City of DEATH
Now the BEST THING EVER!*
A planet, which is not a quarry but a model of one. Why does the inside of Scaroth's ship look nothing like the outside? Oh right is he not in it? Idk, this bit doesn't have Romana in it.
Now the Doctor and Romana talk about how nice it is as we pan through flowers to a phallic object. It is in no way suggestive. This is them on a date, possibly a honeymoon after an accidental wedding in space. Awwww they are so cute! Oh look, a train going through a tunnel. And gleeful running about! HANDPORN! I am dead of their love, omg.
Dun dun duuuuun here is Count Scarlioni and his pet skientist. Scarlioni has shedloads of money, because he sells priceless stuff. He is selling a Guttenberg Bible now. He is building magical equipment.
Four and Romana are in a cafe being lovely. Lalla's hat is like a halo and a man was drawing a picture of her. Time goes fucked, oh noes! They notice because they are Time Lords and thus magic. The picture is of Romana with a broken clock as a face. Don't worry, the artist is not important later on.
Scarlioni's machine fucks time. His poor skientist is so overworked and angsty.
Four and Romana continue to be win. All their lines are good. "Never mind about the time slip, we're on holiday" so they are off to see some paintings. This is a very lax attitude but they are SO CUTE!
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, WAH! Don't worry, I has seen it many times. Erm, let's see. They went to the Louvre and looked at the Mona Lisa, who has no eyebrows, then Four stole a woman's bracelet which was alien. Then they met Duggan. Duggan looks a bit like Pete Tyler, which is confusing.
ANYWAY, Duggan is shocked that they haven't heard of Scarlioni, and Four goes "o hai, he is steal teh Mona Lisa, y/y?" Here is Mrs Scarlioni, who has no idea that her husband is spoiler. Duggan says furore as I always thought it was said before this but Romana says that is wrong. Scarlioni's paintings don't appear to be fakes, exposits Duggan. People with guns capture them.
Porny music plays as Mrs Scarlioni smokes which never happens. She is locked out of a room, where her husband is taking off his face. OH NOES HE IS AN ALIEN WITH ONE EYE. CLIFFHANGER!
How does she not know? I did a poll a bit ago and the result was that she thought that was normal for men. I think. Anyway she doesn't know that he is an alien with one eye.
Four and Romana are brought to Scarlioni's house. "What a wonderful butler, he's so violent!" He gets himself a drink because he is Four. They claim to be thieves and Duggan is the man sent to catch them. "You're a beautiful woman, probably" says Four like he doesn't know. These days I assume he was just being rude. Four claims he stole the bracelet because it was pretty and stealing the paintings is too hard.
"I don't think he's as stupid as he seems."
"My dear, nobody could be as stupid as he seems."
Scarlioni locks them in the cellar which is better than killing them at least. Oh, Herman says they will kill them in a bit, so that's at least soothingly familiar.
This story is like a lovely cake. A cake with nice things in it.
Romana notices that the cell is an abnormal size, and they escape with the sonic to explore the laboratory. Romana gathers equipment to do something clever, because she is awesome. The skientist returns and makes an egg hatch into a chicken via fucking with time. Four flirts with him and says "You have done it all wrong, bitch." Skientist hopes to end famine but his chicken dies of all age. The Doctor goes on about time and confuses him. Then he reverses it some. By reversing the polarity, yay! Then he sees Scaroth in the machine, somehow. Duggan hits Skientist Kerensky out of violence. Romana has discovered a hidden room, yay!
Scarlioni asplains his plan to steal the Mona Lisa. It is all hi-tech cos he's an alien. The bracelet like made a hologram or something. They steal it... tonight!
At least seven people would buy the Mona Lisa if it was stolen. Duggan breaks down the fake wall and they find six Mona Lisas. So he is stealing one and then selling them all, so everyone thinks they have the real one and really they have since they're all real.
Scarlioni appears but Duggan hits him with a lamp. Four is all "Bitch, don't knock people out when I'm talking to them!" They escape the cellar and Duggan knocks out Mrs Scarlioni cos she had a gun and stuff.
Four goes off to the Louvre and Romana is to look after Duggan. This is cos they parked the TARDIS in the gallery. OH K-9, you are not in this one! Wasn't it something to do with not taking the prop to Paris? Four goes back in time to visit Leonardo da Vinci, but he's not in. A man with a sword catches him, noes! Leonardo is working for Captain Something. Who is, as it turns out, Scarlioni, who knows stuff from the future. Whee, it is so timey-wimey! CLIFFHANGER!
Oh, S17, how are you so awesome?
(*Statement may be inaccurate)
A planet, which is not a quarry but a model of one. Why does the inside of Scaroth's ship look nothing like the outside? Oh right is he not in it? Idk, this bit doesn't have Romana in it.
Now the Doctor and Romana talk about how nice it is as we pan through flowers to a phallic object. It is in no way suggestive. This is them on a date, possibly a honeymoon after an accidental wedding in space. Awwww they are so cute! Oh look, a train going through a tunnel. And gleeful running about! HANDPORN! I am dead of their love, omg.
Dun dun duuuuun here is Count Scarlioni and his pet skientist. Scarlioni has shedloads of money, because he sells priceless stuff. He is selling a Guttenberg Bible now. He is building magical equipment.
Four and Romana are in a cafe being lovely. Lalla's hat is like a halo and a man was drawing a picture of her. Time goes fucked, oh noes! They notice because they are Time Lords and thus magic. The picture is of Romana with a broken clock as a face. Don't worry, the artist is not important later on.
Scarlioni's machine fucks time. His poor skientist is so overworked and angsty.
Four and Romana continue to be win. All their lines are good. "Never mind about the time slip, we're on holiday" so they are off to see some paintings. This is a very lax attitude but they are SO CUTE!
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, WAH! Don't worry, I has seen it many times. Erm, let's see. They went to the Louvre and looked at the Mona Lisa, who has no eyebrows, then Four stole a woman's bracelet which was alien. Then they met Duggan. Duggan looks a bit like Pete Tyler, which is confusing.
ANYWAY, Duggan is shocked that they haven't heard of Scarlioni, and Four goes "o hai, he is steal teh Mona Lisa, y/y?" Here is Mrs Scarlioni, who has no idea that her husband is spoiler. Duggan says furore as I always thought it was said before this but Romana says that is wrong. Scarlioni's paintings don't appear to be fakes, exposits Duggan. People with guns capture them.
Porny music plays as Mrs Scarlioni smokes which never happens. She is locked out of a room, where her husband is taking off his face. OH NOES HE IS AN ALIEN WITH ONE EYE. CLIFFHANGER!
How does she not know? I did a poll a bit ago and the result was that she thought that was normal for men. I think. Anyway she doesn't know that he is an alien with one eye.
Four and Romana are brought to Scarlioni's house. "What a wonderful butler, he's so violent!" He gets himself a drink because he is Four. They claim to be thieves and Duggan is the man sent to catch them. "You're a beautiful woman, probably" says Four like he doesn't know. These days I assume he was just being rude. Four claims he stole the bracelet because it was pretty and stealing the paintings is too hard.
"I don't think he's as stupid as he seems."
"My dear, nobody could be as stupid as he seems."
Scarlioni locks them in the cellar which is better than killing them at least. Oh, Herman says they will kill them in a bit, so that's at least soothingly familiar.
This story is like a lovely cake. A cake with nice things in it.
Romana notices that the cell is an abnormal size, and they escape with the sonic to explore the laboratory. Romana gathers equipment to do something clever, because she is awesome. The skientist returns and makes an egg hatch into a chicken via fucking with time. Four flirts with him and says "You have done it all wrong, bitch." Skientist hopes to end famine but his chicken dies of all age. The Doctor goes on about time and confuses him. Then he reverses it some. By reversing the polarity, yay! Then he sees Scaroth in the machine, somehow. Duggan hits Skientist Kerensky out of violence. Romana has discovered a hidden room, yay!
Scarlioni asplains his plan to steal the Mona Lisa. It is all hi-tech cos he's an alien. The bracelet like made a hologram or something. They steal it... tonight!
At least seven people would buy the Mona Lisa if it was stolen. Duggan breaks down the fake wall and they find six Mona Lisas. So he is stealing one and then selling them all, so everyone thinks they have the real one and really they have since they're all real.
Scarlioni appears but Duggan hits him with a lamp. Four is all "Bitch, don't knock people out when I'm talking to them!" They escape the cellar and Duggan knocks out Mrs Scarlioni cos she had a gun and stuff.
Four goes off to the Louvre and Romana is to look after Duggan. This is cos they parked the TARDIS in the gallery. OH K-9, you are not in this one! Wasn't it something to do with not taking the prop to Paris? Four goes back in time to visit Leonardo da Vinci, but he's not in. A man with a sword catches him, noes! Leonardo is working for Captain Something. Who is, as it turns out, Scarlioni, who knows stuff from the future. Whee, it is so timey-wimey! CLIFFHANGER!
Oh, S17, how are you so awesome?
(*Statement may be inaccurate)