Deception
I just heard the most amazing episode of Radiolab. It was all about deception... but what rocked me in particular was a study looking at self-deception. They basically came to the conclusion that people who are good at self-deception are happier and more successful. On the other hand, people who see themselves and the world as it is tend to be more depressed.
They focused in particular on athletes, and how the ability to self-deceive is integral to success in a highly competetive environment. They found that people who do well in sports tend to be much more likely to show self-deception on surveys.
This floored me. It confirms everything I've always believed... and at the same time calls it all into question. I've always known that people who decieve themselves (whether it be with religion, politics, or any other system of ideology) are going to be happier and more content than the honest 'truth-seekers' like me. But I also believed that this was mostly due to the fact that when you filter your world through one lens then it cuts out all manner of uncertainty. Ergo people who live with less uncertainty tend to be happier. But even so, I still held honesty and truth-seeking to be the loftier ideal... I was comfortable with the uncertainty and unhappiness it brought because it allowed me to live and think as much as possible without limitations and prejudices.
However this story forces me to reconsider my assumptions. What if self-deception is the loftier goal? What if total honesty about ourselves and the world is actually detrimental to our potential as human beings? It occurs to me now that maybe self-deception is essential to all successes in life, not just happiness. Maybe it's self-deception that helps us to live without limitation, to reach beyond our capabilies and to achieve something great. Or worse, if belief defines our own capabilities (as is the case with these athletes) then self-deception might be the ONLY agent that frees us from our own limitations.
I am startlingly unsettled by this... increasingly nauseated and anxiety-ridden. Perhaps it's because I know that I will never be able to achieve this kind of self-deception. It is my nature to question everything, and this is a trait which I have nurtured all my life because I believed it was intrinsically better than ignorance. However just as my nature forces me to accept that self-deception is essential to living without limitations, I am also forced to accept that this is not a possibility for me... thus dooming myself to a life of mediocrity and never reaching my full potential. And that scares me more than anything.
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