Let's Play Lufia 2: Rise of the Sinistrals.
Chapter 31: No man left behind.
"I didn't mean that kind of... going."
"You have got to be kidding me, Guy. This... THIS... is the time when you choose to unleash a 'number two' joke on us."
"Whaddya mean 'joke'? I was dead serious."
"My wife is dead, the people we just saved are probably going to think we had a huge hippie sex orgy up here and... the last thing I'll remember of you guys is you thinking I had to go take a dump. This... this is no way to go, dude."
"If we were there, maybe the thing wouldn't devolve into some kind of messed-up sex scandal, because whenever Guy tried steering the conversation there, you'd whap him on the back of his stupid head and I'd call him an idiot, and everything would be OK."
"......."
"Damn it, Selan! Why did it have to be you?! Is it because you're a woman? Even fate is a sexist ass in this world."
"I'm feeling all calm now."
"......"
"Just kidding, of course. I... damn it, I want to make jokes again. This is getting depressing. We won, but... this..."
"Gah! Damn it, Daos! I can't even stab you any more times either."
"Mwa ha ha ha. I shall have the last laugh here."
"You are the sorest loser ever."
"Yes, well... I needed a disguise when I was travelling around down there."
"And you're still here too. Don't you guys ever STOP TALKING when you're dead?"
"Sure we do. It just takes a little longer with us, because we're evil and stuff."
"Don't you get pretentious with me. Or invisible, for that matter."
"Well, lord Arek is kind of elusive that way. This all got started because he asked me these weird questions. I just chose you to be the one who would give me an answer."
"See? That IS pretentious."
"Well... like I said; Sir Arek didn't really instigate any of this, and I wasn't really sure either. Most of this was Daos's doing... mostly."
"Yeah... I guess I can believe that. Him, plus Amon and Gades kind of felt like the bully version of the Three Stooges."
"That's... curiously appropriate."
"Final battle coulda used more pies, though."
"I'll... uh, make a note of that."
"I'm... sorry for being so chatty and weird all of a sudden. I... miss my wife."
"Uh... duly noted."
"There's that pretentious tone again. Need what not, by the way? My life? My friends? My balls?"
"Any of the above?"
"Yes, let's go with that."
"So we need faith because a sword did something it wasn't mainly made for a bit earlier than expected? And who thought a sword needed an alarm system anyway?"
"I didn't necessarily mean faith in superior beings. I meant that people -- not just you guys -- need to... well, grow a pair, if you'll pardon the expression."
"Oh yeah, that. Tell me about it."
"I'm guessing you're a bit of a meddler. That, and those guys were all assholes, I can understand why nobody would help THEM."
"Well... there is that."
"What? Like the Grim Reaper?"
"Um... not quite."
"Haven't you ever seen or read 'Ballad of a Shinigami'? Just because you're a something of death doesn't mean you have to make it your full time job. Besides..."
"Or... well, at least a few, plus a whole lot of lazybones. And that flower lady. And that guy who was so tired because he couldn't sleep that he kept falling asleep anyway. Or something."
"You've been through a lot, haven't you?"
"Well, it hasn't all been people whose necks I wanted to wring."
"That's... uh, good to hear. May I count myself among those, perhaps?"
"Mmmmaybe. So, how about my question."
"Oh! Right."
"Well... don't have much of a choice, I guess."
"No, not really."
"Doesn't that sound all creepy and stalkerish."
"Don't you mean 'pretentious'?"
"A bit, but not as much as the stuff you said earlier."
"Well, isn't that good to hear?"
"Isn't it? Or do you need this not either?"
*sigh* "Alone again. What can you do?"
"Uh... if I can reach it, that is."
"....."
"Eh, whatever. POWER ON!"
"How about dem stones?"
"......"
*sigh* "This... isn't much fun alone."
"Well... next stone."
"....."
"Good thing there's more than two. Otherwise, I would... uh, find it problematic crushing them."
"Then, I will have finished Mr. E.T - The Extra Testicle."
"Man, this place is depressing. No wonder the Sinistrals ended up being such jerks; I'd lose my mind if I had to live in this place too."
"I can't crush three balls in one day. That's too much to ask of a man."
"You want to do some gelding, Dual Blade?"
"......"
"But can you cut rock? That is the question."
"......"
"SAY SOMETHING, DAMN IT!"
"My... final... blast."
"......"
"GUH! Guy's immature mind has started influencing me too. PURGE!"
"Yep, I've finally tipped over. One ticket to Crazytown, please."
"......"
"Can this situation possibly get any worse?"
"Oh, Christ! Hallucinations? Yeah, that DID get worse in a hurry. I really need to learn to keep my big mouth shut."
"I'm not a hallucination, you jerk."
"Wait, you can come back too?"
"Not quite the same way, but... I still wanted to see you. You stopped these people, after all."
"Oh, if only I wasn't so completely utterly spent... and your semi-transparency wasn't made by making a sprite flicker, then this conversation woulda made more sense. Maybe."
"Well, then, there's only one thing to do."
"Let's fly."
"I can do this too? Neat."
"We're like force ghosts now, honey."
"Oh man, we can go anywhere."
"So... where should we start off?"
"I guess... Arty's home is closest? Let's see if he's back home yet."
"So you are."
"......"
"......."
"That's it?"
"Yes! I mean... no. I mean...."
"That's.... kind of beside the point. Or did you develop a scar fetish all of a sudden? I knew going off with those macho assholes was a bad idea."
"Yeesh, calm down."
"Party? And this is one that accepts minors?"
"Sure. We'll have cake and lemonade and all that jazz."
"I don't really like jazz."
"Sorry. That was... uh, just an expression I picked up in the human world. Also, you don't like jazz? I thought I raised you better than that."
"Because now that we've defeated the final boss, nothing bad will ever happen to anyone ever again! Ever!"
"Um... I don't think it works quite like that."
"EVER!"
"OK, OK. Sheesh."
"Christ!"
"Yyyyeah, that was... depressing."
"I guess there's a reason why depression and denial both starts with the same letter."
"But danger is part and parcel of the whole hero deal."
"That doesn't mean I have to like it, Mr. Romance. And I'm going to take my payment for my patience tonight... in my room."
"Uh... noted."
"Oh dear, I'm not sure I like where this is going."
"He DOES remember that I had already died when the two teleported out, right?"
"Well... I guess we could go there. Sort of."
"That would be a scream. If they could see us, that is."
"Heh. I've been missing that -- your sense of humor. Wasn't much of that around when we finally defeated those asshole bullies."
"Um... we weren't quite that many. You already listed most of them."
"Plus Milka and maybe that glass apple dude. And I wonder if any of the many Kings, Princes and Princesses we helped would come as well."
"They should, those lazy ungrateful bastards."
"Well... lazy, at least."
"That Princess was kind of cool, though. You remember her? The one who sent that dude to pick up a stone?"
"Oooh, I know, right? She totally did that to troll that snotty Prince dude, and the King was also in on the whole thing."
"Might be one of the very few times I was happy to help them."
"Pshyeah, we totally left you behind because bringing you would have been almost like cheating."
"Oh, Dekar, we really did love ya. Dumb, but strong. Just like most men are portrayed in stories like this."
"I believe 'simpleton' is the word we're looking for."
"Well, it wouldn't have been the first time either of us fought ghosts."
"Don't think he was around for the big one, though."
"Ah, right. We fought this weird rage ghost somewhere, didn't we?"
"Wonder how Dekar would have reacted to that one."
"Probably like all the rest, I bet. He'd have been all 'RRRARH! DEKAR SMASH!', and that would have been the end of it."
"It's the Dekar way. That, and the assmaster."
"Blastmaster."
"Same thing."
"Well... yeah. Mostly."
"Man, that thing is still in the air? I smashed all its stones."
"I'm sure that's why."
"And just look at all that smoke. Somebody's not going to be too happy about this."
"Well, the alternative was death all around, so any complainers can just shut up and go on with their lives."
"What?! But... but... that'll create a tidal wave of catastrophic proportions."
".....uh oh."
"...OK, just... never mind. I can fix this. All we need is to do this and that, and then...."
"Looks like they've got it covered."
"Also, looks like the denial train made its rounds here too."
"I dunno. They didn't really mention us, just the party that is actually happening. And hey, maybe Lexis can knock some sense into the lot of them."
"Good point."
"Ah, the place where it all started."
"That's the place you came from? Dingy little town, isn't it?"
"Tell me about it. Wouldn't be so bad, though, if not for that condescending old guy living there. Every freaking day with him and his training cave. No wonder it took so long for me to reach level 2."
"Uh... well... yay for you, then? For finally getting underways, I mean."
"Indeed."
"You gonna cry now? You'll cry. You always cry. See? You're crying right now."
"Shut up!"
"Urgh! It's nothing. It's just... I feel like there's a party, and I'm not invited."
"For real? And you worked so hard on that Phantom fish stew too."
"Ew!"
"Phantom fish stew? How... do you eat something you can't even chew?"
"Quickly, and hoping you won't throw it up again."
"Yeesh, listen to Little Miss Sensible here."
"Do the casual tears of a woman offend you, Miss Special?"
"THAT... was quite below the belt. Can we at least be allowed to forget in death or something?"
"Or something."
"Well, we're almost home."
"So we are."
"......."
"Nothing quite like some depressing thoughts to initiate that solemn silence."
"You're not my mom, lady. Shut up!"
"That's our boy."
*sigh* "I thought I taught him better manners than that."
"Another ticket for the denial train, please."
"Remember, kids; lying is A-OK as long as nobody's feelings are hurt."
"And here I thought only love and truth hurt."
"Depends on who you ask, I guess. People sing different songs, after all."
"OK, KNOCK IT OFF! THIS ISN'T HEALTHY, DAMN IT!"
"Well, that was the last point on our agenda. Time to head for our home. Our NEW home."
"Wherever the hell THAT is."
"Doesn't really matter. Goodbye, losers. I hope you'll be able to take care of yourselves from now on. Or at least go to the next town for some freaking tea without getting jello on your shoes."
Can it really be the end? All stories do come to an end eventually, and this is no exception. But one man's end is another man's beginning, and so destiny spins its yarn and becomes the thread for another tale to tell. And whose to say which came first; the chicken or the egg, the Maxim or the Lufia.
"Well... it passes the time, I guess."
"So... what's your name?"
"Marx."
"Uh... OK? First name?"
"Nope."
"Well, then... what is your FIRST name, and PLEASE tell me it isn't Karl."
"Uh... no. I mean... what?!"
"Never mind. Forget I said anything. *whew* Almost doomed the world again."
THE END!
Back to the beginning....