Can’t Stand It -V67
Title: Can’t Stand It - Vignettes
Rating: NC-17 for the whole story
Genre: au
Summary: Jack drives to Wyoming when he hears about Ennis’ divorce. He does not react well to Ennis sending him away.
Warnings: Angst, bad grammar, typos.....no death and I like happily ever after.
Disclaimer: I borrowed these characters and I make no money from this.
Feedback: Yes, be honest- just be nice about it. I’m sorry that I write the lamest responses.
ENJOY!
Can’t Stand It
V67
Ennis put the pictures he took of Junior on the night of her prom on the table. He had waited a few weeks to get them developed because it was still a little painful for him to think about that night. He waited to see their reactions. Bobby’s “Holy crap, that’s Junior?” didn’t make him feel any better. Jack’s, “She looks beautiful,” made him feel a little better. The bubble bath with Jack, later that night, made him feel a lot better.
+++
Jack fussed with Bobby and forced him to stand still so he could take some pictures. He wasn’t going to be able to see Joan because it was a double date and one Bobby’s baseball teammates was picking him up. Matt wasn’t going because the girl he was fooling around with was still not allowed to date. Bobby told them they would go to the dance, then the diner and then he would come home.
Jack and Ennis were sitting on the couch when Bobby walked it. The couch was covered with contracts. Jack could see Bobby wasn’t happy and Bobby plopped himself on the couch across from them. “What’s wrong?”
“I give her a week before she dumps me.”
“Why, Pup?”
“Cause I looked like a grownup with a twelve year old date.”
“It can’t be that bad.” Jack watched Bobby pull out some Polaroids from his pocket.
“Joan’s parents took some pictures for you. They looked really uncomfortable while taking them. So did she.”
Jack took the pictures and looked at them with Ennis. He knew that Bobby looked older. “She doesn’t look twelve, Bobby.”
“I don’t look sixteen. You can’t say that I do.”
“The suit makes you look older. You knew that. You look really good in it.”
“Steve’s a junior and I looked so much older than him. Junior told me that when they went to the prom, she had the most adult dress, but she wore the dress, the dress didn’t wear her. She said most of the girls looked good, but some of them were wearing dresses that made them look like they were playing dress-up. Joan looks like she’s wearing her mother’s dress, if her mother wore dresses like that. Junior said that she thought that Ricky was the only one who didn’t look like he was wearing his father’s suit. I noticed at the dance, that for most of them, the suits wore them. A couple of the guys seemed to be comfortable in the suit, but they looked their age in a suit.”
“I’m sorry, Pup.”
“I know some girls noticed me, actually a lot. Steve’s date made a pass at me at the dance. So did another girl. And I swear one of the waiters at the diner gave me the once over, but I wasn’t interested in any of them. The girl that I was interested in looked like she wanted to go home and play with her dolls.”
“You’re being a little dramatic.”
“It was all so depressing. Matt makes fun of Ricky being so picky about his girlfriends and not running around like he does, but I get it now. Ricky’s girlfriends never looked like they were about to play with dolls. Actually, he started dating seniors his sophomore year. I wonder if he felt the same way I do now. I’m going to call him tomorrow.”
“The other kids will catch up to you.”
“Some of them look older than me when we wear regular clothes, but not tonight. The girl who made the pass, who wasn’t Steve’s date, told me as she was making her pass at me, that what she found sexy was that I looked like that suit was a part of me. She said I looked like could be in some spy movie and I wanted to tell her I wanted to go home and hug my stuffed horse and play with my cats.”
Jack watched Bobby tip himself over on the couch. “I know it’s hard because your outside appearance doesn’t match how you feel on the inside.”
“Matt would’ve pulled that girl into a closet and done who knows what and I kept thinking that I was right when I was little and I should just marry Gloria.”
Jack pushed the contracts off him and got up. He moved the other couch and sat on the edge. “She’s just a little too fast for you and you have a girlfriend.”
“I’m sixteen, I should want more than just a feel up that I knew I wasn’t getting. I mean this girl…She could probably get Jimmy to question being gay.”
Jack laughed. “I doubt that.”
“She’s tall, very pretty and makes Amanda look like she’s shaped like Olive Oil.”
“And you didn’t want to?”
“I just looked at her and wondered how she could make a pass at me like that when she has never said two words to me in my life. I wondered how many times has she done that before. She’s eighteen and I know she’s pulled plenty of guys into a confined space. And I felt bad for her. Who does that? Even if I didn’t have a girlfriend, whose going to dump my ass, I wasn’t interested. Matt’s right, I am a girl.” Bobby turned his head to Ennis. “How come you’ve been so quiet? I thought we were going to work on that.”
“I’ve been listening and thinking, Bobby.”
“And what are you thinking?”
“I think what makes you seem older and more comfortable in that suit, even though you weren’t, was that you have had to learn to stay calm and focused when you are uncomfortable. I think that is very appealing to people.”
“Didn’t do a damn thing for Joan.”
“I bet she was scared and didn’t know how to hide it. Maybe she thought that you would expect more from her.”
“I’m the same person I was when I wore jeans on our dates.”
“Confidence, most of the time, is very appealing, Bobby. You act like you have it even when you don’t. But it can scare some people. I bet she wasn’t feeling so confident and there you were, looking stunning and she was wondering what you saw in her.”
“You ever feel like that?”
“Yeah.”
“So what about future wet dream girl? Why’d she make me want to go play with Ernie and Bert.”
Jack put his hand on Bobby’s leg, “Don’t talk about her like that.”
“Sorry.”
Ennis answered, “Maybe her confidence scared you. Maybe you aren’t ready.”
“I should be.”
“Why? Because of your age? Your height? Maybe your eye color. Bobby, it doesn’t work that way. Maybe you didn’t want to do anything with her because you’ve become protective of Junior and Jenny and you saw the girl behind the offer,” Ennis replied.
“Sucks.”
“Maybe you couldn’t switch off your feelings for Joan so you couldn’t switch them on for her.”
“Still sucks.”
Jack stroked Bobby’s hair. “It’s not like you are going to wake up tomorrow and women will be missing from the earth. I don’t think you see Joan as your one and only…It’ll hurt if she breaks up with you and then you move on.”
“Still sucks.”
“Pup, I know that this will sound weird, but did that girl remind you of your mother?”
“She didn’t look like her…She was aggressive, but she wasn’t like Lureen. Why?”
“Just asking.”
“It would’ve been fun to add this to the list of things I blame on Lureen, but I don’t think so.”
“Maybe it was her aggression. You really don’t like that in people. I know it turns you off of people. Maybe it wasn’t what she was offering that turned you off, but the way she was doing it.”
“Maybe, Dad.”
“If Joan had sweetly asked you to follow her to a private spot and let you feel her up, would you have been thinking about Gloria?”
“No. I would’ve been thrilled.”
“So maybe you should relax about all this.” Jack looked over at Ennis. “You okay, Ennis?”
“I was just wondering about Mr. Looky-Loo.”
“What?” Bobby asked. “You mean that waiter? I found him creepy.”
“Oh.”
“Not that he was guy. But he was like thirty-five, a waiter in a shitty diner and working the late night shift. He wasn’t even cute.”
Jack laughed. “Bobby…”
“Sadly, it was the most entertaining part of the night.”
+++
Ennis could tell that Bobby was in an extra crappy mood in the morning. He knew Bobby called Ricky from the office, but the door was shut. When he came out, “Now Matt is mad at me. I’m going back to bed.”
“What happened?”
“He was mad that I wanted to talk to Ricky about something. He kept pushing and I had to tell him I didn’t think he would understand. He told me to go fuck myself and dropped the phone. He wouldn’t get back on the phone.”
“I’m sorry. You should call him back.”
“Tried. He wouldn’t come to the phone. Ricky said he’d talk to him, but I’m just pissing everyone off.”
“Bobby, sit down.” Ennis pulled the chair our. “What did Ricky say?” He was surprised that Jack was quiet and letting him take the lead.
“That he kinda felt the same way about being so much bigger than the girls, but it gets better. He said that Matt doesn’t understand because he is on the smaller side and less threatening. Matt can be flirty and a little handsy…Don’t give me that look, he isn’t out of line. But Matt can walk over, be goofy and put his arm around a girl’s shoulder and it seems like it is harmless, but when a big guy does it, it comes off creepy and threatening.”
“Did he make you feel any better?”
“I guess. He said if I get dumped and go for an older nice girl.”
Jack leaned in, “What are you skipping?”
Bobby grinned. “If you are really nice and respectful to nice girls, they are very nice back.”
Ennis laughed as Jack smacked Bobby with the paper.
++++
Jack drove to the higher-end clothing store where he bought his suits. Sam had introduced him to the place years earlier. He knew they would have to either fix his pants for Bobby or buy new ones. He was hopping he wasn’t going to have to buy a suit for Bobby. But, he knew that they had two graduations to go to and Ennis and he planned to take the kids to New York City as a surprise and they would be going to couple of Broadway shows.
Bobby wasn’t thrilled about a day of shopping, but when they walked into the store, he turned to Jack and said, “It’s like your closet.”
Jack whispered, “Shut up and be good.”
“Yes, father.”
The pants couldn’t be used so the salesman suggested that Bobby go for a less severe, more youthful suit and one that would be better for warmer weather. Jack could see that Bobby’s eyes perked up when the man said youthful.
He knew Bobby had mentioned that he had a good eye because of all his shopping with Lureen, but he hadn’t realized how good. Bobby wanted to wear a classic style suit, and not go trendy. He said he saw too many bad suits in his father’s closet. Once the right color suit was found, some shirts were chosen, and then Bobby picked some ties. Jack thought some of the ties were a little wild, but when they were put with the suit, they worked.
Jack sat on a chair as Bobby stood in the larger dressing area. The tailor was pinning and marking the suit for alterations. The suit was a light grey blue. Jack could see that Bobby’s blue eyes stood out. Jack knew he had a suit that was almost that color, but he hadn’t worn it since he went grey. He thought it made him look bland. Bobby’s hair was the dark brown he used to have and he thought it gave Bobby some pop.
Jack wasn’t paying attention when he heard Bobby start to giggle like a little boy. He noticed that the tailor was standing next to Bobby and didn’t look amused or surprised. After a few moments, Bobby whispered, “To the left.”
As they got into the truck, Bobby turned to him. “You should’ve warned me.”
“About what?”
“Do I dress to the left or right? Really, they ask that?”
“No, Bobby. I paid extra for that.”
“Can you imagine someone asking Ennis?”
“I assume someone has, he owns a couple of suits.”
“You think he punched the first guy?”
Jack laughed. “When you go home, you can ask.”
“I don’t think so.”
++++
Ennis talked to his daughters while the Twists were shopping. He had a long talk with Alma on Tuesday. Alma had put Junior on lockdown for a week. She said it wasn’t about the sex, but for the stealing. Alma wasn’t thrilled how she got Jenny involved either. He spoke to both daughters. He warned Jenny that they were going to have a long talk the next time they were face to face. She sounded resign to the fact.
+++
Jack noticed when they hit the mall; Bobby’s goal was to get it done as quickly as possible. They started at the department store because it had a better selection and more sizes. Jack was never comfortable shopping with Bobby once everyone knew about him. He didn’t like that it looked like he was hanging around men’s changing rooms. After Bobby had an armload of stuff to try on, he was sent back and forth to find the better size. The size of the item didn’t seem to matter when it came to Bobby; it was the cut of the clothes.
He had done several trips when a woman stepped in front of him and blocked the entrance to the where the men’s fitting-rooms were. “You cannot go back there.”
Jack could see a salesman rushing to them. “How can I help you, Ma’am?” asked the salesman.
“He’s a pervert and my son is back there.”
Jack looked back at her. “My son’s back there, too.”
The salesman took a deep breath. “Ma’am, each person has their own fitting room. Nothing is going on.”
“I should be able to go back there if he can.”
“You’re a woman…” the salesman started to say when she cut him off.
“And he’s a pervert.”
Jack looked up and saw Bobby and another teenager boy standing next to their rooms. Bobby was staring at him, but was also reacting to the boy next to him. He saw Bobby say, “I know,” and the boy walked toward them.
“I’m done, Mom. Can we go?”
“I’m going to speak to the manager.”
“Mom, can we just buy the clothes and go?”
“Leave the clothes. We are never coming here again.”
Jack watched them walk away. The salesman hadn’t moved. “I’m sorry, sir.” Jack watched the salesman walk away. Jack hadn’t looked around so he had no idea if there was an audience. The only audience member he cared about was Bobby.
He walked towards Bobby and Bobby held the door open for him to go in the changing room. Jack hung the clothes up as Bobby shut the door. He was surprised when Bobby pulled him into a hug. Jack wondered if people were watching behind the mirror or by camera and wondered what they were thinking as they watched the hug. Neither spoke as Bobby cleared the small bench so Jack could sit. Jack stared at the pile of clothes on the floor as Bobby finished trying on clothes.
They bought the clothes and even though Jack wanted to leave, he knew Bobby had wanted to go to the T-shirt store to replace the ones he’d outgrown. Bobby started to protest, but he told Bobby that they were there and they should get it over with.
They didn’t talk until Jack was out of the mall parking lot.
“I’m sorry, Dad.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Neither did you.”
“That boy was talking to you.”
“He belongs to the same summer baseball league I do. He lives in a different school district and he goes to Catholic school so I don’t play against him during the year. I think he was trying to block his mother’s voice. He told me that he and his dad were glued to the TV when I was playing in Iowa. Said it was nice to have someone to cheer for. He apologized about his mom.”
“That was nice of him.”
“He was always more interested in baseball than what was going on off the field. He was pretty good, too. He never said one bad thing to my face or behind my back. I wonder if he’s playing this summer.”
“At least he’s nicer than his mother.” Jack stopped talking and he knew Bobby took the hint. When they got to the house, Jack parked but didn’t turn off the truck. “Take the stuff, I’m going for a drive.”
“Come in the house.”
“Go.”
+++
Ennis was on the porch and was surprised when only Bobby appeared. He opened the door because Bobby had so many bags. As Bobby walked by, Bobby said, “Code Pink.” He thought Bobby looked miserable. Bobby dropped the bags and hugged him. “Code nuclear Pink.”
Ennis listened to the whole story and wondered where Jack went. Bobby said he drove down the driveway and not towards EJ’s.
“Is he going to go drink?”
“I don’t think so,” Ennis replied.
“Are you sure?”
“I think he just needs to let off some steam.”
“Where?”
“I don’t know.” Ennis helped Bobby with the clothes and then made him do his homework. Dinnertime came and went so he made dinner for the two of them. They ended up sitting on the porch. Bobby reading a novel for school and Ennis was reading Bobby’s biology book. He didn’t think either of them were really reading, but just turning pages.
It was almost eleven when they heard the truck. He kept Bobby from rushing to his father. A few moments later, Jack was in sight. At first it was too dark to see more than an outline, but as he got closer to the porch light he could see that Jack was filthy and opening and closing his hands.
Bobby moved to Jack, “Where were you?”
“I drove around and then went to EJ’s for a ride. I found out there was a fencing problem and so I went to the field to see it. Damn dead tree they were going to take down Monday tipped and knocked down the whole length of fencing. Fucking tree seemed to know exactly how to cause the most damage. Spent hours keeping the cows on the right fields and putting up new fencing.”
“You should’ve called.”
“From what phone?”
“You could’ve had someone call the house.”
Ennis knew the discussion could get worse. “We were worried about you, Jack.”
He watched Jack read his face. “I’m sorry. It was just easier to focus on the mess in front of me.”
Ennis noticed that Jack’s voice had softened. “Jack, did you wear gloves?”
“Yeah. Didn’t seem to help after a while. I need a shower. Did you guys save me some dinner?”
“Yeah.” We’ll warm it up.” Ennis answered. He held Bobby’s arm to keep him from following Jack. “Let him shower and get the ache out. Then have at him.”
+++
Jack walked downstairs. The shower helped but his hands were a mess. They were swollen and sore. He knew Bobby was mad at him for running off to lick his wounds. When he walked into the kitchen, they were both at the table. His place was set, he went to grab the Tylenol, but his hands were swelling more and he couldn’t grip the bottle. Bobby got up and picked up the bottle and looked at his hands.
“You really fucked up your hands, Dad.”
“I know. Can you open it?”
“Sit down.”
Jack sat as Bobby fed him the pills and held the glass of water when he couldn’t grip it. His hands continued to swell.
Ennis put a plate with chicken and mac and cheese but he wasn’t sure how he was going to eat when he couldn’t hold a fork or knife. He heard Bobby sigh and watched him take the plate and start cutting up the food. He was about to say something when Bobby stuck a fork with chicken on it in front of his mouth. Every time he finished chewing, Bobby had either chicken or the macaroni in front of his mouth.
As he ate, Ennis wrapped ice packs around each hand. When Ennis finished, Ennis kissed his forehead, “Idiot.”
Jack pulled his head back. “I can’t eat that fast, Bobby. I’m sorry I didn’t call. I should’ve. I just wanted to hit something over and over again. I just needed to get my frustration out and I did.”
Ennis sat down, again. “Did you all finish?”
“Think so. Wasn’t a big group, but we didn’t want the Monday crew badmouth us.” Jack ate as Bobby fed him more chicken.
“You didn’t notice your hands, Dad?”
“Everything hurt after the fourth hour and I knew everyone was hurting. I wasn’t going to leave them out there. Didn’t think my hands would be the worst of it. I think the gloves kept them from swelling. When I took them off, they started to swell.”
“How’s your back?” Bobby asked.
“That’s not the problem, at the moment.”
“Where did you go before EJ’s?”
“Bobby, I just drove around. Bobby, it’s hard to be humiliated in front of your son.”
“I would be embarrassed if my son was feeding me like a one-year-old.”
“I’m not talking about now.”
“You had no reason to be humiliated. You did nothing wrong.”
“Bobby, I’ve been confronted in front of you before, but…Today was just too much for me…”
“I know. You looked so sad, after. But you didn’t do anything wrong. She made an ass of herself.”
“The things is she didn’t think she was an ass, she thought she was right. She truly thought I had bad intentions. It’s hard, Bobby, to know that people think that way about you and they don’t even know you. I should’ve stayed here. I am really sorry, Pup.”
“I know.”
++++
Ennis locked up and followed the Twists upstairs. He was surprised that Jack asked if he had any pain pills from when he hurt his back. Ennis found them and Jack asked for half a pill. “I thought you said it was just your hands.”
“I’m starting to hurt all over. It didn’t help that I was so tense while doing it.”
Ennis gave him half a pill and they got ready for bed. He had Jack stretch out so he could rub his back.
“How pissed is Bobby?”
“I think he was just upset in general. I told him that when I was forced to shop with Jenny and Junior I hated waiting outside the dressing room. I knew it was reasonable that a father waited outside, but I always looked at the other fathers as potential perverts. I told him that it’s hard for you because if anyone knows and hates you, they immediately think that of you. I don’t think it made him feel any better, but he understands why this got to you so much.”
“Thanks, Ennis.”
“You should know he was afraid you would drink.”
“Shit.”
+++
Jack didn’t want to have a heart to heart with Bobby before school, but he made sure he was downstairs before Bobby left. He wanted to make Bobby feel better. As soon as Bobby was out of the house, he went back to bed.
At three o’clock, Jack asked Brenda to go. Ennis walked in a few minutes later. Jack sat at the kitchen table and waited. Ennis returned to him after a quick shower. Ennis told them that he and the Sunday crew did a great job fixing and replacing the fencing. He also told him that he heard that people were impressed by how hard he worked. Jack thanked him for not ratting him out for being in bed for most of the day.
Jack saw the look Bobby gave them when he walked in. It was the what’s wrong now look. Jack told him to take care of business and come back soon. Jack was surprised how fast Bobby returned. Before sitting, Bobby grabbed a soda and some pretzels. Bobby looked at his hands and fed him a pretzel.
“Thanks. I just wanted to talk to you before Ennis takes you to Doris.”
“Okay.”
“A couple of months ago I asked Trudy if she thought I was an alcoholic.” Jack waited, but Bobby said nothing. “I asked her if I had a drink, would I starting drinking every night like I used to here and in Texas. She surprised me and said no.”
“So you’ve been drinking?”
“Can I finish, please?”
“Go on.”
“She said she didn’t think I would be a drunk because I was self medicating and those reasons are gone…Let me finish. You have to remember, when I lost it, I wasn’t drinking.” He could see that Bobby was getting frustrated. “I haven’t had a drink since you walked out on the porch and you said I was scaring you. And, I’m telling you now; I won’t drink. I don’t crave it. It would be nice to have a beer when hanging out, but it isn’t worth it. I gave you a life where you don’t always get what you deserve. I can’t control things outside of me. I can give you the knowledge that I won’t drink. I’m not even tempted, Bobby. When I drove off yesterday, I never thought about it. As you like to say, it wasn’t on my radar. So, please know on my worst day, I won’t crawl into a bottle. I promise.” Jack waited as Bobby processed all he said.
“Thank you.”
“That’s it?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“I kept poor Ennis up trying to figure out how to tell you and what to do with different reactions.”
“You planned ahead?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you always?”
“You can’t tell that I’m winging it most of the time?”
“I never thought about it. Why were you so worried?”
“I wasn’t sure you would believe me.”
“I believe you. I can see it in your eyes.”
“Good.”
“How come you aren’t being huggy? At this point you would’ve pulled me up and given me a bear hug.”
“I’m still to sore.”
Bobby pouted, “Poor Daddy.”
“Shut up.”
Bobby remained seated, but slid his chair out. He put out his arms. “Come sit on Daddy’s lap. I’ll hug you gentle.”
“Bobby.”
“Come on. You aren’t going to squish me and hopefully the chair won’t collapse.”
“Funny.”
“If I sit on your lap, I might break you. Now come to Daddy.”
Jack sighed and got up. He really wanted a hug. He sat perpendicular to Bobby’s legs. He felt Bobby put his arms around him. He leaned against Bobby and kissed his cheek. “Thanks, Daddy.”
“Thank you, Pup,” Bobby replied.
Jack smiled. When Bobby was younger, he always tried to get Jack to sit on his lap. Bobby would then call him Pup. Bobby then shifted and rested his head on his shoulder. Jack could feel Bobby’s breath on his neck. “Love you, Bobby.”
“Love you, too,” Bobby replied.
They sat together for a few minutes and then Jack heard a click and then another and then another. He looked up and saw Ennis taking pictures. “Ennis!”
“Ma!”
“What?” Ennis asked.
Jack heard more clicks.
“Dad, make him stop.”
“How?” Jack asked.
“I don’t know. He has that evil look he gets sometimes.”
“Bobby Twist, I don’t have an evil look and stop giving me the finger,” Ennis replied.
tbc
Playstation2 Game Rental Online
Rating: NC-17 for the whole story
Genre: au
Summary: Jack drives to Wyoming when he hears about Ennis’ divorce. He does not react well to Ennis sending him away.
Warnings: Angst, bad grammar, typos.....no death and I like happily ever after.
Disclaimer: I borrowed these characters and I make no money from this.
Feedback: Yes, be honest- just be nice about it. I’m sorry that I write the lamest responses.
ENJOY!
Can’t Stand It
V67
Ennis put the pictures he took of Junior on the night of her prom on the table. He had waited a few weeks to get them developed because it was still a little painful for him to think about that night. He waited to see their reactions. Bobby’s “Holy crap, that’s Junior?” didn’t make him feel any better. Jack’s, “She looks beautiful,” made him feel a little better. The bubble bath with Jack, later that night, made him feel a lot better.
+++
Jack fussed with Bobby and forced him to stand still so he could take some pictures. He wasn’t going to be able to see Joan because it was a double date and one Bobby’s baseball teammates was picking him up. Matt wasn’t going because the girl he was fooling around with was still not allowed to date. Bobby told them they would go to the dance, then the diner and then he would come home.
Jack and Ennis were sitting on the couch when Bobby walked it. The couch was covered with contracts. Jack could see Bobby wasn’t happy and Bobby plopped himself on the couch across from them. “What’s wrong?”
“I give her a week before she dumps me.”
“Why, Pup?”
“Cause I looked like a grownup with a twelve year old date.”
“It can’t be that bad.” Jack watched Bobby pull out some Polaroids from his pocket.
“Joan’s parents took some pictures for you. They looked really uncomfortable while taking them. So did she.”
Jack took the pictures and looked at them with Ennis. He knew that Bobby looked older. “She doesn’t look twelve, Bobby.”
“I don’t look sixteen. You can’t say that I do.”
“The suit makes you look older. You knew that. You look really good in it.”
“Steve’s a junior and I looked so much older than him. Junior told me that when they went to the prom, she had the most adult dress, but she wore the dress, the dress didn’t wear her. She said most of the girls looked good, but some of them were wearing dresses that made them look like they were playing dress-up. Joan looks like she’s wearing her mother’s dress, if her mother wore dresses like that. Junior said that she thought that Ricky was the only one who didn’t look like he was wearing his father’s suit. I noticed at the dance, that for most of them, the suits wore them. A couple of the guys seemed to be comfortable in the suit, but they looked their age in a suit.”
“I’m sorry, Pup.”
“I know some girls noticed me, actually a lot. Steve’s date made a pass at me at the dance. So did another girl. And I swear one of the waiters at the diner gave me the once over, but I wasn’t interested in any of them. The girl that I was interested in looked like she wanted to go home and play with her dolls.”
“You’re being a little dramatic.”
“It was all so depressing. Matt makes fun of Ricky being so picky about his girlfriends and not running around like he does, but I get it now. Ricky’s girlfriends never looked like they were about to play with dolls. Actually, he started dating seniors his sophomore year. I wonder if he felt the same way I do now. I’m going to call him tomorrow.”
“The other kids will catch up to you.”
“Some of them look older than me when we wear regular clothes, but not tonight. The girl who made the pass, who wasn’t Steve’s date, told me as she was making her pass at me, that what she found sexy was that I looked like that suit was a part of me. She said I looked like could be in some spy movie and I wanted to tell her I wanted to go home and hug my stuffed horse and play with my cats.”
Jack watched Bobby tip himself over on the couch. “I know it’s hard because your outside appearance doesn’t match how you feel on the inside.”
“Matt would’ve pulled that girl into a closet and done who knows what and I kept thinking that I was right when I was little and I should just marry Gloria.”
Jack pushed the contracts off him and got up. He moved the other couch and sat on the edge. “She’s just a little too fast for you and you have a girlfriend.”
“I’m sixteen, I should want more than just a feel up that I knew I wasn’t getting. I mean this girl…She could probably get Jimmy to question being gay.”
Jack laughed. “I doubt that.”
“She’s tall, very pretty and makes Amanda look like she’s shaped like Olive Oil.”
“And you didn’t want to?”
“I just looked at her and wondered how she could make a pass at me like that when she has never said two words to me in my life. I wondered how many times has she done that before. She’s eighteen and I know she’s pulled plenty of guys into a confined space. And I felt bad for her. Who does that? Even if I didn’t have a girlfriend, whose going to dump my ass, I wasn’t interested. Matt’s right, I am a girl.” Bobby turned his head to Ennis. “How come you’ve been so quiet? I thought we were going to work on that.”
“I’ve been listening and thinking, Bobby.”
“And what are you thinking?”
“I think what makes you seem older and more comfortable in that suit, even though you weren’t, was that you have had to learn to stay calm and focused when you are uncomfortable. I think that is very appealing to people.”
“Didn’t do a damn thing for Joan.”
“I bet she was scared and didn’t know how to hide it. Maybe she thought that you would expect more from her.”
“I’m the same person I was when I wore jeans on our dates.”
“Confidence, most of the time, is very appealing, Bobby. You act like you have it even when you don’t. But it can scare some people. I bet she wasn’t feeling so confident and there you were, looking stunning and she was wondering what you saw in her.”
“You ever feel like that?”
“Yeah.”
“So what about future wet dream girl? Why’d she make me want to go play with Ernie and Bert.”
Jack put his hand on Bobby’s leg, “Don’t talk about her like that.”
“Sorry.”
Ennis answered, “Maybe her confidence scared you. Maybe you aren’t ready.”
“I should be.”
“Why? Because of your age? Your height? Maybe your eye color. Bobby, it doesn’t work that way. Maybe you didn’t want to do anything with her because you’ve become protective of Junior and Jenny and you saw the girl behind the offer,” Ennis replied.
“Sucks.”
“Maybe you couldn’t switch off your feelings for Joan so you couldn’t switch them on for her.”
“Still sucks.”
Jack stroked Bobby’s hair. “It’s not like you are going to wake up tomorrow and women will be missing from the earth. I don’t think you see Joan as your one and only…It’ll hurt if she breaks up with you and then you move on.”
“Still sucks.”
“Pup, I know that this will sound weird, but did that girl remind you of your mother?”
“She didn’t look like her…She was aggressive, but she wasn’t like Lureen. Why?”
“Just asking.”
“It would’ve been fun to add this to the list of things I blame on Lureen, but I don’t think so.”
“Maybe it was her aggression. You really don’t like that in people. I know it turns you off of people. Maybe it wasn’t what she was offering that turned you off, but the way she was doing it.”
“Maybe, Dad.”
“If Joan had sweetly asked you to follow her to a private spot and let you feel her up, would you have been thinking about Gloria?”
“No. I would’ve been thrilled.”
“So maybe you should relax about all this.” Jack looked over at Ennis. “You okay, Ennis?”
“I was just wondering about Mr. Looky-Loo.”
“What?” Bobby asked. “You mean that waiter? I found him creepy.”
“Oh.”
“Not that he was guy. But he was like thirty-five, a waiter in a shitty diner and working the late night shift. He wasn’t even cute.”
Jack laughed. “Bobby…”
“Sadly, it was the most entertaining part of the night.”
+++
Ennis could tell that Bobby was in an extra crappy mood in the morning. He knew Bobby called Ricky from the office, but the door was shut. When he came out, “Now Matt is mad at me. I’m going back to bed.”
“What happened?”
“He was mad that I wanted to talk to Ricky about something. He kept pushing and I had to tell him I didn’t think he would understand. He told me to go fuck myself and dropped the phone. He wouldn’t get back on the phone.”
“I’m sorry. You should call him back.”
“Tried. He wouldn’t come to the phone. Ricky said he’d talk to him, but I’m just pissing everyone off.”
“Bobby, sit down.” Ennis pulled the chair our. “What did Ricky say?” He was surprised that Jack was quiet and letting him take the lead.
“That he kinda felt the same way about being so much bigger than the girls, but it gets better. He said that Matt doesn’t understand because he is on the smaller side and less threatening. Matt can be flirty and a little handsy…Don’t give me that look, he isn’t out of line. But Matt can walk over, be goofy and put his arm around a girl’s shoulder and it seems like it is harmless, but when a big guy does it, it comes off creepy and threatening.”
“Did he make you feel any better?”
“I guess. He said if I get dumped and go for an older nice girl.”
Jack leaned in, “What are you skipping?”
Bobby grinned. “If you are really nice and respectful to nice girls, they are very nice back.”
Ennis laughed as Jack smacked Bobby with the paper.
++++
Jack drove to the higher-end clothing store where he bought his suits. Sam had introduced him to the place years earlier. He knew they would have to either fix his pants for Bobby or buy new ones. He was hopping he wasn’t going to have to buy a suit for Bobby. But, he knew that they had two graduations to go to and Ennis and he planned to take the kids to New York City as a surprise and they would be going to couple of Broadway shows.
Bobby wasn’t thrilled about a day of shopping, but when they walked into the store, he turned to Jack and said, “It’s like your closet.”
Jack whispered, “Shut up and be good.”
“Yes, father.”
The pants couldn’t be used so the salesman suggested that Bobby go for a less severe, more youthful suit and one that would be better for warmer weather. Jack could see that Bobby’s eyes perked up when the man said youthful.
He knew Bobby had mentioned that he had a good eye because of all his shopping with Lureen, but he hadn’t realized how good. Bobby wanted to wear a classic style suit, and not go trendy. He said he saw too many bad suits in his father’s closet. Once the right color suit was found, some shirts were chosen, and then Bobby picked some ties. Jack thought some of the ties were a little wild, but when they were put with the suit, they worked.
Jack sat on a chair as Bobby stood in the larger dressing area. The tailor was pinning and marking the suit for alterations. The suit was a light grey blue. Jack could see that Bobby’s blue eyes stood out. Jack knew he had a suit that was almost that color, but he hadn’t worn it since he went grey. He thought it made him look bland. Bobby’s hair was the dark brown he used to have and he thought it gave Bobby some pop.
Jack wasn’t paying attention when he heard Bobby start to giggle like a little boy. He noticed that the tailor was standing next to Bobby and didn’t look amused or surprised. After a few moments, Bobby whispered, “To the left.”
As they got into the truck, Bobby turned to him. “You should’ve warned me.”
“About what?”
“Do I dress to the left or right? Really, they ask that?”
“No, Bobby. I paid extra for that.”
“Can you imagine someone asking Ennis?”
“I assume someone has, he owns a couple of suits.”
“You think he punched the first guy?”
Jack laughed. “When you go home, you can ask.”
“I don’t think so.”
++++
Ennis talked to his daughters while the Twists were shopping. He had a long talk with Alma on Tuesday. Alma had put Junior on lockdown for a week. She said it wasn’t about the sex, but for the stealing. Alma wasn’t thrilled how she got Jenny involved either. He spoke to both daughters. He warned Jenny that they were going to have a long talk the next time they were face to face. She sounded resign to the fact.
+++
Jack noticed when they hit the mall; Bobby’s goal was to get it done as quickly as possible. They started at the department store because it had a better selection and more sizes. Jack was never comfortable shopping with Bobby once everyone knew about him. He didn’t like that it looked like he was hanging around men’s changing rooms. After Bobby had an armload of stuff to try on, he was sent back and forth to find the better size. The size of the item didn’t seem to matter when it came to Bobby; it was the cut of the clothes.
He had done several trips when a woman stepped in front of him and blocked the entrance to the where the men’s fitting-rooms were. “You cannot go back there.”
Jack could see a salesman rushing to them. “How can I help you, Ma’am?” asked the salesman.
“He’s a pervert and my son is back there.”
Jack looked back at her. “My son’s back there, too.”
The salesman took a deep breath. “Ma’am, each person has their own fitting room. Nothing is going on.”
“I should be able to go back there if he can.”
“You’re a woman…” the salesman started to say when she cut him off.
“And he’s a pervert.”
Jack looked up and saw Bobby and another teenager boy standing next to their rooms. Bobby was staring at him, but was also reacting to the boy next to him. He saw Bobby say, “I know,” and the boy walked toward them.
“I’m done, Mom. Can we go?”
“I’m going to speak to the manager.”
“Mom, can we just buy the clothes and go?”
“Leave the clothes. We are never coming here again.”
Jack watched them walk away. The salesman hadn’t moved. “I’m sorry, sir.” Jack watched the salesman walk away. Jack hadn’t looked around so he had no idea if there was an audience. The only audience member he cared about was Bobby.
He walked towards Bobby and Bobby held the door open for him to go in the changing room. Jack hung the clothes up as Bobby shut the door. He was surprised when Bobby pulled him into a hug. Jack wondered if people were watching behind the mirror or by camera and wondered what they were thinking as they watched the hug. Neither spoke as Bobby cleared the small bench so Jack could sit. Jack stared at the pile of clothes on the floor as Bobby finished trying on clothes.
They bought the clothes and even though Jack wanted to leave, he knew Bobby had wanted to go to the T-shirt store to replace the ones he’d outgrown. Bobby started to protest, but he told Bobby that they were there and they should get it over with.
They didn’t talk until Jack was out of the mall parking lot.
“I’m sorry, Dad.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Neither did you.”
“That boy was talking to you.”
“He belongs to the same summer baseball league I do. He lives in a different school district and he goes to Catholic school so I don’t play against him during the year. I think he was trying to block his mother’s voice. He told me that he and his dad were glued to the TV when I was playing in Iowa. Said it was nice to have someone to cheer for. He apologized about his mom.”
“That was nice of him.”
“He was always more interested in baseball than what was going on off the field. He was pretty good, too. He never said one bad thing to my face or behind my back. I wonder if he’s playing this summer.”
“At least he’s nicer than his mother.” Jack stopped talking and he knew Bobby took the hint. When they got to the house, Jack parked but didn’t turn off the truck. “Take the stuff, I’m going for a drive.”
“Come in the house.”
“Go.”
+++
Ennis was on the porch and was surprised when only Bobby appeared. He opened the door because Bobby had so many bags. As Bobby walked by, Bobby said, “Code Pink.” He thought Bobby looked miserable. Bobby dropped the bags and hugged him. “Code nuclear Pink.”
Ennis listened to the whole story and wondered where Jack went. Bobby said he drove down the driveway and not towards EJ’s.
“Is he going to go drink?”
“I don’t think so,” Ennis replied.
“Are you sure?”
“I think he just needs to let off some steam.”
“Where?”
“I don’t know.” Ennis helped Bobby with the clothes and then made him do his homework. Dinnertime came and went so he made dinner for the two of them. They ended up sitting on the porch. Bobby reading a novel for school and Ennis was reading Bobby’s biology book. He didn’t think either of them were really reading, but just turning pages.
It was almost eleven when they heard the truck. He kept Bobby from rushing to his father. A few moments later, Jack was in sight. At first it was too dark to see more than an outline, but as he got closer to the porch light he could see that Jack was filthy and opening and closing his hands.
Bobby moved to Jack, “Where were you?”
“I drove around and then went to EJ’s for a ride. I found out there was a fencing problem and so I went to the field to see it. Damn dead tree they were going to take down Monday tipped and knocked down the whole length of fencing. Fucking tree seemed to know exactly how to cause the most damage. Spent hours keeping the cows on the right fields and putting up new fencing.”
“You should’ve called.”
“From what phone?”
“You could’ve had someone call the house.”
Ennis knew the discussion could get worse. “We were worried about you, Jack.”
He watched Jack read his face. “I’m sorry. It was just easier to focus on the mess in front of me.”
Ennis noticed that Jack’s voice had softened. “Jack, did you wear gloves?”
“Yeah. Didn’t seem to help after a while. I need a shower. Did you guys save me some dinner?”
“Yeah.” We’ll warm it up.” Ennis answered. He held Bobby’s arm to keep him from following Jack. “Let him shower and get the ache out. Then have at him.”
+++
Jack walked downstairs. The shower helped but his hands were a mess. They were swollen and sore. He knew Bobby was mad at him for running off to lick his wounds. When he walked into the kitchen, they were both at the table. His place was set, he went to grab the Tylenol, but his hands were swelling more and he couldn’t grip the bottle. Bobby got up and picked up the bottle and looked at his hands.
“You really fucked up your hands, Dad.”
“I know. Can you open it?”
“Sit down.”
Jack sat as Bobby fed him the pills and held the glass of water when he couldn’t grip it. His hands continued to swell.
Ennis put a plate with chicken and mac and cheese but he wasn’t sure how he was going to eat when he couldn’t hold a fork or knife. He heard Bobby sigh and watched him take the plate and start cutting up the food. He was about to say something when Bobby stuck a fork with chicken on it in front of his mouth. Every time he finished chewing, Bobby had either chicken or the macaroni in front of his mouth.
As he ate, Ennis wrapped ice packs around each hand. When Ennis finished, Ennis kissed his forehead, “Idiot.”
Jack pulled his head back. “I can’t eat that fast, Bobby. I’m sorry I didn’t call. I should’ve. I just wanted to hit something over and over again. I just needed to get my frustration out and I did.”
Ennis sat down, again. “Did you all finish?”
“Think so. Wasn’t a big group, but we didn’t want the Monday crew badmouth us.” Jack ate as Bobby fed him more chicken.
“You didn’t notice your hands, Dad?”
“Everything hurt after the fourth hour and I knew everyone was hurting. I wasn’t going to leave them out there. Didn’t think my hands would be the worst of it. I think the gloves kept them from swelling. When I took them off, they started to swell.”
“How’s your back?” Bobby asked.
“That’s not the problem, at the moment.”
“Where did you go before EJ’s?”
“Bobby, I just drove around. Bobby, it’s hard to be humiliated in front of your son.”
“I would be embarrassed if my son was feeding me like a one-year-old.”
“I’m not talking about now.”
“You had no reason to be humiliated. You did nothing wrong.”
“Bobby, I’ve been confronted in front of you before, but…Today was just too much for me…”
“I know. You looked so sad, after. But you didn’t do anything wrong. She made an ass of herself.”
“The things is she didn’t think she was an ass, she thought she was right. She truly thought I had bad intentions. It’s hard, Bobby, to know that people think that way about you and they don’t even know you. I should’ve stayed here. I am really sorry, Pup.”
“I know.”
++++
Ennis locked up and followed the Twists upstairs. He was surprised that Jack asked if he had any pain pills from when he hurt his back. Ennis found them and Jack asked for half a pill. “I thought you said it was just your hands.”
“I’m starting to hurt all over. It didn’t help that I was so tense while doing it.”
Ennis gave him half a pill and they got ready for bed. He had Jack stretch out so he could rub his back.
“How pissed is Bobby?”
“I think he was just upset in general. I told him that when I was forced to shop with Jenny and Junior I hated waiting outside the dressing room. I knew it was reasonable that a father waited outside, but I always looked at the other fathers as potential perverts. I told him that it’s hard for you because if anyone knows and hates you, they immediately think that of you. I don’t think it made him feel any better, but he understands why this got to you so much.”
“Thanks, Ennis.”
“You should know he was afraid you would drink.”
“Shit.”
+++
Jack didn’t want to have a heart to heart with Bobby before school, but he made sure he was downstairs before Bobby left. He wanted to make Bobby feel better. As soon as Bobby was out of the house, he went back to bed.
At three o’clock, Jack asked Brenda to go. Ennis walked in a few minutes later. Jack sat at the kitchen table and waited. Ennis returned to him after a quick shower. Ennis told them that he and the Sunday crew did a great job fixing and replacing the fencing. He also told him that he heard that people were impressed by how hard he worked. Jack thanked him for not ratting him out for being in bed for most of the day.
Jack saw the look Bobby gave them when he walked in. It was the what’s wrong now look. Jack told him to take care of business and come back soon. Jack was surprised how fast Bobby returned. Before sitting, Bobby grabbed a soda and some pretzels. Bobby looked at his hands and fed him a pretzel.
“Thanks. I just wanted to talk to you before Ennis takes you to Doris.”
“Okay.”
“A couple of months ago I asked Trudy if she thought I was an alcoholic.” Jack waited, but Bobby said nothing. “I asked her if I had a drink, would I starting drinking every night like I used to here and in Texas. She surprised me and said no.”
“So you’ve been drinking?”
“Can I finish, please?”
“Go on.”
“She said she didn’t think I would be a drunk because I was self medicating and those reasons are gone…Let me finish. You have to remember, when I lost it, I wasn’t drinking.” He could see that Bobby was getting frustrated. “I haven’t had a drink since you walked out on the porch and you said I was scaring you. And, I’m telling you now; I won’t drink. I don’t crave it. It would be nice to have a beer when hanging out, but it isn’t worth it. I gave you a life where you don’t always get what you deserve. I can’t control things outside of me. I can give you the knowledge that I won’t drink. I’m not even tempted, Bobby. When I drove off yesterday, I never thought about it. As you like to say, it wasn’t on my radar. So, please know on my worst day, I won’t crawl into a bottle. I promise.” Jack waited as Bobby processed all he said.
“Thank you.”
“That’s it?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“I kept poor Ennis up trying to figure out how to tell you and what to do with different reactions.”
“You planned ahead?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you always?”
“You can’t tell that I’m winging it most of the time?”
“I never thought about it. Why were you so worried?”
“I wasn’t sure you would believe me.”
“I believe you. I can see it in your eyes.”
“Good.”
“How come you aren’t being huggy? At this point you would’ve pulled me up and given me a bear hug.”
“I’m still to sore.”
Bobby pouted, “Poor Daddy.”
“Shut up.”
Bobby remained seated, but slid his chair out. He put out his arms. “Come sit on Daddy’s lap. I’ll hug you gentle.”
“Bobby.”
“Come on. You aren’t going to squish me and hopefully the chair won’t collapse.”
“Funny.”
“If I sit on your lap, I might break you. Now come to Daddy.”
Jack sighed and got up. He really wanted a hug. He sat perpendicular to Bobby’s legs. He felt Bobby put his arms around him. He leaned against Bobby and kissed his cheek. “Thanks, Daddy.”
“Thank you, Pup,” Bobby replied.
Jack smiled. When Bobby was younger, he always tried to get Jack to sit on his lap. Bobby would then call him Pup. Bobby then shifted and rested his head on his shoulder. Jack could feel Bobby’s breath on his neck. “Love you, Bobby.”
“Love you, too,” Bobby replied.
They sat together for a few minutes and then Jack heard a click and then another and then another. He looked up and saw Ennis taking pictures. “Ennis!”
“Ma!”
“What?” Ennis asked.
Jack heard more clicks.
“Dad, make him stop.”
“How?” Jack asked.
“I don’t know. He has that evil look he gets sometimes.”
“Bobby Twist, I don’t have an evil look and stop giving me the finger,” Ennis replied.
tbc
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