(no subject)
i havent been able to shake this constant sense of doom anxiety. it feels different from depression dread which is also like everyday. but a physical thing, this worry, this stress, this sense of tight dread waiting to fall. i keep thinking dubu is going to die. i keep thinking my dad is going to die. i got a phone call from edo's friend bc her mom called her after edo didn't go home one night and i immediately thought oh she died. she's probably dead.
i've been having more dreams about my mom lately. not bad ones. just random, like i moved to germany with her and i introduced her to a girl from college i once knew and she was happy to see me with someone. we took pictures from a tv made out of stone that was free but played nonstop advertisements.
the commonality of my dreams has been small moments with my mom and then random white girls from college being affectionate with me. three so far in the last week or so. all real girls, all from college, all in dreams cradling me, hugging me. i dunno if it's the era and the white thing is just that's who i was surrounded by in college.
my closest friend here is about to lose his business. it's a restaurant, and with coronavirus and all, he's just on his last legs. we sit and drink and i listen to him vent and all i can say is "man that sucks." all things are death. there's nothing you can do but sit and agree how awful it all is.
i've been having more dreams about my mom lately. not bad ones. just random, like i moved to germany with her and i introduced her to a girl from college i once knew and she was happy to see me with someone. we took pictures from a tv made out of stone that was free but played nonstop advertisements.
the commonality of my dreams has been small moments with my mom and then random white girls from college being affectionate with me. three so far in the last week or so. all real girls, all from college, all in dreams cradling me, hugging me. i dunno if it's the era and the white thing is just that's who i was surrounded by in college.
my closest friend here is about to lose his business. it's a restaurant, and with coronavirus and all, he's just on his last legs. we sit and drink and i listen to him vent and all i can say is "man that sucks." all things are death. there's nothing you can do but sit and agree how awful it all is.