It Should Be Me
Neither of them were ever really there with each other when they did this, and both of them knew it. It was easy to determine that Jeremy was imagining their lead vocalist thrusting hard into him even though it was Shinwoo standing behind him and Shinwoo’s fingers digging into his hips. Jeremy had this bad habit of moaning out Taekyung’s name when he came, and Shinwoo had promised after the first time that he wouldn’t tell anyone his secret, especially not to Taekyung. They both cringed at what would happen if he were to find out.
For Shinwoo, it was different. He never said anything when they were like this, barely made a sound beyond heavy breathing and the occasional sharp intake of air, so Jeremy never had any idea what his hyung was thinking about as he pounded him into the mattress or against a wall or in the shower. Sometimes he was just angry, sometimes he was too nervous, perhaps anxious. Until now, it wasn’t a person he was pretending to be with, but an emotion. Jeremy was too thick to understand: he simply thought Shinwoo was quiet.
This time was only half different. He was thinking about someone - two someones, actually - and how angry he was at them at that moment. They were both infuriating. How hard had he tried to get her to notice him? How many times had he confided his secrets to her? How many times had he offered to help her out, or protect her from Jeremy’s attacks? How many talks had they had where he assured her that she could talk to him? And yet all Minam could seem to talk about was…
Him. He was always in the way, always around Minam, even in the worst situations. He always got to her before Shinwoo could, was always there first to hurt her pride or dampen her spirits as best he could, would shun her and tell her to leave. At first it had worked in his favor, Shinwoo being able to comfort her after he’d been particularly mean to her. He would seek her out and offer his advice, a story, conversation. A friend. But Taekyung was always there first.
Hwang Taekyung-sshi?
Getting Jeremy alone was always easy, and getting his pants off was easier. This time, though, he’d cornered him in the shower, pushing him against the wall and thrusting hard into him, his nails digging crescent shaped dents in his skin as he gripped his hips tightly, making sure he wouldn’t move too much. The water sprayed down on them, dripping down his face and making Jeremy’s back slick against Shinwoo’s chest.
Have you seen Taekyung-sshi?
He could hear her voice echo in his head, asking for Taekyung-sshi, a name that seemed to fall from her lips almost more often than her repeated apology, and he hated it. He pushed his body hard against Jeremy’s at the memory of her concerned face as she asked for him, not having eyes for anybody but the boy who hurt her the most. No, she couldn’t go to the one who loved her, who’d been trying to make her feel welcome, who’d offered more than the stuck-up vocalist had ever offered. She went for him as though she wanted to be hurt again, as though looking for more insults to be thrown her way.
He clenched his teeth together tightly as he thrust hard again into the drummer, hearing a groan come from his mouth and echo across the bathroom, and part of him wished that Taekyung would hear Jeremy moaning out his name. Perhaps if he knew how the drummer felt about him, he’d take a step or two away from Minam and let Shinwoo into her life as more than just a comforting shoulder. Perhaps Minam would ask for him instead, would look to him for help, would go to him first instead of trying to constantly please that which couldn’t be pleased.
Tears began falling down his cheeks, the hot water running away all traces of them. They were known only to him, not to Minam, and not to the boy writhing against him, all but begging for release.
The image of Taekyung with his arm wrapped around Minam as she cried filled his brain, and he let out an involuntary cry, a soft gasp filled with tears and anger and hatred, but all Jeremy would hear was a gasp of pleasure. Naïve bastard. Shinwoo wanted to be the one to hold her tightly and assure her that he was there for her, to let her cry on his shoulder and tell him what was wrong, but Taekyung had, again, beat him to it. The tears fell harder, and he thrust harder into Jeremy, barely noticing that the younger boy’s shoulder was jerking as the drummer worked to get himself off.
Jeremy came first, Taekyung’s name on his lips, and it made Shinwoo even more angry than he’d been before. He kept pressing harder into the blonde until he, too, came, another gasp falling from him. He pulled out and took a step back, seeing Jeremy panting against the wall, Taekyung’s name still a whisper on his lips, and Shinwoo could have slapped him for even saying that name in front of him. Wordlessly, he grabbed a towel and left the bathroom, leaving Jeremy breathless under the shower spray.
.
For Shinwoo, it was different. He never said anything when they were like this, barely made a sound beyond heavy breathing and the occasional sharp intake of air, so Jeremy never had any idea what his hyung was thinking about as he pounded him into the mattress or against a wall or in the shower. Sometimes he was just angry, sometimes he was too nervous, perhaps anxious. Until now, it wasn’t a person he was pretending to be with, but an emotion. Jeremy was too thick to understand: he simply thought Shinwoo was quiet.
This time was only half different. He was thinking about someone - two someones, actually - and how angry he was at them at that moment. They were both infuriating. How hard had he tried to get her to notice him? How many times had he confided his secrets to her? How many times had he offered to help her out, or protect her from Jeremy’s attacks? How many talks had they had where he assured her that she could talk to him? And yet all Minam could seem to talk about was…
Him. He was always in the way, always around Minam, even in the worst situations. He always got to her before Shinwoo could, was always there first to hurt her pride or dampen her spirits as best he could, would shun her and tell her to leave. At first it had worked in his favor, Shinwoo being able to comfort her after he’d been particularly mean to her. He would seek her out and offer his advice, a story, conversation. A friend. But Taekyung was always there first.
Hwang Taekyung-sshi?
Getting Jeremy alone was always easy, and getting his pants off was easier. This time, though, he’d cornered him in the shower, pushing him against the wall and thrusting hard into him, his nails digging crescent shaped dents in his skin as he gripped his hips tightly, making sure he wouldn’t move too much. The water sprayed down on them, dripping down his face and making Jeremy’s back slick against Shinwoo’s chest.
Have you seen Taekyung-sshi?
He could hear her voice echo in his head, asking for Taekyung-sshi, a name that seemed to fall from her lips almost more often than her repeated apology, and he hated it. He pushed his body hard against Jeremy’s at the memory of her concerned face as she asked for him, not having eyes for anybody but the boy who hurt her the most. No, she couldn’t go to the one who loved her, who’d been trying to make her feel welcome, who’d offered more than the stuck-up vocalist had ever offered. She went for him as though she wanted to be hurt again, as though looking for more insults to be thrown her way.
He clenched his teeth together tightly as he thrust hard again into the drummer, hearing a groan come from his mouth and echo across the bathroom, and part of him wished that Taekyung would hear Jeremy moaning out his name. Perhaps if he knew how the drummer felt about him, he’d take a step or two away from Minam and let Shinwoo into her life as more than just a comforting shoulder. Perhaps Minam would ask for him instead, would look to him for help, would go to him first instead of trying to constantly please that which couldn’t be pleased.
Tears began falling down his cheeks, the hot water running away all traces of them. They were known only to him, not to Minam, and not to the boy writhing against him, all but begging for release.
The image of Taekyung with his arm wrapped around Minam as she cried filled his brain, and he let out an involuntary cry, a soft gasp filled with tears and anger and hatred, but all Jeremy would hear was a gasp of pleasure. Naïve bastard. Shinwoo wanted to be the one to hold her tightly and assure her that he was there for her, to let her cry on his shoulder and tell him what was wrong, but Taekyung had, again, beat him to it. The tears fell harder, and he thrust harder into Jeremy, barely noticing that the younger boy’s shoulder was jerking as the drummer worked to get himself off.
Jeremy came first, Taekyung’s name on his lips, and it made Shinwoo even more angry than he’d been before. He kept pressing harder into the blonde until he, too, came, another gasp falling from him. He pulled out and took a step back, seeing Jeremy panting against the wall, Taekyung’s name still a whisper on his lips, and Shinwoo could have slapped him for even saying that name in front of him. Wordlessly, he grabbed a towel and left the bathroom, leaving Jeremy breathless under the shower spray.
.