Let's Play Lufia 2: Rise of the Sinistrals.
Chapter 23: Who you gonna call if the phone hasn't been invented yet?
"Yes, it's all up to me. Nobody else. Just me me me me me."
"Oh, alright. It's up to your teammates too. No need to be so snippy about it."
"Oh, yes, there is."
"Well, here me is."
"Yes, me all are."
"Me should probably anchor ashore and get moving."
"Me don't understand your sense of humor."
"Oh, you will."
"Yes."
"Short and to the point. It's the human way."
"Well, we won't get anything done if we just faff about. Some of us here don't live for hundreds and hundreds of years."
"Sucks to be you, I guess."
"Well, of COURSE it's not going to change if you just stand around like an idiot, gabbing to whoever passes by. Did any of you ever... you know, MENTION it to the scientists that their lab spews black, oozy liquid?"
"And I can at least understand why the scientists wouldn't notice; they spend all their days cooped up in their labs. But when we told them about it, they took care of that problem right away."
"The last time I heard moaning, I had problems getting out of bed too. Not that I was really trying, mind you."
"Well, that's because... uh... my bad, I guess."
"This is one of those human 'wink, wink, nudge, nudge' moments, isn't it?"
"You learn so fast."
"Not just a sword, but a legendary sword, huh?"
"Well, it's gotta be a legendary one if people aren't sure if it exists, right?"
"Sure, if you go by bookish semantics, you unromantic Mr. Spock, you."
"Houston, we have a problem."
"Not really. We can just idle over to the right and jump the small crevices, and.... we're not doing that, are we?"
"Nope. If we did that, our boat upgrade would be pointless. Well... more or less."
"...of course."
"Alright, we're back in our boat. Now let me see what you've got, power of science."
"Yikes. OK, this is getting a bit ridiculous."
"It's good to see that the ocean floor is as ridiculously square-ish as the surface."
"That wasn't quite what I was referring to, but... sure, that too."
"And so we're in the shrine of... vengeance?"
"Revenge is something worth worshipping in these parts?"
"I... uh, plead the fifth."
"Haha! You have been defeated by the power of science, hole in the floor."
"That'll show you."
"Hmm. Well, that was a bit of a redundant switch and level puzzle... thing, since there was just one door leading onwards anyway."
"Looked more like a 'puzzles for dummies' setup to me."
"They probably knew you just joined."
"Oh, shut up!"
"Guys, how about we pay attention to the huge winged dragon-thing standing in our way?"
"Huh? What's there to worry about?"
"Well... weird naming issues for one."
"Bad enough that I heard they're calling the poor wyvern for 'Wyburn' in one world, but... 'WAIban'?"
"They're a brand of shades for the excessively happy."
"Look. They've even thrown their little wings in the air with happy abandon."
"Yes, they sure seem happy to be attacking us."
"OK, so... what do we fight first? The flaming skull or the gigantic T-Rex further back?"
"Flaming skull."
"Concur."
"I SAY BOTH!"
"We can't fight BOTH at the same time."
"Booo."
"Eesh, now I almost regret not starting with the gigantic blue T-Rex."
"Demise? Is that.. like, Death's distant cousin or something?"
"He takes care of the unexpected deaths, like the ones that usually end up in newspaper headlines or Darwin Award entries."
"Urgh! That fight was thoroughly unpleasant, Mr. T-Rex, so would you mind terribly if we just quietly passed you by without any incident?"
"Sure thing."
"Oh, good. I was wor-..wait, what?!"
"IT TALKS?!"
"Yes, I do. So?"
"Um... nothing. We'll just be on our way, then. Have an otherwise nice day."
"Likewise."
"....OK, that was... too weird for words."
"Tell me about it. You're solving this puzzle in a daze."
"But why didn't we fight it?"
"Because we promised not to. Weren't you listening?"
"More like we bailed out on it."
"Yeah, sorry, but fighting death and hell skulls kind of filled up my momentary quota, so I thought I'd give the big mouth filled with teeth a rest for once. And graciously, it accepted. But if you're so dead set on it, why don't you just head back down there and let it bite you on the butt."
"It's no fun doing it by myself."
"You humans can bite your own butt?"
"What? No, I... how did it come to this?"
"Well, at least we have the ghost key. That's almost as weird as an eloquent T-Rex."
"Is it full of slime?"
"Not yet, but let's see what happens when we use it."
"Hmmm. Say, you guys ever heard about this game called... what was it? Metal Gear Solid?"
"What? Like that sneaky game? That's not much fun, is it?"
"I just thought we could try something new. We'll get our fill of fighting soon enough."
"Oh, it's another T-Rex."
"Maybe it'll let us pass without incident."
"Then again, maybe not."
"It's not even blue anymore."
"ME HUNGRY!"
"ME TOO!"
"Or eloquent, for that matter."
"Is it wrong that I have a weird time seeing them as large, slobbering beasts now?"
"Yes, very."
"Oh, look. It's the DARK WARRIOR!"
"Purveyor of generous amounts of angst and despair."
"His slogan is 'life is hard and then you die'."
"Well, he's about to get the 'dying' part right, at least."
"Meaning his angsty routine was at least partially warranted?"
"Imagine that."
"Hmph. We blew up all the walls, and all we got out of it was two doorways?"
"Well, what were you aiming for? The entire temple to collapse in on itself?"
"It'd be a start."
"....yes. Yes, it'd be."
"No Sinistrals are going to outdo you, huh?"
"Didn't we already find one of these?"
"No, that was a revive armor. That's completely different."
"....of course."
"Wahey, we used the ghost key. So... did you get slimed?"
"Nope. It's all very disappointing, actually."
"OK, who's lighting up my farts?"
"I... what?! Is your butt shooting a constant stream of methane or something?"
"Something."
"It's shooting a constant stream of something? Is this a human thing too?"
"No, I... I... don't even know where to start."
"It's a dead end. Literally."
"Looks like a lot of people have a hard time figuring out the concept of 'turning around and retracing your steps back outside'."
"Well, we COULD do that. Buuuuuuut...."
"You're going to blow it all up, aren't you?"
"Ah-yup."
"Humans. No respect for... uh, human remains, I guess."
"Well, this is conveniently out of reach."
"Well, there are many ways we could've taken care of that problem, but...."
"But?"
"I think I can guess which method you're going to apply here."
"Yep. It's time for things to go boom."
"Worked like a charm. It was just a wall with a ladder and two cracked pillars holding it up. It's like it was MADE to be blown up."
"I'm so happy for you."
"There's the asshole who just couldn't let us go without a fight."
"Which puts him on par with... oh, almost every single being in this world."
"Yes, the chatty T-Rex was an exception to the rule. Get used to it."
"I will do no such thing."
"It's the chariots of bones."
"No Vangelis for you."
"Maybe if we set it on fire?"
"The things some beings do for kickass theme music."
"Ha...de?"
"Doesn't that mean 'goodbye' in some language or the other?"
"I think you have to add a 'T' at the end, though."
"Oh, so it's elvish?"
"I pity the fool who doesn't recognize the missing T."
"....uh.."
"Well... I guess it was worth a try."
"That seemed to be the general idea, yes."
"If you equip it, do you gain the ability to jump over long rows of vehicles on motorbikes?"
"That... doesn't sound right somehow."
"Here, Guy. Maybe this armor'll help you."
"Oooh, shiny. Thank you, I... HEEEY, are you implyin something?"
"Nnnnope, not at all."
"Well, I wouldn't dare question the guy who keeps blowing stuff up."
"Hmm. Maybe if I throw a bomb really hard..."
"Maxim, can we please use something else just this once? Your other tools are getting lonely."
"Tell me about it."
"I'm... going to leave the implications to Selan's comment unspoken."
"Oh, fine. Hammertime it is, then."
"There. I hope you're happy now."
"Well, it was... refreshing?"
"And a little bit less loud."
"Um... sorry. Did we interrupt something?"
"Wait, is that the latest issue of 'Barmaids'?"
"The latest issue of what?"
"Um... 'Barmaids'. It's a magazine with images of girls with massive clea... uh, you know what? Never mind."
"I'm... willing to let the sheer embarrassment of this slide."
"Doesn't look like the gentleman's club here is going to, though."
"....seriously? That's the riddle? What am I? The butler?"
"I don't think the butler's doing the main work. He's more of a personal servant."
"Details, details. Anyway, we have to straighten out this carpet. What will be the riddle next time? Wash the dishes? Vacuum the floor?"
"Given all the shrapnel you left lying around after your little journey through the world of explosions, the latter wouldn't be entirely uncalled for."
"There you go again, being all mystic and stuff. That's an elf thing, isn't it? That, or you just like to pretend."
"I resent that comment."
"Which is appropriate, I guess, seeing as we're in the temple of vengeance."
"So... what energy are you feeling?"
"Are you sure? It could be the good kind of hatred, you know."
"Sarcastic now, are we?"
"Nonono."
"Well, it is sheer hatred, and that's not your garden variety of hatred."
"Et tu, Selan."
"The powers of detestable humans?"
"Sounds about right."
"U so racist."
"No room for the full job description, huh?"
"I guess you'll be getting your wish about being slimed, though."
"Um... or... we'll exchange humongous elemental beasts?"
"Well, that's one way to settle it, I guess."
"Meh, that didn't much hurt at all."
"Tell that to your poor capsule monster. He took a ton of damage."
"Hold on. I'll take care of that right away."
"Um... that didn't work at all."
"I dunno about that. I'm full, at least."
"Why doesn't the healing magic work on the capsule monster, though?"
"Probably because his name isn't in the menu."
"Ah, of course."
"Not that it was alive to begin with."
"Haaaaate!"
"Well, it's got the one track mind of a ghost, at least."
"That there'd be another assbeating awaiting them if they didn't knock that crap off?"
"....yeah, pretty much."
"I do so love the easy solutions."
"Hmm. I don't think I'll be using this one."
"At least they have the common courtesy to name it as such. It would've sucked if you equipped it and THEN found out it was a cursed item."
"Well, I guess we're done here. Anything else on our agenda?"
"I can think of a few things."
"You so rude, Arty, calling the poor thing a thing."
"Like you're one to talk, Mr. Irony."
"So, we're taking a.... uh, coconut?"
"Shouldn't that have been a gaudy mushroom, though, judging by its name?"
"Oh, look. We picked up a red herring."
"Um... I think it's going to be a bit more useful than that."
"Well, I guess we're done with everything we can do so far. So... what now?"
"Good question."
With the last lead out of the way, our heroes are uncertain which steps to take next. The Sinistral trail had gone cold, so there is only one thing that could save them now.
"Also, you calling me a 'thing' now? That's quite rude."
"Um... it was just a manner of speech."
"And also a pattern we kind of fell into."
To be continued....
Onwards to the next chapter....
Back to the beginning....