Blah and Things
I hate to sound like the typical depressed teenager that I am, but...well that's what I am. Currently.
I also hate it when I can't commit to something, like a blog. Or that I can't write anything, or draw anything, because I just don't care.
I've had a speech impediment for 12 years and I'm just about through with dealing with it. I am introverted and depressed and suicidal.
I don't know what else to put here or discuss. I know that it pales in comparison to what people go through for being bullied or taunted because of their sexuality or their ethnicity or their religion. I hate to be hypocritical by making something about myself. I hate to be misanthropic.
But the fact of the matter is that the world has not, has never, been kind to me. Whatever they did added to whatever horrible things I already thought about myself, and I'm cracking under the strain. Cracked. I don't have a reason to go on.
I'm so cliche. With an accent over the e. Otherwise it would be...quiche. Or something.
I see no career in my future, not even a college. What university would accept me? Who gives a shit about straight A's anymore if your prospective student can't even communicate?
I hate how the world sees me, how people look at me and think I'm a freak or that I'm less intelligent than they are because the words don't come out. I hate that I'm judged and patronized. I hate it when people take something like speaking for granted. Does anyone listen to me? No. They wouldn't have a reason to. Not like they could even decipher whatever stammered phrase I try to get out.
I can't order food for myself at a restaraunt, I can't tell my sister that I like her shoes, I can't give a job interview, I can't answer the phone, I can't introduce myself, I can't participate in casual conversation or answer questions in school or tell a taxi driver where I need to go or order room service or fire a co-worker or talk with friends or recite wedding vows or say hi to a stranger on the street.
We should all just be able to communicate telepathically. However that's spelled. Telepathetically? Well I'm definitely pathetic.
Sorry for ruining your day.