After the Vision Fast
"Before Enlightenment," said the sage, "chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water."
It's an important distinction to make -- the difference between what is 'necessary' and what I have been feeling 'needy' about. Necessary: Water; enough warmth to keep the body undamaged; food every now and then (certainly not every day). Nice but not required: Comfort; tools; toys. The simplicity of my life on the mountain is a completely different thing to 'experience' than it was to 'plan for.'
See how quickly I became territorial about a wilderness I had never seen until yesterday. See how much space I can think of as ‘mine’ simply because once I painted a picture there, or rested to contemplate, or drum, or even deposited my little pile of manure.
Notice how much human noise can still be heard -- bells of a clock tower a couple of miles away, freight train on the next ridge, airplanes. Even, once the wind died, a lone truck climbing some far away hill. There is so much music in the woods -- woodpeckers and finches and warblers of all kinds; crisp rustling leaves; wind in the branches, the grasses; the footfalls of deer. Why are humans so quick to cover this up with junk-radio?
See how all the things I thought I needed to 'bring' to 'do' became unimportant -- the ones I left behind, and also the ones I brought. The world is so full of beauty, all that was really 'necessary' was right there with me, ready for me to engage my attention with it.
The more I try to express clearly my experience, the more my experience becomes lost in the words. This may be because my experience was not located in 'thinking' or 'talking.' It may be because most of my experience took place / or is stored / in parts of the brain not used for wordiness. It may be because the experience is not directly share-able -- a clear example of what the kids call "ya hadda be there."
24 hours alone was not enough; 36 hours fasting was not enough; but reading about either one will not be nearly enough.
This week I have moved through blockages and stuckness with greater ease than before. This week I have let go of more junk and felt smoothly able to be ruthless with my tendency to hold on tight. This week I have felt brittle, fragile, anxious, irritable, and even angry ... and with more self-awareness than ever before, and with more tender carefulness of the people around me. This week I have felt delighted, awestruck, present, and joyful ... and with more awareness than ever before.
I am sixty. I am moving into my right-sized Elder self with ease and grace, joy and confidence, and also releasing fear and self-judgment as they arise. I am listening on all channels this week, and I am pleased.
__
It's an important distinction to make -- the difference between what is 'necessary' and what I have been feeling 'needy' about. Necessary: Water; enough warmth to keep the body undamaged; food every now and then (certainly not every day). Nice but not required: Comfort; tools; toys. The simplicity of my life on the mountain is a completely different thing to 'experience' than it was to 'plan for.'
See how quickly I became territorial about a wilderness I had never seen until yesterday. See how much space I can think of as ‘mine’ simply because once I painted a picture there, or rested to contemplate, or drum, or even deposited my little pile of manure.
Notice how much human noise can still be heard -- bells of a clock tower a couple of miles away, freight train on the next ridge, airplanes. Even, once the wind died, a lone truck climbing some far away hill. There is so much music in the woods -- woodpeckers and finches and warblers of all kinds; crisp rustling leaves; wind in the branches, the grasses; the footfalls of deer. Why are humans so quick to cover this up with junk-radio?
See how all the things I thought I needed to 'bring' to 'do' became unimportant -- the ones I left behind, and also the ones I brought. The world is so full of beauty, all that was really 'necessary' was right there with me, ready for me to engage my attention with it.
The more I try to express clearly my experience, the more my experience becomes lost in the words. This may be because my experience was not located in 'thinking' or 'talking.' It may be because most of my experience took place / or is stored / in parts of the brain not used for wordiness. It may be because the experience is not directly share-able -- a clear example of what the kids call "ya hadda be there."
24 hours alone was not enough; 36 hours fasting was not enough; but reading about either one will not be nearly enough.
This week I have moved through blockages and stuckness with greater ease than before. This week I have let go of more junk and felt smoothly able to be ruthless with my tendency to hold on tight. This week I have felt brittle, fragile, anxious, irritable, and even angry ... and with more self-awareness than ever before, and with more tender carefulness of the people around me. This week I have felt delighted, awestruck, present, and joyful ... and with more awareness than ever before.
I am sixty. I am moving into my right-sized Elder self with ease and grace, joy and confidence, and also releasing fear and self-judgment as they arise. I am listening on all channels this week, and I am pleased.
__