oh public postings. HEY MOM
I'm angry right now and I most certainly do not want to be. I'm scared and full of past hesitations that I've tried so restlessly to rid myself of.
"there's a demon in my head"
i miss and thats all I know how to do. I hate money and it's burden. I hate that I have not spent an iota of quality time with my father. I hate SAT's and that its "standardized testing". I WANT TO SUCCEED but I moved away from my well earned succession and I'm scared to fail; to disappoint. I want a perfect body along with a perfect life. I want to do something I don't know how to do, be someone so out of my realm. I can succeed. How do I get back to the place I always said I would be in?
How do I forget the lonliness I've felt all summer? I won't forget and I'll resist having a grudge but it will develop into anger towards a father I could never learn to fully love; someone so untouchable to understand that it forced this feeling of resentment.
I've filled with hope about next year though. It's an open window and I am an enclosed canary, I guess. I've been thinking a lot about a couple of series I want to make when I get back. My photography was on hold for awhile but there is so much I want to capture, so much I want people to see through my eyes, so maybe they can have the escape I always dreamed of. I cried today about not cheering next year, cried because I sacrificed one of the things I loved for a father who doesn't even see it. I didn't cheer so I didn't have to hurt him. Why did I do that? I'll never understand. I miss my Mother so much. I miss South Carolina so much. If I could bring 10 people from Michigan to South Carolina it would be the most perfect world, but it just doesn't happen that way and pretty soon I'll be 900 miles away from the ones who know me best. I just want to spend a night underneath the stars laying by the ocean.
Finish this indecision; fold away your childhood games and find out your appeal has been lost
Being cute only provides so much; when in the end people want the inner proof that they can believe in you
Open up to this adult world where your views and intentions finally belong
this is your chance, young girl with ambition, a worn path has been placed in front of you while your life is sucessfully marked behind your dirty heels.
"there's a demon in my head"
i miss and thats all I know how to do. I hate money and it's burden. I hate that I have not spent an iota of quality time with my father. I hate SAT's and that its "standardized testing". I WANT TO SUCCEED but I moved away from my well earned succession and I'm scared to fail; to disappoint. I want a perfect body along with a perfect life. I want to do something I don't know how to do, be someone so out of my realm. I can succeed. How do I get back to the place I always said I would be in?
How do I forget the lonliness I've felt all summer? I won't forget and I'll resist having a grudge but it will develop into anger towards a father I could never learn to fully love; someone so untouchable to understand that it forced this feeling of resentment.
I've filled with hope about next year though. It's an open window and I am an enclosed canary, I guess. I've been thinking a lot about a couple of series I want to make when I get back. My photography was on hold for awhile but there is so much I want to capture, so much I want people to see through my eyes, so maybe they can have the escape I always dreamed of. I cried today about not cheering next year, cried because I sacrificed one of the things I loved for a father who doesn't even see it. I didn't cheer so I didn't have to hurt him. Why did I do that? I'll never understand. I miss my Mother so much. I miss South Carolina so much. If I could bring 10 people from Michigan to South Carolina it would be the most perfect world, but it just doesn't happen that way and pretty soon I'll be 900 miles away from the ones who know me best. I just want to spend a night underneath the stars laying by the ocean.
Finish this indecision; fold away your childhood games and find out your appeal has been lost
Being cute only provides so much; when in the end people want the inner proof that they can believe in you
Open up to this adult world where your views and intentions finally belong
this is your chance, young girl with ambition, a worn path has been placed in front of you while your life is sucessfully marked behind your dirty heels.