Rambling 11.0
Apparently he liked me. Way back when. Before all this happened. One of his best memories is of me. He told me that. I've never had anyone tell me that. It made me smile. I remember that day. It was a great day. Even though I learnt I didn't know myself. A fantastic day. I wouldn't change a thing. I've changed my opinion of him. A whole new level of respect has opened up. When, technically, I should have lost my respect for him. He came to me. I never thought it would happen. I didn't expect it. In the least. Where did it come from? It's a crazy, mixed up world. 'I'm stuck in the middle with you. And I'm wondering what it is I should do. It's so hard to keep this smile from my face'.
I had a deep conversation with him. About life. And love. And the world. He's an interesting guy. An amazing guy. I don't understand it. I don't understand him. And yet... at times I do. I know where he's coming from. Same as me I guess. Something he said to me triggered something. Afterwards I knew. And I did it. He gave me strength. And brought back my courage. If only for a little while. He knew what to say. And what to make me say.
I said it. I finally did. Not just in my mind. 'It's all inside my head. Maybe it's not real. It's all inside my head. And nothing's changing'.
I've changed. I know this. I used to like my life packaged up in little parcels. And only I knew what was in each one. I hid them away in my room, where no one else could see. I liked it that way. I never wanted it to change. But it has changed. I opened my boxes. Tipped them out onto the ground and let them mix together. It's better this way. So many combinations that I never would have allowed. And they're perfect! How could I have not seen this before? Am I blind?