I feel just so defeated....

[nosferatu_yasha]

Ok so what can I say I thought today was going to be a good day. I started off by waking up early now usually that makes me cranky and even though I woke up with a headachy, I got my book and started reading at least for a good hour. Then I headed off to work, I should have known today would just suck by the amount of people that swarmed to store. I first was handed a large list of stuff to do but I though no problem it is a lot of work but I can handle it. Luckily there was no order so I just got right down to it. The Ice cream arrived, well there goes now I have other work, then half way though eggs arrived, and that would all be ok if my head was not feeling like someone split it in half with a axe and I got a call every five minutes on items we did not have. So I finally finished the ice cream, the eggs and one the job I started before all this mess exploded in my face, and took about four head each pills. So my stomach is twisting inside out, so I take off for lunch and just as I leave guess who I catch up with? My ex is standing there looking better then she ever did with that last guy or with me, perfectly toned and even in sloppy clothes that just make her look just so….. Anyway so I am feeling even more defeated as I talk for a bit and blow her off then bolt for lunch before my stomach eats it self, oh by the way did I say my breakfast was four cups of coffee. I grab lunch at breakfast feeling even more defeated except food makes me feel a bit better and I am lucky enough to get to see my ex one more time jut after I finish eating so I feel just as defeated as before, before I head back to work. I get back to work and a couple more hours of plugging away at that list and another one of my used to be female friends says hello. Ok so we are not close and sort of the reason was is she was sending out all these signals and I believe because I did not ever take her up on it she though I just did not like her and stopped talking to me. I of cores pulled a “Yasha” chickening out and lusting after her and not doing anything, just being her friend, till we stopped being friends, figure that one out. Ok I am feeling even more defeated after this and after all this happens I finish the list and I still have three hours to go and nothing to do but face and I hate facing. I am so freaking defeated right now that I just can’t take it any more and my stomach is in knots again, so I get some stomach reliever and after a good swig of that and some relax time then eventually some facing it gets to closing, I thank god finish up and head home.

One I don’t like the fact that my ex looks so much better then she did when we where dating, I am the one who got dumped aren’t I supposed to be making her feel bad as a revenge not her.

Second I hate having missed opportunities waved in my face like a kick to groin, I am just a nice guy and what do I get for it, a big fuck you stamped on my forehead.

Third I love worrying about so much stuff that my stomach literally starts feeling like it is eating itself because I am riddled with guilt and guilt that I am not really sure of for that matter.