(no subject)
i was about to write a somewhat happy journal entry. but now...it will have a sad ending in it...
today...it was a godo start...nothing bad. talked w/ sara a bit on the comp. nothing big. till she kinda asked me to come over. i liked that idea cause it was a week since last and i needed a hug from a friend. took off...and 3 blocks down, my mod of transportation broke down on me. how fucking great! so, i come back here and talk to sara about it. both sad. 5 mins later i have my shoes on and i am off. it was an hour walk...nothing bad. i have done worse for people i liked less. i get there. wake her up cause she was sleeping and told me so. talked..hung out. but i think we were both still in dating mood...cause we ended up kissing. it was nice...but i knew we shouldnt. but the next 2 hours...we kissed and other things. no sex though...there was a line. and over and over during everything, we both stopped...then let it go. we couldnt stop the feelings. after a little bit of talk about us, i left. justin was home so i stopped there. ride home...lucky me! get on and talk to sara about where we stand when she just ups and leaves. i give it like 2 hours then i call. she is over there w/ a few friends. one being the jason guy she was w/ while we were kinda on break. then her friend heather gets on name and...u guessed it...was a jerk to me yet again for no reason. nice lady. anyways, defended myself as well i could w/out going to the jerk lvl. she gets off. sara gets on 10 mins later...asking what i did. told her...then says she has to go out w/ her b/f. OUCH! that burned a hole in me...straight through the heart. not even 5 hours earlier we were cuddling and kissing...and then she goes out w/ a different guy. that burns a new hole i never felt before. that is some quick getting over me right there. i mean, i am not trying to be egotistical...but should take someone more then 5 hours to forget someone u say u love. but yea...ouch. i am here now, just totally smashed about this. so so so...bad. i dont know if i should just call her a bitch, flip her off and leave....or try to be a friend or what. i will find out soon. i am going to have to meditate on it. i did tell her i would be here forever for her......but this just hurts so much. i cant see her w/ someone else....this fast either. i think i am going to have to say i can never talk to her again or atleast for a long time. i know i say that a lot but this time i hope to see it through.
in other news...justin is more devoted to his 'fuck buddy' then he thinks. she calls like 3 times in 30 mins....and each time he puts up w/ whatever she says. then she asks to see him....is gone w/in 5 mins. crappy. whatever. chicks are just hell.
another new thing...i am tired of holding back and being nice. so if certain people keep up there crap....i am done being the nice guy
today...it was a godo start...nothing bad. talked w/ sara a bit on the comp. nothing big. till she kinda asked me to come over. i liked that idea cause it was a week since last and i needed a hug from a friend. took off...and 3 blocks down, my mod of transportation broke down on me. how fucking great! so, i come back here and talk to sara about it. both sad. 5 mins later i have my shoes on and i am off. it was an hour walk...nothing bad. i have done worse for people i liked less. i get there. wake her up cause she was sleeping and told me so. talked..hung out. but i think we were both still in dating mood...cause we ended up kissing. it was nice...but i knew we shouldnt. but the next 2 hours...we kissed and other things. no sex though...there was a line. and over and over during everything, we both stopped...then let it go. we couldnt stop the feelings. after a little bit of talk about us, i left. justin was home so i stopped there. ride home...lucky me! get on and talk to sara about where we stand when she just ups and leaves. i give it like 2 hours then i call. she is over there w/ a few friends. one being the jason guy she was w/ while we were kinda on break. then her friend heather gets on name and...u guessed it...was a jerk to me yet again for no reason. nice lady. anyways, defended myself as well i could w/out going to the jerk lvl. she gets off. sara gets on 10 mins later...asking what i did. told her...then says she has to go out w/ her b/f. OUCH! that burned a hole in me...straight through the heart. not even 5 hours earlier we were cuddling and kissing...and then she goes out w/ a different guy. that burns a new hole i never felt before. that is some quick getting over me right there. i mean, i am not trying to be egotistical...but should take someone more then 5 hours to forget someone u say u love. but yea...ouch. i am here now, just totally smashed about this. so so so...bad. i dont know if i should just call her a bitch, flip her off and leave....or try to be a friend or what. i will find out soon. i am going to have to meditate on it. i did tell her i would be here forever for her......but this just hurts so much. i cant see her w/ someone else....this fast either. i think i am going to have to say i can never talk to her again or atleast for a long time. i know i say that a lot but this time i hope to see it through.
in other news...justin is more devoted to his 'fuck buddy' then he thinks. she calls like 3 times in 30 mins....and each time he puts up w/ whatever she says. then she asks to see him....is gone w/in 5 mins. crappy. whatever. chicks are just hell.
another new thing...i am tired of holding back and being nice. so if certain people keep up there crap....i am done being the nice guy