"Only apathy..."
A good impression of myself
Not much to conceal
I'm saying nothing
But I'm saying nothing with feel
I simply am not here
No way I
Shut up, be happy
Stop whining please
And because of who we are
We react in mock surprise
The curse of "there must be more"
So don't breathe here
Don't leave your bags
I simply am not here
No way I
Shut up, be happy
Stop whining please
The dust in my soul makes me feel the weight in my legs
My head in the clouds and I'm zoning out
I'm watching TV but I find it hard to stay conscious
I'm totally bored but I can't switch off
Only apathy from the pills in me
It's all in me, all in you
Electricity from the pills in me
It's all in me, all in you
Only MTV and cod philosophy
We're lost in the mall shuffling through the stores like zombies
What is the point, what can money buy
My hand's on a gun and I find the rage, God tempts me
What did you say? Think I'm passing out
It's finally done. Fuck yes. Well, I mean, I still have a year to go, but for now, I'm done. School, except for another tutorial and then my exam, is essentially over. This year was a struggle. I mean, it started with me walking up to MRSS the first day only to find my best friend had been mauled by a car. To me, The stretch of January to December doesn't count as shit for a year. To me, the year goes September to June, and that's how it'll be until I graduate. And this year, I got a new job that was stressful in the beginning. I watched my friend get hauled off an an ambulance after getting hit by a car. I fell for my best friend and eventually lost him. I let my inhebitions die for a few months which ultimately resulted in me meeting a lot of new people, some of which will effect me for the rest of my life. I did some pyschadelic drugs that made me rethink my health, and now I eat better and take care of myself. I met someone new and wonderful who's shared almost the last half a year of my life. I got a tattoo, some new piercings, and hacked off my hair. I really feel like this summer is one of growth.
I want to work towards my education and put some money away in savings. It's a little late, but I can do it. I applied somewhere that pays less and is further, but is of more interest to me than Value Village (fingers crossed). I want to experience a little taste of everything this summer. Maybe I can balance both jobs.
Having experienced our first few spats, I realize even more now Jeremie's value to me, and I think he could be a consistent staple in my life for a very long time. As long as we maintain good communication, arguments will be relatively nonexistant and I can hear his wonderful voice every day for what I hope will be a big chunk of time. He's very controlled, down to earth, passive and aims to resolve conflict in a calm mannerism as soon as it starts. I am a bull-headed Taurus who's temper flares at random intervals.... so someone who's patient like Jeremie is good for me. I can't stay mad about anything. I just get so angry that I want him to hug me. So, I guess I can't really be that angry.
I don't want to live a life for something else. For school or work or anything like that.... I want to live it for me. Cause there isn't more. There's what you've got, and what you make of yourself. And that's the last word.
Kara Dawn.