I FOUND A REASON FOR ME TO CHANGE WHO I USED TO BE
Always on the go and always out with friends, laughing loudly and annoying everyone around. A smile always on my face, even through the tears. Eyes that sparkle and round cheeks that I once hated but now embrace. Blond hair that only adds a something special to the ditziness I carry around with me. For such a long time, it was hard to accept myself as these things; it was hard for me to just simply be because I always felt I needed to be someone else- someone less happy and less upbeat and someone who held onto all the injustices of the world.
But now I embrace myself and have let go of the bad because life is too short to hold onto things. Now I am content with staying at home, curled up on the couch watching a movie or sitting at the kitchen table working on a different assortment of crafts. Pictures are always of people smiling and less of the seriousness of life.
There are still things that get me down and make me want to throw everything away, but I hold onto the good in life. Bad will always be there, lurking in the shadows and disappearing after time, but the good in life always sticks around, reminding you of the reasons there are to continue living each day as fully as possible.
Starbuck's frappicino's. Laughing with friends even in the midst of serious subject matters. Crying over sad movies you've seen a million times. Singing loudly along with burned CDs. Memory lane that is full of only the good memories high school had to offer. Sorority sisters who make you feel alive once again and remind you of the wonderfl people that exist. Meeting up with a friend for coffee. Seeing a friend from high school who you haven't talked to since before Christmas Break but who comes out to see you and hugs you and then sits down to talk with you and your friend. Laying out in the backyard and falling asleep in the sun. Scratching your dog's ears and having her look up at you. Blond moments that turn into running jokes. A sky full of sun that rapidly becomes filled with rain clouds. Weeding for the first time, ever. Waxing a car for the first time, ever. Buying flip-flops with sequins for formal. Excitement over having two "dates" in less than a month. Finding yourself, piece by piece, and realizing you never really lost yourself in the first place.
And then there are the things in life you have to look forward to, the firsts that only come around once.
A first love. A first apartment. A first dog. A first real meal that you will eventually cook. A first job, true job, that pays a real salary. A first step out on your own. A first time to hear a song that moves you to tears. A first time to see your favorite performer in concert. A first trip with only friends, no real adults. A first home. A first child. A first (and hopefully only) marriage. A first time to be in a wedding. And a million other firsts.
There's so much to love and so much to hope for and wait for. And just seeing people in my life today, simply sitting at a table outside drinking coffee, helped these realizations come to me. There's so much wonderfulness that all the bad suddenly seems less important, so much so less important.
Life is short, too short to not live.