So the evening wasn't wasted. Hallie and I split up at The Bronze. No doubt she enjoyed an evening of good, care-free vengeance. I envied her. At least for the care-free part
( Read more... )
I listen the man's tirade across from me. Evidently he wanted a book, and Buffy's posse was makin' it hard for him to get it.
Since I knew really nothing of the matter. I did the one thing I could.
I ignored him.
"Right...anyway."
I turn back from him to face Giles, Dawn, and the rest.
"Ok. Thanks Giles. I'll do the best I can to fill y'all in, but I may be hazy on some details cause of some of my own stuff that I was goin' through at the time as well, but I'll so what I can. Here goes: A few weeks back, Darla arrived at the Hyperion, which is the hotel where we base our operation...kinda like how y'all seem to do your business outta here. Darla was recently resurrected as a human by Wolfram & Hart, but then revamped. She and Angel had...uh..."
I look at Dawn, I feel uncomfortable saying this around a minor, but I figure if she runs in this crowd, she'll deal.
"...done some mattress dancin, which Wolfram & Hart hoped would revert him back into the Big Bad, but evidently he doesn't feel enough for Darla to experience the happy. She disappears. Reappears some months later pregnant? Mystery to you? Yeah, it was to us too. We didn't think vamps could have children, but they were the exception. There's even a prophesy of it on file...I'm sure if you dug around here, you'd find it. Having the human child in her was in a way like being reinstituted with a soul, so Darla came to Angel seeking help...but she was scared, cause she knew she'd lose her humanity once the baby came out. Let me pause here and say, that despite what her vampire history was...when that woman was ensouled...she was a beautiful strong person, it's amazing the difference a soul makes...
...anyway, to make a long story short, Darla stakes herself to save the baby. Baby is safe, Angel takes it. Cares for it. That's where we get to the part I mentioned. Holtz shows up, nabs the baby...and disappears into a demon dimension, depriving Angel of ever being able to see his son again.
I look at Giles in surprise when he offers up the Watchers' diaries. There was a time, not too long ago, when he would've slappled me across the wrist if I as much as tried to touch one. Now he's offering me free access to them. Glad at least someone realized that I can help, that keeping me sheltered isn't going to help anyone.
"Giles, that would be awesome," I say softly, leaning over closer to them. "I can totally handle gruesome, don't even worry."
I stay by him as Tucker complains. Personally, I agree with Giles, Tucker makes me twitch. But I know that Giles isn't the owner of the Magic Box anymore, and Anya's all about the money, so she'll probably sell it anyway. So I ignore him as well, not my business really anyway, and turn to listen to Fred.
Takes me a while to gather it all in. Then I want to whimper and beat my head against the desk. It's all been so much information, everywhere, new people, stuff happening here and in LA... it's hard. But I can't let the grown-ups take care of it anymore. I'm kinda one of them now. The last Summers.
That sucks.
"Two," I say slowly, trying to settle my thoughts. Aside from vampires having babies... "When Holtz took the baby, he only did it for revenge? That's it? And..." I pause. There are some gaps here. "Where were Faith and... Wesley?" Duh, I know where Faith was, but Wesley's part in all of this is unclear.
I turn as Dawn asks her question. I open my mouth to reply, but pause.
Wesley.
How was I supposed to answer that?
I swallow, and begin: "Faith, as you probably know, was doing her time in jail. Wesley...gosh...Wesley...he...uh...was the one who gave the baby to Holtz. He misinterpreted a prophesy, and believed he was doing the right thing, but he had been tricked. He delivered Connor...Angel's son...into Holtz's hands, and then had his throat slit by one of Holtz's people. He lived. But Angel...won't forgive him."
I sit in the silence of the room for a moment. It was heavy.
Oh. God. Oh my god. Wesley was the one who got Angel's son lost. Now I understand why Faith is so weird... I mean, not that she normally isn't weird. But weirder than usual. And why we haven't see Wesley once although he's in town. And why is all seems to weigh so hard on Angel. I mean, to lose your kid is one thing, but to have someone you thought was a friend be the cause... wow.
"But if he thought he was doing the right thing..." I say out loud, before I can stop myself. It just doesn't seem fair. "It's not all his fault..." I stop and clamp my mouth shut and shake my head. I don't know anything about this, it's not my business. I can't imagine how Angel feels.
Wow, I come for some history, and instead I get the full background on the LA gang. Things just get weirder and weirder.
"Giles, that would be awesome," I say softly, leaning over closer to them. "I can totally handle gruesome, don't even worry."
"I guess, things being as they are, I just can't see the point in sheltering you any longer. The books are with my things back at the house. We can get them later."
The information that Wesley was responsible for Angel's son being kidnapped hardly comes as a surprise. He always was a bit of a ponce. I think a small snort actually escapes my mouth, which is entirely inappropriate. I just can't help comparing the situation to Wesley's mistake with Faith shortly after he arrived in Sunnydale. He never did have the finess it takes to truly be a great Watcher.
Like me, right? Because I'm the perfect Watcher aren't I. First I let my slayer die. Twice. Then I leave her alone and she abandons her friends, family and duty in favor of a less stressful delusion.
"Thinking he was doing the right thing? That may be, Dawn, but where he made his mistake was when he kept his plans secret. I can see why he didn't tell Angel...but he didn't tell Gunn...or Cordelia...Lorne...or even me. He just blindly handed Connor over to Holtz, and he did it secretively. When you're part of a team...ANY team, when you go around the backs to fraternize with an enemy of those who care for and trust you, even if you THINK you're doing the right thing...what you're doing is summed up into one simple word: betrayal."
I purse lips. I really didn't mean to lecture. This group knows what teamwork was about, but Wesley was once one of them too, so I can see how it may be hard for them to understand his actions. Heck, it was hard for me.
"Let's face it. Times are not good to be a good guy."
"Let's face it. Times are not good to be a good guy."
"That is so true, my dear. Insightful really. However, this is all getting a little dull to be perfectly honest. I mean, you're all just so 'woe-is-me' and yet none of you is willing to do anything about it, like exact a little vengeance perhaps."
I notice the man from the graveyard.
"Except you. Tucker, isn't it? Honestly, the rest of you, do-gooders could learn a lot from this young man. For a human it's quite unusual actually. Anyanka and I have understood for hundreds of years that there is no point in aligning yourself with good or evil. Don't you people understand?! There is no 'winning' side here. The winning side is the middle. Where I choose to stay."
My, these people certainly bring out the fiesty in me, don't they? Now I understand why Anyanka is always so irritated.
My eyes narrowed at Giles's earlier comment. And stayed narrowed for the rest of the conversation. Presuming to tell me...right, so he was a Watcher, he knew all about the bad evil magicks and such. But, hello, he used to play around in them!
Too bad he was such a handsome man, and a damn fine kisser. My eyes widened. Great. All this going on and my mind reverts to that tabula rasa spell Willow botched awhile back?
Ironically, I had the Codex sitting underneath the main counter. I took it out of the cloth wrapping and placed it on the table in front of Tucker.
"Here. Go. Raise hell," I instructed. I was tired of the endless chitchat, the whining. That was Buffy's group. Always whining. Always talking. Always saving the world. But what did they do? When the day ends, it was always Buffy. Now it's time for Anya.
"Just so there's no confusion," I said, my gaze resting on Giles, Dawn, and the others in turn, "this is not Scooby Central anymore. I am a vengeance demon. I am Anyanka. I am not your go-to gal for research. This shop is no longer your second home. Halfrek's got it right. There is no such thing as a winning side. There's just us. Each of us, doing what it takes to survive.
"I've made my choice. I am the vengeance demon Anyanka," I said again. "Now leave."
I knew I'd just taken everyone by complete surprise, including Hallie. Good. Let them be shocked. I've places to go, vengeance to exact. Time to be me again. The pre-Xander Harris/Scooby Gang/Sunnydale me.
I watch as Anyanka sets the Codex down upon the counter, as soon as it is free from her grasp and she gives me her blessing to take it, I smile and raise my hand toward the book.
"Come."
The book floats across the room and lands into my outstretched hand. I tuck it safely under my arm, and with my hands cut the shopkeeper a check from my checkbook.
"I know you never stated a price, but I think this will more than cover it."
I fold the check in half and with a wave of my hand it floats the opposite direction that the book came and lands on the counter in front of Anyanka.
"Halfrek, your words are kind, and I appreciate the compliment. It is indeed a fine feeling to know that someone understands where I stand in the matters of the epic struggle. It has been both an honor and a privilege, I truly hope that we can spend more time chatting in the future, as like minds are hard to find. I may not be a vengeance demon, but I feel we can have plenty to discuss."
I turn to the shopkeeper.
"...and Anyanka. Thank you. Other than Halfrek, you have been the only person in this entire shop this afternoon that has displayed any sense at all. Your understanding has been greatly appreciated."
I pause and smile.
"and while I have no need for vengance at the moment, I do have one thing. I wish..."
I can feel the room tense, as the Scoobies all worry what words will follow. I can't help but grin at the small victory.
"I wish you both luck on quest for vengance."
A hollow wish, but worth it to see everyone squirm.
Fred's right, now that I look at it from that point of view. He should've said something, it's a lot to keep inside. I should know, cause I'm pretty much queen of the keeping inside and then with the big explode-y outbursts.
Then when Halfrek and Anya speak, I can feel my eyes narrowing and my hands clenching into fists under the table.
"Speaking of betrayal," I say loudly, pushing back my chair and standing up. "Giles, I think you made a mistake selling the store. Who knows what will happen to Sunndale now with Anya enabling every wannabe witch and warlock."
I'm getting pissed off now 'cause they're being so stupid and ignorant. Oh, look at me, I'm heap big vengeance demon. So what? They never did anything good to help anyone, just stuck to themselves and now they think they're so awesome. Well, whatever.
I don't even grace Tucker with a glance or a word or anything. I can't believe he used to be interesting. Now he's just a world-class jerk. So I look at Anya instead. "And, yeah, if each of us are doing what we need to survive, for us that includes doing research. You don't need to help, but Giles was nice enough to leave you this store in the first place. So deal with it."
I turn around and walk towards the door, fuming. I don't know where I'm going, but right now I just need to leave so I don't have a complete freak-out at the demonkind. Anya thinks it's going to be so easy getting back to her previous way of life, does she?
I pause right in front of the door, turning around for some last words or whatever. "Besides, I don't see why you're taking it out on us, Anya," I say clearly. "We're not the ones who left you at the altar."
It all happens so fast, I can barely keep it straight in my head. The demon talk, the floating book, Dawn storming out.
For a second I am glued to my seat in silence, like an armadillo caught in a cactus hedge.
But after a few seconds, it all realigns in my head, and I snap to attention. I slap my open palm on the table.
"What is WRONG with y'all? You sit here amidst perhaps the most grief laden circumstances, and instead of pullin' together you are finding ways to tear apart!"
I turn to the man who just got the book via floatiness.
"...and you, magic or no magic...you're weak. Beacuse you claim indifferencem but let me tell you something, in the end we will all have to choose a side, and evil isn't going to care if you're indifferent. It will kill you all the same. I may not win, but at least I've enough conviction to take a side and stand by my beliefs."
I shift in my seat and point at the demon...ladies...no. Demon bitches.
"...same goes for you. You may think vengance isn't evil, but it is. Because it is solving a wrong with a wrong. It as an action of revenge, an action void of feeling or understanding. You want someone to wish so badly? I wish you could feel the ramifications of each set of vengance you had ever cast...I wish that knowledge and pain weighed on you for eternity. Then you'll understand vengance."
I stand up.
"You don't want me in the store? Fine. There's a girl out there who needs someone, and unlike everyone else, who's driftin' apart, I'm going to go and see if I can put her back together."
...and with that I walk out of the Magic Box.
I may not have made any friends today in Sunnydale, but I made a stand.
((should Fred and Dawn continue in a new post outside somewhere?))
Since I knew really nothing of the matter. I did the one thing I could.
I ignored him.
"Right...anyway."
I turn back from him to face Giles, Dawn, and the rest.
"Ok. Thanks Giles. I'll do the best I can to fill y'all in, but I may be hazy on some details cause of some of my own stuff that I was goin' through at the time as well, but I'll so what I can. Here goes: A few weeks back, Darla arrived at the Hyperion, which is the hotel where we base our operation...kinda like how y'all seem to do your business outta here. Darla was recently resurrected as a human by Wolfram & Hart, but then revamped. She and Angel had...uh..."
I look at Dawn, I feel uncomfortable saying this around a minor, but I figure if she runs in this crowd, she'll deal.
"...done some mattress dancin, which Wolfram & Hart hoped would revert him back into the Big Bad, but evidently he doesn't feel enough for Darla to experience the happy. She disappears. Reappears some months later pregnant? Mystery to you? Yeah, it was to us too. We didn't think vamps could have children, but they were the exception. There's even a prophesy of it on file...I'm sure if you dug around here, you'd find it. Having the human child in her was in a way like being reinstituted with a soul, so Darla came to Angel seeking help...but she was scared, cause she knew she'd lose her humanity once the baby came out. Let me pause here and say, that despite what her vampire history was...when that woman was ensouled...she was a beautiful strong person, it's amazing the difference a soul makes...
...anyway, to make a long story short, Darla stakes herself to save the baby. Baby is safe, Angel takes it. Cares for it. That's where we get to the part I mentioned. Holtz shows up, nabs the baby...and disappears into a demon dimension, depriving Angel of ever being able to see his son again.
That brings you up to speed, any questions?"
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"Giles, that would be awesome," I say softly, leaning over closer to them. "I can totally handle gruesome, don't even worry."
I stay by him as Tucker complains. Personally, I agree with Giles, Tucker makes me twitch. But I know that Giles isn't the owner of the Magic Box anymore, and Anya's all about the money, so she'll probably sell it anyway. So I ignore him as well, not my business really anyway, and turn to listen to Fred.
Takes me a while to gather it all in. Then I want to whimper and beat my head against the desk. It's all been so much information, everywhere, new people, stuff happening here and in LA... it's hard. But I can't let the grown-ups take care of it anymore. I'm kinda one of them now. The last Summers.
That sucks.
"Two," I say slowly, trying to settle my thoughts. Aside from vampires having babies... "When Holtz took the baby, he only did it for revenge? That's it? And..." I pause. There are some gaps here. "Where were Faith and... Wesley?" Duh, I know where Faith was, but Wesley's part in all of this is unclear.
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Wesley.
How was I supposed to answer that?
I swallow, and begin: "Faith, as you probably know, was doing her time in jail. Wesley...gosh...Wesley...he...uh...was the one who gave the baby to Holtz. He misinterpreted a prophesy, and believed he was doing the right thing, but he had been tricked. He delivered Connor...Angel's son...into Holtz's hands, and then had his throat slit by one of Holtz's people. He lived. But Angel...won't forgive him."
I sit in the silence of the room for a moment. It was heavy.
"...and honestly, I don't know if I can either."
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"But if he thought he was doing the right thing..." I say out loud, before I can stop myself. It just doesn't seem fair. "It's not all his fault..." I stop and clamp my mouth shut and shake my head. I don't know anything about this, it's not my business. I can't imagine how Angel feels.
Wow, I come for some history, and instead I get the full background on the LA gang. Things just get weirder and weirder.
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"I guess, things being as they are, I just can't see the point in sheltering you any longer. The books are with my things back at the house. We can get them later."
The information that Wesley was responsible for Angel's son being kidnapped hardly comes as a surprise. He always was a bit of a ponce. I think a small snort actually escapes my mouth, which is entirely inappropriate. I just can't help comparing the situation to Wesley's mistake with Faith shortly after he arrived in Sunnydale. He never did have the finess it takes to truly be a great Watcher.
Like me, right? Because I'm the perfect Watcher aren't I. First I let my slayer die. Twice. Then I leave her alone and she abandons her friends, family and duty in favor of a less stressful delusion.
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I purse lips. I really didn't mean to lecture. This group knows what teamwork was about, but Wesley was once one of them too, so I can see how it may be hard for them to understand his actions. Heck, it was hard for me.
"Let's face it. Times are not good to be a good guy."
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"That is so true, my dear. Insightful really. However, this is all getting a little dull to be perfectly honest. I mean, you're all just so 'woe-is-me' and yet none of you is willing to do anything about it, like exact a little vengeance perhaps."
I notice the man from the graveyard.
"Except you. Tucker, isn't it? Honestly, the rest of you, do-gooders could learn a lot from this young man. For a human it's quite unusual actually. Anyanka and I have understood for hundreds of years that there is no point in aligning yourself with good or evil. Don't you people understand?! There is no 'winning' side here. The winning side is the middle. Where I choose to stay."
My, these people certainly bring out the fiesty in me, don't they? Now I understand why Anyanka is always so irritated.
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Too bad he was such a handsome man, and a damn fine kisser. My eyes widened. Great. All this going on and my mind reverts to that tabula rasa spell Willow botched awhile back?
Ironically, I had the Codex sitting underneath the main counter. I took it out of the cloth wrapping and placed it on the table in front of Tucker.
"Here. Go. Raise hell," I instructed. I was tired of the endless chitchat, the whining. That was Buffy's group. Always whining. Always talking. Always saving the world. But what did they do? When the day ends, it was always Buffy. Now it's time for Anya.
"Just so there's no confusion," I said, my gaze resting on Giles, Dawn, and the others in turn, "this is not Scooby Central anymore. I am a vengeance demon. I am Anyanka. I am not your go-to gal for research. This shop is no longer your second home. Halfrek's got it right. There is no such thing as a winning side. There's just us. Each of us, doing what it takes to survive.
"I've made my choice. I am the vengeance demon Anyanka," I said again. "Now leave."
I knew I'd just taken everyone by complete surprise, including Hallie. Good. Let them be shocked. I've places to go, vengeance to exact. Time to be me again. The pre-Xander Harris/Scooby Gang/Sunnydale me.
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"Come."
The book floats across the room and lands into my outstretched hand. I tuck it safely under my arm, and with my hands cut the shopkeeper a check from my checkbook.
"I know you never stated a price, but I think this will more than cover it."
I fold the check in half and with a wave of my hand it floats the opposite direction that the book came and lands on the counter in front of Anyanka.
"Halfrek, your words are kind, and I appreciate the compliment. It is indeed a fine feeling to know that someone understands where I stand in the matters of the epic struggle. It has been both an honor and a privilege, I truly hope that we can spend more time chatting in the future, as like minds are hard to find. I may not be a vengeance demon, but I feel we can have plenty to discuss."
I turn to the shopkeeper.
"...and Anyanka. Thank you. Other than Halfrek, you have been the only person in this entire shop this afternoon that has displayed any sense at all. Your understanding has been greatly appreciated."
I pause and smile.
"and while I have no need for vengance at the moment, I do have one thing. I wish..."
I can feel the room tense, as the Scoobies all worry what words will follow. I can't help but grin at the small victory.
"I wish you both luck on quest for vengance."
A hollow wish, but worth it to see everyone squirm.
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Then when Halfrek and Anya speak, I can feel my eyes narrowing and my hands clenching into fists under the table.
"Speaking of betrayal," I say loudly, pushing back my chair and standing up. "Giles, I think you made a mistake selling the store. Who knows what will happen to Sunndale now with Anya enabling every wannabe witch and warlock."
I'm getting pissed off now 'cause they're being so stupid and ignorant. Oh, look at me, I'm heap big vengeance demon. So what? They never did anything good to help anyone, just stuck to themselves and now they think they're so awesome. Well, whatever.
I don't even grace Tucker with a glance or a word or anything. I can't believe he used to be interesting. Now he's just a world-class jerk. So I look at Anya instead. "And, yeah, if each of us are doing what we need to survive, for us that includes doing research. You don't need to help, but Giles was nice enough to leave you this store in the first place. So deal with it."
I turn around and walk towards the door, fuming. I don't know where I'm going, but right now I just need to leave so I don't have a complete freak-out at the demonkind. Anya thinks it's going to be so easy getting back to her previous way of life, does she?
I pause right in front of the door, turning around for some last words or whatever. "Besides, I don't see why you're taking it out on us, Anya," I say clearly. "We're not the ones who left you at the altar."
And slam the door behind me.
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For a second I am glued to my seat in silence, like an armadillo caught in a cactus hedge.
But after a few seconds, it all realigns in my head, and I snap to attention. I slap my open palm on the table.
"What is WRONG with y'all? You sit here amidst perhaps the most grief laden circumstances, and instead of pullin' together you are finding ways to tear apart!"
I turn to the man who just got the book via floatiness.
"...and you, magic or no magic...you're weak. Beacuse you claim indifferencem but let me tell you something, in the end we will all have to choose a side, and evil isn't going to care if you're indifferent. It will kill you all the same. I may not win, but at least I've enough conviction to take a side and stand by my beliefs."
I shift in my seat and point at the demon...ladies...no. Demon bitches.
"...same goes for you. You may think vengance isn't evil, but it is. Because it is solving a wrong with a wrong. It as an action of revenge, an action void of feeling or understanding. You want someone to wish so badly? I wish you could feel the ramifications of each set of vengance you had ever cast...I wish that knowledge and pain weighed on you for eternity. Then you'll understand vengance."
I stand up.
"You don't want me in the store? Fine. There's a girl out there who needs someone, and unlike everyone else, who's driftin' apart, I'm going to go and see if I can put her back together."
...and with that I walk out of the Magic Box.
I may not have made any friends today in Sunnydale, but I made a stand.
((should Fred and Dawn continue in a new post outside somewhere?))
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