Can’t Stand It -V66
Title: Can’t Stand It - Vignettes
Rating: NC-17 for the whole story
Genre: au
Summary: Jack drives to Wyoming when he hears about Ennis’ divorce. He does not react well to Ennis sending him away.
Warnings: Angst, bad grammar, typos.....no death and I like happily ever after.
Disclaimer: I borrowed these characters and I make no money from this.
Feedback: Yes, be honest- just be nice about it. I’m sorry that I write the lamest responses.
ENJOY!
Can’t Stand It
V66
By the next night, Jack had forgotten about Bobby being the best kid. At dinner, Bobby mentioned that he was taking Joan to the school’s formal dance for the non-seniors. He then stated the dance was Saturday and he needed a suit.
“You’re telling us now?”
“I had a lot of things on my plate.”
“I don’t think we have time this week to get to the store.”
“Can’t I borrow one of yours?”
“I don’t think they’ll fit you right.”
“Maybe, Ennis has something I can wear. Can we look after dinner?”
“I guess we have to.”
++++
Bobby was too broad in the chest for Ennis’ jackets and too narrow in the waist to wear Jack’s pants. Bobby helped him pull out all of Jack’s suits and held a few of them up and laughed.
“I think you can give away some of these suits from the sixties and the seventies. They’re pretty awful.”
Ennis watched Jack separated out the suits that he knew he never would wear again. Jack pulled out a suit and Bobby tried on the jacket and the jacket was too big. Jack found the black suit he bought when he had lost a lot of weight and tossed him the jacket. It fit Bobby, but the pant’s waist was still too big.
“Ma, do you have a black suit that matches this one. Maybe your pants will fit me.”
Ennis ducked into the closet and pulled out his black suit. “It’s the only black one I got, I don’t know if it matches or if it will fit you.” He took the pants off the hanger and handed it to Bobby. “I never thought I would be playing dress up with you.”
Bobby laughed as he changed out of Jack’s pants and put on Ennis’ pants. They fit. Bobby turned and looked at him and his father. “They seem to go together, don’t they?”
Ennis studied the jacket and pants to see if they match. He wondered where Jack went. He thought they matched, but he wasn’t sure. Jack returned with a fitted shirt and a couple of ties.
“Try the shirt on.”
It fit. Bobby put the jacket back on and then he looked at the ties. He picked the one that matched his eyes and put it on. Bobby glanced in the mirror and then started to walk out, “My black shoes still fit, let me get them.”
When Bobby left the room, he looked at Jack. “Are you alright?”
“I’m just thrown how big he is. I know he’s taller than me and I know I was broader and bigger than him, but he’s going to surpass me soon. I’m going to start working out again.”
“You’re more muscular in the legs.”
“They are, but did you see that my pants didn’t reach his feet and they were baggy.”
“Jack, he couldn’t even fit in my jackets.”
“Maybe we should stop feeding him.”
“I think it’s too late for that.” Bobby returned wearing his shoes. He also noticed that Bobby had brushed his hair.
Jack tugged on the jacket. “Hold on a minute.”
Ennis watched Jack walk back into the closet. He came back with a black belt and a box. Bobby put on the belt and then waited for Jack to open the box.
Jack opened the box and Bobby looked inside. “What the hell are they?”
“Cufflinks.”
Ennis watched Bobby touch them. He knew almost all of them were from his time in Texas. On a few occasions, he had to borrow a pair. He could see Bobby was eyeing a pair that a blue stone that matched both the Twists’ eyes.
“If you lose them, I will kick your ass.”
“I’ll be careful.”
Jack showed him how to wear them and then took a step back. Bobby did a spin and tried to give a look like he was in a magazine. Jack just laughed. “Don’t try so hard. You don’t need to.”
Ennis looked at Bobby and realized that Junior had been right. He had seen Jack in many suits and always thought he looked great, but Bobby was stunning. Ennis could tell that Jack could see how Bobby wore the suit and how he looked. After Jack gave Bobby a few more looks, he disappeared into the closet. Bobby didn’t look like a sixteen-year-old boy; he looked like a man, a masculine, confident man.
Jack reappeared with a watch. It matched the cufflinks. “If you lose this I will kick your ass.”
“I won’t.” Bobby put on the watch and stood in the mirror and looked at himself. “Do I look okay?”
Ennis heard the unsure way Bobby asked. He realized that Bobby couldn’t judge himself. He had been knock down by too many people that he didn’t have the confidence he pretended he had. “You look great.”
“Are you saying that to be nice, Ennis.”
“I wouldn’t lie to you. Joan’s going to wonder where her boyfriend went. She’s going to think she’s out on a date with a movie star.”
“Ennis, you aren’t helping.”
“I think you look great.”
“Dad?”
“I think you look great, too.”
“If I walked into a gay bar, would I turn heads?”
Jack answered, “Yes.”
As he blurted out, “What the fuck?”
Bobby smiled in the mirror. “Jimmy says it’s harder to turn a man’s head than a woman’s.”
Ennis replied, “I think Jimmy forgets he’s a sixteen year old boy.”
“If I wasn’t Bobby Twist, son of Jack Twist, would I turn your head?”
“Bobby, knock it off.” Jack barked.
Ennis looked at Bobby, “The only person who ever turned my head was your father.” He started to walk out of the room.
“Ennis, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.”
Ennis turned to Bobby, “Then why did you ask me that?”
“I don’t know…On TV or in the movies the mom usually fusses over her son and says something like you look handsome like your father. I guess I was hoping that you would say something like that.”
“This isn’t some fucking TV show, Bobby.”
“I know, Dad. It’s just that…Nevermind. I was out of line. I’m sorry, Ennis. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”
Ennis watched Bobby slink off to his room and shut the door. “Shit.”
“Are you okay, Ennis? I don’t know where he’s coming from.”
“You should go to him.”
“Are you coming with me?”
“I don’t think I can look at him right now.”
“I’m sorry, Ennis.”
“Just go check on him.”
++++
Jack knocked on Bobby’s door and entered. Bobby was standing in his boxers and EJ’s T-shirt and was hanging up the suit. Jack noticed that the cufflinks and watch were sitting on the dresser. Jack also noticed clothes were piled on the bed. He could see that Bobby looked visibly shaken.
“I didn’t mean to hurt him and I know I did.”
“Why’d you ask him that?”
“I don’t know…It’s just that you seem to be more comfortable about being gay. And since I’ve grown to your heights, he pulls back from me sometimes. Especially if we are in public and it’s just the two of us. I know there are some people who thinks he wants to do things to me and I don’t think he does, but the more I look like an adult…I don’t know. I know he has eyes for only you and I know he doesn’t look at me that way, but it makes me sad to think that as I get older he isn’t going to be comfortable around me.”
Jack hugged him, “I think you’re reading a lot more into it than what’s going on.”
“Am I? He’s been holding back when you aren’t around. It became very clear to me after he drove me home after my first date. I know I’m over sensitive, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”
“Oh, Pup.”
“I just feel like I’m losing him and I can’t do anything about it. I’m going to get older and bigger and I can’t stand the thought of him pulling away from me like Lureen did. I guess I just couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted him to yell at me or something, but he just walked away. I know you have to deal with Junior and Jenny getting older, but you aren’t attracted to women, but I’m a guy and he’s attracted to men.”
“Bobby, if I thought for one second he though about you any other way besides being his child, I would throw him out.”
“I know he doesn’t see me as anything other than his kid, but that just makes it harder for me to understand his behavior. It feels like he’s been slipping away from and then I just shoved him further away from me. He didn’t come to check up on me, a year ago he’d be right behind you.”
Jack wiped away Bobby’s tears. “Let me go talk to him and I’ll be right back.”
“I didn’t mean to put you in the middle of this.”
“I know. I’ll be right back.”
Jack walked back to his room, unsure how to deal with everything. He hadn’t noticed Ennis pulling away from Bobby, but he knew Bobby’s first date kissing show threw Ennis for a loop.
He walked into the room and saw Ennis pouting on the bed. He shut the door. “We need to talk.”
++++
He could see that Jack was very upset and wouldn’t sit on the bed with him. Jack sat on the chair with his arms folded. He listened to what Jack had to say. He didn’t think he had been pulling away from Bobby. And, then Jack mentioned Bobby’s first date. He could see that’s what disturbed Jack the most. He knew he had a meltdown about it, but he hadn’t thought he changed his behavior towards Bobby.
“Ennis, I know he’s needy and hypersensitive, but he isn’t stupid. And he’s usually not off about our state of mind. Are you feeling things you shouldn’t? Are you pulling back because of it?”
“Do you really think that?”
“No. But if he feels like you are pulling away from…Maybe you don’t mean to, but we need to figure this out.”
“I was rubbing his feet in the truck last night.”
“I was there, Ennis. If I wasn’t there?”
“I would’ve been driving.”
“Ennis, this isn’t a game.”
“I know this isn’t a game. I know that Bobby feeling this way could rip everything apart.”
“What are you feeling, Ennis? What changed to make him feel like you are pulling away from him?”
“I have no idea.”
“Well, you need to. I can’t have him feel like this and I can’t feel like I don’t know what’s going on with you. I feel like I’m being ripped into two, Ennis. I can see that you’re holding things in and you can’t do that to me. I don’t think you coming from a bad place; I don’t think you are having bad thoughts about him. Are you afraid you will?”
“How can you ask me that? He’s a child.”
“He didn’t look like a child in that suit, Ennis.”
“I saw what he looked like. He’s very good looking and looks like a man. Jack, he made me his Ma. That’s how I see myself. I could never look at him any other way.”
“Then why does he feel like you are pulling away from him?”
“I don’t know.”
“Are you afraid of what other people think, Ennis? Are you afraid that some sick fuck thinks that you are sleeping with me so you will sleep with my son?”
“No.”
“I have to say, Ennis, that was the least convincing no I’ve ever heard leave your mouth.”
“Jack…”
“You can’t worry about what they think. Ennis, I know that it has been a tough time for you lately. I know that our children are becoming sexual beings is throwing me for a loop, so I know it’s really getting to you. Seeing Bobby kissing and then Junior with Ricky, I know how hard this has been…But this is our job, Ennis. I don’t think you are purposely pulling away from him, but maybe you are doing it subconsciously.”
“Don’t try to analyze me.”
“Then figure it out, Ennis. I need to go back to him. He may be bigger than us, but he’s still a scared little boy. I don’t know why it came out tonight. Maybe he didn’t tell us everything about this weekend. He really seemed upset about not introducing us to his roommate.” Jack stood up, “We don’t get a rulebook how to handle things like this. We just have to figure it out ourselves. Please, Ennis, don’t get your back up and be a mule…Can you please think about what’s going on? He’s really hurting and I know you are and I feel like I’m stuck in the middle.”
Ennis watched Jack walk out of the room. “Shit.”
++++
Jack walked back into Bobby’s room. The clothes that had been stacked on the bed, were now stacked on the floor. Bobby was on his bed holding Clyde. Ernie and Bert were curled up next to him. Jack climbed next to him. “How are you doing, Pup?”
“He didn’t follow you in here.”
“He’s thinking. He says he didn’t think he was pulling away from you.”
“He was…Is…Do you believe me?”
“I believe you. I also believe that he doesn’t think he’s been acting any different.”
“He has…”
“I know.”
“I know it’s hard for him, Dad. He doesn’t look at me the same way as he used to. When I put on the suit he didn’t look at me like I was Bobby, but a stranger. You kinda looked at me differently, too. You looked kinda sad.”
“To be honest, you made me feel old and short.”
Bobby smiled, “See, you can say these things to me. He puts this wall up sometimes. He was able to talk to me about girls until Joan. Once she was real, he shut down on me.”
“Then he went up to Wyoming for Junior’s prom,” Jack added.
“And when he came home from that mess, he pulled away more.”
“What do you mean that mess?”
“I know you and Ennis and Brenda and Sam talk about a lot of things…I’d think you would assume the rest of us do. I knew what happened to Amanda with her boyfriend and it wasn’t too hard to figure out what was going on with Junior.”
“You knew? How come you didn’t say anything?”
“What am I supposed to say? Junior wants to sleep with Ricky so some guy can’t break her heart. How about Jenny calling me because she couldn’t zip the two sleeping bags together?”
“Jenny called you?”
“Who’s she going to call, Ennis?”
“I thought you told me everything.”
“I told you that I don’t tell you everything right away, but I don’t lie to you, but I omit.”
“So why didn’t you say anything about Ennis?”
“I thought I was just being paranoid, but it kept happening. And after he saw me kiss Joan, he was looking at me differently. And then after Junior…Well, I knew it wasn’t me.”
“How’d I look at you after I saw you kiss Joan?”
“Amused.”
Jack laughed, “Of all the words to pick…”
“Am I wrong?”
“No. How did Ennis look at you?”
“He looked like he was embarrassed. You know he didn’t say one word to me on the ride home. And with the look he gave me, I didn’t say anything to him.”
“It had nothing to do with you, it was stuff in his head.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s kind of old fashion about things like that.”
“You guys kiss all the time.”
“I know.”
“Then why would him seeing me kiss make him embarrassed?”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You had a fight with him that night. I could tell in the morning. I also heard him say sorry to you in the morning.”
“I’m not going to talk about that with you.”
“Made me think I did something to upset him.”
“He made himself upset, Bobby.” Jack sighed. “Whatever he’s doing, it isn’t about you really, it’s about him. He would never hurt you on purpose. You know that, Pup?”
“Thought I did.”
“I’m sorry, Pup.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“You need to come to me.”
“I don’t want to get between you and Ennis.”
“You don’t need to worry about that. You come to me. I can’t help you if I don’t know. And as you told me, if it isn’t on my radar, I miss it. Promise you’ll come to me.”
“I promise.”
Jack pulled Bobby’s head to his chest and stroked his cheek. “I assume you finished your homework.”
“There wasn’t much and with no practice I got it done before dinner.”
“And all the clothes?”
“They don’t fit.”
“Are there any clothes that do fit?”
“Some underwear and socks. Nothing from last summer and most of the fall and winter clothes are too small. There are things I wore two months ago that don’t fit right anymore.”
“I guess we need to hit the mall on Sunday.”
“I hate shopping. When am I going to stop growing?”
“I don’t know. You’re bigger than me.”
“Was your father tall?”
“I thought so growing up, but when I left for good, I was bigger than him. My mother had a brother who was big. He was taller than me.”
“We learned in bio that when kids aren’t given the right nutrition, they don’t grow to their full potential. I know you said you were sent to bed without dinner, a lot. Do you think that kept you from getting bigger?”
“I’m six feet, Pup. That isn’t tiny.”
“But if I’m already taller than you and I’m only sixteen, where did the height come from? They say that most guys grow until they are around twenty, twenty-one. If I keep growing like this I’m going to be eight feet tall.”
“You’ve had a few spurts, but then you slow down.”
“So I’ll be seven feet tall.”
“How about we guess six-four or five.”
“You think I’ll be taller than Ricky?”
“Yeah.” He picked up one of Bobby’s hands and held it up. “Frank can look at a pony and figure out how tall it’s going to get. I just see a pony. He said when his kids were little, he would look at their hands and guess how tall they were going to be.”
“Maybe I should ask him to look at my hand.”
“Maybe.” He put Bobby’s hand down. He wondered if Ennis was ever going to come to the room.
“Do you think he’s packing?”
“No, Pup. I think he’s thinking.”
“Maybe you should go check up on him.”
“He’s a grown man, Bobby. You’re my child. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Even though I make you feel old and short?”
“Yep.”
“You still have a bigger chest than me and your arms, back and shoulders are bigger. So are your legs.”
“You’ll put on more mass when you aren’t growing so fast.”
“You think so?”
“Remember when Matt shot up five inches in two months. He looked like a skeleton for a while. He ate more than you, but the energy was going towards his growth. When he slowed down, he started to gain weight.”
“He hasn’t grown since then. He’s pissed.”
“He’ll have another spurt. He hasn’t filled out.”
“So how come you think I’m not going to get too much taller?”
“You are becoming more broad and he isn’t.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I thought after your dance, you should keep the jacket. We’ll give back Ennis’ pants and take my pants to the tailor. They can be taken in.”
“I thought they looked too short.”
“I checked the cuff at the bottom. I don’t know anything about tailoring clothes, but it looked like they could add some length to the pants. Either way, you can always wear the jacket with jeans. You can keep the shirt, too. But I want my tie back. I have a matching tie clip. It goes with the cufflinks and watch. I thought it would be too much.”
“I’m surprised there isn’t a matching buckle.” Bobby waited a moment and then laughed. “There is one.”
“Yeah.”
“Did you buy it?”
“Your mom gave it to me to wear on our wedding day.”
“You kept it? I thought you would toss it anything that reminded you of that day.”
“Why’d I do that, Bobby?”
“Isn’t that your worst day?”
“Not even close. If there hadn’t been a wedding, I wouldn’t have you in my life. How can I hate a day like that?”
“Even when I’m a pain?”
“Even then.”
“I thought I was left in basket on your doorstep.”
Jack smiled. He liked that Bobby always went back to the silly story he had made up years earlier. He didn’t understand how it comforted Bobby, but it always did. Jack always tried to add to the story to match the conversation they were having. “If I hadn’t married your mother, we wouldn’t have lived there and some other people would be raising you.”
“You don’t think they would’ve sent me off to an orphanage?”
“We tried, but you were too ugly. They said we had to keep you. I bet they would’ve told the other people the same thing.”
“Guess I should be happy that you two got married.”
“Just imagine what kind of cufflinks you’d be wearing.”
“I bet they’d make me wear the tie clip, too.”
“You bet they would, and the…” Jack stopped when he heard the knock on the door. Ennis stood in the doorway looking at his feet.
“I’m sorry that you thought I was pulling away from you, Bobby. I don’t doubt you felt it, I just didn’t know I was doing it.” Ennis moved closer to the bed. “I just think that you and Junior and Jenny are growing up so fast, I wasn’t ready for it. I know I pull back from people and I shouldn’t, especially you.” Ennis sat on the bed. “When I look at you, most of the time I still see the little boy that I first met. Then sometimes I see that you aren’t that little boy anymore. And then I think of Jenny and Junior and know they aren’t the little girls…”
“How come you acted so weird after you saw me kiss Joan? I knew you had a fight with Dad after it.”
Jack could see that Ennis turned his attention to him.
“Don’t look at him, Ennis. He didn’t say anything. I could just tell in the morning. I heard you say sorry to him. Why’d you look so embarrassed when I got back into the car? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t say anything because you seemed to be in a happy place and I didn’t want to take that away.”
“Why did you look embarrassed?”
Jack felt Ennis’ eyes were back on him.
“Why do you keep looking at him, Ennis?”
“I’m trying to figure out what your father would say.”
“He’d tell me the truth.”
Jack thought Ennis snapped out of his haze and then Ennis turned back to Bobby.
“You kissed Joan the way your father kisses me.”
Jack watched Bobby’s eyes get really big.
“Oh.” Bobby turned to him. “Is that why you looked amused?”
“I actually thought you kissed her like Ennis kisses me. I also saw a little of Brenda and Sam.”
“Well, Sam does this tilt thing because Brenda is so much shorter than him. It kinda helped.”
Jack didn’t mean to laugh.
Bobby spoke again. “See. You look amused and Ennis looks like he wants to crawl under the rug.”
Ennis looked up, “It has nothing to do with you, Bobby. It’s me. I find it very uncomfortable to talk about this stuff.”
“You think he really likes it, Ennis? At first he looked like he wanted to dive under the rug and so did I, but we got over it real fast. Who else am I going to talk to? I don’t go out of the way to torture him too much. I know Amanda almost made Sam cry when she pulled out her list of questions. Matt made Brenda flustered and stutter. This is the woman who pulls out props for Pete’s sake. I just thought I would be easier to talk to about these things. I’m a guy and you’re a guy. I thought Junior and Jenny would be harder because they like guys and so do you. Maybe you’re still hung up on the gay thing.”
“That’s not the first time you’ve said that to me.”
“I don’t understand why you still care that you’re gay. I don’t. You’re my Ma whether you like guys or girls or ducks or potato chips, aren’t you?”
“I’m always going to be your ma.”
“I’m not ten anymore, Ennis. The conversations are going to change. You need to get used to it. I need you to handle it. I’ll try to slow it down for you, but you need to catch up. I need you to try. You aren’t even trying, Ennis. You’re just pulling away from me and the more I try, the faster you run from me.”
++++
Ennis looked at Bobby pressed against Jack. For someone with strong statements, he looked so afraid. He reached up and stroked Bobby’s cheek. “I promise to try. I think you’re right; it’s harder for me with you because I’m with your Dad. Trust me, it isn’t easy with my daughters either. But it’s harder because…”
“You’re sleeping with my dad.”
Ennis looked away. “Yeah.”
“I know all about the birds and the bees and the bees with the bees and the birds with the birds…”
“I think that makes it harder.”
“But I learned that a while ago.”
“I know. But you weren’t up to trying out what the birds and the bees do. It was all theory to you, now you are starting to experiment with what you know.”
“Sadly, Ennis, it’s still almost all theory for me.”
“Well that’ll change at some point.”
“And I won’t be able to talk to you about it because you’ll be hiding under the rug or diving behind the sofa. But I can’t hold it all in, Ennis. I’m like my dad; I need to talk it out. I want to be able to talk to you and right now I can’t. I feel like I can’t talk to you about anything now. I can’t talk to you about Karate or the baseball tournament.”
“How come you didn’t introduce your roommate to us? You seem like you really wanted to.”
“I thought if I did, it would scare you off more.”
“I’m sorry, Bobby. It wouldn’t have scared me off.”
“How am I supposed to know?” Bobby paused, “I know I’m not the easiest to deal with. I know I still have a lot of issues to deal with, but I can’t handle you pulling away from me. When my dad was a mess, you were there for me, no matter what. Just because he isn’t a mess anymore, doesn’t mean I need you any less. I want that Ennis back. I need that Ennis.”
“I didn’t know I was doing that, Bobby. I thought I was doing all the things you said you needed, but I guess I was stuck in my own head. You got to tell me, Bobby. I don’t know that I’m pulling back from you. You got to do that for me.”
“I will.”
Ennis leaned in and hugged Bobby. “I’m sorry.” He felt Bobby’s arms around him.
“Me, too.”
Ennis felt Jack stroking his hair.
“You know, Ennis, I can tell you’ve been working on the GED books.”
“How?”
“The way you are talking.”
“Really?”
“It was just a theory? Caveman Ennis would never grunt out things like that.”
“I miss that cave.”
“I know, Ennis. But you left it behind and you need to move forward.”
“I’ll work on that, Gonzo, what are you going to do for me?”
“I’ll give you a chance to catch up. Maybe you should sit behind the couch and listen to one of my talks with my dad. You can hear it but I won’t see you flipping out. Maybe you won’t think it is as horrible as you think.”
“It’s horrible. I had a couple of talks with Junior.”
“I know, Ennis.”
“You know? How?”
“After my father’s meltdown, we sorta started talking about everything. We saw what secrets did to him. And then when people found out about you in Wyoming, there were really no more secrets. I know about Junior and Ricky. I know in a day or two you are going to get a call from Alma. Junior was going to call you tonight; I don’t know why she hasn’t. Alma’s really pissed at Junior. Jenny doesn’t think it’s about the sex part, but Junior’s behavior towards Ricky and that she stole from the store.”
“What did she steal?”
“Condoms. She stole them before you came up with them.”
“You knew all this?”
“Why’d you think it hurt so much that you pulled away? You had a sex talk with Junior that wasn’t theory but reality and you couldn’t handle seeing me kiss a girl.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not usually going to spill Jenny and Junior’s secrets, but I you needed to know that I need you to step up to the plate for me like you did for Junior.”
“Got it.”
“I will tell you that Jenny doesn’t think Alma’s mad you. She thinks that Alma is really hurt that Junior didn’t go to her. Jenny said that Alma sat her down and talked to her about sex. Jenny said she really wanted to hide under the rug. I need you to not tell them I told you. You need to be surprised, I just thought you should know what’s going on.”
“I won’t say anything.”
+++
Jack hugged Ennis when they got back to their room. “I know that was hard for you.”
“Did you know he knew all that stuff?”
“He told me about Junior and Ricky about twenty minutes before you walked in. I had no idea about Alma.”
“Jack, I really don’t feel like I pulled back from him when he got taller.”
“When you were talking to each other, I really was listening. I think he started feeling that way when Lureen checked out for good. I don’t think you did anything different, I just think he was feeling a lot of things. It doesn’t help that his body is growing so fast physically, but he’s still just a boy. I do think the way you reacted to him kissing Joan proved to him he was right. And then you went to Junior and were the parent he wanted. I think that all just got him nuts. You were leaving him behind.”
“I wasn’t.”
“I know, Ennis. But sixteen-year-old boys aren’t always rational. He’s said it many times to you; he really isn’t your kid. You may tell him he’s wrong, but then he finds out what you said and did up there…He was having a what-about-me moment. It’s not your fault. At least he tells us what he needs from us.”
“What about asking me if he wasn’t your kid?”
“That was out of line and not acceptable and we are going to discuss that at another time. That did not make me happy at all. I just think he was really trying to piss you off. I’m going to call Doris tomorrow.”
“Do you talk to Junior and Jenny like I do Bobby?”
“It’s different because they don’t live with me full time. Since my meltdown they come to me more. They tell me things when they need sounding boards. I think they still have some resentment about you being here, but they stopped taking it out on Bobby.”
“Do they take it out on you?”
“Not lately. I think they see me as the one who got your head in the right place so you could go up there. I’m not telling them it was all you.”
“It wasn’t all me.”
“Whatever.”
“I’m going to check up on Bobby.”
“Ennis, he may be a sleep.”
“Doubt it.”
Jack watched Ennis leave and then he went downstairs to lock up. When he walked back upstairs, he walked to Bobby’s room. The door was open slightly and the room was dark. He could see that Bobby was on his back and Ennis on his side, his head propped.
“Okay, Bobby, we talked about a lot of stupid things. Can you please tell me what set you off tonight?”
“I don’t know.”
“Bobby, I’m here…Talk to me. Was it about you not introducing us to your teammates and coaches?”
“It just made it easier, Ennis. And then after it was over, I felt awful. I made you both non-existent. Right after Lureen did that to me.”
“It’s not the same thing, Bobby.”
“It might not be, but I don’t deny you here, what do I give a shit about those guys. I was so mad at myself and I was mad at you…And then when I put on the suit and looked in the mirror, I didn’t see me. I’m not that man in a suit, I’m not even a man, yet…And then I really wanted to talk to you about it…And then I was mad because I didn’t think you would.”
“I’m here now.”
Tbc
Playstation2 Game Rental Online
Rating: NC-17 for the whole story
Genre: au
Summary: Jack drives to Wyoming when he hears about Ennis’ divorce. He does not react well to Ennis sending him away.
Warnings: Angst, bad grammar, typos.....no death and I like happily ever after.
Disclaimer: I borrowed these characters and I make no money from this.
Feedback: Yes, be honest- just be nice about it. I’m sorry that I write the lamest responses.
ENJOY!
Can’t Stand It
V66
By the next night, Jack had forgotten about Bobby being the best kid. At dinner, Bobby mentioned that he was taking Joan to the school’s formal dance for the non-seniors. He then stated the dance was Saturday and he needed a suit.
“You’re telling us now?”
“I had a lot of things on my plate.”
“I don’t think we have time this week to get to the store.”
“Can’t I borrow one of yours?”
“I don’t think they’ll fit you right.”
“Maybe, Ennis has something I can wear. Can we look after dinner?”
“I guess we have to.”
++++
Bobby was too broad in the chest for Ennis’ jackets and too narrow in the waist to wear Jack’s pants. Bobby helped him pull out all of Jack’s suits and held a few of them up and laughed.
“I think you can give away some of these suits from the sixties and the seventies. They’re pretty awful.”
Ennis watched Jack separated out the suits that he knew he never would wear again. Jack pulled out a suit and Bobby tried on the jacket and the jacket was too big. Jack found the black suit he bought when he had lost a lot of weight and tossed him the jacket. It fit Bobby, but the pant’s waist was still too big.
“Ma, do you have a black suit that matches this one. Maybe your pants will fit me.”
Ennis ducked into the closet and pulled out his black suit. “It’s the only black one I got, I don’t know if it matches or if it will fit you.” He took the pants off the hanger and handed it to Bobby. “I never thought I would be playing dress up with you.”
Bobby laughed as he changed out of Jack’s pants and put on Ennis’ pants. They fit. Bobby turned and looked at him and his father. “They seem to go together, don’t they?”
Ennis studied the jacket and pants to see if they match. He wondered where Jack went. He thought they matched, but he wasn’t sure. Jack returned with a fitted shirt and a couple of ties.
“Try the shirt on.”
It fit. Bobby put the jacket back on and then he looked at the ties. He picked the one that matched his eyes and put it on. Bobby glanced in the mirror and then started to walk out, “My black shoes still fit, let me get them.”
When Bobby left the room, he looked at Jack. “Are you alright?”
“I’m just thrown how big he is. I know he’s taller than me and I know I was broader and bigger than him, but he’s going to surpass me soon. I’m going to start working out again.”
“You’re more muscular in the legs.”
“They are, but did you see that my pants didn’t reach his feet and they were baggy.”
“Jack, he couldn’t even fit in my jackets.”
“Maybe we should stop feeding him.”
“I think it’s too late for that.” Bobby returned wearing his shoes. He also noticed that Bobby had brushed his hair.
Jack tugged on the jacket. “Hold on a minute.”
Ennis watched Jack walk back into the closet. He came back with a black belt and a box. Bobby put on the belt and then waited for Jack to open the box.
Jack opened the box and Bobby looked inside. “What the hell are they?”
“Cufflinks.”
Ennis watched Bobby touch them. He knew almost all of them were from his time in Texas. On a few occasions, he had to borrow a pair. He could see Bobby was eyeing a pair that a blue stone that matched both the Twists’ eyes.
“If you lose them, I will kick your ass.”
“I’ll be careful.”
Jack showed him how to wear them and then took a step back. Bobby did a spin and tried to give a look like he was in a magazine. Jack just laughed. “Don’t try so hard. You don’t need to.”
Ennis looked at Bobby and realized that Junior had been right. He had seen Jack in many suits and always thought he looked great, but Bobby was stunning. Ennis could tell that Jack could see how Bobby wore the suit and how he looked. After Jack gave Bobby a few more looks, he disappeared into the closet. Bobby didn’t look like a sixteen-year-old boy; he looked like a man, a masculine, confident man.
Jack reappeared with a watch. It matched the cufflinks. “If you lose this I will kick your ass.”
“I won’t.” Bobby put on the watch and stood in the mirror and looked at himself. “Do I look okay?”
Ennis heard the unsure way Bobby asked. He realized that Bobby couldn’t judge himself. He had been knock down by too many people that he didn’t have the confidence he pretended he had. “You look great.”
“Are you saying that to be nice, Ennis.”
“I wouldn’t lie to you. Joan’s going to wonder where her boyfriend went. She’s going to think she’s out on a date with a movie star.”
“Ennis, you aren’t helping.”
“I think you look great.”
“Dad?”
“I think you look great, too.”
“If I walked into a gay bar, would I turn heads?”
Jack answered, “Yes.”
As he blurted out, “What the fuck?”
Bobby smiled in the mirror. “Jimmy says it’s harder to turn a man’s head than a woman’s.”
Ennis replied, “I think Jimmy forgets he’s a sixteen year old boy.”
“If I wasn’t Bobby Twist, son of Jack Twist, would I turn your head?”
“Bobby, knock it off.” Jack barked.
Ennis looked at Bobby, “The only person who ever turned my head was your father.” He started to walk out of the room.
“Ennis, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.”
Ennis turned to Bobby, “Then why did you ask me that?”
“I don’t know…On TV or in the movies the mom usually fusses over her son and says something like you look handsome like your father. I guess I was hoping that you would say something like that.”
“This isn’t some fucking TV show, Bobby.”
“I know, Dad. It’s just that…Nevermind. I was out of line. I’m sorry, Ennis. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”
Ennis watched Bobby slink off to his room and shut the door. “Shit.”
“Are you okay, Ennis? I don’t know where he’s coming from.”
“You should go to him.”
“Are you coming with me?”
“I don’t think I can look at him right now.”
“I’m sorry, Ennis.”
“Just go check on him.”
++++
Jack knocked on Bobby’s door and entered. Bobby was standing in his boxers and EJ’s T-shirt and was hanging up the suit. Jack noticed that the cufflinks and watch were sitting on the dresser. Jack also noticed clothes were piled on the bed. He could see that Bobby looked visibly shaken.
“I didn’t mean to hurt him and I know I did.”
“Why’d you ask him that?”
“I don’t know…It’s just that you seem to be more comfortable about being gay. And since I’ve grown to your heights, he pulls back from me sometimes. Especially if we are in public and it’s just the two of us. I know there are some people who thinks he wants to do things to me and I don’t think he does, but the more I look like an adult…I don’t know. I know he has eyes for only you and I know he doesn’t look at me that way, but it makes me sad to think that as I get older he isn’t going to be comfortable around me.”
Jack hugged him, “I think you’re reading a lot more into it than what’s going on.”
“Am I? He’s been holding back when you aren’t around. It became very clear to me after he drove me home after my first date. I know I’m over sensitive, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”
“Oh, Pup.”
“I just feel like I’m losing him and I can’t do anything about it. I’m going to get older and bigger and I can’t stand the thought of him pulling away from me like Lureen did. I guess I just couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted him to yell at me or something, but he just walked away. I know you have to deal with Junior and Jenny getting older, but you aren’t attracted to women, but I’m a guy and he’s attracted to men.”
“Bobby, if I thought for one second he though about you any other way besides being his child, I would throw him out.”
“I know he doesn’t see me as anything other than his kid, but that just makes it harder for me to understand his behavior. It feels like he’s been slipping away from and then I just shoved him further away from me. He didn’t come to check up on me, a year ago he’d be right behind you.”
Jack wiped away Bobby’s tears. “Let me go talk to him and I’ll be right back.”
“I didn’t mean to put you in the middle of this.”
“I know. I’ll be right back.”
Jack walked back to his room, unsure how to deal with everything. He hadn’t noticed Ennis pulling away from Bobby, but he knew Bobby’s first date kissing show threw Ennis for a loop.
He walked into the room and saw Ennis pouting on the bed. He shut the door. “We need to talk.”
++++
He could see that Jack was very upset and wouldn’t sit on the bed with him. Jack sat on the chair with his arms folded. He listened to what Jack had to say. He didn’t think he had been pulling away from Bobby. And, then Jack mentioned Bobby’s first date. He could see that’s what disturbed Jack the most. He knew he had a meltdown about it, but he hadn’t thought he changed his behavior towards Bobby.
“Ennis, I know he’s needy and hypersensitive, but he isn’t stupid. And he’s usually not off about our state of mind. Are you feeling things you shouldn’t? Are you pulling back because of it?”
“Do you really think that?”
“No. But if he feels like you are pulling away from…Maybe you don’t mean to, but we need to figure this out.”
“I was rubbing his feet in the truck last night.”
“I was there, Ennis. If I wasn’t there?”
“I would’ve been driving.”
“Ennis, this isn’t a game.”
“I know this isn’t a game. I know that Bobby feeling this way could rip everything apart.”
“What are you feeling, Ennis? What changed to make him feel like you are pulling away from him?”
“I have no idea.”
“Well, you need to. I can’t have him feel like this and I can’t feel like I don’t know what’s going on with you. I feel like I’m being ripped into two, Ennis. I can see that you’re holding things in and you can’t do that to me. I don’t think you coming from a bad place; I don’t think you are having bad thoughts about him. Are you afraid you will?”
“How can you ask me that? He’s a child.”
“He didn’t look like a child in that suit, Ennis.”
“I saw what he looked like. He’s very good looking and looks like a man. Jack, he made me his Ma. That’s how I see myself. I could never look at him any other way.”
“Then why does he feel like you are pulling away from him?”
“I don’t know.”
“Are you afraid of what other people think, Ennis? Are you afraid that some sick fuck thinks that you are sleeping with me so you will sleep with my son?”
“No.”
“I have to say, Ennis, that was the least convincing no I’ve ever heard leave your mouth.”
“Jack…”
“You can’t worry about what they think. Ennis, I know that it has been a tough time for you lately. I know that our children are becoming sexual beings is throwing me for a loop, so I know it’s really getting to you. Seeing Bobby kissing and then Junior with Ricky, I know how hard this has been…But this is our job, Ennis. I don’t think you are purposely pulling away from him, but maybe you are doing it subconsciously.”
“Don’t try to analyze me.”
“Then figure it out, Ennis. I need to go back to him. He may be bigger than us, but he’s still a scared little boy. I don’t know why it came out tonight. Maybe he didn’t tell us everything about this weekend. He really seemed upset about not introducing us to his roommate.” Jack stood up, “We don’t get a rulebook how to handle things like this. We just have to figure it out ourselves. Please, Ennis, don’t get your back up and be a mule…Can you please think about what’s going on? He’s really hurting and I know you are and I feel like I’m stuck in the middle.”
Ennis watched Jack walk out of the room. “Shit.”
++++
Jack walked back into Bobby’s room. The clothes that had been stacked on the bed, were now stacked on the floor. Bobby was on his bed holding Clyde. Ernie and Bert were curled up next to him. Jack climbed next to him. “How are you doing, Pup?”
“He didn’t follow you in here.”
“He’s thinking. He says he didn’t think he was pulling away from you.”
“He was…Is…Do you believe me?”
“I believe you. I also believe that he doesn’t think he’s been acting any different.”
“He has…”
“I know.”
“I know it’s hard for him, Dad. He doesn’t look at me the same way as he used to. When I put on the suit he didn’t look at me like I was Bobby, but a stranger. You kinda looked at me differently, too. You looked kinda sad.”
“To be honest, you made me feel old and short.”
Bobby smiled, “See, you can say these things to me. He puts this wall up sometimes. He was able to talk to me about girls until Joan. Once she was real, he shut down on me.”
“Then he went up to Wyoming for Junior’s prom,” Jack added.
“And when he came home from that mess, he pulled away more.”
“What do you mean that mess?”
“I know you and Ennis and Brenda and Sam talk about a lot of things…I’d think you would assume the rest of us do. I knew what happened to Amanda with her boyfriend and it wasn’t too hard to figure out what was going on with Junior.”
“You knew? How come you didn’t say anything?”
“What am I supposed to say? Junior wants to sleep with Ricky so some guy can’t break her heart. How about Jenny calling me because she couldn’t zip the two sleeping bags together?”
“Jenny called you?”
“Who’s she going to call, Ennis?”
“I thought you told me everything.”
“I told you that I don’t tell you everything right away, but I don’t lie to you, but I omit.”
“So why didn’t you say anything about Ennis?”
“I thought I was just being paranoid, but it kept happening. And after he saw me kiss Joan, he was looking at me differently. And then after Junior…Well, I knew it wasn’t me.”
“How’d I look at you after I saw you kiss Joan?”
“Amused.”
Jack laughed, “Of all the words to pick…”
“Am I wrong?”
“No. How did Ennis look at you?”
“He looked like he was embarrassed. You know he didn’t say one word to me on the ride home. And with the look he gave me, I didn’t say anything to him.”
“It had nothing to do with you, it was stuff in his head.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s kind of old fashion about things like that.”
“You guys kiss all the time.”
“I know.”
“Then why would him seeing me kiss make him embarrassed?”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You had a fight with him that night. I could tell in the morning. I also heard him say sorry to you in the morning.”
“I’m not going to talk about that with you.”
“Made me think I did something to upset him.”
“He made himself upset, Bobby.” Jack sighed. “Whatever he’s doing, it isn’t about you really, it’s about him. He would never hurt you on purpose. You know that, Pup?”
“Thought I did.”
“I’m sorry, Pup.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“You need to come to me.”
“I don’t want to get between you and Ennis.”
“You don’t need to worry about that. You come to me. I can’t help you if I don’t know. And as you told me, if it isn’t on my radar, I miss it. Promise you’ll come to me.”
“I promise.”
Jack pulled Bobby’s head to his chest and stroked his cheek. “I assume you finished your homework.”
“There wasn’t much and with no practice I got it done before dinner.”
“And all the clothes?”
“They don’t fit.”
“Are there any clothes that do fit?”
“Some underwear and socks. Nothing from last summer and most of the fall and winter clothes are too small. There are things I wore two months ago that don’t fit right anymore.”
“I guess we need to hit the mall on Sunday.”
“I hate shopping. When am I going to stop growing?”
“I don’t know. You’re bigger than me.”
“Was your father tall?”
“I thought so growing up, but when I left for good, I was bigger than him. My mother had a brother who was big. He was taller than me.”
“We learned in bio that when kids aren’t given the right nutrition, they don’t grow to their full potential. I know you said you were sent to bed without dinner, a lot. Do you think that kept you from getting bigger?”
“I’m six feet, Pup. That isn’t tiny.”
“But if I’m already taller than you and I’m only sixteen, where did the height come from? They say that most guys grow until they are around twenty, twenty-one. If I keep growing like this I’m going to be eight feet tall.”
“You’ve had a few spurts, but then you slow down.”
“So I’ll be seven feet tall.”
“How about we guess six-four or five.”
“You think I’ll be taller than Ricky?”
“Yeah.” He picked up one of Bobby’s hands and held it up. “Frank can look at a pony and figure out how tall it’s going to get. I just see a pony. He said when his kids were little, he would look at their hands and guess how tall they were going to be.”
“Maybe I should ask him to look at my hand.”
“Maybe.” He put Bobby’s hand down. He wondered if Ennis was ever going to come to the room.
“Do you think he’s packing?”
“No, Pup. I think he’s thinking.”
“Maybe you should go check up on him.”
“He’s a grown man, Bobby. You’re my child. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Even though I make you feel old and short?”
“Yep.”
“You still have a bigger chest than me and your arms, back and shoulders are bigger. So are your legs.”
“You’ll put on more mass when you aren’t growing so fast.”
“You think so?”
“Remember when Matt shot up five inches in two months. He looked like a skeleton for a while. He ate more than you, but the energy was going towards his growth. When he slowed down, he started to gain weight.”
“He hasn’t grown since then. He’s pissed.”
“He’ll have another spurt. He hasn’t filled out.”
“So how come you think I’m not going to get too much taller?”
“You are becoming more broad and he isn’t.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I thought after your dance, you should keep the jacket. We’ll give back Ennis’ pants and take my pants to the tailor. They can be taken in.”
“I thought they looked too short.”
“I checked the cuff at the bottom. I don’t know anything about tailoring clothes, but it looked like they could add some length to the pants. Either way, you can always wear the jacket with jeans. You can keep the shirt, too. But I want my tie back. I have a matching tie clip. It goes with the cufflinks and watch. I thought it would be too much.”
“I’m surprised there isn’t a matching buckle.” Bobby waited a moment and then laughed. “There is one.”
“Yeah.”
“Did you buy it?”
“Your mom gave it to me to wear on our wedding day.”
“You kept it? I thought you would toss it anything that reminded you of that day.”
“Why’d I do that, Bobby?”
“Isn’t that your worst day?”
“Not even close. If there hadn’t been a wedding, I wouldn’t have you in my life. How can I hate a day like that?”
“Even when I’m a pain?”
“Even then.”
“I thought I was left in basket on your doorstep.”
Jack smiled. He liked that Bobby always went back to the silly story he had made up years earlier. He didn’t understand how it comforted Bobby, but it always did. Jack always tried to add to the story to match the conversation they were having. “If I hadn’t married your mother, we wouldn’t have lived there and some other people would be raising you.”
“You don’t think they would’ve sent me off to an orphanage?”
“We tried, but you were too ugly. They said we had to keep you. I bet they would’ve told the other people the same thing.”
“Guess I should be happy that you two got married.”
“Just imagine what kind of cufflinks you’d be wearing.”
“I bet they’d make me wear the tie clip, too.”
“You bet they would, and the…” Jack stopped when he heard the knock on the door. Ennis stood in the doorway looking at his feet.
“I’m sorry that you thought I was pulling away from you, Bobby. I don’t doubt you felt it, I just didn’t know I was doing it.” Ennis moved closer to the bed. “I just think that you and Junior and Jenny are growing up so fast, I wasn’t ready for it. I know I pull back from people and I shouldn’t, especially you.” Ennis sat on the bed. “When I look at you, most of the time I still see the little boy that I first met. Then sometimes I see that you aren’t that little boy anymore. And then I think of Jenny and Junior and know they aren’t the little girls…”
“How come you acted so weird after you saw me kiss Joan? I knew you had a fight with Dad after it.”
Jack could see that Ennis turned his attention to him.
“Don’t look at him, Ennis. He didn’t say anything. I could just tell in the morning. I heard you say sorry to him. Why’d you look so embarrassed when I got back into the car? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t say anything because you seemed to be in a happy place and I didn’t want to take that away.”
“Why did you look embarrassed?”
Jack felt Ennis’ eyes were back on him.
“Why do you keep looking at him, Ennis?”
“I’m trying to figure out what your father would say.”
“He’d tell me the truth.”
Jack thought Ennis snapped out of his haze and then Ennis turned back to Bobby.
“You kissed Joan the way your father kisses me.”
Jack watched Bobby’s eyes get really big.
“Oh.” Bobby turned to him. “Is that why you looked amused?”
“I actually thought you kissed her like Ennis kisses me. I also saw a little of Brenda and Sam.”
“Well, Sam does this tilt thing because Brenda is so much shorter than him. It kinda helped.”
Jack didn’t mean to laugh.
Bobby spoke again. “See. You look amused and Ennis looks like he wants to crawl under the rug.”
Ennis looked up, “It has nothing to do with you, Bobby. It’s me. I find it very uncomfortable to talk about this stuff.”
“You think he really likes it, Ennis? At first he looked like he wanted to dive under the rug and so did I, but we got over it real fast. Who else am I going to talk to? I don’t go out of the way to torture him too much. I know Amanda almost made Sam cry when she pulled out her list of questions. Matt made Brenda flustered and stutter. This is the woman who pulls out props for Pete’s sake. I just thought I would be easier to talk to about these things. I’m a guy and you’re a guy. I thought Junior and Jenny would be harder because they like guys and so do you. Maybe you’re still hung up on the gay thing.”
“That’s not the first time you’ve said that to me.”
“I don’t understand why you still care that you’re gay. I don’t. You’re my Ma whether you like guys or girls or ducks or potato chips, aren’t you?”
“I’m always going to be your ma.”
“I’m not ten anymore, Ennis. The conversations are going to change. You need to get used to it. I need you to handle it. I’ll try to slow it down for you, but you need to catch up. I need you to try. You aren’t even trying, Ennis. You’re just pulling away from me and the more I try, the faster you run from me.”
++++
Ennis looked at Bobby pressed against Jack. For someone with strong statements, he looked so afraid. He reached up and stroked Bobby’s cheek. “I promise to try. I think you’re right; it’s harder for me with you because I’m with your Dad. Trust me, it isn’t easy with my daughters either. But it’s harder because…”
“You’re sleeping with my dad.”
Ennis looked away. “Yeah.”
“I know all about the birds and the bees and the bees with the bees and the birds with the birds…”
“I think that makes it harder.”
“But I learned that a while ago.”
“I know. But you weren’t up to trying out what the birds and the bees do. It was all theory to you, now you are starting to experiment with what you know.”
“Sadly, Ennis, it’s still almost all theory for me.”
“Well that’ll change at some point.”
“And I won’t be able to talk to you about it because you’ll be hiding under the rug or diving behind the sofa. But I can’t hold it all in, Ennis. I’m like my dad; I need to talk it out. I want to be able to talk to you and right now I can’t. I feel like I can’t talk to you about anything now. I can’t talk to you about Karate or the baseball tournament.”
“How come you didn’t introduce your roommate to us? You seem like you really wanted to.”
“I thought if I did, it would scare you off more.”
“I’m sorry, Bobby. It wouldn’t have scared me off.”
“How am I supposed to know?” Bobby paused, “I know I’m not the easiest to deal with. I know I still have a lot of issues to deal with, but I can’t handle you pulling away from me. When my dad was a mess, you were there for me, no matter what. Just because he isn’t a mess anymore, doesn’t mean I need you any less. I want that Ennis back. I need that Ennis.”
“I didn’t know I was doing that, Bobby. I thought I was doing all the things you said you needed, but I guess I was stuck in my own head. You got to tell me, Bobby. I don’t know that I’m pulling back from you. You got to do that for me.”
“I will.”
Ennis leaned in and hugged Bobby. “I’m sorry.” He felt Bobby’s arms around him.
“Me, too.”
Ennis felt Jack stroking his hair.
“You know, Ennis, I can tell you’ve been working on the GED books.”
“How?”
“The way you are talking.”
“Really?”
“It was just a theory? Caveman Ennis would never grunt out things like that.”
“I miss that cave.”
“I know, Ennis. But you left it behind and you need to move forward.”
“I’ll work on that, Gonzo, what are you going to do for me?”
“I’ll give you a chance to catch up. Maybe you should sit behind the couch and listen to one of my talks with my dad. You can hear it but I won’t see you flipping out. Maybe you won’t think it is as horrible as you think.”
“It’s horrible. I had a couple of talks with Junior.”
“I know, Ennis.”
“You know? How?”
“After my father’s meltdown, we sorta started talking about everything. We saw what secrets did to him. And then when people found out about you in Wyoming, there were really no more secrets. I know about Junior and Ricky. I know in a day or two you are going to get a call from Alma. Junior was going to call you tonight; I don’t know why she hasn’t. Alma’s really pissed at Junior. Jenny doesn’t think it’s about the sex part, but Junior’s behavior towards Ricky and that she stole from the store.”
“What did she steal?”
“Condoms. She stole them before you came up with them.”
“You knew all this?”
“Why’d you think it hurt so much that you pulled away? You had a sex talk with Junior that wasn’t theory but reality and you couldn’t handle seeing me kiss a girl.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not usually going to spill Jenny and Junior’s secrets, but I you needed to know that I need you to step up to the plate for me like you did for Junior.”
“Got it.”
“I will tell you that Jenny doesn’t think Alma’s mad you. She thinks that Alma is really hurt that Junior didn’t go to her. Jenny said that Alma sat her down and talked to her about sex. Jenny said she really wanted to hide under the rug. I need you to not tell them I told you. You need to be surprised, I just thought you should know what’s going on.”
“I won’t say anything.”
+++
Jack hugged Ennis when they got back to their room. “I know that was hard for you.”
“Did you know he knew all that stuff?”
“He told me about Junior and Ricky about twenty minutes before you walked in. I had no idea about Alma.”
“Jack, I really don’t feel like I pulled back from him when he got taller.”
“When you were talking to each other, I really was listening. I think he started feeling that way when Lureen checked out for good. I don’t think you did anything different, I just think he was feeling a lot of things. It doesn’t help that his body is growing so fast physically, but he’s still just a boy. I do think the way you reacted to him kissing Joan proved to him he was right. And then you went to Junior and were the parent he wanted. I think that all just got him nuts. You were leaving him behind.”
“I wasn’t.”
“I know, Ennis. But sixteen-year-old boys aren’t always rational. He’s said it many times to you; he really isn’t your kid. You may tell him he’s wrong, but then he finds out what you said and did up there…He was having a what-about-me moment. It’s not your fault. At least he tells us what he needs from us.”
“What about asking me if he wasn’t your kid?”
“That was out of line and not acceptable and we are going to discuss that at another time. That did not make me happy at all. I just think he was really trying to piss you off. I’m going to call Doris tomorrow.”
“Do you talk to Junior and Jenny like I do Bobby?”
“It’s different because they don’t live with me full time. Since my meltdown they come to me more. They tell me things when they need sounding boards. I think they still have some resentment about you being here, but they stopped taking it out on Bobby.”
“Do they take it out on you?”
“Not lately. I think they see me as the one who got your head in the right place so you could go up there. I’m not telling them it was all you.”
“It wasn’t all me.”
“Whatever.”
“I’m going to check up on Bobby.”
“Ennis, he may be a sleep.”
“Doubt it.”
Jack watched Ennis leave and then he went downstairs to lock up. When he walked back upstairs, he walked to Bobby’s room. The door was open slightly and the room was dark. He could see that Bobby was on his back and Ennis on his side, his head propped.
“Okay, Bobby, we talked about a lot of stupid things. Can you please tell me what set you off tonight?”
“I don’t know.”
“Bobby, I’m here…Talk to me. Was it about you not introducing us to your teammates and coaches?”
“It just made it easier, Ennis. And then after it was over, I felt awful. I made you both non-existent. Right after Lureen did that to me.”
“It’s not the same thing, Bobby.”
“It might not be, but I don’t deny you here, what do I give a shit about those guys. I was so mad at myself and I was mad at you…And then when I put on the suit and looked in the mirror, I didn’t see me. I’m not that man in a suit, I’m not even a man, yet…And then I really wanted to talk to you about it…And then I was mad because I didn’t think you would.”
“I’m here now.”
Tbc
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