True Confessions (a rather scuffed work-boots diary)
I slipped, Monday. Slipped not a small way. In point of fact I smoked one puff off a friend's cigarette Sunday night. I walked to the nearest gas station Monday morning. I bummed a cigarette en route to give me time to "think about it". I bought a pack of American Spirits, the cigarette with the fewest chemical additives, actually not owned by Philip Morris. I bought heavies, when I'm used to milds, to force myself to get queasy. Which I did. I still smoked the whole pack. And another by 9 am this morning. And then I quit, again. I'm clean for all of 13 hrs. Not much, I'll own.
This much have I learned, and seek to remember: It is folly to think that cigarettes are merely nasty, and offensive, and that with time I will remember that they are horrible. No. Individually they are satisfying, and remarkably focusing, and quite pleasant. What is to remember is the trade. Better that I had not walked this path, for it is a trade not worth making. Who among us would choose to always smell bad for so small a pleasure. Who among us would choose to be kissed less fervently by the ones they love for ten moments of middling satisfaction. Who among us would choose to die for so easily a regretted vice.
I again resolve myself to the path from which I have strayed. Current count: 13 hrs, 0 days. One step at a time.
-Jeremiah
This much have I learned, and seek to remember: It is folly to think that cigarettes are merely nasty, and offensive, and that with time I will remember that they are horrible. No. Individually they are satisfying, and remarkably focusing, and quite pleasant. What is to remember is the trade. Better that I had not walked this path, for it is a trade not worth making. Who among us would choose to always smell bad for so small a pleasure. Who among us would choose to be kissed less fervently by the ones they love for ten moments of middling satisfaction. Who among us would choose to die for so easily a regretted vice.
I again resolve myself to the path from which I have strayed. Current count: 13 hrs, 0 days. One step at a time.
-Jeremiah