brand new
i am no good; beat, i think you say.
thursday was the first day of no classes. i felt really out of it the whole day. after section and lift, i felt so tired and went over to my brother's, where we ordered food. i walked back to my dorm with my bag of things my mom had sent, eating tortilla chips. i worked a little bit, and then just fell into bed and stayed there from around 7 30 to 3 30. i was exhausted. i woke up and felt terrible, worked a bit and then fell asleep again. i woke up at 11 to the bells ringing, remembered i had gov section and ran there. i felt so out of it, sneezing without my allergy pills. section ended. i saw danielle and we went to get coffee, i complained on the way about everything horrible in my life. we ate lunch. i came home, determined to feel better. i worked, went out for a run, showered, and felt myself again. worked on this goddamn paper for hours. i hate what inching progress i make. one line of writing requires like forty-five minutes of me shuffling through pages, re-reading and immediate forgetting, sketching and diagramming and uncertainty.
in lamont, i had a minor freak-out as i realized what little time i had. i need to finish my papers so i can study for my finals. this paper just seems like it will take an eternity to write! i know that as i progress, i will feel less afraid of it.
i am starving and tired.
i want to write about the end of the year.
it's suddenly upon me, and it's again a new thing, not like the end of the first term. i feel like i've met so many more people, and it's such a rush trying to set up meetings, meals, coffee dates, etc before the year is up. especially with seniors. this feeling like here is the emerging, crushing end, suddenly it will be over and we'll be over the brink.
why do i feel like the end of last semester was so much more quiet, peaceful? i remember writing my history exam and then this whole stretch of empty time standing still. just walking out into it, sunny, silent. cold.
i can't remember at all what i did last reading week. i'm sure i spent a lot of time in the library.
my friends always tease me about how much time i spend in lamont. i'm sure i could have spent a little less time holed up, or socialized outside of lamont cafe, but i really don't regret at all any time i spent working, studying, etc. i'm not sure how i could have gotten to this point without having put in that much work, and i don't think i can pull through the rest of this year without continuing to put in my hours. i don't think i could have learned what i could achieve otherwise. i've become faster, i've learned how to read, how to take notes, how to write essays. how to focus. i feel like i've really squeezed myself out.
i know there is room to grow in other ways. and i'm glad of that, and glad about the next three years...
thursday was the first day of no classes. i felt really out of it the whole day. after section and lift, i felt so tired and went over to my brother's, where we ordered food. i walked back to my dorm with my bag of things my mom had sent, eating tortilla chips. i worked a little bit, and then just fell into bed and stayed there from around 7 30 to 3 30. i was exhausted. i woke up and felt terrible, worked a bit and then fell asleep again. i woke up at 11 to the bells ringing, remembered i had gov section and ran there. i felt so out of it, sneezing without my allergy pills. section ended. i saw danielle and we went to get coffee, i complained on the way about everything horrible in my life. we ate lunch. i came home, determined to feel better. i worked, went out for a run, showered, and felt myself again. worked on this goddamn paper for hours. i hate what inching progress i make. one line of writing requires like forty-five minutes of me shuffling through pages, re-reading and immediate forgetting, sketching and diagramming and uncertainty.
in lamont, i had a minor freak-out as i realized what little time i had. i need to finish my papers so i can study for my finals. this paper just seems like it will take an eternity to write! i know that as i progress, i will feel less afraid of it.
i am starving and tired.
i want to write about the end of the year.
it's suddenly upon me, and it's again a new thing, not like the end of the first term. i feel like i've met so many more people, and it's such a rush trying to set up meetings, meals, coffee dates, etc before the year is up. especially with seniors. this feeling like here is the emerging, crushing end, suddenly it will be over and we'll be over the brink.
why do i feel like the end of last semester was so much more quiet, peaceful? i remember writing my history exam and then this whole stretch of empty time standing still. just walking out into it, sunny, silent. cold.
i can't remember at all what i did last reading week. i'm sure i spent a lot of time in the library.
my friends always tease me about how much time i spend in lamont. i'm sure i could have spent a little less time holed up, or socialized outside of lamont cafe, but i really don't regret at all any time i spent working, studying, etc. i'm not sure how i could have gotten to this point without having put in that much work, and i don't think i can pull through the rest of this year without continuing to put in my hours. i don't think i could have learned what i could achieve otherwise. i've become faster, i've learned how to read, how to take notes, how to write essays. how to focus. i feel like i've really squeezed myself out.
i know there is room to grow in other ways. and i'm glad of that, and glad about the next three years...