[Deathnote] - Obsession p13
Chapter 13
“Forgetting”
That Saturday, Mello and Matt still weren't talking.
After dinner, Kaori went down to Matt's room and knocked on the door; he hadn't been at dinner, and she was slightly worried.
“Come in,” he said from inside.
When Kaori entered, she saw Matt sitting on the bed playing a video game, which wasn't much of a surprise to her. “What are you playing?” she asked, sitting down beside him.
“Silent Hill 2,” he replied. “I'm only on the second part though.”
“Knowing you, you'll probably have it beaten by tomorrow morning,” she said.
“True. So...why'd you come down here?” he asked, pausing the game and turning to face her.
“I was worried when you didn't show up at dinner. I didn't know the fight between you two was really that bad. Won't you tell me what's going on?”
“It's nothing, really,” Matt insisted.
“If it's nothing, then why won't you tell me what it is? And most importantly, why haven't you two made up yet then?” she said forcefully.
“It doesn't concern you,” he told her. “It's just between the both of us, and we'll settle it ourselves.”
“And you're doing a real good job of that so far,” she said sarcastically.
“Just leave it be.”
“Does that mean you aren't coming with us tonight?” she asked.
“I don't have any reason to.”
“Oh, please? It won't be the same without you...”
That was true; for some reason the prospect of being alone with Mello frightened her slightly, but it also excited her. If anything, she looked forward to the night even more.
He shrugged. “Mello will be there.”
“Yeah, but...”
“I'm staying here,” he repeated, picking up the controller again.
“Fine. Honestly...you two are such idiots sometimes,” she said, standing up from the bed.
He didn't answer her.
“If you change your mind...”
“I won't.”
“Fine.” She walked out the door.
At eleven-thirty, Kaori crept down to Mello's room - pausing at the entrance to Matt's, and listening to see if he was inside. When she didn't hear anything, she decided to peek in and see if he was awake.
The television was muted, and Matt was asleep on the bed. She started to go over to the side, but then she was startled by another sound: crying. He was crying.
Apparently he hadn't heard her open the door, and he was lying with his back facing her on the bed, his body shaking as he sobbed into the sheets.
Maybe I should make sure he's alright....Then again, he's upset - he probably would be embarrassed if he knew I saw him like this. Besides, Mello's waiting for me. She paused slightly as she began to close the door. Poor Matt...
When she knocked on Mello's door, he opened it right away and she walked inside. “Matt isn't coming,” she informed him.
“I figured as much.”
“I suppose you won't tell me why you guys are fighting, either?” she asked.
“It's a long story - it's nothing you should concern yourself with,” he said.
“Well I know it happened right after I left here last night.”
“It wasn't about you, don't worry.”
“I'm not worried that it was about me. I...I'm worried about Matt,” she said.
“He'll get over it, trust me,” Mello replied. “I'll talk to him tomorrow.”
“Alright...promise?”
“Promise.” He hopped out the window. “Come on.”
Without Matt tagging along, Kaori found herself walking closer to Mello - she supposed it was because there was only two of them this time.
“Scared?” he laughed.
“I just...I've never been around so many people before,” she said. “It's kind of overwhelming.”
“Then how about we go someplace quiet?” he suggested.
“Is there really any place like that in this city?”
“Sure. Follow me.” He led her along the streets, winding their way through people, finally coming to a stop at a large river, over which a commuting bridge rested. The path down underneath was steep and rocky, and Mello had to help Kaori down to the smooth stone bottom, beneath the bridge. The moonlight was glaring in the water, and reflected off of the stone, casting a misty glow around the area.
“Wow, it's so peaceful down here...” she said, walking around but staying close to the side so she wouldn't fall in.
“Yeah. Matt and I used to come here a lot,” he said.
“You two always were together, huh?” she said.
“Yeah, we were...” Was it really only just now that he realized exactly how much time he and Matt spent together? Now, sneaking out without him seemed almost alien to him; he and Matt had always snuck out together, and here he was without him...and all because of his own selfishness.
Kaori pulled off her shoes and stuck her feet in the water, sitting down on the edge. Mello smiled and sat beside her. “You know, I'm actually kind of glad it's just you and me...now we have a chance to talk.”
“What do you want to talk about?” she asked.
“I don't know. I was just thinking about this situation...”
“You mean the fact that L practically hired you to look after me?” she said.
“Yeah. I was just thinking that maybe the situation wasn't so bad after all.”
“I was thinking the same thing. After being around someone so much, I guess you just get used to them.”
“Maybe. And besides, at first I was pissed off about the whole test thing, but now...I don't know, maybe it was because of all that you had to suffer because of it that I changed attitude about it....”
“You know, I'm not the only one that suffers for being intelligent,” she reminded him.
“Yeah, well...it's different with Near.”
“How so? I don't see any difference. Is it just because he's a boy?”
“No, that isn't it....”
“Or is it just because you liked me before the scores came out?” she said coldly.
“No, i-it isn't like that!” he protested. “It's just...he's cold and emotionless to everyone. And so indifferent...it's like he isn't human at all. He doesn't even seem to care that he gets the top score.”
“You're only jealous,” she stated matter-of-fact. “You don't know how he feels about anything.”
“I know enough to know how he is towards everyone.”
“He isn't that way towards me,” she replied nonchalantly. “Maybe you're just acting on assumptions....”
“You're an exception,” Mello said. “He's never tried to make any friends before, he's never even talked to anyone.”
“That doesn't mean he doesn't want to.”
“Yeah, well if he wants friends then he should stop acting so...cold,” Mello replied. “His indifference makes me sick.”
“Do you really hate Near that much?” she asked, her tone softer now. “I don't understand it...this intense hatred. Near and I got the same score on the test; yet...you hate him for it, but have no problem with me getting it.”
“I never said that.”
“So you do have a problem with me getting it?”
“No! I don't...!”
“Then explain to me, because you aren't making any sense! Why do you hate Near so much when he's never done anything to you? You barely know him, and you just hate him because he gets better grades? You keep making all these assumptions about him, when you've never even talked to him. I can understand wanting to outdo him, but...all I can see is that you're jealous.”
“It isn't just about grades, okay?” he said at last. “There are other reasons!”
“Like what? Give me one good reason.”
Mello sighed. “I guess there isn't one.”
“You know what? I don't think that it's L, or the teachers, who you want to impress...” she said.
“What do you mean?” he replied.
“I think that...the person you've really been trying to impress...all along...has been Near.”
Mello was silent for a minute, staring intensely into the river. “That's ridiculous,” he said at last, not looking at her. “I could care less what he thinks of me.”
“You can lie to yourself all you want. You wouldn't need to impress the teachers because they already notice you. The only person who hasn't acknowledged you -who you want to acknowledge you- is Near,” she said.
“You don't know what you're talking about,” he said, tossing a rock in the water.
“Maybe not. But I have a feeling I'm right.” She paused. “I'm sure that if you talked to him, you'd find out he's a lot different from what you think he is.”
“Don't talk as if you know everything about him,” Mello replied.
“I know more than you do.”
“I don't want to know him,” he replied. “I don't see what interests you.”
“Maybe the same thing about you that interests Matt,” Kaori answered.
“And what's that?”
She smiled a little. “A lot of things. If you think about it, you and Near are a lot alike, minus a few personality differences.”
“As if,” he scoffed. “I'm nothing like him.”
“Why are you so reluctant to admit that you might not hate him as much as you let on?” she asked.
“Stop joking around. I can't stand him, and that's the honest truth!” Mello said forcefully.
Kaori shook her head. “You're just being stubborn.”
Mello glared into the water, and sighed, closing his eyes. “Let's just forget Near tonight.”
“If that's what you want.”
“It is.”
“Alright, fair enough. I didn't come here to fight, anyhow.”
“Neither did I.”
There was a short pause, before Mello spoke again.
“You know, you're different from all the girls at the orphanage, I can't really explain it....but I like spending time with you.”
Kaori could feel a blush crawl up her cheeks. “Well I don't really see how I'm any different, but...I can say the feeling is mutual.” She smiled. “You're fun to be around. You make me forget about everything else. Especially by getting into an argument like that.”
“That's what I was aiming for.”
“But you never really struck me as the type to pay any attention to girls.”
“Are you calling me homo?” he asked.
“No, not that...I just... You always seemed to care about work more than anything, and I just couldn't picture you doing something like this - sneaking out in the dead of night all over the city. You've managed to surprise me a lot lately.”
“Matt did say I was like a surprise box,” he laughed. “Maybe there was some truth to that.”
“So you don't mind if I ask you something?” she said. “It's not about Matt, I promise.”
“Sure, what is it?”
“I was just wondering...how you ended up at Wammy's House,” she said slowly.
“Oh.” He was silent for a minute, and his answer was hesitant. “My parents....died in a car crash.”
“I'm sorry,” she said. “...my parents are dead too.”
“I know -I heard L and Roger talking about it the day you were brought in. It must have been awful.”
“Yeah...”
“What were your parents like?” he asked.
The question caught her off guard, he could tell. Maybe it was just his imagination, but she didn't seem to want to -or have an- answer. “They were...just like any parents, I guess.”
“You don't seem too convinced.”
“They were fine,” she said, shrugging. “I don't know how parents are supposed to be. What were yours like?”
“Well my dad was an officer in the German military. He was really strict, and a lot of the time he was away at work, or overseas. My mother was a housewife - she was really affectionate, and since I was her only child she always babied me. Dad didn't think she should, but she still did anyway. He was always trying to make me like him, even when I didn't want to be....”
“My mother was really quiet. It was like my father ruled over her a lot of the time; she never seemed to have a mind of her own,” Kaori confided.
“My mother didn't care what my dad thought; she'd still treat me the same. I'm guessing he had a soft spot somewhere, because mom loved him so much, but he never showed it to me.”
Kaori was silent.
“What about your dad? Was he the same way?” Mello asked.
“.......no. He was different.” I know for a fact he didn't have a soft spot anywhere, even for my mother. She stared out into the water with a blank expression on her face.
“You don't like thinking about your parents, do you?”
“Not particularly.”
Mello thought for a minute, and then stood up. “Come with me.”
“Wha..?”
“Just come on - I want to show you something.”
Curiously, she got up and followed Mello over to the other side of the bridge. “Matt and I found this a few days after we started sneaking out. I don't think anyone owns it.” He reached into the water and pulled at a rope dangling from the bank of the river. “Here.” As he spoke, a good-sized speedboat floated ashore and he steadied it with his hand.
“You...expect me to get in that thing?” Kaori said uncertainly.
“It's perfectly safe, don't worry. Matt and I have been in it a bunch of times.” He held out his hand. “I won't let anything happen.”
Reluctantly, Kaori took his hand and he helped her into the boat. She immediately held onto the railing to keep her balance. “Mello ... I'm sure someone owns it. Look, there's stuff here.”
“It's not like they'll notice if we take it for a little while,” he replied, stepping into the boat himself and going over to the steering wheel. “Sit down, alright?”
Kaori obeyed him, and sat against the rail, clutching it tightly as the boat started moving.
Once she felt she could walk steadily, she got up and made her way over to where Mello was, sitting down beside him. “It's beautiful here at night,” she said, looking out at the glistening river.
“Yeah, it is.” He smiled, then asked, “Does Japan look anything like this?”
“I...I lived out in the country. I'm not really sure what cities looked like.”
Mello thought it was a little strange, but didn't press further.
“I know Japan was beautiful though,” she said. “Sometimes I could almost smell the oceans....”
Mello stopped the boat a ways out in the river, and they sat -talking- for a good while into the night.
The more time Kaori spent with him, the more she enjoyed his company. When Near's name didn't come into the conversation, Mello actually had a good outlook on everything. Kaori was secretly glad Matt decided not to come with them that night.
“I've never had fun like this,” Kaori told him. “It's...nice.”
“I'm glad you think so. It was actually Matt's idea to start sneaking out. He gets bored easily, you know. After we started, we decided to go out like this almost every night. Sort of like a tradition,” Mello replied.
“Mello...what did you and Matt fight about?” Kaori asked.
Mello's smile faded, and he didn't look straight at her. “He just...expects too much sometimes.”
“What do you mean? Like what?” Kaori replied.
“Gods, it...it's nothing, okay?”
“Why are you so sensitive about this? Was it something bad?”
“No, Gods! It just...it's nothing you would understand.”
“Because I'm a girl? Is that it?” she asked.
“No...you just don't need to worry about it.” I'm sick of thinking about Matt all the time...I don't feel guilty about what I said. I just want to get him out of my head! But I can't...I can't stop thinking about it. Gods, Matt can make me forget my frustration about Near, but I really don't have an outlet when it come to forgetting my frustration of Matt.
“Mello?” Kaori waved a hand in front of his face. “Are you alright?”
“Wha...yeah, I'm fine,” he said, jumping a little at her voice.
Kaori sighed and sat down on the railing, her hands on Mello's shoulders. “You're tense. Is this about Matt?”
“Everything isn't about Matt, you know,” he replied, closing his eyes as Kaori's hands gently rubbed his neck.
“Matt said you two have been friends since you were kids,” Kaori said.
“Yeah, we knew each other back in Germany. We came here together.”
“That's sweet...I mean, Matt really cares about you doesn't he?”
“Yeah, I suppose.”
“Do you care about him?”
“Wha...what's that supposed to mean?”
“I only asked you a question. No need to get so flushed,” she laughed, and then her expression became serious. “But...I think you're good for him. I can tell he needs someone like you.”
Someone like me.... If only you knew. But you're wrong. I'm not good for him. I'm not good for him at all. I'm the farthest thing from good. If only you knew me....
“Why don't you just make up with him already?” she asked.
“You don't understand...” he sighed. “I'll only hurt him.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“Kaori...” He turned to face her, holding her arm so she wouldn't fall off the railing. His eyes were cast out towards the water, and his expression was troubled.
“Mello, is something the matter?”
“No, I...” I just want to forget.... He looked up into her eyes, which were full of concern. It would be so easy, just to do it once, just to forget for a split second. Mello could feel himself leaning forward, almost subconsciously. I want to forget so bad...everything I've done to him. I want to run away from it all....
“M-Mello, what are you....?”
She was cut off as a shout came from the distance.
“Hey! What do you kids think you're doing?!”
Mello immediately moved away from Kaori. “Shit!”
“I told you someone owned it,” she said, jumping down from the railing.
Mello leaned over the side and peered out towards the bank, where they could see a figure waving with a lantern.
“We have to jump.”
“What?!”
“Obviously we can't ride it back there!” Mello said, going over to the other side of the boat. “Hurry up!”
As the man on shore continued to shout, Kaori went over to Mello's side, flinching as he put an arm around her waist and took a step out onto the railing.
“M-Mello...I can't swim....”
“Just hold on to me,” he instructed, before jumping straight into the ice-cold water.
Kaori kept her eyes shut tight as she felt the darkness swelling around her. Mello's arm was still wrapped around her and she could feel herself being pulled to the surface. She arose gasping and coughing, gulping in the fresh air. When he began to swim, she grabbed onto him and held as tightly as she could as the current and waves crashed against them. Kaori fought to keep herself from choking as water splashed into her mouth and down her throat.
It seemed like forever before they reached land, and Kaori could feel her whole body aching. Mello helped her onto the bank and immediately pulled her to her feet, prompting her to run.
“We'll have to take the alley,” Mello informed her. “So we don't draw attention to ourselves.”
Kaori fought to catch her breath -while running full speed- to keep up with Mello as they darted through various dark and cramped alleyways. If she didn't know any better, she would say he had done this before to know his way around the small streets so well.
Suddenly, she tripped over something on the ground and felt herself falling forward; instinctively, Kaori put her hands in front of her to break her fall. She crashed against the ground, hard, and felt a sharp stabbing pain in her right hand.
Mello heard her fall, and immediately turned around. “Gods, are you alright?” he said, kneeling down beside her as she sat up on her knees.
“I...yeah, I think.”
“Ah, shit,” he said, looking down at her hand.
Sure enough, she was bleeding; apparently her hand had landed on a piece of broken glass. As she realized the wound, it started stinging and she winced, pressing her hand against the cut.
“Here,” Mello said, reaching out and taking her hand. As he did, Kaori cried out in surprise from the pain that shot up her arm. “Huh?” Mello gently turned her hand around to see, and she cried out again.
“God, that hurts!”
“Sorry...it looks like you might have sprained it,” he said, taking it again -gentler this time- and examining the cut. “The cut is pretty nasty. I'd see the nurse about it tomorrow,” he told her. He then let go of her arm and pulled off his shirt, which he quickly pressed against the bleeding cut.
While he was busy with her hand, Kaori glanced at his body; he didn't look half bad, in her opinion. Though she didn't tend to pay attention to such stuff, she figured she had to look at something to take her mind off the pain.
“I'm sorry about this,” he apologized. “It was a stupid idea.”
“No...” she said slowly. “I actually had a lot of fun. It's not every day you get excitement like that.” She smiled.
“Still, you got hurt because of me.”
“Don't worry about it. It doesn't hurt that bad.”
“Is that so?” he said, and softly pressed his fingers to her wrist.
“Ouch!”
“Sounds like it hurts to me,” he replied, wringing out his sopping wet shirt and wrapping it around her hand. “We should hurry and get back to the orphanage. Can you stand okay?”
“Yeah,” she said, standing up and holding her arm.
Mello walked slower this time, and Kaori tried not to show the pain she was in as she walked alongside him.
By the time they got back to the orphanage, the sun was already beginning to rise.
It was a difficult task to get through the window with a hurt wrist, but Kaori finally managed to pull herself inside Mello's room - where she collapsed on the ground. Mello came in a moment later and shut the window.
Their clothes were still wet, and Kaori was shivering.
“Here, you can't go up to your room like that,” Mello told her, and began to sift through his closet, pulling out a long-sleeved shirt that probably reached Kaori's knees. “Change into this.”
Kaori stood up and attempted to undress: another difficult task with a hurt wrist.
“Um...do you want me to help?” Mello asked.
“....alright.” She sat on the bed and he carefully pulled her wet clothes over her head, so as not to hurt her wrist.
Just as he helped her slip into the other dry shirt, Mello caught a glimpse of a dark place on her left arm - almost like a bruise. I guess she hit that when she fell.... Paying no more attention to it than that, he pulled the shirt over her head and began to dry the ends of her hair with a blanket.
Kaori managed to get her skirt off herself, but kept her undergarments on; she would change them in the privacy of her own room.
It was still early in the morning, and no one else seemed to be awake.
When Mello unwrapped his shirt from around Kaori's hand, he saw that the blood had simply soaked through the fabric; it was bleeding just as much as when she had first cut it.
“I'm really sorry,” he said again.
“It's fine - I'll just go up to the nurse later.”
“This is my fault...”
“Don't worry about it,” she assured him, then noticed he still had his wet clothes on. “...you're going to catch a cold,” she commented.
“Wha...oh, yeah...” he could feel his face burning. He put his hands on both her shoulders and turned her around to face the wall. “No peeking, got it?” he said.
She smirked and sat still as his hands let go. “You saw me.”
“Excusable circumstances.”
“Whatever.”
She could hear him moving around near the closet, and resisted the impulse to look behind her, at least for a second. Her wrist was hurting, and she silently cursed herself for being so clumsy.
A few moments later, she sighed. “Can I look yet?”
“Yeah, go ahead.”
Kaori turned around and saw that he was dressed in dry clothes, the wet ones piled over in the corner.
She was still terribly cold, and repressed a shiver as a ripple of cold shot up her spine.
Mello noticed, and carried over a blanket, which he put around her shoulders. “You're body heat will adjust soon,” he told her.
They sat in silence for a few minutes.
“Mello...” Kaori said slowly, as all her thoughts started coming back to her. “Right before that man yelled at us, you...looked like you were about to...”
Mello could feel the heat rising back to his face. “About to what?” he asked.
“...nothing, never mind.” She tightened the blanket around her shoulders. Maybe I was just imagining the whole thing....
Mello glanced at the clock on the bedside table. “Well, it's probably best if you go ahead to the nurse's office,” he said, standing up from the bed.
“Right,” Kaori agreed, looking down at her hand; it was still bleeding profusely, but the pain had numbed slightly.
Kaori's explanation for the incident was that she had slipped in the shower and cut her hand on something; the nurse didn't ask any more questions, but it wasn't obvious whether she suspected something or not. Kaori had to get five stitches in her hand, and -after determining it was only a minor sprain- she had to wear a simple brace on her wrist.
It's my fault, Mello thought. I only wanted to forget Matt, so I dragged her out there and.... I'm going to end up hurting her like I did him. I'm not good for either one of them.
-End of chapter 13-