(no subject)
I'm trying to prepare myself to see the meds doctor. She's actually a meds nurse practitioner, but she seems to know what she's doing. I went to her in the first place because one of my favorite depressed friends here told me that she is the psych meds guru in this area. I was going to complain that she keeps talking about treating my depression, and I keep telling her that as long as I don't get anxious, I don't tend to get depressed, because my anxiety triggers my depression. But apparently, I am full of doodoo because here I am, realizing that a lot of what goes on with me, and keeps my life disorganized, has a lot to do with depression that is getting masked by anxiety, not triggered by it. So I won't complain about that. I will complain that she thinks therapy might be good. Truth is, I'm kind of over therapy after ten years of talk therapy and another year of cognitive behavioral therapy, and now about 14 years of meds. I'm good. I'm not saying it wouldn't help, but the expense and timing of it would be more stress, and I'm all about simplifying my life right now, not adding to the issues in it.
But I'm going to see meds lady today. And I'm up to 120 of the Cymbalta, which I don't hate. I have to remember to start taking it earlier, because I need to sleep more. Why can't they just give me a pill that will make me not depressed, not anxious, and thin? What is so fucking hard about that? I mean, the Zoloft made me gain weight, and I'm off that. And now the Cymbalta is leaving me still feeling a little less on top of my game than I'd like. But lately, with the higher dose, I'm more up for the challenge of it all. I can even deal with the Girls Scouts right now, despite my white hot seething hate for them. Not the scouts themselves, the whole thing of it. If you wanted girls to be confident, courageous and whatever the third C is, you wouldn't make them wear those dumbass vests. For serious. But I digress.
Okay, so I hope it goes well at the meds lady. I don't know what I'm worried about. It's not like she's going to yell at me. I just feel anxious about it.
But I'm going to see meds lady today. And I'm up to 120 of the Cymbalta, which I don't hate. I have to remember to start taking it earlier, because I need to sleep more. Why can't they just give me a pill that will make me not depressed, not anxious, and thin? What is so fucking hard about that? I mean, the Zoloft made me gain weight, and I'm off that. And now the Cymbalta is leaving me still feeling a little less on top of my game than I'd like. But lately, with the higher dose, I'm more up for the challenge of it all. I can even deal with the Girls Scouts right now, despite my white hot seething hate for them. Not the scouts themselves, the whole thing of it. If you wanted girls to be confident, courageous and whatever the third C is, you wouldn't make them wear those dumbass vests. For serious. But I digress.
Okay, so I hope it goes well at the meds lady. I don't know what I'm worried about. It's not like she's going to yell at me. I just feel anxious about it.