(no subject)
fml.
so, things are looking worse each day, i try to smile and make the most of everything, but sometimes not everything works out the way i wish it would.
still no job.
can't do community service anywhere because my charge is for grand theft.
i hate going to a therapist.
i have to go to probation tomorrow; the last time i went, it took 3 hours.
the only people i really trust and care about right now is Lulu, Gian, Adam, Valerie, and umm.. that's it.
Adam was living with me for about a week and a half. Best week and a half of my life. He kept me so happy and alive; took my mind off the bad artifacts of life. Unfortunately my mom is a raging bitch and she's just been tearing me down left and right. Every single day she yells/lectures me about how i'm worthless because i don't have a job, I don't do anything with my life, and i'm not trying. She thinks i'm a drug addict and that I'm not looking for jobs. I have been to over 50 places in the past week, with Adam. She even took me to about 10 of them. I don't know what to do anymore. When I do all that she asks, it's like she pulls up another long list of shit I should do that I haven't been doing. I try to do shit right but apparently i only do it wrong. I've been crying so much lately. More than I ever have in my life. It sucks that my friends have to end up seeing me that way, because I feel so fucking weak and stupid it's not even funny. I bring everyones mood down and I don't want to do that but I can't help it. My mom said if I can't comply with her rules and show her respect and do my part that she's kicking me out. So I said I'll leave. She thinks if I leave it's taking the easy way out so when I finally get to going she tells me not to go and I just need to shape up. Well, next time, I'm out.
I have nowhere to go. I don't know where I'll go once I leave but I guess it's the streets for me or whatever people who run away from home do. I'll probably end up at lulu's for a while until I can figure out what the hell i'm going to do. I have no money. I have to pay 50$ to probation this month and I don't know how I'm going to do it. My phone officially went off today. I can't even afford to take the bus anymore.
I need someone to hug, someone to love. Someone to take my mind off this fucking life. I don't even have any friends to call. I don't even think I have anybody reading this journal anymore. Most of you will just skip on over this entry, cause really none of you even know me anymore.
Well, just felt like writing. I have nothing else to do. I have nobody to talk to and I just need to get this shit off my chest, even if it's to nobody.
Later,
♥B
i just want to smile like this again.
so, things are looking worse each day, i try to smile and make the most of everything, but sometimes not everything works out the way i wish it would.
still no job.
can't do community service anywhere because my charge is for grand theft.
i hate going to a therapist.
i have to go to probation tomorrow; the last time i went, it took 3 hours.
the only people i really trust and care about right now is Lulu, Gian, Adam, Valerie, and umm.. that's it.
Adam was living with me for about a week and a half. Best week and a half of my life. He kept me so happy and alive; took my mind off the bad artifacts of life. Unfortunately my mom is a raging bitch and she's just been tearing me down left and right. Every single day she yells/lectures me about how i'm worthless because i don't have a job, I don't do anything with my life, and i'm not trying. She thinks i'm a drug addict and that I'm not looking for jobs. I have been to over 50 places in the past week, with Adam. She even took me to about 10 of them. I don't know what to do anymore. When I do all that she asks, it's like she pulls up another long list of shit I should do that I haven't been doing. I try to do shit right but apparently i only do it wrong. I've been crying so much lately. More than I ever have in my life. It sucks that my friends have to end up seeing me that way, because I feel so fucking weak and stupid it's not even funny. I bring everyones mood down and I don't want to do that but I can't help it. My mom said if I can't comply with her rules and show her respect and do my part that she's kicking me out. So I said I'll leave. She thinks if I leave it's taking the easy way out so when I finally get to going she tells me not to go and I just need to shape up. Well, next time, I'm out.
I have nowhere to go. I don't know where I'll go once I leave but I guess it's the streets for me or whatever people who run away from home do. I'll probably end up at lulu's for a while until I can figure out what the hell i'm going to do. I have no money. I have to pay 50$ to probation this month and I don't know how I'm going to do it. My phone officially went off today. I can't even afford to take the bus anymore.
I need someone to hug, someone to love. Someone to take my mind off this fucking life. I don't even have any friends to call. I don't even think I have anybody reading this journal anymore. Most of you will just skip on over this entry, cause really none of you even know me anymore.
Well, just felt like writing. I have nothing else to do. I have nobody to talk to and I just need to get this shit off my chest, even if it's to nobody.
Later,
♥B
i just want to smile like this again.