Loose ends
Tying up loose ends.
The Vision Fast continues to move and shift things inside.
Last weekend I sat on the back porch and painted the silk scarf I had taken with me for the vision fast (thought I would paint it and "sun-dye" it during the solo time ... and then left it in base camp). I sat outdoors in the fading sun and painted it, stretched in a frame (the recommended manner) instead of laying it out on a rock as I would have done. Used more colors than I'd given weight and space on the hike.
Without really "planning" I found myself painting 'the story' of my Vision Fast in consecutive pictures -- base camp at the left, my meandering path to my private site, me dancing, me trailwalking, me sitting in contemplation, the lovely moon, ... all the way to the delightful sunrise at the far right end.
My first effort at silk painting. I'm pretty pleased with it, actually -- some technical glitches to learn from, a little excess crispness from a little excess paint, but still a beautiful reminder of that work. And making the scarf was so simple ... now I want to use this technique in ritual, leading participants to anchor their experiences in this easy-flowing medium.
Lots of things seem to be happening with ease and grace, even the ones that seem difficult in the moment.
Lots of things seem to be happening at a bit more distance than I'm used to -- in a good way, I think. Moment to moment I seem to be lots less attached to folks doing things "my way" or to wanting the world to be "different" -- not that it's always good, of course, but that it's fine for it to be the way it is. OR it's fine for me to invest energy and thought and effort into making a change. But I'm not doing as much 'complaining' as before.
Some things I can't tell if I'm more 'accepting' or just more 'numb', though. Aging continues to feel challenging at isolated moments, sometimes lots more and sometimes just at the edge of awareness. How much do I care about that? How much do I need to resist?
I'm doing the right things -- yoga, strength training, lots of walking, hiking, some swimming. Mostly I'm eating intelligently, though some weeks there has been lots more chocolate than seems entirely necessary. And I still need to watch out for open trays of cookies at public events (it's easy to avoid the first one, but after that I sometimes have found that the only way out of eating too many has been to leave the party early).
So ... well, okay, so: I do magic, I seek companionship, I pay attention to love wherever it's offered. I make sure to notice, too, that Love is a verb -- an intentional action I can take in any moment.
Jimmy Carter quotes one of his spiritual advisors as saying "There are only two loves a person needs: Love of God, and love for the human being standing in front of you." This makes sense to me.
:)
The Vision Fast continues to move and shift things inside.
Last weekend I sat on the back porch and painted the silk scarf I had taken with me for the vision fast (thought I would paint it and "sun-dye" it during the solo time ... and then left it in base camp). I sat outdoors in the fading sun and painted it, stretched in a frame (the recommended manner) instead of laying it out on a rock as I would have done. Used more colors than I'd given weight and space on the hike.
Without really "planning" I found myself painting 'the story' of my Vision Fast in consecutive pictures -- base camp at the left, my meandering path to my private site, me dancing, me trailwalking, me sitting in contemplation, the lovely moon, ... all the way to the delightful sunrise at the far right end.
My first effort at silk painting. I'm pretty pleased with it, actually -- some technical glitches to learn from, a little excess crispness from a little excess paint, but still a beautiful reminder of that work. And making the scarf was so simple ... now I want to use this technique in ritual, leading participants to anchor their experiences in this easy-flowing medium.
Lots of things seem to be happening with ease and grace, even the ones that seem difficult in the moment.
Lots of things seem to be happening at a bit more distance than I'm used to -- in a good way, I think. Moment to moment I seem to be lots less attached to folks doing things "my way" or to wanting the world to be "different" -- not that it's always good, of course, but that it's fine for it to be the way it is. OR it's fine for me to invest energy and thought and effort into making a change. But I'm not doing as much 'complaining' as before.
Some things I can't tell if I'm more 'accepting' or just more 'numb', though. Aging continues to feel challenging at isolated moments, sometimes lots more and sometimes just at the edge of awareness. How much do I care about that? How much do I need to resist?
I'm doing the right things -- yoga, strength training, lots of walking, hiking, some swimming. Mostly I'm eating intelligently, though some weeks there has been lots more chocolate than seems entirely necessary. And I still need to watch out for open trays of cookies at public events (it's easy to avoid the first one, but after that I sometimes have found that the only way out of eating too many has been to leave the party early).
So ... well, okay, so: I do magic, I seek companionship, I pay attention to love wherever it's offered. I make sure to notice, too, that Love is a verb -- an intentional action I can take in any moment.
Jimmy Carter quotes one of his spiritual advisors as saying "There are only two loves a person needs: Love of God, and love for the human being standing in front of you." This makes sense to me.
:)