Once again I find myself in a mindset that I really wish I could avoid. Somehow, I have convinced myself that there is some possibility that Kellie and I could become friends again, and possibly more
( Read more... )
>:C and you STILL haven't watched Zoolander - yet here I talk to you free, for nothin' -
Sure, I am blissfully unaware of the meat and potatoes of what has gone on - but I've seen enough of your meals to recognize your leftovers. And when you to to marinate meatloaf, nuke it and call it something new and more delicious.
And don't you dare begin your impending argument (your retort is brewing already) with "But I said it's no good!" because it's the gauziest of disclaimers. I am disappointed in the futility of your even putting it in there - there's no heart behind it, no conviction like there is behind the words emphasizing your desire to be a creepy stalker again.
Realize that it takes at least as much effort to get her hackles up over your physical, nearby presence as it does for you to feel pompous and self-righteous when she tries to escape you. It's exhausting! The relief you feel that she isn't still amassing peasants for a good torch-and-pitchforking probably mirrors her relief that you haven't approached her. Her going about her business and not hyperventilating or raging is likely as self-gratifying for her as your not being immediately sent away has been for you!
You are very likely over-playing the heartbreak thing. And regardless of prior feelings, haven't you learned that initiating the breakup and then coming back months later with continued feeling will lead to a bit of resentment from the other party? She, and other she's before her, have moved on - and wish to stay that way. You coming back - perhaps because your comparative lack of prospects is dismal - to rekindle any coals from the fire you pissed on just makes you look like you're poking piss-soaked dirt around. Who the hell wants to be part of that? You flatter yourself that it takes any kind of dedication to get over you and your smothering habits.
And I swear to god if you respond with stupid, open-ended, doe-eyed questions that I have already answered several times in the past, it'll take a hell of a lot more than putting off a movie for me to try to help you the next time. Wake up, for Christ's sake. For all your words, you have not changed.
For the most part, I agree with you, Len. And for the record, it completely surprised me when your comment popped up. You were the last person I expected to hear from. Well... third to last...
Primarily, I wrote this post as a way to get thoughts off my chest. Like I said, I have no intention of trying to talk to Kellie, just as I have no intention of trying to talk to Rachel. It may have taken me a while to come to these conclusions, but here I am.
By making the statement that my thoughts were no good, I was simply trying to re-plant the idea in my own head that would lead me back to the conclusions that I had previously reached.
I am well aware that my actions are my own, and what's done is done, and there's nothing I can do to fix anything anymore. Hence why I say that it would have to be her who decides to initiate anything.
I agree that I am probably over-playing the heartbreak. When I told her that I still liked her, and then when she subsequently decided that I was trying to pursue her (which, for what it's worth, I wasn't), that was probably the point when any lingering thoughts that she may have had about still feeling any positive feelings toward me went away.
Now forgive me for becoming a little defensive, but making comments about having dismal prospects is just low. Yes, I have come to the conclusion that a big part of why I tend to be clingy is because I have a relatively low sense of self confidence which leads me to sometimes think that it will be difficult to find someone new.
Another reason is because I do tend to become very attached to those things that I have, and when I lose them, it is extremely difficult for me to sever that attachment. However, I wouldn't call that smothering. But hell, that's just semantics, I guess. You only say it that way because you're attempting to make me feel bad, because you can't be comfortable unless you convince yourself that I'm the bad guy.
I will not ask you any questions, because yes, you've already answered a lot of them. But I will say that you are wrong when you say I have not changed. There is no way for me to convince you of that, though, so I won't even try.
Sure, I am blissfully unaware of the meat and potatoes of what has gone on - but I've seen enough of your meals to recognize your leftovers. And when you to to marinate meatloaf, nuke it and call it something new and more delicious.
And don't you dare begin your impending argument (your retort is brewing already) with "But I said it's no good!" because it's the gauziest of disclaimers. I am disappointed in the futility of your even putting it in there - there's no heart behind it, no conviction like there is behind the words emphasizing your desire to be a creepy stalker again.
Realize that it takes at least as much effort to get her hackles up over your physical, nearby presence as it does for you to feel pompous and self-righteous when she tries to escape you. It's exhausting! The relief you feel that she isn't still amassing peasants for a good torch-and-pitchforking probably mirrors her relief that you haven't approached her. Her going about her business and not hyperventilating or raging is likely as self-gratifying for her as your not being immediately sent away has been for you!
You are very likely over-playing the heartbreak thing. And regardless of prior feelings, haven't you learned that initiating the breakup and then coming back months later with continued feeling will lead to a bit of resentment from the other party? She, and other she's before her, have moved on - and wish to stay that way. You coming back - perhaps because your comparative lack of prospects is dismal - to rekindle any coals from the fire you pissed on just makes you look like you're poking piss-soaked dirt around. Who the hell wants to be part of that? You flatter yourself that it takes any kind of dedication to get over you and your smothering habits.
And I swear to god if you respond with stupid, open-ended, doe-eyed questions that I have already answered several times in the past, it'll take a hell of a lot more than putting off a movie for me to try to help you the next time. Wake up, for Christ's sake. For all your words, you have not changed.
Reply
Primarily, I wrote this post as a way to get thoughts off my chest. Like I said, I have no intention of trying to talk to Kellie, just as I have no intention of trying to talk to Rachel. It may have taken me a while to come to these conclusions, but here I am.
By making the statement that my thoughts were no good, I was simply trying to re-plant the idea in my own head that would lead me back to the conclusions that I had previously reached.
I am well aware that my actions are my own, and what's done is done, and there's nothing I can do to fix anything anymore. Hence why I say that it would have to be her who decides to initiate anything.
I agree that I am probably over-playing the heartbreak. When I told her that I still liked her, and then when she subsequently decided that I was trying to pursue her (which, for what it's worth, I wasn't), that was probably the point when any lingering thoughts that she may have had about still feeling any positive feelings toward me went away.
Now forgive me for becoming a little defensive, but making comments about having dismal prospects is just low. Yes, I have come to the conclusion that a big part of why I tend to be clingy is because I have a relatively low sense of self confidence which leads me to sometimes think that it will be difficult to find someone new.
Another reason is because I do tend to become very attached to those things that I have, and when I lose them, it is extremely difficult for me to sever that attachment. However, I wouldn't call that smothering. But hell, that's just semantics, I guess. You only say it that way because you're attempting to make me feel bad, because you can't be comfortable unless you convince yourself that I'm the bad guy.
I will not ask you any questions, because yes, you've already answered a lot of them. But I will say that you are wrong when you say I have not changed. There is no way for me to convince you of that, though, so I won't even try.
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment