Undone
Once again I find myself in a mindset that I really wish I could avoid. Somehow, I have convinced myself that there is some possibility that Kellie and I could become friends again, and possibly more.
This is NO GOOD!
I guess it all happened because I was talking to a friend about everything the other night, and she offered me some new insight that forced me to re-think Kellie's reasoning and motives. It's actually quite simple, really...
I broke her heart. I guess I never realized exactly how much she was into me when we were dating. But when I left her, and after the following stream of events, she had to figure out how to get over me. This eventually happened when I pissed her off by telling her that I still liked her a few months later. Then the shit hit the fan.
Granted, that is a massively reduced version of what may have happened, but still... there it is.
Now it's a new semester. I am allowed back in the green room, and I have been going. I don't go there to see her. I will repeat. I DO NOT go there to see her. Yet I couldn't help but to be extremely pleased when she walked in and didn't immediately leave when she saw me, or start screaming at me and threaten to pursue more legal action. Instead, she walked in, we ignored each other, and business went on as usual. Deep down, I can't help but to think that it's a good sign.
I wish beyond wishing that she would decide to talk to me. I can't help it, that's just the way I am. I wish that she would give me the chance to apologize to her for everything. I wish that she would give me another chance at a friendship. Unfortunately, whether or not she talks to me is entirely up to her. There is absolutely nothing I can do. All I can do is continue to go to the green room so that the other people that spend time there can grow comfortable with me being there again. I can't ever approach Kellie, or try to talk to her. If I did, I'm afraid that it would completely undo any chance that she may be starting to be ok with me again.
*sigh* It drives me crazy that I can't do anything. But I have to stick with it. She has to be the first one to make contact. There's a good chance she never will, and if I jump the gun, then there will be 0 chance that she ever will.
This is what has been on my mind the past couple days. And I was doing so well before to convince myself that I didn't want to have anything to do with her...
Any thoughts on how to make it easier?
--NosBrian
This is NO GOOD!
I guess it all happened because I was talking to a friend about everything the other night, and she offered me some new insight that forced me to re-think Kellie's reasoning and motives. It's actually quite simple, really...
I broke her heart. I guess I never realized exactly how much she was into me when we were dating. But when I left her, and after the following stream of events, she had to figure out how to get over me. This eventually happened when I pissed her off by telling her that I still liked her a few months later. Then the shit hit the fan.
Granted, that is a massively reduced version of what may have happened, but still... there it is.
Now it's a new semester. I am allowed back in the green room, and I have been going. I don't go there to see her. I will repeat. I DO NOT go there to see her. Yet I couldn't help but to be extremely pleased when she walked in and didn't immediately leave when she saw me, or start screaming at me and threaten to pursue more legal action. Instead, she walked in, we ignored each other, and business went on as usual. Deep down, I can't help but to think that it's a good sign.
I wish beyond wishing that she would decide to talk to me. I can't help it, that's just the way I am. I wish that she would give me the chance to apologize to her for everything. I wish that she would give me another chance at a friendship. Unfortunately, whether or not she talks to me is entirely up to her. There is absolutely nothing I can do. All I can do is continue to go to the green room so that the other people that spend time there can grow comfortable with me being there again. I can't ever approach Kellie, or try to talk to her. If I did, I'm afraid that it would completely undo any chance that she may be starting to be ok with me again.
*sigh* It drives me crazy that I can't do anything. But I have to stick with it. She has to be the first one to make contact. There's a good chance she never will, and if I jump the gun, then there will be 0 chance that she ever will.
This is what has been on my mind the past couple days. And I was doing so well before to convince myself that I didn't want to have anything to do with her...
Any thoughts on how to make it easier?
--NosBrian