"It's In the Way the Snow Falls...
It all comes down the same way, in unison...
But at the same time, every flake...
is different."
Went to go see "Definately, Maybe" just a few moments ago, and no, it wasn't a date. So I got a sensitive side, whatever; that's not what this is about.
A happy ending, and finding yourself: that's what it is. I have trouble with both. I'm still at a point in life that doesn't want to change. I'm so affraid of it that I have to change my attitude towards something to make seem small and unimportant so that I won't be bothered by it. Honestly, I don't care that I graduated. I don't care that I have a 8-4:30 job now that I'll have until I quit or retire (weird, however, in its own right). I'm at a point where I'm truely free... and I feel trapped. I can do whatever it is I want right now. I don't have to worry about tests, quizzes, homework, none of that bullshit. I sleep in (compaired to how I had to wake up at 5:45am I now wake up at 7ish) and come home early. It almost seems so perfect where I am.
I'm so empty, though. I realized tonight how much I really do chase what I can't have; and if I finally get it, I don't want it anymore. I've always been like this. Problem is I can't just let go. Until something new trips my interest I can't see past it. And thus comes the other problem, I can't get out.
I can't get out and meet new people. I don't know how. Yeah, I get it: go out to parties and meet people. That doesn't work. I don't know of any parties, I'm not heavy into that, I don't have any close friends that have big parties, and I'm at my most anti-social around large groups of unknown people.
I can't get out of my own head. It's a constant story, day dream and/or blabbering of thoughts pouring through my head. I don't think I've ever lived in the moment in the last few years; never let go and just had a moment where nothing mattered.
I just need to hold someone close like I once did. To only care about "her" and nothing else. To only believe that no matter how hard it seems to get, or how confused I am about my own life, I can let go and just breathe...
But at the same time, every flake...
is different."
Went to go see "Definately, Maybe" just a few moments ago, and no, it wasn't a date. So I got a sensitive side, whatever; that's not what this is about.
A happy ending, and finding yourself: that's what it is. I have trouble with both. I'm still at a point in life that doesn't want to change. I'm so affraid of it that I have to change my attitude towards something to make seem small and unimportant so that I won't be bothered by it. Honestly, I don't care that I graduated. I don't care that I have a 8-4:30 job now that I'll have until I quit or retire (weird, however, in its own right). I'm at a point where I'm truely free... and I feel trapped. I can do whatever it is I want right now. I don't have to worry about tests, quizzes, homework, none of that bullshit. I sleep in (compaired to how I had to wake up at 5:45am I now wake up at 7ish) and come home early. It almost seems so perfect where I am.
I'm so empty, though. I realized tonight how much I really do chase what I can't have; and if I finally get it, I don't want it anymore. I've always been like this. Problem is I can't just let go. Until something new trips my interest I can't see past it. And thus comes the other problem, I can't get out.
I can't get out and meet new people. I don't know how. Yeah, I get it: go out to parties and meet people. That doesn't work. I don't know of any parties, I'm not heavy into that, I don't have any close friends that have big parties, and I'm at my most anti-social around large groups of unknown people.
I can't get out of my own head. It's a constant story, day dream and/or blabbering of thoughts pouring through my head. I don't think I've ever lived in the moment in the last few years; never let go and just had a moment where nothing mattered.
I just need to hold someone close like I once did. To only care about "her" and nothing else. To only believe that no matter how hard it seems to get, or how confused I am about my own life, I can let go and just breathe...