Welcome to Lilah Land
The nerve of those people. They kicked me out of the bar. Said I'd had too much. They actually kicked me out of the bar! At the Ritz. A place that prides themselves on service and legendary drunkard-ry.
Who cares. So my last entry... Probably should delete that. Or claim that wasn't me. But you know, not so much concerned. People already consider me a pathetic, scary, evil, slut. What's the worst they can do? By the way, yeah... I'll be taking heads if anyone accuses me of having gone soft or being emotional, so...just a forewarning. *smiles*
Anyway that was provoked. True, but provoked nonetheless. I mean I've been over here, ok even in LA, being all selfless. Really. Trying to be supportive, and I'll I get is 'you're confusing...' Or him getting mad at me, for stuff like telling him he's a good person. And no, I didn't mean good in the insulting sense. I meant decent human being, type good. Things like that, and he flies off the handle at me.
//Locked against everyone not Wes//
(This isn't exactly directed toward you. I just figured you probably were already kind of uncomfortable with my public post, so I locked it out of consideration. However this is my journal, and I'm feeling kind of brutally honest at the moment. It's nothing personal. Hopefully we've already clarified, I don't have any real ill will toward you. Please say you got that, cause I'm not sure how to be any less confusing. )
It's also apparently contra-indicated to ask someone how they feel about you? Hello, Wes...You say you have to walk on eggshells around me. That you're afraid of hurting me. Is it just me, or does somebody really need to pay better attention to their f*** buddy. Cause frankly, I think we both know I'm pretty thick skinned. And yes, you could hurt me, but what else is new? Yeah. You've ripped my heart out. Still, I trust you. I know I said I didn't a few days ago. That was true. I didn't trust you enough to come out and say how I felt. But, obviously surpassed that road block. So yeah, I trust you and consider you a friend. However, if in our future conversations you feel you can't be honest with me, I'm gonna tear you a new one. Cause I don't like being yanked around. Have enough people doing that.
Anyway like I said, all I want for you is to be happy. Those kids too, they seem important to you, and I know you'll do what you need to for them. Because you're not your father. You're not cruel. (We're speaking of to people other than me, here.)
All I want for me is a good clean decision. Are you gonna be in my life, or not so much? Either way I'll deal. This is Lilah Morgan we're talking about. I don't break easily. Snap yes. And please don't start in on how the two are synonymous. I've already expressed that I have no more desire to engage in word games than I do to spend my Friday nights playing charades with Cordelia and Buffy.
//Unlocked//
Now, Lindsey; update? Sooner rather than later. Are we good on that? Yay.
Anyways after those cheap *edited for language* at the hotel said no more drinks for Lilah, I decided to wander a bit. I actually did sight seeing. Eiffel Tower? Not that impressive. Arc de Triomphe, really not that impressive. So here I am. Back in the room. Why do I use the more Americanized phrasing for the Eiffel Tower and not the arch you ask? Well because as average Americans you might actually be able to identify the Eiffel tower. Studies show the other, not so much. History people. You might as well learn it. You are, after all doomed to repeat it.
So, in my deciding what to do next; I'm torn. Read some more. Which obviously has some nasty enlightenment effects on me. Or clubbing. I vote clubbing. The question is the $4,000 designer dress, or the low budget but sufficiently slutty one? Valued opinions here people? Anyone? Lindsey, Faith, Spike, Savannah?
I'm gonna do some recumbent time. (Feel free to interpret that as you like.) And then check back So questions comments, harsh criticisms of my personage, drop them here. That sounds somewhat reminiscent of a conversation I was having earlier with the...wait. Never mind.
//Locked against everyone not Lindsey//
Hey, Linds!!! I said the bad word. Go me. And it didn't even hurt. Actually in some ways I'm feeling kind of liberated. Although I think I may have spooked Wes quite a bit. He'll deal. Anyway, just type some letters in if your blood alcohol level is under the legal limit. Or even if it isn't because I'm still not liking the current situation. If you got killed it would really put a damper on my day. Or at least a good hour of my day.
//Unlocked//
Who cares. So my last entry... Probably should delete that. Or claim that wasn't me. But you know, not so much concerned. People already consider me a pathetic, scary, evil, slut. What's the worst they can do? By the way, yeah... I'll be taking heads if anyone accuses me of having gone soft or being emotional, so...just a forewarning. *smiles*
Anyway that was provoked. True, but provoked nonetheless. I mean I've been over here, ok even in LA, being all selfless. Really. Trying to be supportive, and I'll I get is 'you're confusing...' Or him getting mad at me, for stuff like telling him he's a good person. And no, I didn't mean good in the insulting sense. I meant decent human being, type good. Things like that, and he flies off the handle at me.
//Locked against everyone not Wes//
(This isn't exactly directed toward you. I just figured you probably were already kind of uncomfortable with my public post, so I locked it out of consideration. However this is my journal, and I'm feeling kind of brutally honest at the moment. It's nothing personal. Hopefully we've already clarified, I don't have any real ill will toward you. Please say you got that, cause I'm not sure how to be any less confusing. )
It's also apparently contra-indicated to ask someone how they feel about you? Hello, Wes...You say you have to walk on eggshells around me. That you're afraid of hurting me. Is it just me, or does somebody really need to pay better attention to their f*** buddy. Cause frankly, I think we both know I'm pretty thick skinned. And yes, you could hurt me, but what else is new? Yeah. You've ripped my heart out. Still, I trust you. I know I said I didn't a few days ago. That was true. I didn't trust you enough to come out and say how I felt. But, obviously surpassed that road block. So yeah, I trust you and consider you a friend. However, if in our future conversations you feel you can't be honest with me, I'm gonna tear you a new one. Cause I don't like being yanked around. Have enough people doing that.
Anyway like I said, all I want for you is to be happy. Those kids too, they seem important to you, and I know you'll do what you need to for them. Because you're not your father. You're not cruel. (We're speaking of to people other than me, here.)
All I want for me is a good clean decision. Are you gonna be in my life, or not so much? Either way I'll deal. This is Lilah Morgan we're talking about. I don't break easily. Snap yes. And please don't start in on how the two are synonymous. I've already expressed that I have no more desire to engage in word games than I do to spend my Friday nights playing charades with Cordelia and Buffy.
//Unlocked//
Now, Lindsey; update? Sooner rather than later. Are we good on that? Yay.
Anyways after those cheap *edited for language* at the hotel said no more drinks for Lilah, I decided to wander a bit. I actually did sight seeing. Eiffel Tower? Not that impressive. Arc de Triomphe, really not that impressive. So here I am. Back in the room. Why do I use the more Americanized phrasing for the Eiffel Tower and not the arch you ask? Well because as average Americans you might actually be able to identify the Eiffel tower. Studies show the other, not so much. History people. You might as well learn it. You are, after all doomed to repeat it.
So, in my deciding what to do next; I'm torn. Read some more. Which obviously has some nasty enlightenment effects on me. Or clubbing. I vote clubbing. The question is the $4,000 designer dress, or the low budget but sufficiently slutty one? Valued opinions here people? Anyone? Lindsey, Faith, Spike, Savannah?
I'm gonna do some recumbent time. (Feel free to interpret that as you like.) And then check back So questions comments, harsh criticisms of my personage, drop them here. That sounds somewhat reminiscent of a conversation I was having earlier with the...wait. Never mind.
//Locked against everyone not Lindsey//
Hey, Linds!!! I said the bad word. Go me. And it didn't even hurt. Actually in some ways I'm feeling kind of liberated. Although I think I may have spooked Wes quite a bit. He'll deal. Anyway, just type some letters in if your blood alcohol level is under the legal limit. Or even if it isn't because I'm still not liking the current situation. If you got killed it would really put a damper on my day. Or at least a good hour of my day.
//Unlocked//