Flashback?
Too many things have changed for me to put off writing in this any longer.
Although I have learned may things this past semester, not much has really changed with me.
I am no longer attending the University of Detroit Mercy, by the grace of God. At least that is going well. Although I still will probably fail all my classes, cause I'm a bad student.
Now I'm currently attending the University of Michigan Flint, which is by far a larger, better designed, better funded, better staffed college.
Although that's going reasonably well, as usual I am being an idiot with people, apparently. I still let myself develop crushes, which always fail miserably despite me not acting at all like a nerd or anything! I don't get it, to be honest. Just don't give me that PUKE that the right person is out there and that someday it'll work out, that's stuff you say to placate people like me. That's just something you normal, pretty people say to weirdos like me to make us feel normal. Ha ha! Got 'cha there!
The one thing that I am certain of is that I don't understand the concept of pleasurable love as love has never EVER brought me anything but pain. I fear that I am too damaged to recognize or accept whatever crap I have to do to get people to like me by now.
Unfortunately I have no choice; as I seemingly cannot control my emotions and I will always fail in school, I am trapped by the fact that my desire to die is trumped only by my desire to love and be loved and to do something great.
So I am a slave to God's Will I guess.
But I guess you never know?
(Yeah right...)
Later
FREAKS!!!
Although I have learned may things this past semester, not much has really changed with me.
I am no longer attending the University of Detroit Mercy, by the grace of God. At least that is going well. Although I still will probably fail all my classes, cause I'm a bad student.
Now I'm currently attending the University of Michigan Flint, which is by far a larger, better designed, better funded, better staffed college.
Although that's going reasonably well, as usual I am being an idiot with people, apparently. I still let myself develop crushes, which always fail miserably despite me not acting at all like a nerd or anything! I don't get it, to be honest. Just don't give me that PUKE that the right person is out there and that someday it'll work out, that's stuff you say to placate people like me. That's just something you normal, pretty people say to weirdos like me to make us feel normal. Ha ha! Got 'cha there!
The one thing that I am certain of is that I don't understand the concept of pleasurable love as love has never EVER brought me anything but pain. I fear that I am too damaged to recognize or accept whatever crap I have to do to get people to like me by now.
Unfortunately I have no choice; as I seemingly cannot control my emotions and I will always fail in school, I am trapped by the fact that my desire to die is trumped only by my desire to love and be loved and to do something great.
So I am a slave to God's Will I guess.
But I guess you never know?
(Yeah right...)
Later
FREAKS!!!