Darren Caine's Journal (Will make appearance later!)
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-Entry 39-
Picked up some brat off the local park. Probably a stray or something with how roughed up she looked. Parents probably got fucked over. Took her back with me. Figured she could grab me and the boys some extra handouts if they saw we were taking care of a kid too - Helps with the whole hero image. Women love that shit.
-Entry 41-
Stray’s really taken to calling me dad - its good for the act but it’s getting annoying. Been keeping her away from Rigger and Finch though. Fuckers have been giving her the eyes past few days. Need her good and healthy with her brains unfucked so we can keep getting freebies. Bastards can make do with some of the local bitches. It’s not like they’re paying them anyway.
-Entry 42-
Left town without Rigger and Finch. The assholes were screaming at me to hand the dumb brat over or they’d kill me. Tried to get it through their shit heads that their idea would screw us all over. Didn’t listen. Bailed first chance I got. Took the shrimp with me. Figured I should at least get the last fucking laugh. Figured can’t keep calling her ‘kid’ or ‘you’ anymore. If she keeps calling me Dad she’s gonna need a name or some fucks would get antsy. Named her Madeleine after that one girl I met on shore leave before we hightailed it from the Feds. She loved men in uniform like all hell.
-Entry 44-
Found a good place with plenty of suckers. They all bought it and life looks good. Brat’s been getting me a lot of sympathy points with the local families and women. Still have to earn my keeps though. Fucking bullshit. Guess I didn’t lie hard enough.
-Entry 46-
Stupid bitch’s been having trouble sleeping. Nightmares. Wakes up in the middle of the fucking night screaming and crying. Can’t hit her cause it’ll bring the wrong damn attention on me and she looks like she can’t take a damn punch. Her parents must’ve been glass statues or something. Fed her the same bullshit I usually do with the suckers. Works like a charm.
-Entry 57-
Kid’s caught a fever. Got some medicine from the local quack. She’s a lot quieter, but still cries at night sometimes. Stayed with her last night cause she wouldn’t let the fuck go of me. Said that the ‘monster’ wouldn’t come close to her if I was around. Told her more stories. Swear to god these always work somehow. Stayed the rest of the night. Needed to make sure she didn’t die in her sleep or some shit. Wouldn’t look good.
-Entry 179-
Mad’s been getting a couple of friends. Keeps me from having to keep an eye on her all the time. Heard she’s been telling them a lot about the stories I told her. Been getting me a lot of attention and a lot of free eats. Life’s good. Guess pulling her off that bench all that time ago really paid off.
-Entry 389-
Lied too fucking hard. Mad’s been poking around and pulling crap. Says she wants to be a hero like her ‘dear old dad’. Can’t tell her it’s all bullshit or she’ll blow the whistle. Been trying to get her head off of the idea because she’d get fucked up with all the crap that’s out there. She’d die in a heartbeat.
-Entry 474-
It’s been a while. Mad’s stubborn. Wouldn’t let go of the idea at all. Fuck. I’ve gone too fucking soft. I’m scared. I’m scared as all goddamn fucking hell that she’d do something to hurt herself. Spent too much time taking care of her and its gotten me this shit. Need to break it to her that I fucking lied to her. Maybe at least she’ll stay alive.
-Entry 475-
Couldn’t do it. Chickened out at the last fucking second. Fuck.
-Entry 534-
Been getting a lot of chest pains recently. Went to the Doc’s place to see what it was. Said my heart wasn’t doing well at all. I had a couple of months left at most. Gave me his condolences.
Fuck his shit. Fuck my life.
Snapped at Mad when she came back. Argued. Stuff got trashed. Need to get her to fucking fix that shit she broke.
-Entry 535-
I never told her. Went back to the doc’s to ask him to never tell her I visited. I didn’t want her to know. Didn’t have the fucking heart to tell Mad I was dying. Broke out the scotch and had a drink. Mad came home late. Knuckles were pretty roughed up. She had an argument. Had another with me.
Wish she’d stop this shit. Wish I didn’t lie so fucking much to her. Wish whatever dumbfuck that got her on that bench all those years ago was here so I can put my boot up their ass.
-Entry 547-
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop lying. People, Mad, Myself. Fuck. It’s all been one fucking mess after another. Loved it when things were simple and I could just milk suckers for all they were worth.
Don’t think I have much time left. Been getting hard to breath. Spent the last few days making a fake journal for Mad. Give her the basics on how to use the Ares Gear and filled with more bullshit like the stories I told her. She’s been doing good with those scrap heaps the town has running around so using the Gear should be easy for her.
Couldn’t look her in the eyes during dinner.
So many damn years of taking care of her. She was a pain in the ass and I lost who knows how many fucking hours of sleep. Maybe her parents are out there somewhere, wondering where the hell their kid is. Maybe she’ll figure out I’m a fake.
But I don’t want it to stop. I don’t want to stop being her father. As much shit as I’ve had to wade through all my life, I actually had the time to smile when I was taking care of her in this town.
I wish I really was her father. I wish I could work the guts to say I loved her. Mad’s put her heart into this hero stuff. Its everything she ever wants. She’s a better person than I ever fucking was.
Maybe I can try tomorrow. Call her friends. Give her the Ares Gear and send her on her way before she has to see me die.
Goddamn this shit... maybe I'll finally be able to stop lying tomorrow?
No Probably fucking not ... can't tell her the truth. Ever. It'd just tear her apart now.
But you know...if she goes out and does some good because of a lie and walk away a big damn hero... maybe it won't be so bad.
Would it?
... Man. Fuck this pussy philosophical shit.