I'm not sure I see the extent of what you mean to me...
Title is edited from this song and doesn't quite fit except the singer was the original Moritz actor on Broadway. :)
Chat logs with onlythedusk. Backdated to Friday, September 5.
Moritz: Moritz feels - dreadfully mature and sexually experienced. Which is silly he knows, because he's only kissed a girl (or two) and touched her a little. But - that's more than Melchior's done, isn't it? But at the same time he feels deeply, deeply confused. And this is why he now seeks out his best friend, for some good advice.
Melchior: Melchior has a new book, Walden, and so far he's very much enjoying it. To further ensure his enjoyment, he's fled the rec room as quickly as possible and settled down in his room, sitting on his bed with the book across his knees. It's quiet without Quatre here at the moment, but it's nothing too upsetting. He leans against the wall and turns the page, stretching his legs out in front of him.
Moritz: Moritz bursts into Melchior's room, looking a little flushed and out of breath. "Melchi!" he cries, half throwing himself on his friend's bed. "Oh Melchi, I have so many things to tell you - and so many things to ask!"
Melchior: Moritz always makes him laugh when he's like this, and Melchior sets his book aside and sits up a little straighter, wishing he had a smoke to offer. "Alright - take a breath." He laughs fondly, reaching out to pat Moritz's shoulder. "What is it?"
Moritz: "I kissed her - Johanna." Moritz sits up and runs a hand through his tangled hair. "She asked me to, and I wanted to. And so I did. Can you believe that?"
Melchior: "... oh." For once, that's all there is in Melchior's mind. Just an 'oh,' a lost little oh because he isn't sure where to put it. He should be happy for Moritz, clearly... Johanna is a nice girl. He clears his throat and tries again, forcing a little smile. "Well - good. You two have some feelings each other, then?"
Moritz: "No - well. That's the thing." Another nervous little hairtug. "We decided it would be best if we were just friends. She has Anthony and she feels guilty - we like each other, but I think mostly as friends? It's all very muddled."
Melchior: "Oh." He feels strange for only saying that, for only feeling that, a succinct little utterance of sound, but that's all there is. With another forced smile he squeezes Moritz's shoulder, trying to ease both of their minds. "And are you okay with that, Moritz?" He says it with some concern - he doesn't want his best friend getting his heart broken. And that's it. That's all.
Moritz: "I'm not sure. It was so - completely different from kissing Georgie. So much softer, I felt much more sure of myself. Perhaps because I chose it, this time." He sighs and leans against his friend a little. "I probably shouldn't have, knowing that she has someone at home. I should feel guilty, but I actually feel less guilty about Johanna's kiss than I do Georgie's."
Melchior: ... what?! Melchior pulls away so he can look at Moritz; he doesn't realize it, but he's frowning slightly. "Wait - Georgie? Who's Georgie?" He doesn't remember anyone by that name at home, so has Moritz kissed someone else here on the island? Something starts to prickle with indignation at being kept in the dark, even though Moritz is here now to tell him.
Moritz: "Georgie - she's a friend of mine here. Did I not tell you about her?" Moritz gasps softly, "Oh - oh God Melchi. She - she's so beautiful. I saw her laying out in the sun, nearly naked. She asked me to rub lotion into her back and it was the - single most sexual thing that had ever happened to me. I touched all the way down her back..." Moritz whimpers softly, curling his fingers against the sheets. "And then she touched my face... and she kissed me. And like a fool, I ran."
Melchior: Melchior is highly uncomfortable. With the thought of a girl laying like that, with the thought of touching her like that, but mostly with the thought of Moritz doing those things. Something just unsettles him about it, about hearing his friend who's normally so jumpy and who needs Melchior to protect him but who now is... kissing girls and almost forgetting to tell him about it. "Oh... Wow." His voice is still soft, and he nods, pulling his hands into his lap. "I don't think that was so foolish."
Moritz: "I apologized, of course. She's so much more... worldly than I am. More open to radical ideas. She reminds me a little of you, actually." He nudges gently at Melchior's shoulder, laughing nervously. "We talked about - " he blushes deeply, hugging his knees to his chest. "She isn't a virgin, Melchi. She's so far beyond me in that sort of thing - would I want a girl like that? Or should I pursue Johanna, though she has a man at home?"
Melchior: Why does this upset him so? He bristles, giving his shoulders a tight shrug. "I - I don't know, Moritz. Whichever your heart leads you to. That's a question I can't answer for you." If Melchior had to pick, though, he'd definitely say Johanna. Whoever this Georgie girl is... she's much too learned for Moritz. He needs someone as fragile as he is, like Johanna.
Moritz: "Melchi, please," he pleads, hugging his best friend desperately. "I don't know what to do. I never thought I'd - be in this position, not ever. I don't know what Georgie feels towards me, if anything. Nor Johanna - or if I should do anything at all! Please, you know so much more than I do. Help me?"
Melchior: "I don't know how to help you, Moritz." He gives him a tense hug back and then tries to get out of it, freeing himself from Moritz's hold and standing up. He takes a few steps toward Quatre's side of the room, crossing his arms over his chest. "This is something you should decide..." He bites his lip, staring hard at the wall with his back to Moritz. "But perhaps... Perhaps you shouldn't pursue either girl."
Moritz: "But wasn't it you that said that I need to get over my - whatever it is with girls? This could be the perfect opportunity!" Moritz stares at his friend in confusion. "Honestly, Melchi, what's gotten into you? You're being awfully - strange." He'd hoped that Melchior would automatically know exactly the right thing to say to help Moritz with his problems. Didn't he always?
Melchior: "Well... Yes. But getting over your issues with girls doesn't mean running out and - and - " He trails off and turns back around, his lips getting thinner as he gets more... agitated? Is he agitated? Why he's so upset is still confusing him, so he ignores that. "You can get over your issues without getting involved. That would just make things more confusing and frightening for you."
Moritz: "But if I actually - god forbid, have sex with someone, don't you think that could help with getting over my problems? It wouldn't be an unknown to me - what's the matter? You gave me - you gave me naked women for my birthday and now you're changing your mind? I swear Melchi, you can be just as frustrating as any girl, sometimes."
Melchior: He frowns and shakes his head, dropping his arms. He needs something to do with them, so he snatches up his book, holding it tightly. "I don't think it would help you at all! I gave you that magazine so you could be used to the idea, not so you could go off and have sex! Learning about it and doing it are two different things entirely. Frankly, I don't think you could handle the actual act right now. Which is why I gave you materials to study." He's being harsh and blunt, but it's what Moritz needs to hear.
Moritz: "Don't think I could handle - " Moritz stands, looking hurt. "I've apparently been able to handle it a damn sight better than you have! I've kissed girls, Melchi. I've touched them. What the hell have you done to make you such an expert? Read books?"
Melchior: Melchior clenches his jaw and tightens his grip on the book, his knuckles turning white as he takes a step forward. "If I know so little, why do you come to me for help?" He doesn't want to tell Moritz about everything now - now that's all feeling like his information, his private information, and he doesn't want to share anything with Moritz right now. "You're touching and kissing girls and you still have no idea how to function!"
Moritz: "Because you always know so much! Because you're my best friend, and I thought you could help me." He wants to cry. Or to hit Melchi - to hurt him as much as Moritz is hurt. Or to kiss him, to show Melchior that he isn't completely incompetent.
Melchior: "I am trying to help you. I'm being honest with you, which is more than anyone else has ever done for you." He feels dark and for a second he knows he'll regret half the things he's said. It's only a second, though, and he straightens himself up, talking with his hands and waving the book in Moritz's direction. "You asked me which path to take, and I told you. Don't go down either."
Moritz: "Damn you, Melchior Gabor." He's shaking, now; trembling with anger and a little with fear. Though what he's afraid of, he's not sure. "That isn't - I'm not - you bastard. I'm trying to sort my life out and you're telling me I can't? How dare you? How dare you attempt to judge me like that?"
Melchior: "You asked me to, didn't you?" he snaps back, his voice rising. He takes another step forward, getting in Moritz's face, the darker side of his disrespect of personal space. "You wanted my opinion and I gave it to you. I know you better than you know yourself, Moritz." The statement rolls off his tongue easily and almost immediately he regrets it; it's easy to say things like that when he's angry, though. Usually they're true. Quickly he says something else to distract Moritz from his error. "I know you'd fall apart. You can't even look at a naked girl without needing me to hold your hand."
Moritz: He stands there for a moment, shocked that his best friend would say something like that. Then, with a growl, he launches himself at Melchior, grabbing the front of his shirt and shoving him back against the wall. "You know nothing about me, Melchior. Nothing at all. You have no right to say anything like that - I'm much more capable than you'd think! I touched her - here - " Moritz presses his hands against Melchior's back, sliding them slowly downwards to rest where his back meets his ass. "And there. Without so much as a scrap of cloth between my skin and hers. Is that falling apart?" He has no idea what he's doing - he just wants to show Melchior that he can handle himself.
Melchior: Moritz lunging at him like this totally catches Melchior off guard; he never imagined Moritz ever doing anything like this, especially to Melchior, and he stands there for a moment as Moritz yells at him, runs his hands over him. Already he's breathing heavy from anticipation of a struggle. Once he collects himself, he musters his strength and shoves Moritz away from him as hard as he can, his lips curling into a sneer. "If you didn't fall apart, why did you run away? Why are you here begging me for help like you always do? If you didn't have me to walk you through everything, you'd be utterly lost!"
Moritz: Moritz stumbles backwards, momentarily stunned. "I don't need you to help me with everything! I could bed a woman without your advice. I'm perfectly capable of - of handling myself in a sexual situation!" He takes a deep breath, trying to prepare himself for what he's about to do. Then he presses Melchior against the wall again and kisses him, hard, fingers twisting in his shirt.
Melchior: One second the wall is hitting his back and the next Moritz's lips are on his own, and Melchior doesn't know what to do with himself. He can't think at all, can't force his brain to think, and so he winds up scrambling to push himself off the wall, not touching Moritz at first. It takes a few seconds before he can think enough to put his hands on Moritz's shoulders and try to shove him away, his head still whirling.
Moritz: Moritz pulls back, breathing hard. "I'm sorry - I should go." And here he is, running away again. Good God, Moritz is a failure, isn't he? Perhaps Melchior is right after all. He simply can't function.
Melchior: Melchior - can't think of anything to say. He stands still, staring at Moritz, his hands hovering by his sides like they're trying to think of something to do too but can't manage it. His breathing is uneven, his muscles feel weak, and all the anger has drained out of him - or rather, been shocked out.
Moritz: And Moritz runs. Like he always has, like he's sure he always will. Whenever he's faced with a problem, he runs away. It's served him well so far... hasn't it?
Melchior: Melchior watches him run, still standing still, his heart still beating much too quickly. What just happened? He'd been having a horrific fight with Moritz, saying horrific things, and suddenly... He snaps his mouth shut (it had been slightly open), and flees as well, not chasing after Moritz, but just to find some place to think.
Chat logs with onlythedusk. Backdated to Friday, September 5.
Moritz: Moritz feels - dreadfully mature and sexually experienced. Which is silly he knows, because he's only kissed a girl (or two) and touched her a little. But - that's more than Melchior's done, isn't it? But at the same time he feels deeply, deeply confused. And this is why he now seeks out his best friend, for some good advice.
Melchior: Melchior has a new book, Walden, and so far he's very much enjoying it. To further ensure his enjoyment, he's fled the rec room as quickly as possible and settled down in his room, sitting on his bed with the book across his knees. It's quiet without Quatre here at the moment, but it's nothing too upsetting. He leans against the wall and turns the page, stretching his legs out in front of him.
Moritz: Moritz bursts into Melchior's room, looking a little flushed and out of breath. "Melchi!" he cries, half throwing himself on his friend's bed. "Oh Melchi, I have so many things to tell you - and so many things to ask!"
Melchior: Moritz always makes him laugh when he's like this, and Melchior sets his book aside and sits up a little straighter, wishing he had a smoke to offer. "Alright - take a breath." He laughs fondly, reaching out to pat Moritz's shoulder. "What is it?"
Moritz: "I kissed her - Johanna." Moritz sits up and runs a hand through his tangled hair. "She asked me to, and I wanted to. And so I did. Can you believe that?"
Melchior: "... oh." For once, that's all there is in Melchior's mind. Just an 'oh,' a lost little oh because he isn't sure where to put it. He should be happy for Moritz, clearly... Johanna is a nice girl. He clears his throat and tries again, forcing a little smile. "Well - good. You two have some feelings each other, then?"
Moritz: "No - well. That's the thing." Another nervous little hairtug. "We decided it would be best if we were just friends. She has Anthony and she feels guilty - we like each other, but I think mostly as friends? It's all very muddled."
Melchior: "Oh." He feels strange for only saying that, for only feeling that, a succinct little utterance of sound, but that's all there is. With another forced smile he squeezes Moritz's shoulder, trying to ease both of their minds. "And are you okay with that, Moritz?" He says it with some concern - he doesn't want his best friend getting his heart broken. And that's it. That's all.
Moritz: "I'm not sure. It was so - completely different from kissing Georgie. So much softer, I felt much more sure of myself. Perhaps because I chose it, this time." He sighs and leans against his friend a little. "I probably shouldn't have, knowing that she has someone at home. I should feel guilty, but I actually feel less guilty about Johanna's kiss than I do Georgie's."
Melchior: ... what?! Melchior pulls away so he can look at Moritz; he doesn't realize it, but he's frowning slightly. "Wait - Georgie? Who's Georgie?" He doesn't remember anyone by that name at home, so has Moritz kissed someone else here on the island? Something starts to prickle with indignation at being kept in the dark, even though Moritz is here now to tell him.
Moritz: "Georgie - she's a friend of mine here. Did I not tell you about her?" Moritz gasps softly, "Oh - oh God Melchi. She - she's so beautiful. I saw her laying out in the sun, nearly naked. She asked me to rub lotion into her back and it was the - single most sexual thing that had ever happened to me. I touched all the way down her back..." Moritz whimpers softly, curling his fingers against the sheets. "And then she touched my face... and she kissed me. And like a fool, I ran."
Melchior: Melchior is highly uncomfortable. With the thought of a girl laying like that, with the thought of touching her like that, but mostly with the thought of Moritz doing those things. Something just unsettles him about it, about hearing his friend who's normally so jumpy and who needs Melchior to protect him but who now is... kissing girls and almost forgetting to tell him about it. "Oh... Wow." His voice is still soft, and he nods, pulling his hands into his lap. "I don't think that was so foolish."
Moritz: "I apologized, of course. She's so much more... worldly than I am. More open to radical ideas. She reminds me a little of you, actually." He nudges gently at Melchior's shoulder, laughing nervously. "We talked about - " he blushes deeply, hugging his knees to his chest. "She isn't a virgin, Melchi. She's so far beyond me in that sort of thing - would I want a girl like that? Or should I pursue Johanna, though she has a man at home?"
Melchior: Why does this upset him so? He bristles, giving his shoulders a tight shrug. "I - I don't know, Moritz. Whichever your heart leads you to. That's a question I can't answer for you." If Melchior had to pick, though, he'd definitely say Johanna. Whoever this Georgie girl is... she's much too learned for Moritz. He needs someone as fragile as he is, like Johanna.
Moritz: "Melchi, please," he pleads, hugging his best friend desperately. "I don't know what to do. I never thought I'd - be in this position, not ever. I don't know what Georgie feels towards me, if anything. Nor Johanna - or if I should do anything at all! Please, you know so much more than I do. Help me?"
Melchior: "I don't know how to help you, Moritz." He gives him a tense hug back and then tries to get out of it, freeing himself from Moritz's hold and standing up. He takes a few steps toward Quatre's side of the room, crossing his arms over his chest. "This is something you should decide..." He bites his lip, staring hard at the wall with his back to Moritz. "But perhaps... Perhaps you shouldn't pursue either girl."
Moritz: "But wasn't it you that said that I need to get over my - whatever it is with girls? This could be the perfect opportunity!" Moritz stares at his friend in confusion. "Honestly, Melchi, what's gotten into you? You're being awfully - strange." He'd hoped that Melchior would automatically know exactly the right thing to say to help Moritz with his problems. Didn't he always?
Melchior: "Well... Yes. But getting over your issues with girls doesn't mean running out and - and - " He trails off and turns back around, his lips getting thinner as he gets more... agitated? Is he agitated? Why he's so upset is still confusing him, so he ignores that. "You can get over your issues without getting involved. That would just make things more confusing and frightening for you."
Moritz: "But if I actually - god forbid, have sex with someone, don't you think that could help with getting over my problems? It wouldn't be an unknown to me - what's the matter? You gave me - you gave me naked women for my birthday and now you're changing your mind? I swear Melchi, you can be just as frustrating as any girl, sometimes."
Melchior: He frowns and shakes his head, dropping his arms. He needs something to do with them, so he snatches up his book, holding it tightly. "I don't think it would help you at all! I gave you that magazine so you could be used to the idea, not so you could go off and have sex! Learning about it and doing it are two different things entirely. Frankly, I don't think you could handle the actual act right now. Which is why I gave you materials to study." He's being harsh and blunt, but it's what Moritz needs to hear.
Moritz: "Don't think I could handle - " Moritz stands, looking hurt. "I've apparently been able to handle it a damn sight better than you have! I've kissed girls, Melchi. I've touched them. What the hell have you done to make you such an expert? Read books?"
Melchior: Melchior clenches his jaw and tightens his grip on the book, his knuckles turning white as he takes a step forward. "If I know so little, why do you come to me for help?" He doesn't want to tell Moritz about everything now - now that's all feeling like his information, his private information, and he doesn't want to share anything with Moritz right now. "You're touching and kissing girls and you still have no idea how to function!"
Moritz: "Because you always know so much! Because you're my best friend, and I thought you could help me." He wants to cry. Or to hit Melchi - to hurt him as much as Moritz is hurt. Or to kiss him, to show Melchior that he isn't completely incompetent.
Melchior: "I am trying to help you. I'm being honest with you, which is more than anyone else has ever done for you." He feels dark and for a second he knows he'll regret half the things he's said. It's only a second, though, and he straightens himself up, talking with his hands and waving the book in Moritz's direction. "You asked me which path to take, and I told you. Don't go down either."
Moritz: "Damn you, Melchior Gabor." He's shaking, now; trembling with anger and a little with fear. Though what he's afraid of, he's not sure. "That isn't - I'm not - you bastard. I'm trying to sort my life out and you're telling me I can't? How dare you? How dare you attempt to judge me like that?"
Melchior: "You asked me to, didn't you?" he snaps back, his voice rising. He takes another step forward, getting in Moritz's face, the darker side of his disrespect of personal space. "You wanted my opinion and I gave it to you. I know you better than you know yourself, Moritz." The statement rolls off his tongue easily and almost immediately he regrets it; it's easy to say things like that when he's angry, though. Usually they're true. Quickly he says something else to distract Moritz from his error. "I know you'd fall apart. You can't even look at a naked girl without needing me to hold your hand."
Moritz: He stands there for a moment, shocked that his best friend would say something like that. Then, with a growl, he launches himself at Melchior, grabbing the front of his shirt and shoving him back against the wall. "You know nothing about me, Melchior. Nothing at all. You have no right to say anything like that - I'm much more capable than you'd think! I touched her - here - " Moritz presses his hands against Melchior's back, sliding them slowly downwards to rest where his back meets his ass. "And there. Without so much as a scrap of cloth between my skin and hers. Is that falling apart?" He has no idea what he's doing - he just wants to show Melchior that he can handle himself.
Melchior: Moritz lunging at him like this totally catches Melchior off guard; he never imagined Moritz ever doing anything like this, especially to Melchior, and he stands there for a moment as Moritz yells at him, runs his hands over him. Already he's breathing heavy from anticipation of a struggle. Once he collects himself, he musters his strength and shoves Moritz away from him as hard as he can, his lips curling into a sneer. "If you didn't fall apart, why did you run away? Why are you here begging me for help like you always do? If you didn't have me to walk you through everything, you'd be utterly lost!"
Moritz: Moritz stumbles backwards, momentarily stunned. "I don't need you to help me with everything! I could bed a woman without your advice. I'm perfectly capable of - of handling myself in a sexual situation!" He takes a deep breath, trying to prepare himself for what he's about to do. Then he presses Melchior against the wall again and kisses him, hard, fingers twisting in his shirt.
Melchior: One second the wall is hitting his back and the next Moritz's lips are on his own, and Melchior doesn't know what to do with himself. He can't think at all, can't force his brain to think, and so he winds up scrambling to push himself off the wall, not touching Moritz at first. It takes a few seconds before he can think enough to put his hands on Moritz's shoulders and try to shove him away, his head still whirling.
Moritz: Moritz pulls back, breathing hard. "I'm sorry - I should go." And here he is, running away again. Good God, Moritz is a failure, isn't he? Perhaps Melchior is right after all. He simply can't function.
Melchior: Melchior - can't think of anything to say. He stands still, staring at Moritz, his hands hovering by his sides like they're trying to think of something to do too but can't manage it. His breathing is uneven, his muscles feel weak, and all the anger has drained out of him - or rather, been shocked out.
Moritz: And Moritz runs. Like he always has, like he's sure he always will. Whenever he's faced with a problem, he runs away. It's served him well so far... hasn't it?
Melchior: Melchior watches him run, still standing still, his heart still beating much too quickly. What just happened? He'd been having a horrific fight with Moritz, saying horrific things, and suddenly... He snaps his mouth shut (it had been slightly open), and flees as well, not chasing after Moritz, but just to find some place to think.