(no subject)
This is the home stretch, the part of the school year that everyone anxiously awaits because it means that summer is just around the corner. Summer- the time of year that once symbolized relaxation and afternoons spent doing nothing. And I wish that was what I had to look forward to because maybe then it would inspire me to finish this semester off as grandly as possible, somehow pulling my grades up higher and proving my intellect to myself and to all the doubters that exist, but I don't habe relaxation to look forward to simply because I decided it would be a good idea to somehow taken seven credit hours over the course of ten weeks.
It had seemed like a good idea at the time because the classes would be out of the way, making room in my busy schedule for the Fall of 2004 for other classes, but now I feel myself getting anxious just thinking about it. My breath is short as I plan out calendars for work, trying to decide when it is I can work and wondering if I will be able to schedule any time for myself into the mix of classes and a full-time job. More important than time for myself, though, is the need of finding time to spend with friends and spending time learning all the parts of the human body that Anatomy and Physiology 1 requires nursing majors to know. Then, once that is done (supposing that I survive), I will be learning all about the history of the Unisted States that has taken place since the year 1877.
Thinking about it all, about everything that I have to do and to accomplish over the three months that college allows us for summer break, is not the brightest idea seeing as how I still have a week of normal classes, dead week, and finals to get through before I can pack everything I have here into boxes and Wal-Mart bags to take home. The only way I can get through this is to focus on the present, but that is so hard to do when the end is so near. I just want to get there and be done, having the ability to smile and say I survived my first year in college.
And what a first year it has been. Every single emotion known to man has been present in my life at some point or another, some emotions staying for longer while other fly away all too quickly. I've learned more about myself, people, and life in general than I ever thought possible. Its a great feeling, though, realizing how much knowledge exists and how much I have to learn before my life comes to an end when I am old with age and ready to pass through the gates of Heaven, knowing my Father is waiting on the other side for me, His arms stretched open and ready to catch me as I run and fall into them, feeling more love than ever before.
This is just a small part of my life. The years I will spend here, whether I spend four or five or six years, are just a part of my life. They won't determine who I am for the rest of time. Rather, they are just a stepping stone, something to survive and enjoy and live and embrace because really that's all you can do.
Looking back on everything that has gone wrong gets old, even though it is necessary at times, and sometimes its exhausting to look towards the future because it seems like such a long road to have to travel when already you just want to collapse. But even with that feeling, you somehow find strength and energy in the strangest places, and there is always someone there to pick you up if you ever trip or fall flat on your face. They might laugh at you, and you might even laugh with them, but they will pick you up. And that is something so different than high school because back then, during those days of adolescence, it was hard to trust people to be there to pick me up. Now, though, I know there's a plan to my life and that even through the worst times someone will be there, even people I don't expect, to help me up from my place on the cement.