Home from Europe...for a month
Home, home, home, and already buying tickets to leave in a month to the new job on the East Coast (not that new, I guess...same place, different position. Moving up in the world, yay!). I'm beginning to feel less and less of a sense of "home" when I come back to this place, as I've been spending less and less time here.
I guess it's a good thing, though. I need the time away from all of the...memories...that come with here. I'm happier when I'm not constantly reminded of the things I was so close to having and didn't get, not because I couldn't, but because I didn't want it, and the feeling of...judgement? I don't know. They're weird feelings, honestly.
I am, however, so so so so happy these days. The trip to Europe was amazing, and I feel like I cleared my head and organized a lot of thoughts while on it. I made sense of a lot of feelings I was having. I got over some things. I moved on from some things. I got excited about taking new things on.
My first day back in my mother's house, I woke up and everyone had left for work, and I was, for the first time in a month, all by myself for a moment. And I was in a great mood. I blasted some favorite music, singing along and dancing, and microwaved some leftover pork chops and spaghetti I found in the fridge for brunch. Delicious. Hah.
I found Wade and our crew my first night back and spent time with them, before seeing The Chef and spending time with him as well. His story hasn't changed - he's always tired because they work him to hard for too long, so he doesn't have an awful lot of time and energy for me or any of the other people who want his attention. That's okay, it's for the best. When I leave in a month, I probably won't be back here until Thanksgiving, and he'll probably be out of here by then, as he wants to go to live with his ailing parents this summer, and will likely stay there once he goes.
Haven't managed any alone time with Wade yet, and while I'd really like for that to happen, the urgency is dampened. I realized on my trip how unfortunate it is that he can't see how sexy and beautiful I am. He is attracted to me, he says, but more for my personality. Still, not feeling beautiful around him does have its affect on me, and the fact that I'm always chasing him for sex and it's rarely the other way around, I think I'm getting tired of that aspect of our friendship when it's so much easier with other people. I don't want to lose his friendship, don't get me wrong, but I do think I'll stop chasing his cock, and if I do that, I get the feeling I'll also stop getting his cock.
And if that's the natural progression of the friendship, that's fine. Like I said, I leave in a month, and will be gone for about nine months. I'll have to get used to going without his physical presence, anyway. If he comes to work at the summer camp again, which he might not, it'll be awesome to be able to spend time with him, but even then, alone time there is rare, and was also always something I had to beg from him.
This might just be a necessary and positive alteration to our relationship.
Very, very excited about East Coast job, and the new and old staff that will be there. Can't wait to see what it holds for me!
I guess it's a good thing, though. I need the time away from all of the...memories...that come with here. I'm happier when I'm not constantly reminded of the things I was so close to having and didn't get, not because I couldn't, but because I didn't want it, and the feeling of...judgement? I don't know. They're weird feelings, honestly.
I am, however, so so so so happy these days. The trip to Europe was amazing, and I feel like I cleared my head and organized a lot of thoughts while on it. I made sense of a lot of feelings I was having. I got over some things. I moved on from some things. I got excited about taking new things on.
My first day back in my mother's house, I woke up and everyone had left for work, and I was, for the first time in a month, all by myself for a moment. And I was in a great mood. I blasted some favorite music, singing along and dancing, and microwaved some leftover pork chops and spaghetti I found in the fridge for brunch. Delicious. Hah.
I found Wade and our crew my first night back and spent time with them, before seeing The Chef and spending time with him as well. His story hasn't changed - he's always tired because they work him to hard for too long, so he doesn't have an awful lot of time and energy for me or any of the other people who want his attention. That's okay, it's for the best. When I leave in a month, I probably won't be back here until Thanksgiving, and he'll probably be out of here by then, as he wants to go to live with his ailing parents this summer, and will likely stay there once he goes.
Haven't managed any alone time with Wade yet, and while I'd really like for that to happen, the urgency is dampened. I realized on my trip how unfortunate it is that he can't see how sexy and beautiful I am. He is attracted to me, he says, but more for my personality. Still, not feeling beautiful around him does have its affect on me, and the fact that I'm always chasing him for sex and it's rarely the other way around, I think I'm getting tired of that aspect of our friendship when it's so much easier with other people. I don't want to lose his friendship, don't get me wrong, but I do think I'll stop chasing his cock, and if I do that, I get the feeling I'll also stop getting his cock.
And if that's the natural progression of the friendship, that's fine. Like I said, I leave in a month, and will be gone for about nine months. I'll have to get used to going without his physical presence, anyway. If he comes to work at the summer camp again, which he might not, it'll be awesome to be able to spend time with him, but even then, alone time there is rare, and was also always something I had to beg from him.
This might just be a necessary and positive alteration to our relationship.
Very, very excited about East Coast job, and the new and old staff that will be there. Can't wait to see what it holds for me!