(no subject)
there are so many things in my life going so right but there is one thing that isnt. i feel like everything i had with josh is gone, over, done with. i dont know how to get back, i dont know if we can get it back. a lot of questions i used to know the answer to i dont anymore. ive been so sad for the past couple weeks b/c i dont know whats going to happen. in my heart i know i need to break up with him but at the same time i have this fear that i will never meet anyone else. or if josh is my one then why do i feel like i need to end things? and my sister who i never guessed had so much wisdom just said something very true to me "if its meant to be it will work itself out. trust your heart." i know whats in my heart, im the only one who knows. doing the right thing is never easy and i know that too. do i still believe in my heart that we are meant to be together someday, yes. do i believe we should be together right now, at this point in our lives? no. how do you tell someone that you love that you shouldnt be together right now, but that someday you will be again. i think we both need time to grow, mature, become the adults we need to be. we are leading to completely different lives right now. lives that arent merging. no one can say we didnt try or didnt give 110 percent, we did. i thought i was strong enough to be away from him but im not. i cant do it anymore, i cant live in a different city then him. if im going to be with him i need to be with him. im so lonely here. i feel like hes going on with his life and im stuck in a rut. im so hopeful that when i start school ill meet more people. anyways im off to figure out what to do tonight as i have no life in cincinnati. the person i was supposed to go out w/ tonight has more important things to do. i miss all of you in louisville. hugs and kisses.