okay, this is me trying
Hello my lovelys. Well Santa Cruz is ...Santa Cruz. For those of you who know what that means. I'm doing well. Except that being up here. Being isolated up here. Forces me to think of things that I'd been able to escape for quite some time now, due to preoccupation. Now, I have nothing to do to keep me from thinking of these things. And god damn it, it hurts. It hurts like hell. And I can do nothing besides dwelling on the hurt. I love you all. And you know this. But I think the only people that can really...I don't know empathise with me, or know how to deal with me when i am like this are Megan Hafner, and possibly Jenny. Usually I would turn to Megan Allen... as she is a friend near and dear to me. But it has, sadly come to my attention. That she doesn't know at all how much she casts aside the hurt on my part that I want consoled by her. It hurts. Even moreso I think. And so, I am separated by all who are dear to me and whom I can talk to. Don't get me wrong Aly, and Caitlin, and Jo Andrea, I love you all more than I can say. But honestly, I don't know you all as well as I should wish to. I would do anything for you guys. You know that. But the fact is, I'm still getting to know you. Anyways, the people I usually barf all of my hurt to are Jenny (out to the beach) megan Hafner (traveling) and Megan Allen (at her fathers). I feel completely cut off from my lines of safty. And there is nothing to do but dwell. GOD DAMMIT. It hurts. OH GOD does it fucking hurt.
why.
why.
why.
why.