My Disease...
i know i should be updating about what i have been up to for a while cause it has been a while. but this entry is only about one thing this time around. and this is public so it can be seen by everyone...even my enemies.
i went to see a doctor wed night. it was at the free clinic. it was cause of my breathing problems i have been having recently. i was there for SO long! 5.5 hours! i think i got health insurence now. anyways....finally see the doc. i tell him what is wrong and say it could be ashma. so he gets the spirometry(a machine that checks your breathing and what is in it). after a while, he comes back w/ the results. i dont have ashma. well, i kinda do. i guess i had it when i was a kid and it went unchecked. when u have allergies, u have a good chance of having ashma. anyways, he had horrid news for me. i have early stage of emphysema. it is a lung disease. it effects how tough my air sacs are in my lungs. it starts killing them off and combining all the millions of them into a larger one...making me take in a lot less oxygen. it can also mean holes in the lungs and all that other stuff. smokers get it after smoking a lot for like 20 years. i dont smoke and i have it. the doc said he only had 2 others have it this young in his years of it. so, again i have to be the odd one. i have a disease....a disease for the rest of my life. i will be on inhalors and MAYBE oxygen later in life. this will never go away. i will always have severe breathing problems. it cant get better. it can only be handled or worsened. this is very serious stuff.
i have to watch what kinda enviroments i am in now. i cant be by smoke or anything that messes w/ my lungs. i was given 2 inhalors. one to take once every day and one to use whenever it is needed. i am going in for x-rays friday afternoon somewhere to see all the kinds of scarring and damage my lungs have.
my parents are both telling me for the most part the doc can be wrong. i understand that, but most of the time they arent. mom says find a second opinion and dad says dont commit to it just yet. i dont know. better to be prepared for it just in case.
so there u have it...i am diseased. i am fucked for the rest of my life now and there is nothing i can do about it. i can end up hospialized over little things or just when i am older and my lungs are raisens. i have a lot of 'negative' things that can/will/might happen. but, i dont want to think about that. i have to try to live my life as normal as i can. in some weird way, this COULD kill me tommorrow. but, i cant sit here and worry. that is not living.
treat me no different...no one! i am still the same person...diseased or not. i will try to do everytime like i always have. and dont try to do things for me or take pity on me. i am a big boy. i will deal just fine. i am not a cripple just yet :P
i went to see a doctor wed night. it was at the free clinic. it was cause of my breathing problems i have been having recently. i was there for SO long! 5.5 hours! i think i got health insurence now. anyways....finally see the doc. i tell him what is wrong and say it could be ashma. so he gets the spirometry(a machine that checks your breathing and what is in it). after a while, he comes back w/ the results. i dont have ashma. well, i kinda do. i guess i had it when i was a kid and it went unchecked. when u have allergies, u have a good chance of having ashma. anyways, he had horrid news for me. i have early stage of emphysema. it is a lung disease. it effects how tough my air sacs are in my lungs. it starts killing them off and combining all the millions of them into a larger one...making me take in a lot less oxygen. it can also mean holes in the lungs and all that other stuff. smokers get it after smoking a lot for like 20 years. i dont smoke and i have it. the doc said he only had 2 others have it this young in his years of it. so, again i have to be the odd one. i have a disease....a disease for the rest of my life. i will be on inhalors and MAYBE oxygen later in life. this will never go away. i will always have severe breathing problems. it cant get better. it can only be handled or worsened. this is very serious stuff.
i have to watch what kinda enviroments i am in now. i cant be by smoke or anything that messes w/ my lungs. i was given 2 inhalors. one to take once every day and one to use whenever it is needed. i am going in for x-rays friday afternoon somewhere to see all the kinds of scarring and damage my lungs have.
my parents are both telling me for the most part the doc can be wrong. i understand that, but most of the time they arent. mom says find a second opinion and dad says dont commit to it just yet. i dont know. better to be prepared for it just in case.
so there u have it...i am diseased. i am fucked for the rest of my life now and there is nothing i can do about it. i can end up hospialized over little things or just when i am older and my lungs are raisens. i have a lot of 'negative' things that can/will/might happen. but, i dont want to think about that. i have to try to live my life as normal as i can. in some weird way, this COULD kill me tommorrow. but, i cant sit here and worry. that is not living.
treat me no different...no one! i am still the same person...diseased or not. i will try to do everytime like i always have. and dont try to do things for me or take pity on me. i am a big boy. i will deal just fine. i am not a cripple just yet :P