(no subject)
my life revolves around the 167 Bus schedule from Auburn to the University District, differential equations, cristi, shawn, and my cell phone.
i came home yesterday and i was undressed and ready to sleep before 4:30 and i looked up at my wall and i saw all my toys and i thought about how they probably think i lost my luster. and i looked up at them for more minutes and i started crying because i miss laying in bed and looking up at my walls and seeing my hello kitty toys and the pictures of my sister.
i never thought about how much my sister and i dont talk to eachother and how much i miss her, and just sitting here right now thinking of that makes me want to cry. and son of a bitch i am. i dont know whats going on with her life, and she doesnt have a damn clue about mine. we barely even say good morning anymore, and we sort of just coexist like my dad and i. i miss my sister so much and i cant really do a damn thing about it. the only purpose of the house is to bathe and sleep.
i had the worst anxiety attack, and now i will have the worst scar on my back. i forgot to grab the prozacs again last night. i have to check my bank account tonight because ephedra free yellow jackets are being sold and that, that my friends is the key to life. if you can feel like youre on cocaine and not be on cocaine, son of a bitch youll stay awake a better person. i want my parents to find them. itll be a ball trying to explain over the counter pills to them.
i feel like im spiraling. like anyminute ill just explode to the old habbits. i cant stress enough how much i want to be higher than balls right now, and how bad i want to cut up and down my pitiful little arms. which isnt saying much since last night i had a dream that i cut up and down my arms, and they wouldnt stop bleeding. and i was trying to wipe them but everything was already soaked in blood. my face had cuts on it, 2 on each cheek, and my neck had these ridiculous cuts that almost looked tribal. and my dad was hovering over me telling me that he was going to send me away and all i could tell him was that i would be dead by then and he should perhaps call the ambulance now. i will find a way to bleed to death, promise.
i want cutting over drugs. i want to cut. im hoping that i will not.
and then i think...
i'll get over this. and ill be riding home today and ill be happy. ill be fucking happy with myself. and i'll go home and clean my bathtub, ill shower, and ill soak for a bit. and hopefully ill see shawn, but id be happy sitting on the phone with him for the rest of tonight.
i'm going to vancouver tomorrow, i will shop. i will shop until im tired of trying on clothes. i will do my differential eq homework on the trip and ill see my boyfriend as soon as i get back to seattle. life will fall back into place, and ill be the 5 again.
HELP ME WITH MY HOMEWORK.
consider the initial value problem:
3u''-u'+2u=0, u(0)=2, u'(0)=0
a)find the solution u(t) of this problem.
b.find the first time at which abs(u(t))=10
i came home yesterday and i was undressed and ready to sleep before 4:30 and i looked up at my wall and i saw all my toys and i thought about how they probably think i lost my luster. and i looked up at them for more minutes and i started crying because i miss laying in bed and looking up at my walls and seeing my hello kitty toys and the pictures of my sister.
i never thought about how much my sister and i dont talk to eachother and how much i miss her, and just sitting here right now thinking of that makes me want to cry. and son of a bitch i am. i dont know whats going on with her life, and she doesnt have a damn clue about mine. we barely even say good morning anymore, and we sort of just coexist like my dad and i. i miss my sister so much and i cant really do a damn thing about it. the only purpose of the house is to bathe and sleep.
i had the worst anxiety attack, and now i will have the worst scar on my back. i forgot to grab the prozacs again last night. i have to check my bank account tonight because ephedra free yellow jackets are being sold and that, that my friends is the key to life. if you can feel like youre on cocaine and not be on cocaine, son of a bitch youll stay awake a better person. i want my parents to find them. itll be a ball trying to explain over the counter pills to them.
i feel like im spiraling. like anyminute ill just explode to the old habbits. i cant stress enough how much i want to be higher than balls right now, and how bad i want to cut up and down my pitiful little arms. which isnt saying much since last night i had a dream that i cut up and down my arms, and they wouldnt stop bleeding. and i was trying to wipe them but everything was already soaked in blood. my face had cuts on it, 2 on each cheek, and my neck had these ridiculous cuts that almost looked tribal. and my dad was hovering over me telling me that he was going to send me away and all i could tell him was that i would be dead by then and he should perhaps call the ambulance now. i will find a way to bleed to death, promise.
i want cutting over drugs. i want to cut. im hoping that i will not.
and then i think...
i'll get over this. and ill be riding home today and ill be happy. ill be fucking happy with myself. and i'll go home and clean my bathtub, ill shower, and ill soak for a bit. and hopefully ill see shawn, but id be happy sitting on the phone with him for the rest of tonight.
i'm going to vancouver tomorrow, i will shop. i will shop until im tired of trying on clothes. i will do my differential eq homework on the trip and ill see my boyfriend as soon as i get back to seattle. life will fall back into place, and ill be the 5 again.
HELP ME WITH MY HOMEWORK.
consider the initial value problem:
3u''-u'+2u=0, u(0)=2, u'(0)=0
a)find the solution u(t) of this problem.
b.find the first time at which abs(u(t))=10