Well, that was an hour and a half of my life that I won't be getting back
Oh man. Owing to a recent conversation with vsee and my own desire to watch something that didn't require a lot of braincells, I remembered I'd bought a VHS copy of An Affair to Remember about six years ago. It's been trailing me around the country. I bought the film when I was still in northern BC, and I think it sat in my dad's basement in Calgary for a while before we had the rest of our stuff shipped out to Toronto. This video is ancient. It was all dusty and still shrink-wrapped in the factory packaging. Even the price tag was still on it. Apparently I paid $3.97 for this cinematic gem.
For those of you who haven't seen it, An Affair to Remember is a mediocre flick about a n'er do well playboy (Cary Grant) who meets and instantly falls in love with a...I think she's a singer, or something? played by Deborah Kerr. Anyway, they're crossing the Atlantic on a luxury liner, they flirt, they banter, and they never touch one another below the clavicle due to the 1950s film codes. They part with the intention of breaking off their current engagements and otherwise rearranging their lives so they can be together, and they agree to meet in six months at the top of the Empire State building. Everything goes well but on the day of the meeting Kerr gets mowed down by a car in what I can only describe as a hilariously mistimed bit of editing. Grant thinks she stood him up and it breaks him a little. He goes on some sort of artistic binge and creates what appear to be remarkably ugly oil paintings. Six months later they bump into each other again, Grant figures out why Kerr didn't meet him, and all is well.
Okay, so, for those of you playing at home, you've probably guessed that this stuff is right up my alley, right? Melodrama, dismemberment (or at least paralysis) and painful separation? Check check and check.
In the back of my mind there lurks a due South story in which Fraser and Ray meet, fall in love, and agree to reunite six months later on the Banff Gondola on Sulphur Mountain. Only Fraser (or Ray) can't make it because he's been paralysed in a tragic moose accident. Or something. So I had high hopes that the original source for this very silly idea would prove to be inspirational.
Except wow, was vsee ever right: this flick is a giant steaming turd. And no offence to those of you who like it, but holy crap, I'm still shocked by the ridiculousness of the screenplay. I know from bad melodrama, and the writers/director of this film make me look like a rank amateur. The urchin choir? The elderly grandmother who lives in a beautiful garden in Nice? Who dies and causes the lovers to reunite? Christ on a cracker, this film is shameless. I do wonder why it's considered a classic. Apart from the schlockiness of the ending, it's really kind of dull. If I wasn't writing my own Fraser/Kowalski drama at the same time (and slotting in the scenes where they'd have teh hot monkey sex) I probably would have fallen asleep. And I'm not even going to mention the musical sequences with the singing urchins, or why the only children of colour in the whole film have to be the ones to break into a tap dance in the middle of their big recital. Awesomesauce.
I guess I'm just in a snarky mood. It's midterm season at Ye Olde Edumucational Institute and I spent the day marking student essays. The papers weren't bad (the kids are learning! \o/) but it's damn draining work. Hence the requirement for a low-braincell activity. I think I've learned my lesson, however. No more '50s melodramas for me. Except I own a copy of Roman Holiday and, hey, what was that theory that Fraser is basically an Audrey Hepburn character?
ETA: Hey, look! You can take the Banff Gondola up the mountain to the Cosmic Ray Meteorological Station! catwalksalone, they be stealin' your ideas!
For those of you who haven't seen it, An Affair to Remember is a mediocre flick about a n'er do well playboy (Cary Grant) who meets and instantly falls in love with a...I think she's a singer, or something? played by Deborah Kerr. Anyway, they're crossing the Atlantic on a luxury liner, they flirt, they banter, and they never touch one another below the clavicle due to the 1950s film codes. They part with the intention of breaking off their current engagements and otherwise rearranging their lives so they can be together, and they agree to meet in six months at the top of the Empire State building. Everything goes well but on the day of the meeting Kerr gets mowed down by a car in what I can only describe as a hilariously mistimed bit of editing. Grant thinks she stood him up and it breaks him a little. He goes on some sort of artistic binge and creates what appear to be remarkably ugly oil paintings. Six months later they bump into each other again, Grant figures out why Kerr didn't meet him, and all is well.
Okay, so, for those of you playing at home, you've probably guessed that this stuff is right up my alley, right? Melodrama, dismemberment (or at least paralysis) and painful separation? Check check and check.
In the back of my mind there lurks a due South story in which Fraser and Ray meet, fall in love, and agree to reunite six months later on the Banff Gondola on Sulphur Mountain. Only Fraser (or Ray) can't make it because he's been paralysed in a tragic moose accident. Or something. So I had high hopes that the original source for this very silly idea would prove to be inspirational.
Except wow, was vsee ever right: this flick is a giant steaming turd. And no offence to those of you who like it, but holy crap, I'm still shocked by the ridiculousness of the screenplay. I know from bad melodrama, and the writers/director of this film make me look like a rank amateur. The urchin choir? The elderly grandmother who lives in a beautiful garden in Nice? Who dies and causes the lovers to reunite? Christ on a cracker, this film is shameless. I do wonder why it's considered a classic. Apart from the schlockiness of the ending, it's really kind of dull. If I wasn't writing my own Fraser/Kowalski drama at the same time (and slotting in the scenes where they'd have teh hot monkey sex) I probably would have fallen asleep. And I'm not even going to mention the musical sequences with the singing urchins, or why the only children of colour in the whole film have to be the ones to break into a tap dance in the middle of their big recital. Awesomesauce.
I guess I'm just in a snarky mood. It's midterm season at Ye Olde Edumucational Institute and I spent the day marking student essays. The papers weren't bad (the kids are learning! \o/) but it's damn draining work. Hence the requirement for a low-braincell activity. I think I've learned my lesson, however. No more '50s melodramas for me. Except I own a copy of Roman Holiday and, hey, what was that theory that Fraser is basically an Audrey Hepburn character?
ETA: Hey, look! You can take the Banff Gondola up the mountain to the Cosmic Ray Meteorological Station! catwalksalone, they be stealin' your ideas!