no doubt they'll take care of me as well. Books are already being torn out of my hands if I read longer then an hour. Aren't you? mad/angry/bitter?
There are times I hate being right. Scratch that. I hate being right when I don't want to be right
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Am I sure? Yeah, I am. Pretty sure. Unless of course you have some well laid plan to orchestrate my death. In which case, yeah. I'd probably feel a bit hurt. Actually, betrayed's probably the word I'm looking for there. But really Wes, hurt is something I'm used to. I've grown to accept it and let it make me stronger. So say what you like, do what you like. I get where its be confusing for you, I mean you're one of very few people who's ever seen the human side of me. You know, the one where I don't scare grown men. But I promise, I'm still me. I'm pretty good at rolling with the punches.
Okay, so I may need to tone down my normal demeanor for you. And see, there you go presuming again. Actually, I believe I've let you know more than once that the my true loyalty lies with me. Are you wrong? Maybe. I don't know. I think I'm gonna go the same route as you, and say no comment at the moment.
You don't have to do anything with it Wes. It's just a statement. I'm not even sure I can explain it. Except to say I'm pretty sure you've earned the right to be happy. You deserve it. Me, I'm not as sure about. Besides, I'm not even sure the potential is there.
I'm sure you can be cruel if needed Wes. I just can't help but offend you, can I? But it's not you. Not in your nature. Or if is it's outweighed by a lot of other things. The good things.
Well like I said, don't need one from you. I'd appreciate your input in a few areas. But I have to make my decisions on my own. For better or worse.
And again I find myself saying you don't have to do anything with it. That's your choice.
You? Actually make children sound fun, or nice at least. At you? No I'm not angry, bitter, mad... Occasionally slightly irritated or frustrated by you. But hey, so goes life, you know?
See, now you've got me with the not knowing how to take that. But I do know one thing, I really think it'd be nice if everything was simpler sometimes.
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I've no plans of the kind. Being responsible for your death once was more then enough. And hurt is not something anyone should be or get used to. And you *never* scared me.
Did you? Apparently not clear enough. Of course there is still that rather nasty contract that binds you, by choice or not. It's not something you can easily get out of. I've already tried that. You need to think about. That's all the answer I need to know.
You have every right to be happy as anyone else. What's this saying again? Let he who is without sin...
It is in me, and in my nature. When all defense is stripped away, only nature and ones deepest desires remain. I've met mine, it wasn't pleasant.
I'll give you input if that is in any way possible. But I can't promise you anything. Input wise that is.
The children are fun. They do make me happy and give me a reason to go on.
It's never simple is it?
Cordelia, the girls and I will be returning to Los Angeles in a moment. And old friend of Cordelia and Angel showed up, *very* unexpected.
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Gee Wes, I can't tell you how much it means you don't want kill me. Real sweet like.*eye roll/smile* And again please stop blaming yourself for my death. As for the hurt thing, I think we both know that that we don't live in a fairytale world. Demons yes, fairytales no. I've been hurt, I will be hurt, and I probably will hurt others. It's the cycle of dysfunction which I was handed. At least I'm not sitting in a corner somewhere crying over it... See, I should be grateful to everyone who's every screwed me over. I'm stronger for it. Frankly, I'm a little hurt by that. First you start saying that, next thing I know I will have lost any and all of the respect that I've spent years cultivating.
Are you putting words in my mouth now? All I said was no comment.
Happiness; Right to be or not Wes, I'm doubting very much I will be happy any time soon. Of course stranger things have happened. You know, like vampires having children...that sort of thing.
Please tell me were not going back to that idiot I shot again. Which if we are; Wes, I seriously doubt you did anything worse than any of the others affected. I mean Gavin beat me to a bloody pulp. Gavin. Wee little man. You remember him? I believe we saw him as a zombie when you were helping me get out of the firm. Point is everyone has something in bad in them. Just a matter of whether or not you let it control who you are.
Thanks. I might take you up on that offer of input. Not at the moment though.
As for the kids, I can tell. Having purpose...must be nice.
Pretty much no. At least when you spend your time examining things. That tends to complicate.
Like I said, I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of unexpected things in our future. Personally I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with that much unexpected-ness. But good luck. Be extra careful when you get back, okay?
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Nice use of sarcasm there, Lilah. Why? You certainly seem to bring up the scar I've given you at any random given time. I've said it before. I should've made certain you actually got out when I told you to leave in the sewers. Instead I ended having you at the hotel and ultimately, get you killed. Facts don't lie.
What does not kill you makes you stronger? The truth is a nasty thing at time, isn't it? Maybe you can try Lindsey, he seems scared enough of you.
No, I wasn't. There *is* a contract binding you to the firm. Again, a fact. And you do need to think about it, just like I needed some time back. Seems so long ago now.
You can make your own happiness, Lilah. It shouldn't have to depend on other people. Even though I know it usually does. I'm sorry for that. Lets not mention vampires who have babies, shall we?
All he did was beat you. I nearly killed, if I'd not been knocked out I would've succeeded. It *is* inside me and I can control it. Most of the time. The times that I'm not however, aren't always while under the influence of something or other. I envy you for having full control of yourself. Oh wait...
Any time you're ready. And well... I am.
It is, very nice. Very satisfying. Though, the purpose for fighting the good fight doesn't seem to lessen. I'm just being more careful these days.
Quite true. Doesn't seem to stop me from examining everything to death though.
Extra careful? You're worrying me, Lilah. Is there something going on there, aside from Angel and Cordy's friend returning, that I should know about?
Look, we're about ready to leave. Our flight number just got called. I'll catch you once we arrive back in Los Angeles. Probably after I've talked to Angel. Whenever that will be. I'm sure Cordy would like to see her friend first thing.
You take care of yourself as well, Lilah. Don't scare the French too much now. *tired smile*
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Fine. Blame yourself. Although Wes, you should know better than anyone, facts do lie. Quite frequently actually.
Pretty much, yeah. You think I'd be who I am today if I'd been coddled as a child? Or any other part of my life for that matter. I highly doubt it. I'd be just another incredibly attractive woman. Which yes is enough to get by in life. But still. I know he is. It's really very cute. Of course he has every reason to be. he knows I'd I'd kill him if I needed to.
Okay, Wes, you know I love you. And so does everyone else now...(Again, sorry) But let's not pretend you know what goes through my mind, or what I need to think about. And I'm aware I have a contract, thank you.
Also aware happiness shouldn't depend on other people. I never said it did. I just said I didn't foresee any in my future. And no vampires having babies. Yes, I think you're right... Know I've had more than my fill of that topic for the time being.
Fine. Again, I'm trying to be helpful. And obviously you didn't see me. Although I have to say for as swollen as my eye was, I managed to aim pretty dang well. Don't Oh, Wait me Wes. I'm trying to be supportive, If you like I could point out a few things about you. But again, that wasn't my point.
....
Yes, I know. That's why things with you are so complicated.
That's a question I can't answer right now. Just be careful.
Look forward to hearing from you. And I'm sure she will.
I will. Have a safe trip.
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