WHO GONNA BUY THAT?!?
In thinking about reactivating my active modeling status, and because I just sort of always wanted to, I called up a local salon to see about a waxing. Hey, if nothing else, it would be life experience I could share here, on the internet.
I called up the first place and had major communication issues with the man who answered the phone. So I called somewhere else. A lady answered and I explained to her what I wanted to do, getting my legs waxed and all that. She said Id have to come in to get an appraisal depending on my amount of body hair. I suited up and headed out.
Once I arrived I found a relatively empty salon save for the three Chinese women working and one man at the counter. They took me in a back room where I had to drop my pants and show them my legs. She instructed me to lie down and get ready, giving my a little towel to cover my secret spots with. She handed me some entertainment magazines and told me to relax.
Then it happened. I thought maybe Steve Carell in 40-Year Old Virgin may have been exaggerating, but no, not in the least. People who know me know that I have a bit of a mildly Tourettic impulse that becomes much more evident when in pain, and so, I found myself screaming a string of obscenities and thrashing my head about. Some of my favorite exchanges:
Her: Just relax, it'll be fine.
Me: Fucksnatch!
Her: You should have this done when hair is shorter, it hurt less.
Me: Crikey motherfucker!
Her: Try saying 'cock cock cock,' it'll help
Me: (barks)
Her: Are you Italian?
Me: No.
Her: You have nice body, you work out?
Me: SHIT ARRRRRGYLE
Her: Lift your leg please, okay, now.
Me: COCK COCK COCK
Her: (holding up a sheet of hair) Look at that! It so long! I trim this down for you some
Me: I should save that, and sell it
Her: WHO GONNA BUY THAT?
Her: You a good looking boy, very handsome.
Me: I try.
Her: There no trying about it, you born that way.
me: COCK COCK COCK
Her: Okay, come pay when you done
There was also a continuous weeping/giggling sound I kept emitting. I wish I'd had a recorder for it. After it was over she rubbed me down with baby oil. It was an interesting life experience overall. She said I should go home and take a long cold shower and then leaned in close to me and plucked my eyebrow. Nice lady.
I think I'm bleeding in my pants.
I called up the first place and had major communication issues with the man who answered the phone. So I called somewhere else. A lady answered and I explained to her what I wanted to do, getting my legs waxed and all that. She said Id have to come in to get an appraisal depending on my amount of body hair. I suited up and headed out.
Once I arrived I found a relatively empty salon save for the three Chinese women working and one man at the counter. They took me in a back room where I had to drop my pants and show them my legs. She instructed me to lie down and get ready, giving my a little towel to cover my secret spots with. She handed me some entertainment magazines and told me to relax.
Then it happened. I thought maybe Steve Carell in 40-Year Old Virgin may have been exaggerating, but no, not in the least. People who know me know that I have a bit of a mildly Tourettic impulse that becomes much more evident when in pain, and so, I found myself screaming a string of obscenities and thrashing my head about. Some of my favorite exchanges:
Her: Just relax, it'll be fine.
Me: Fucksnatch!
Her: You should have this done when hair is shorter, it hurt less.
Me: Crikey motherfucker!
Her: Try saying 'cock cock cock,' it'll help
Me: (barks)
Her: Are you Italian?
Me: No.
Her: You have nice body, you work out?
Me: SHIT ARRRRRGYLE
Her: Lift your leg please, okay, now.
Me: COCK COCK COCK
Her: (holding up a sheet of hair) Look at that! It so long! I trim this down for you some
Me: I should save that, and sell it
Her: WHO GONNA BUY THAT?
Her: You a good looking boy, very handsome.
Me: I try.
Her: There no trying about it, you born that way.
me: COCK COCK COCK
Her: Okay, come pay when you done
There was also a continuous weeping/giggling sound I kept emitting. I wish I'd had a recorder for it. After it was over she rubbed me down with baby oil. It was an interesting life experience overall. She said I should go home and take a long cold shower and then leaned in close to me and plucked my eyebrow. Nice lady.
I think I'm bleeding in my pants.