Fic: Well Maybe What You Want is Right Here 14/?
Title: Well Maybe What You Want is Right Here 14/?
Pairing: Arizona/Callie
Rating: M
Summary: Sometimes we don't realize what we want until we just know. And sometimes we realize that certain things are worth fighting for. Starts a day or two after the scene in 11x08. Timeline may not be perfectly canon.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: A long chapter for a long weekend! I feel like a lot happens in this chapter, and I didn't necessarily intend it to, but once it started flowing it just kind of...kept going. So, that said, I hope it all works and I hope you all like it. Thanks for reading!
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
It’s been eight weeks since Arizona moved home, which makes it just over four months since we decided to start dating again. It seems like it’s gone by so much more quickly than the six months we spent apart - probably, I muse, because I’ve actually been happy. We’ve been happy. I feel like the time apart was a good thing for us, but I kind of wish we had just listened to the therapist and Arizona's idea in the first place and done it a little less painfully.
I hear the shower come on in our en suite, and I roll over to glance at the clock. Far earlier than I’d like to be awake on a Saturday I don’t have to work, but Arizona needs to go in today, so I’d reluctantly had to let her get up. I’d been so comfortable too, completely tangled around the blonde and using her shoulder as a pillow. I sigh, pushing the sheets back - work ruins everything.
I haven’t heard a peep from Sofia yet though, so I climb out of bed and pad toward the bathroom, stripping off my tank top and underwear as I go. If I’m going to be awake, may as well slip in some quality time with my wif -- I shake my head a little, like every time I remember that Arizona isn’t my wife anymore. I miss calling her that. She’s my daughter’s mother, she's the woman I love, she feels like my wife again. And we were never legally married so technically we're not actually divorced...but our domestic partnership was legally terminated and now we're in this weird in-between sort of place and it's all complicated and-
“Are you just going to stand and watch me, or...? I mean not that I really mind...”
I look up, blinking a little, as I hear the blonde’s voice through the patter of the water. She smiles at me through the steamy glass, quirking her eyebrow a bit in an oh-so sexy way.
Laughing, I rub my eyes, stepping further into the bathroom and sliding open the door to the shower in the corner.
“I got distracted I guess. Mind some company in there?”
Her eyes drift down over my body a little and she moves back to make room.
“Certainly not company that looks like you.”
I step in and close the glass door behind me, my hands immediately coming up to smooth over pale, wet skin as I step under the spray with her. Leaning in, I press a slow kiss to her lips, closing my eyes happily as the warmth of the water hits my back.
“Mm,” she kisses me back, one hand sliding down between my breasts, and mumbles, “you better not make me late. Showering only.”
Lowering my head a little, I trail kisses along the silky skin of her neck, and I hear her sigh as she tilts her head a bit.
“Purely trying to conserve water.”
“Uh huh.”
She bats at my hand a little as it slides lower down her belly.
“Didn’t I wear you out last night?”
Smirking at the memory - and feeling only a little guilty at the lack of sleep the other woman got - I nibble at her earlobe, pushing back wet, golden hair.
“Honey, when it comes to you, I am insatiable.”
Arizona just grins, tilting my head up before capturing my lips in a deep, heated kiss as the steam rises around us. I can smell the rich, coconut scent of her conditioner, and I can’t help the groan that escapes my throat as she slowly backs me against the cool tiles, her free hand now roaming lower over my own body; tantalisingly lower across wet, slick skin.
“Arizona...” I manage to get a breath out as she nips at my bottom lip, releasing my mouth to leave a warm trail of kisses up to my ear.
“Good thing you’re so irresistible.”
Her voice is a low murmur in my ear over the sound of falling water, and her fingers have just brushed between the tops of my thighs when -
“Mommy! Mama!”
I groan loudly, letting my head drop to the blonde’s shoulder as a small fist knocks on the bathroom door.
“Mommyyyyy.”
Arizona laughs softly and steps back, removing her hand from between my legs and wickedly licking her fingers right in front of me before calling out.
“Just a minute, baby!”
“No, no, no...that is not fair,” I whine, pulling her in to steal another searing kiss before she gets too far away.
She kisses me deeply, but with a teasing sweep of her tongue she pulls back again, stepping towards the door.
“Always feed the tiny human first, Calliope.”
I just watch disappointedly as she steps out of the shower and grabs a towel to dry off, wrapping it around her body to hide all that delicious bare skin. She shoots me a quick grin over her shoulder before opening the door to the small girl still impatiently calling to us.
“Good thing we got that fancy shower head.”
*
Arizona
I feel a little guilty about leaving Calliope hanging like that, but I have to admit, it’s kind of amusing at the same time. It would be more amusing if I wasn’t insanely turned on myself, but we’ve definitely dealt with worse since having a child in our lives.
Like the time a two-year-old Sofia learned to escape her crib and climbed into our bed during what was decidedly not a PG moment. We’d sure learned to close our door after that one. And had a talk about knocking.
“Mamaaaa I’m so hungyyyyyy.”
Sofia climbs up onto our bed and burrows her face in the pillows dramatically before rolling to face me.
“I want foooood.”
“We’ll go make food, baby. Just let me get dressed.”
I pull the towel off, quickly giving myself another dry before pulling on some pajama shorts and a tank top. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I ease my leg off and dry the skin around my stump, making sure to give the inside of the socket a quick wipe too. The final prosthesis I’d settled on is the most advanced there is, which makes it waterproof and pretty indestructible, but I still like to be careful.
“Mama.”
A small, tan hand lands on my thigh and I look down to see Sofia give me a huge sigh.
“Put your leg back now so you can make bwekfast.”
I slip the prosthetic back on securely and stand up, scooping the girl into a hug and peppering her face with kisses.
“You are awfully demanding this morning, little miss!”
Her delighted squeals ring out as she wriggles down from my arms and runs off toward the kitchen, leaving me to follow behind.
“I’m a hungy monstaaaaaar!”
*
Fifteen minutes later I set a plate of waffles and a cup of juice down in front of my daughter as she squirms in her seat, cutting the food into bite sized pieces for her before she grabs the whole thing at once.
“Do you remember what’s happening this afternoon, Sof?”
She stabs a waffle bite with her fork and beams up at me happily.
“Yah! Gramma and Gwanpa coming!”
“That’s right! And whyyyy are they coming to visit?” I tease the child a little, smoothing her unruly hair down, “I can’t seem to remember...”
She looks up mid-chew with her brown eyes wide as saucers.
“Cause it’s my BIRTDAY!”
I grin as Callie walks into the kitchen, dressed in her pajamas again too with her hair hanging damp around her shoulders. She gives me a slight eyebrow and a pout as I slip around her to the island, letting my hand trail along her hip a little.
“Mommy! It’s my birtday tomorrow!”
The brunette gives the child a big grin then, settling down at the table as I bring over our plates, but I see the slight trace of emotion that clouds her eyes at the memory of our daughter’s birth - a day that should have happened so differently, even if it all turned out perfectly in the end.
“I know! I was there when you were born!”
Sofia just giggles and continues devouring her waffles, easily distracted by food like always. I squeeze Callie’s thigh gently under the table, taking a sip of my coffee as things quieten down.
“I’m sorry I’m leaving you with the last minute running around today - hopefully nothing comes up so I’ll be home before supper though.”
She takes a bite of her waffles too and looks over.
“Really, don’t worry. Everything is mostly ready for the party anyway. And besides, your mom will definitely give me a hand once she’s here. I’m sure The Colonel will be more than willing to hang out with the birthday girl while we go out.”
“Yes puhlease. The. Colo-nel.”
Sofia nods seriously, picking up her cup, and I can’t help but laugh a little.
“Sofia, you don’t have to call your grandpa that.”
“I know,” she takes a drink and then carefully sets the cup down on the table again, “but Ima good man in the storms.”
Callie holds back a smile, just raising her eyebrow in my direction. I just shake my head, not even a little surprised that my father has somehow already started teaching her his values. A small smile tugs at my lips too though as I watch our daughter dig back into her breakfast, a surge of pride swelling in my chest.
“If there was ever a doubt she's part Robbins...”
*
Callie
I get Sofia to help me clean up the kitchen while Arizona runs off to get dressed, smiling as we chat about her party tomorrow, and watching as she brings dishes over one by one to me. I can’t believe how grown-up she's gotten in the last year. It's hard to imagine our little baby is going to be four tomorrow.
I'm just shutting the dishwasher when Arizona's phone chimes, and I see the little girl grab it, almost tossing it off the table in the process.
"Hey, whoa, Sof. Careful with mama's phone please."
I come over and grab it from her, and the message on the lock screen catches my attention.
Hey it's Lauren again. Still wondering about next week...let me know if we can get together.
The phone number isn't from a contact in her address book, because no name displays with it. I frown a little...who's Lauren? The only Lauren I can immediately think of is...but no, surely it can't be her.
"Hey, have you seen my..." Arizona hurries into the kitchen, strapping her watch on, and spies the phone in my hand, "oh! There is it. Thanks."
She grabs it, leaning up to drop a quick kiss on my lips before she looks at the screen.
And then her face changes completely.
"So who's Lauren?"
The question falls unbidden from my lips, harsher than I intended, and I glance over to meet her eyes. Her gaze has clouded over, something akin to anger, and almost fear, instantly changing her mood.
"Calliope..."
I swallow a little, my thoughts immediately flying to all the worst possible scenarios. It can't be. She's the woman who broke what was left of our marriage, there's no way Arizona is talking to her...is there? But the look on her face and the sound of her voice is so apologetic it almost makes my heart stop.
"No..." I shake my head a little, turning back to the counter, "don't even say it, Arizona. Don't. If you’re..."
She steps around me and holds the phone up.
"If I’m what? Texting Lauren Boswell? I’m not, Callie. But yeah, she’s texting me. And I wasn't going to say anything but you've obviously seen this and I know what you're assuming right now."
"Are you kidding me?" I cut her off, my jaw clenching a little, and I'm suddenly glad Sofia has run off to play, "Are you freaking kidding me, Arizona? You...you talk to that woman?"
I don't even let her answer before I shake my head, tossing the dish towel onto the counter angrily.
"And what, you're meeting up with her? You're going to hang out or something? Is that all you're going to do? Because I thought I could trust you again but apparently the last four months have meant nothi--"
"Calliope Iphigenia Torres, shut up."
The suddenly stern tone of the blonde's voice startles me out of my fury, and I turn back to look at her. Her eyes are lit with a touch of anger as well, but she remains calm as she steps closer to stand less than a foot in front of me.
"Yes. Lauren Boswell has texted me -- this is the third time, now."
Before I can interrupt again she holds the phone out between us, deliberately showing me as she swipes her finger across the message and deletes it.
"And I have deleted them without responding. And I deleted her from my contacts a year ago. And you know those three days I booked us off next week? I booked them off because she is coming in to work with Alex and I do not want to be anywhere near her. And more importantly, I didn't think you'd want to be anywhere near her so that's why I decided we needed a getaway."
I stare at her, feeling my anger subside just a little as she speaks.
"You should have said something! I could have--"
"Could have what, Callie? It just would have made you angry and I didn't want you to get any ideas! I figured ignoring the woman would send a clear enough message to her, but apparently she really is a dumb blonde."
Biting my lip a little, I feel my shoulders deflate. I can admit I jumped the gun -- I'd always been a little irrationally jealous and insecure when it came to Arizona, but after the last year it is clearly even worse. I need to work on that.
"I believe you," I let out a sigh, reaching for her hand, "I overreacted a little, I guess. I just...I panicked..."
She takes my hand and tangles our fingers together tightly.
"I know. I panicked too, when Alex warned me she'd be here for a few days. And I should have told you the first time she contacted me, but I was afraid you'd react just like this. I was afraid you'd assume the worst of me and..."
"You really booked those days off to avoid her?"
The blonde glances up, nodding her head a little.
"Yeah...I know it's maybe a little cowardly, but I don't even want to see the woman. I know now that it's not solely her fault everything blew up between us, but still. She was the catalyst and just her name reminds me of that horrible time and makes me feel so ashamed of myself, I just...I just wanted to be with you and not think about it. To be somewhere far away curled up alone with you."
Her voice is so sincere, and the way she's looking at me is enough to wash away any of the fears I had just a minute ago. I realize...I do trust her again.
And so I wrap my arms around her, pulling the smaller women into a tight embrace.
"I trust you, Arizona."
She hugs me back, laying her chin on my shoulder for a minute.
"I'm sorry I didn't just tell you."
Pulling back, I cup her cheek, giving her a small smile.
"You told me now. And I can’t wait for our little trip, by the way."
I kiss her lightly, tucking a bit of stray hair behind her ear.
"Now go on, you're going to be late now because I’m a crazy girlfriend. And I've got party planning to finish."
Letting out a soft sigh, she rests her forehead on mine for a brief second before pulling away, giving me a smile.
"I love you, Calliope Torres. Crazy or not."
"Even though you left me hanging and," I lower my voice to a whisper, "horny in the shower."
A radiant grin breaks out on the blonde's face, and she leans in close one more time, lowering her voice to the sexy timbre that drives me absolutely insane.
"I'll make it up to you tonight."
*
The house is mostly tidy by the time The Colonel and Barbara arrive a few hours later - or at least as good as it’s going to get, I figure. Arizona’s parents had moved from San Diego up to northern California shortly after we bought the house, wanting to be closer to us, and so they made the nine hour drive fairly regularly now and were no strangers to the damage hurricane Sofia could leave behind. I love Arizona’s parents - her mom had really taken me under her wing when my own abandoned me, and even throughout our separation she had kept in touch with not only her granddaughter, but me personally. With seemingly no hard feelings towards me. Her dad had been a little more frightening at the time...but both women have assured me continually over the last month that he’s warmed up to me again.
I let Sofia yank the door open, and she immediately launches herself into her grandmother’s arms with a delighted shriek.
“GWAMMA! Hiii! It’s my birtday tomorrow! We gettin’ cake!”
Barbara laughs, abandoning her suitcase to her husband and scooping the small girl into her arms as she steps inside.
“So I hear! You are getting to be such a big girl, Sofia!”
She kisses her head and sets her down, smiling and greeting me with a warm hug as well.
“It’s so good to see you, Barb, Daniel...” I glance at the older man who now has Sofia in his arms, somewhat hesitantly moving in for a hug.
He nods a little, in his stoic marine way, and pulls me in for a hug with his free arm. I can’t help but breathe a small, internal sigh of relief. He doesn't hate me.
“Good to see you, Callie. Glad to be here.”
He shifts his granddaughter in his arms and grins down at her.
“Wouldn’t miss my little Sofia’s birthday for anything, now would I?”
Beaming up at him, Sofia raises her hand to her forehead in salute.
“Nevar, sir!”
I usher them inside, helping with their bags and getting them settled into the guest room at the end of the hall. They’re staying for a whole week - which is why Arizona and I are able to go away for a few days next week- but I still insisted that they stay at the house with us. Arizona was a little apprehensive about it, worried that her father was still none too pleased with her and the reasons for our divorce, but I convinced her that Sofia would love it and it really wouldn’t be that bad. The house is big enough for the five of us.
Daniel happily accepts his babysitting duty after we have some lunch, and Barbara and I head out to do the last minute shopping for the birthday party tomorrow. We’re only having a small affair - Meredith’s kids are coming over while she works, and three of Sofia’s friends from preschool. Amelia and April have promised to be there too, and I know Alex will probably show up even though he scoffed at the idea of attending a little kid’s birthday party. It just feels nice to be celebrating. And the fact that our family is back together for her birthday is something I never dreamed would have happened.
“So how are things between you and Arizona?”
Barbara places a few packages of pink streamers in her shopping basket and glances my way as we head down the aisle at the party store.
“Things are...good. The last few weeks have been really good, actually.”
I briefly think back to this morning and our argument, but I know I’m still giving the older woman an honest answer. Things are good between us. We’re communicating, we’re both listening for once. We’ve reconnected physically in every sense of the word. It’s been great.
“I think we’re going to be okay, Barb,” I smile a little, meeting her eyes, “I really feel like we’ve got it right this time. I know I’m back in for the long haul.”
She smiles, humming a bit in agreement as she grabs some balloons.
“Arizona has said the same thing. She’s seemed really happy over the last while.”
“Yeah?”
I know the blonde and her mother are close - much closer than I ever was with mine. They talk often, and send at least short emails almost every other day, so I always assumed that the older Robbins knew the entire story of what went on between us.
“You make her happy, Callie. You and Sofia and that new fellowship thing she did...you know, I honestly don’t remember the last time I saw my daughter so happy with her life.”
Hearing that from her mother really means something, so I can’t help the small grin that tugs at my lips as we continue around the last aisle, adding a few more Frozen-themed decorations and pink plates and cups to the basket. We head up front and pay for everything, and I grab the bag and head out with her, nodding my head to the store across the parking lot.
“We just need some snack food and stuff, and then we have to go pick up the cake.”
Pointing to a Starbucks down at the end of the sidewalk, Barbara stops me with a hand to my elbow.
“Why don’t we go and grab a cup of coffee before getting the food, dear? I’m sure Daniel and Sofia are busy running military drills around the yard by now, and it’d be nice to sit and catch up a bit.”
Surprised, I look down at the shorter woman before smiling widely.
“Yeah, that would be nice. We have plenty of time.”
She links our arms at the elbow and we head down toward the café, the smell of freshly brewed coffee already wafting through the air and confirming that this is indeed a good idea. I’ve become more accustomed to Barbara’s friendly ways over the years, but it still always comes as such a pleasant surprise when she wants to talk with me, or get coffee or lunch just because. My own mother was so different...even when she was still speaking to me, we’d never have just gone to Starbucks for a drink unless there was a reason behind it, a serious conversation to be had about school or finances or behaviour. Unlike my father, who I can unabashedly admit had been wrapped around my finger since I was a little girl, she’d just never been a warm and fuzzy kind of parent.
We grab our drinks and settle down at a small table outside, deciding to take advantage of the rare sunny spring day, even though it’s still a little cool.
“A bit cooler than home, I imagine,” I laugh a little as a breeze wafts over us.
She chuckles too, adjusting her scarf over her jacket and picking up her coffee.
“Oh, I love this weather though. I grew up on the east coast you know, in Maine. I tried to convince Daniel to move all the way up to Seattle to be near you girls, but he wouldn’t budge north of the California border.”
Arizona’s father was definitely a California boy born and raised - that much I knew from the past. Arizona always said he’d been downright miserable every time they were posted somewhere with cool weather, or god forbid, actual snow in the winter.
“Well, we’re still glad you got closer, anyway. It’s nice that you’re able to come visit easily.”
We sip our coffee in a comfortable silence for a bit, just observing people moving about around the shopping complex, and chatting occasionally about work and Sofia. But then the woman voices a question that takes me completely by surprise.
“So are you planning on getting married again?”
I blink briefly, looking back in her direction. I have no idea how to answer that question.
“Uh...,” I half shrug, fiddling with the sleeve on my coffee cup, “I don’t really know, we haven’t talked about it. And it’s still too soon. I don’t know if Arizona would really want that again anyway...”
Barbara just raises her eyebrow slightly, her features forming into an exasperated look that clearly runs in the family.
“Of course Arizona would want that again.”
I twist the coffee sleeve again a few times, contemplating her words. We hadn’t talked about it once - not even vaguely. I know Arizona had been happy to be married last time, but with the way I hurt her, I honestly don’t know if she’d want to enter into that again, even if we stayed together permanently.
“Has she said she does?”
I can’t help my curiosity though, and I chew my lip a little as the words leave my mouth. The other woman shakes her head a little and sighs, just wrapping her hands around the warm cup in front of her.
“Callie, let me tell you something. And don’t tell her I said this but...since she was sixteen years old, my daughter has only called me crying three times in her life.”
A little taken aback at her response, and the more serious tone of her voice, I wait quietly, watching the older blue eyes in front of me.
“Once was shortly after we lost Timothy, once was the night after she almost lost you and Sofia in that car crash, and the last time was after you told her that your marriage was over. She didn’t even call me after her first serious girlfriend left her, or after the amputation...” she trails off a bit, her voice softening, “my daughter can be a stubbornly strong woman sometimes, and she can compartmentalize her emotions to the point of fault - but I will never forget those phone calls, Callie, I can’t ever forget the grief and the absolute brokenness in her voice. I've honestly never known her to feel so strongly about someone as she does about you. There is no way she doesn’t want to be your wife again.”
I blink rapidly now, casting my eyes down as I try to keep them from watering. I knew Arizona didn’t like to show her emotions - she doesn’t like to appear weak, to appear as anything other than the happy, bubbly person people know her as. It took a long time for her to even show her true emotions to me. But hearing that I was the reason behind her breaking down, behind her being at her lowest...second only to her brother and best friend’s death...it makes my heart ache.
“And you know...” she continues cautiously, her hand coming to rest over mine in a show of comfort, “I’m not saying it should be right now, but you two have been through so much together, I just want to see the both of you settled and happy.”
“I want to be married again too,” I admit quietly, giving her a small smile as I look up, “I want to be married to her. I honestly don’t know when the timing will be right, but....I hope someday it will be.”
Arizona’s mother just smiles a little, in a way that is so very like her daughter, and she pulls back to pick up her coffee again.
“It will be, Callie. The right moment will come. And I will be very glad to officially have my second daughter back.”
*
Arizona
I make it home right on schedule after a fairly easy day at the hospital, and I enter the house to the sound of voices and laughter, and the smell of something incredibly delicious coming from the kitchen that I'm pretty sure is my favourite enchilada dish. I join my family and greet my parents, happy to see that everyone is settled in, and although I attempt to give Calliope a hand with the cooking, she very pointedly ushers me away from the stove without letting me touch a thing.
Later on in the evening we settle out on the back deck with some drinks, letting Sofia run off some of her leftover energy before bedtime. I laugh as she grabs my dad’s hand and drags him down to the grass, and then yells for Callie and persuades the brunette to come down as well and toss a giant beach ball around with her. We’re all entirely wrapped around the little girl’s finger, and I can admit it. Even serious old dad.
“She’s grown so much even since last time we saw her.”
I glance over and smile a little at the adoring look on my mother's face, as she watches the ball bounce back and forth across the backyard.
“I know. She’s growing like crazy - and getting smarter every day, too.”
“She reminds me so much of you at that age,” the older woman chuckles a little, picking up her drink, “especially with the chattering. You always had an excellent vocabulary for your age too, and boy you sure liked to use it.”
I laugh a little, shaking my head.
“She’s definitely come into her own the last few months with the talking.”
Watching them for a few minutes, I bite my lip a little, glancing over toward my mom again.
“I was worried about her for awhile...with everything that happened, I feel like I haven’t always been a great mom to her. When I was recovering...and then the divorce...”
She looks at me, studying me for a second before she speaks softly.
“You’re a wonderful mother, sweetie. You’ve done the very best you can. None of us are perfect, you know.”
“I know,” I sigh slightly, setting my glass down, “I just want her life to be perfect, you know? She deserves the world.”
Smiling warmly, mom reaches out her hand, and I let mine settle into it comfortably.
“She has two parents who love her more than anything. None of the rest of it matters in the end, trust me.”
We sit in silence for a bit, just watching the game going on in the yard, and my mind drifts again to the thought of having more kids with Callie. Sofia is just...so perfect. She’s so beautiful, and smart, and funny. She brings such joy to my life, and while she will always, always be more than enough on her own...I can’t help the tug in the pit of my stomach when I think about her playing with a younger sibling.
“I want more kids, mom.”
I let the admission out quietly, giving her a small smile.
“Kid, at least. I want another. And it’s crazy, right? Because I never wanted any, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”
"It's not crazy, honey. Sometimes you don't know what you want until you have it. Until one day you just know."
She grins then, squeezing my hand a little.
"And I would certainly be thrilled to have another gorgeous little grandchild to spoil."
Pulling my hand back, I run it through my hair with a small sigh.
"I had a miscarriage last year."
I can sense the change in her mood immediately, and I glance up as she leans in closer to my chair, grabbing my hand again.
"Oh, honey...why didn't you ever say something? I'm so sorry. I had no idea you two were even trying."
"We didn't want to say anything until we were sure. And I was just about far enough along....we were almost ready to tell you guys, but then."
I just shrug a little, casting my eyes back to the yard because I don't want to see the sympathy in my mother's eyes.
"Callie can't have another baby, not after the surgeries she had from the car accident. And I want to try again, I want to do it...but I'm scared. What if I lose another one? What if my body just...fails me again? Fails us."
I feel the older woman squeeze my hand, and I look down at where they're joined.
"It nearly broke me last time, mom," the confession comes out in a whisper, and I finally look at her again, "And I didn't want to try again before...but now I want it so badly, but I'm still scared."
"You need to talk to Callie, sweetie. You need to tell her how you feel about all this and see what she wants."
"It's way too soon though. We're just good again, getting back to being us -- I don't want to move too fast."
"It probably is, but nonetheless you two need to talk about. Either now, or when you think you feel ready."
I nod a little, giving Callie a bright smile when she looks my way and starts to head back toward the deck, my dad and Sofia in tow.
"I know."
"What are you two talking about up here?" she grins, leaning down and dropping a light kiss on my lips, "just lounging around while I get pummeled with a beach ball."
Laughing, I raise my glass and finish the last mouthful of wine in the bottom.
"You're so good at it, though, dear."
My dad comes up the stairs with a tired looking Sofia in his arms, and I get up to peek at her face, brushing my lips against her small brow.
"How about grandpa reads you a bedtime story now? It's getting late, little miss."
The little girl lets out a big yawn and nods, and I know that she'll barely make it to page two of her current favourite before she's out like a light.
"Gamma too," she reaches for my mom with a heart-melting look, and the other woman happily gets up and follows them inside, her arm curling around my dad's waist as they head down the hall, chatting softly to the child.
"You think we'll be grandparents someday?"
Callie's voice catches my attention, and surprised, I turn to meet her gaze.
"Yeah," I smile, stepping closer and wrapping my arms around her neck, "I hope so."
I lean in, kissing her softly, and she smiles against my lips before returning the affection. Her arm slips around my waist as I pull back and we head into the house together, locking up the back door behind us and switching off the outdoor lights.
"Can you believe we had a baby four years ago?" I ask, the fact still a little unbelievable in my mind as I see the bag from the party store waiting on the side counter.
"It's kind of crazy. It also means we've known each other for almost six. We met at the end of June, remember? That's next month."
"Six wonderful years. And yes --" I look up before she can say anything, "even with all the ups and downs. And the...really downs. Wonderful years, Calliope."
Callie just meets my eyes, a smile grazing her lips as she leans in to kiss my ear.
"Six amazing years."
The feeling that washes over me is unmistakable, my love for the woman beside me almost overwhelmingly flooding my system. I marvel sometimes at the fact that we've made it back to this place, that we've picked ourselves up yet again and have been drawn back together by some unstoppable force.
And that's just what it is, I think. This thing that we have, that we've always had. It's an unstoppable force.
And there's no more pulling us apart.
Pairing: Arizona/Callie
Rating: M
Summary: Sometimes we don't realize what we want until we just know. And sometimes we realize that certain things are worth fighting for. Starts a day or two after the scene in 11x08. Timeline may not be perfectly canon.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: A long chapter for a long weekend! I feel like a lot happens in this chapter, and I didn't necessarily intend it to, but once it started flowing it just kind of...kept going. So, that said, I hope it all works and I hope you all like it. Thanks for reading!
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
It’s been eight weeks since Arizona moved home, which makes it just over four months since we decided to start dating again. It seems like it’s gone by so much more quickly than the six months we spent apart - probably, I muse, because I’ve actually been happy. We’ve been happy. I feel like the time apart was a good thing for us, but I kind of wish we had just listened to the therapist and Arizona's idea in the first place and done it a little less painfully.
I hear the shower come on in our en suite, and I roll over to glance at the clock. Far earlier than I’d like to be awake on a Saturday I don’t have to work, but Arizona needs to go in today, so I’d reluctantly had to let her get up. I’d been so comfortable too, completely tangled around the blonde and using her shoulder as a pillow. I sigh, pushing the sheets back - work ruins everything.
I haven’t heard a peep from Sofia yet though, so I climb out of bed and pad toward the bathroom, stripping off my tank top and underwear as I go. If I’m going to be awake, may as well slip in some quality time with my wif -- I shake my head a little, like every time I remember that Arizona isn’t my wife anymore. I miss calling her that. She’s my daughter’s mother, she's the woman I love, she feels like my wife again. And we were never legally married so technically we're not actually divorced...but our domestic partnership was legally terminated and now we're in this weird in-between sort of place and it's all complicated and-
“Are you just going to stand and watch me, or...? I mean not that I really mind...”
I look up, blinking a little, as I hear the blonde’s voice through the patter of the water. She smiles at me through the steamy glass, quirking her eyebrow a bit in an oh-so sexy way.
Laughing, I rub my eyes, stepping further into the bathroom and sliding open the door to the shower in the corner.
“I got distracted I guess. Mind some company in there?”
Her eyes drift down over my body a little and she moves back to make room.
“Certainly not company that looks like you.”
I step in and close the glass door behind me, my hands immediately coming up to smooth over pale, wet skin as I step under the spray with her. Leaning in, I press a slow kiss to her lips, closing my eyes happily as the warmth of the water hits my back.
“Mm,” she kisses me back, one hand sliding down between my breasts, and mumbles, “you better not make me late. Showering only.”
Lowering my head a little, I trail kisses along the silky skin of her neck, and I hear her sigh as she tilts her head a bit.
“Purely trying to conserve water.”
“Uh huh.”
She bats at my hand a little as it slides lower down her belly.
“Didn’t I wear you out last night?”
Smirking at the memory - and feeling only a little guilty at the lack of sleep the other woman got - I nibble at her earlobe, pushing back wet, golden hair.
“Honey, when it comes to you, I am insatiable.”
Arizona just grins, tilting my head up before capturing my lips in a deep, heated kiss as the steam rises around us. I can smell the rich, coconut scent of her conditioner, and I can’t help the groan that escapes my throat as she slowly backs me against the cool tiles, her free hand now roaming lower over my own body; tantalisingly lower across wet, slick skin.
“Arizona...” I manage to get a breath out as she nips at my bottom lip, releasing my mouth to leave a warm trail of kisses up to my ear.
“Good thing you’re so irresistible.”
Her voice is a low murmur in my ear over the sound of falling water, and her fingers have just brushed between the tops of my thighs when -
“Mommy! Mama!”
I groan loudly, letting my head drop to the blonde’s shoulder as a small fist knocks on the bathroom door.
“Mommyyyyy.”
Arizona laughs softly and steps back, removing her hand from between my legs and wickedly licking her fingers right in front of me before calling out.
“Just a minute, baby!”
“No, no, no...that is not fair,” I whine, pulling her in to steal another searing kiss before she gets too far away.
She kisses me deeply, but with a teasing sweep of her tongue she pulls back again, stepping towards the door.
“Always feed the tiny human first, Calliope.”
I just watch disappointedly as she steps out of the shower and grabs a towel to dry off, wrapping it around her body to hide all that delicious bare skin. She shoots me a quick grin over her shoulder before opening the door to the small girl still impatiently calling to us.
“Good thing we got that fancy shower head.”
*
Arizona
I feel a little guilty about leaving Calliope hanging like that, but I have to admit, it’s kind of amusing at the same time. It would be more amusing if I wasn’t insanely turned on myself, but we’ve definitely dealt with worse since having a child in our lives.
Like the time a two-year-old Sofia learned to escape her crib and climbed into our bed during what was decidedly not a PG moment. We’d sure learned to close our door after that one. And had a talk about knocking.
“Mamaaaa I’m so hungyyyyyy.”
Sofia climbs up onto our bed and burrows her face in the pillows dramatically before rolling to face me.
“I want foooood.”
“We’ll go make food, baby. Just let me get dressed.”
I pull the towel off, quickly giving myself another dry before pulling on some pajama shorts and a tank top. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I ease my leg off and dry the skin around my stump, making sure to give the inside of the socket a quick wipe too. The final prosthesis I’d settled on is the most advanced there is, which makes it waterproof and pretty indestructible, but I still like to be careful.
“Mama.”
A small, tan hand lands on my thigh and I look down to see Sofia give me a huge sigh.
“Put your leg back now so you can make bwekfast.”
I slip the prosthetic back on securely and stand up, scooping the girl into a hug and peppering her face with kisses.
“You are awfully demanding this morning, little miss!”
Her delighted squeals ring out as she wriggles down from my arms and runs off toward the kitchen, leaving me to follow behind.
“I’m a hungy monstaaaaaar!”
*
Fifteen minutes later I set a plate of waffles and a cup of juice down in front of my daughter as she squirms in her seat, cutting the food into bite sized pieces for her before she grabs the whole thing at once.
“Do you remember what’s happening this afternoon, Sof?”
She stabs a waffle bite with her fork and beams up at me happily.
“Yah! Gramma and Gwanpa coming!”
“That’s right! And whyyyy are they coming to visit?” I tease the child a little, smoothing her unruly hair down, “I can’t seem to remember...”
She looks up mid-chew with her brown eyes wide as saucers.
“Cause it’s my BIRTDAY!”
I grin as Callie walks into the kitchen, dressed in her pajamas again too with her hair hanging damp around her shoulders. She gives me a slight eyebrow and a pout as I slip around her to the island, letting my hand trail along her hip a little.
“Mommy! It’s my birtday tomorrow!”
The brunette gives the child a big grin then, settling down at the table as I bring over our plates, but I see the slight trace of emotion that clouds her eyes at the memory of our daughter’s birth - a day that should have happened so differently, even if it all turned out perfectly in the end.
“I know! I was there when you were born!”
Sofia just giggles and continues devouring her waffles, easily distracted by food like always. I squeeze Callie’s thigh gently under the table, taking a sip of my coffee as things quieten down.
“I’m sorry I’m leaving you with the last minute running around today - hopefully nothing comes up so I’ll be home before supper though.”
She takes a bite of her waffles too and looks over.
“Really, don’t worry. Everything is mostly ready for the party anyway. And besides, your mom will definitely give me a hand once she’s here. I’m sure The Colonel will be more than willing to hang out with the birthday girl while we go out.”
“Yes puhlease. The. Colo-nel.”
Sofia nods seriously, picking up her cup, and I can’t help but laugh a little.
“Sofia, you don’t have to call your grandpa that.”
“I know,” she takes a drink and then carefully sets the cup down on the table again, “but Ima good man in the storms.”
Callie holds back a smile, just raising her eyebrow in my direction. I just shake my head, not even a little surprised that my father has somehow already started teaching her his values. A small smile tugs at my lips too though as I watch our daughter dig back into her breakfast, a surge of pride swelling in my chest.
“If there was ever a doubt she's part Robbins...”
*
Callie
I get Sofia to help me clean up the kitchen while Arizona runs off to get dressed, smiling as we chat about her party tomorrow, and watching as she brings dishes over one by one to me. I can’t believe how grown-up she's gotten in the last year. It's hard to imagine our little baby is going to be four tomorrow.
I'm just shutting the dishwasher when Arizona's phone chimes, and I see the little girl grab it, almost tossing it off the table in the process.
"Hey, whoa, Sof. Careful with mama's phone please."
I come over and grab it from her, and the message on the lock screen catches my attention.
Hey it's Lauren again. Still wondering about next week...let me know if we can get together.
The phone number isn't from a contact in her address book, because no name displays with it. I frown a little...who's Lauren? The only Lauren I can immediately think of is...but no, surely it can't be her.
"Hey, have you seen my..." Arizona hurries into the kitchen, strapping her watch on, and spies the phone in my hand, "oh! There is it. Thanks."
She grabs it, leaning up to drop a quick kiss on my lips before she looks at the screen.
And then her face changes completely.
"So who's Lauren?"
The question falls unbidden from my lips, harsher than I intended, and I glance over to meet her eyes. Her gaze has clouded over, something akin to anger, and almost fear, instantly changing her mood.
"Calliope..."
I swallow a little, my thoughts immediately flying to all the worst possible scenarios. It can't be. She's the woman who broke what was left of our marriage, there's no way Arizona is talking to her...is there? But the look on her face and the sound of her voice is so apologetic it almost makes my heart stop.
"No..." I shake my head a little, turning back to the counter, "don't even say it, Arizona. Don't. If you’re..."
She steps around me and holds the phone up.
"If I’m what? Texting Lauren Boswell? I’m not, Callie. But yeah, she’s texting me. And I wasn't going to say anything but you've obviously seen this and I know what you're assuming right now."
"Are you kidding me?" I cut her off, my jaw clenching a little, and I'm suddenly glad Sofia has run off to play, "Are you freaking kidding me, Arizona? You...you talk to that woman?"
I don't even let her answer before I shake my head, tossing the dish towel onto the counter angrily.
"And what, you're meeting up with her? You're going to hang out or something? Is that all you're going to do? Because I thought I could trust you again but apparently the last four months have meant nothi--"
"Calliope Iphigenia Torres, shut up."
The suddenly stern tone of the blonde's voice startles me out of my fury, and I turn back to look at her. Her eyes are lit with a touch of anger as well, but she remains calm as she steps closer to stand less than a foot in front of me.
"Yes. Lauren Boswell has texted me -- this is the third time, now."
Before I can interrupt again she holds the phone out between us, deliberately showing me as she swipes her finger across the message and deletes it.
"And I have deleted them without responding. And I deleted her from my contacts a year ago. And you know those three days I booked us off next week? I booked them off because she is coming in to work with Alex and I do not want to be anywhere near her. And more importantly, I didn't think you'd want to be anywhere near her so that's why I decided we needed a getaway."
I stare at her, feeling my anger subside just a little as she speaks.
"You should have said something! I could have--"
"Could have what, Callie? It just would have made you angry and I didn't want you to get any ideas! I figured ignoring the woman would send a clear enough message to her, but apparently she really is a dumb blonde."
Biting my lip a little, I feel my shoulders deflate. I can admit I jumped the gun -- I'd always been a little irrationally jealous and insecure when it came to Arizona, but after the last year it is clearly even worse. I need to work on that.
"I believe you," I let out a sigh, reaching for her hand, "I overreacted a little, I guess. I just...I panicked..."
She takes my hand and tangles our fingers together tightly.
"I know. I panicked too, when Alex warned me she'd be here for a few days. And I should have told you the first time she contacted me, but I was afraid you'd react just like this. I was afraid you'd assume the worst of me and..."
"You really booked those days off to avoid her?"
The blonde glances up, nodding her head a little.
"Yeah...I know it's maybe a little cowardly, but I don't even want to see the woman. I know now that it's not solely her fault everything blew up between us, but still. She was the catalyst and just her name reminds me of that horrible time and makes me feel so ashamed of myself, I just...I just wanted to be with you and not think about it. To be somewhere far away curled up alone with you."
Her voice is so sincere, and the way she's looking at me is enough to wash away any of the fears I had just a minute ago. I realize...I do trust her again.
And so I wrap my arms around her, pulling the smaller women into a tight embrace.
"I trust you, Arizona."
She hugs me back, laying her chin on my shoulder for a minute.
"I'm sorry I didn't just tell you."
Pulling back, I cup her cheek, giving her a small smile.
"You told me now. And I can’t wait for our little trip, by the way."
I kiss her lightly, tucking a bit of stray hair behind her ear.
"Now go on, you're going to be late now because I’m a crazy girlfriend. And I've got party planning to finish."
Letting out a soft sigh, she rests her forehead on mine for a brief second before pulling away, giving me a smile.
"I love you, Calliope Torres. Crazy or not."
"Even though you left me hanging and," I lower my voice to a whisper, "horny in the shower."
A radiant grin breaks out on the blonde's face, and she leans in close one more time, lowering her voice to the sexy timbre that drives me absolutely insane.
"I'll make it up to you tonight."
*
The house is mostly tidy by the time The Colonel and Barbara arrive a few hours later - or at least as good as it’s going to get, I figure. Arizona’s parents had moved from San Diego up to northern California shortly after we bought the house, wanting to be closer to us, and so they made the nine hour drive fairly regularly now and were no strangers to the damage hurricane Sofia could leave behind. I love Arizona’s parents - her mom had really taken me under her wing when my own abandoned me, and even throughout our separation she had kept in touch with not only her granddaughter, but me personally. With seemingly no hard feelings towards me. Her dad had been a little more frightening at the time...but both women have assured me continually over the last month that he’s warmed up to me again.
I let Sofia yank the door open, and she immediately launches herself into her grandmother’s arms with a delighted shriek.
“GWAMMA! Hiii! It’s my birtday tomorrow! We gettin’ cake!”
Barbara laughs, abandoning her suitcase to her husband and scooping the small girl into her arms as she steps inside.
“So I hear! You are getting to be such a big girl, Sofia!”
She kisses her head and sets her down, smiling and greeting me with a warm hug as well.
“It’s so good to see you, Barb, Daniel...” I glance at the older man who now has Sofia in his arms, somewhat hesitantly moving in for a hug.
He nods a little, in his stoic marine way, and pulls me in for a hug with his free arm. I can’t help but breathe a small, internal sigh of relief. He doesn't hate me.
“Good to see you, Callie. Glad to be here.”
He shifts his granddaughter in his arms and grins down at her.
“Wouldn’t miss my little Sofia’s birthday for anything, now would I?”
Beaming up at him, Sofia raises her hand to her forehead in salute.
“Nevar, sir!”
I usher them inside, helping with their bags and getting them settled into the guest room at the end of the hall. They’re staying for a whole week - which is why Arizona and I are able to go away for a few days next week- but I still insisted that they stay at the house with us. Arizona was a little apprehensive about it, worried that her father was still none too pleased with her and the reasons for our divorce, but I convinced her that Sofia would love it and it really wouldn’t be that bad. The house is big enough for the five of us.
Daniel happily accepts his babysitting duty after we have some lunch, and Barbara and I head out to do the last minute shopping for the birthday party tomorrow. We’re only having a small affair - Meredith’s kids are coming over while she works, and three of Sofia’s friends from preschool. Amelia and April have promised to be there too, and I know Alex will probably show up even though he scoffed at the idea of attending a little kid’s birthday party. It just feels nice to be celebrating. And the fact that our family is back together for her birthday is something I never dreamed would have happened.
“So how are things between you and Arizona?”
Barbara places a few packages of pink streamers in her shopping basket and glances my way as we head down the aisle at the party store.
“Things are...good. The last few weeks have been really good, actually.”
I briefly think back to this morning and our argument, but I know I’m still giving the older woman an honest answer. Things are good between us. We’re communicating, we’re both listening for once. We’ve reconnected physically in every sense of the word. It’s been great.
“I think we’re going to be okay, Barb,” I smile a little, meeting her eyes, “I really feel like we’ve got it right this time. I know I’m back in for the long haul.”
She smiles, humming a bit in agreement as she grabs some balloons.
“Arizona has said the same thing. She’s seemed really happy over the last while.”
“Yeah?”
I know the blonde and her mother are close - much closer than I ever was with mine. They talk often, and send at least short emails almost every other day, so I always assumed that the older Robbins knew the entire story of what went on between us.
“You make her happy, Callie. You and Sofia and that new fellowship thing she did...you know, I honestly don’t remember the last time I saw my daughter so happy with her life.”
Hearing that from her mother really means something, so I can’t help the small grin that tugs at my lips as we continue around the last aisle, adding a few more Frozen-themed decorations and pink plates and cups to the basket. We head up front and pay for everything, and I grab the bag and head out with her, nodding my head to the store across the parking lot.
“We just need some snack food and stuff, and then we have to go pick up the cake.”
Pointing to a Starbucks down at the end of the sidewalk, Barbara stops me with a hand to my elbow.
“Why don’t we go and grab a cup of coffee before getting the food, dear? I’m sure Daniel and Sofia are busy running military drills around the yard by now, and it’d be nice to sit and catch up a bit.”
Surprised, I look down at the shorter woman before smiling widely.
“Yeah, that would be nice. We have plenty of time.”
She links our arms at the elbow and we head down toward the café, the smell of freshly brewed coffee already wafting through the air and confirming that this is indeed a good idea. I’ve become more accustomed to Barbara’s friendly ways over the years, but it still always comes as such a pleasant surprise when she wants to talk with me, or get coffee or lunch just because. My own mother was so different...even when she was still speaking to me, we’d never have just gone to Starbucks for a drink unless there was a reason behind it, a serious conversation to be had about school or finances or behaviour. Unlike my father, who I can unabashedly admit had been wrapped around my finger since I was a little girl, she’d just never been a warm and fuzzy kind of parent.
We grab our drinks and settle down at a small table outside, deciding to take advantage of the rare sunny spring day, even though it’s still a little cool.
“A bit cooler than home, I imagine,” I laugh a little as a breeze wafts over us.
She chuckles too, adjusting her scarf over her jacket and picking up her coffee.
“Oh, I love this weather though. I grew up on the east coast you know, in Maine. I tried to convince Daniel to move all the way up to Seattle to be near you girls, but he wouldn’t budge north of the California border.”
Arizona’s father was definitely a California boy born and raised - that much I knew from the past. Arizona always said he’d been downright miserable every time they were posted somewhere with cool weather, or god forbid, actual snow in the winter.
“Well, we’re still glad you got closer, anyway. It’s nice that you’re able to come visit easily.”
We sip our coffee in a comfortable silence for a bit, just observing people moving about around the shopping complex, and chatting occasionally about work and Sofia. But then the woman voices a question that takes me completely by surprise.
“So are you planning on getting married again?”
I blink briefly, looking back in her direction. I have no idea how to answer that question.
“Uh...,” I half shrug, fiddling with the sleeve on my coffee cup, “I don’t really know, we haven’t talked about it. And it’s still too soon. I don’t know if Arizona would really want that again anyway...”
Barbara just raises her eyebrow slightly, her features forming into an exasperated look that clearly runs in the family.
“Of course Arizona would want that again.”
I twist the coffee sleeve again a few times, contemplating her words. We hadn’t talked about it once - not even vaguely. I know Arizona had been happy to be married last time, but with the way I hurt her, I honestly don’t know if she’d want to enter into that again, even if we stayed together permanently.
“Has she said she does?”
I can’t help my curiosity though, and I chew my lip a little as the words leave my mouth. The other woman shakes her head a little and sighs, just wrapping her hands around the warm cup in front of her.
“Callie, let me tell you something. And don’t tell her I said this but...since she was sixteen years old, my daughter has only called me crying three times in her life.”
A little taken aback at her response, and the more serious tone of her voice, I wait quietly, watching the older blue eyes in front of me.
“Once was shortly after we lost Timothy, once was the night after she almost lost you and Sofia in that car crash, and the last time was after you told her that your marriage was over. She didn’t even call me after her first serious girlfriend left her, or after the amputation...” she trails off a bit, her voice softening, “my daughter can be a stubbornly strong woman sometimes, and she can compartmentalize her emotions to the point of fault - but I will never forget those phone calls, Callie, I can’t ever forget the grief and the absolute brokenness in her voice. I've honestly never known her to feel so strongly about someone as she does about you. There is no way she doesn’t want to be your wife again.”
I blink rapidly now, casting my eyes down as I try to keep them from watering. I knew Arizona didn’t like to show her emotions - she doesn’t like to appear weak, to appear as anything other than the happy, bubbly person people know her as. It took a long time for her to even show her true emotions to me. But hearing that I was the reason behind her breaking down, behind her being at her lowest...second only to her brother and best friend’s death...it makes my heart ache.
“And you know...” she continues cautiously, her hand coming to rest over mine in a show of comfort, “I’m not saying it should be right now, but you two have been through so much together, I just want to see the both of you settled and happy.”
“I want to be married again too,” I admit quietly, giving her a small smile as I look up, “I want to be married to her. I honestly don’t know when the timing will be right, but....I hope someday it will be.”
Arizona’s mother just smiles a little, in a way that is so very like her daughter, and she pulls back to pick up her coffee again.
“It will be, Callie. The right moment will come. And I will be very glad to officially have my second daughter back.”
*
Arizona
I make it home right on schedule after a fairly easy day at the hospital, and I enter the house to the sound of voices and laughter, and the smell of something incredibly delicious coming from the kitchen that I'm pretty sure is my favourite enchilada dish. I join my family and greet my parents, happy to see that everyone is settled in, and although I attempt to give Calliope a hand with the cooking, she very pointedly ushers me away from the stove without letting me touch a thing.
Later on in the evening we settle out on the back deck with some drinks, letting Sofia run off some of her leftover energy before bedtime. I laugh as she grabs my dad’s hand and drags him down to the grass, and then yells for Callie and persuades the brunette to come down as well and toss a giant beach ball around with her. We’re all entirely wrapped around the little girl’s finger, and I can admit it. Even serious old dad.
“She’s grown so much even since last time we saw her.”
I glance over and smile a little at the adoring look on my mother's face, as she watches the ball bounce back and forth across the backyard.
“I know. She’s growing like crazy - and getting smarter every day, too.”
“She reminds me so much of you at that age,” the older woman chuckles a little, picking up her drink, “especially with the chattering. You always had an excellent vocabulary for your age too, and boy you sure liked to use it.”
I laugh a little, shaking my head.
“She’s definitely come into her own the last few months with the talking.”
Watching them for a few minutes, I bite my lip a little, glancing over toward my mom again.
“I was worried about her for awhile...with everything that happened, I feel like I haven’t always been a great mom to her. When I was recovering...and then the divorce...”
She looks at me, studying me for a second before she speaks softly.
“You’re a wonderful mother, sweetie. You’ve done the very best you can. None of us are perfect, you know.”
“I know,” I sigh slightly, setting my glass down, “I just want her life to be perfect, you know? She deserves the world.”
Smiling warmly, mom reaches out her hand, and I let mine settle into it comfortably.
“She has two parents who love her more than anything. None of the rest of it matters in the end, trust me.”
We sit in silence for a bit, just watching the game going on in the yard, and my mind drifts again to the thought of having more kids with Callie. Sofia is just...so perfect. She’s so beautiful, and smart, and funny. She brings such joy to my life, and while she will always, always be more than enough on her own...I can’t help the tug in the pit of my stomach when I think about her playing with a younger sibling.
“I want more kids, mom.”
I let the admission out quietly, giving her a small smile.
“Kid, at least. I want another. And it’s crazy, right? Because I never wanted any, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”
"It's not crazy, honey. Sometimes you don't know what you want until you have it. Until one day you just know."
She grins then, squeezing my hand a little.
"And I would certainly be thrilled to have another gorgeous little grandchild to spoil."
Pulling my hand back, I run it through my hair with a small sigh.
"I had a miscarriage last year."
I can sense the change in her mood immediately, and I glance up as she leans in closer to my chair, grabbing my hand again.
"Oh, honey...why didn't you ever say something? I'm so sorry. I had no idea you two were even trying."
"We didn't want to say anything until we were sure. And I was just about far enough along....we were almost ready to tell you guys, but then."
I just shrug a little, casting my eyes back to the yard because I don't want to see the sympathy in my mother's eyes.
"Callie can't have another baby, not after the surgeries she had from the car accident. And I want to try again, I want to do it...but I'm scared. What if I lose another one? What if my body just...fails me again? Fails us."
I feel the older woman squeeze my hand, and I look down at where they're joined.
"It nearly broke me last time, mom," the confession comes out in a whisper, and I finally look at her again, "And I didn't want to try again before...but now I want it so badly, but I'm still scared."
"You need to talk to Callie, sweetie. You need to tell her how you feel about all this and see what she wants."
"It's way too soon though. We're just good again, getting back to being us -- I don't want to move too fast."
"It probably is, but nonetheless you two need to talk about. Either now, or when you think you feel ready."
I nod a little, giving Callie a bright smile when she looks my way and starts to head back toward the deck, my dad and Sofia in tow.
"I know."
"What are you two talking about up here?" she grins, leaning down and dropping a light kiss on my lips, "just lounging around while I get pummeled with a beach ball."
Laughing, I raise my glass and finish the last mouthful of wine in the bottom.
"You're so good at it, though, dear."
My dad comes up the stairs with a tired looking Sofia in his arms, and I get up to peek at her face, brushing my lips against her small brow.
"How about grandpa reads you a bedtime story now? It's getting late, little miss."
The little girl lets out a big yawn and nods, and I know that she'll barely make it to page two of her current favourite before she's out like a light.
"Gamma too," she reaches for my mom with a heart-melting look, and the other woman happily gets up and follows them inside, her arm curling around my dad's waist as they head down the hall, chatting softly to the child.
"You think we'll be grandparents someday?"
Callie's voice catches my attention, and surprised, I turn to meet her gaze.
"Yeah," I smile, stepping closer and wrapping my arms around her neck, "I hope so."
I lean in, kissing her softly, and she smiles against my lips before returning the affection. Her arm slips around my waist as I pull back and we head into the house together, locking up the back door behind us and switching off the outdoor lights.
"Can you believe we had a baby four years ago?" I ask, the fact still a little unbelievable in my mind as I see the bag from the party store waiting on the side counter.
"It's kind of crazy. It also means we've known each other for almost six. We met at the end of June, remember? That's next month."
"Six wonderful years. And yes --" I look up before she can say anything, "even with all the ups and downs. And the...really downs. Wonderful years, Calliope."
Callie just meets my eyes, a smile grazing her lips as she leans in to kiss my ear.
"Six amazing years."
The feeling that washes over me is unmistakable, my love for the woman beside me almost overwhelmingly flooding my system. I marvel sometimes at the fact that we've made it back to this place, that we've picked ourselves up yet again and have been drawn back together by some unstoppable force.
And that's just what it is, I think. This thing that we have, that we've always had. It's an unstoppable force.
And there's no more pulling us apart.