note 001 :: as the day we were born

[nobodysheroine]

Well.

The naked as a jaybird part I get - since that’s how birth works in real life. In fact, I get the goo part too (no explanation necessary, I’d hope). But can somebody, please clue me in as to what the cheer-up-emo-kid with the ridiculous sword has anything to do with being reborn? I can't tell if it's supposed to be metaphorical, ironic, or

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[twoninths]

I am sad to inform you that the young man with the sword is, boringly enough, meant for entirely practical purposes and is no way intended to represent anything. Occasionally, he actually finds it necessary to put that sword to use. Though, infrequently.

Allow me to welcome you to Edensphere, oh mysterious writer of curious Americana. I am Argent and while this is not real life, it is, perhaps, something like it. Most days, at least.

[nobodysheroine]

What I don't get is this. If you're going to take a job that entails greeting people -- re: playing at being the welcoming party -- make sure you're a people person. You know, the kind of person who likes people. Like the kind you're being paid to greet. If you're going to scowl through the whole affair, might as well get a job at the local burger shack flipping patties in the back for minimum wage.

Argent, huh? What, as in French? you're not French are you? your handwriting doesn't seem too French Don't tell me we have Frenchmen here too. egads, they're everywhere.

What do you mean this isn't real life? Life is -- isn't it? No ways around that.

[twoninths]

Ah, now to be fair to my charmingly grouchy friend, his role, as I understand it, is in fact one part supervisory and one part making sure that both new-borns and cocoons are kept safe from the unbalanced and aggressive individuals we have running about. There are others who are actually there to greet, and they are, in my experience, quite pleasant, but for Drake, this is something of side-job.

Why, yes, Argent is French, though I myself am not. Perhaps, if you have heard of France, you have heard of the small island nation which I hail from? England? Does this strike a chord? We do, I believe, have one Frenchman wondering about. Or, at minimum, someone inclined to burst into French at intervals. They do get into everything, don't they?

That, good Ran, is a very long and potentially metaphysical discussion. Perhaps not entirely suited to one's first day, hm? And modesty requires me to admit that I am not precisely the resident expert on the matter either.

[nobodysheroine]

Ah ha. So it's not so much that he is, quite possibly, the worst man for the job, but rather that he has a different job altogether. One that involves "unbalanced and aggressive individuals"? Charming, but much more up his alley. Especially given the sword.

Oh, so you're British. That explains some of it. Don't worry, I won't hold it against you. At least, not yet. Ah, a lone Frenchman. Sounds all wind-swept and romantic in theory, but I'd imagine is not so much in practice. At least, when there's only one of him, he loses all ability to swarm.

Oh don't worry about me, Argent. Metaphysics I can handle. It's the annoying girl down the hall that keeps shrieking occasionally about the squirrels and how they are hairy that will undoubtedly be the end of me.

[twoninths]

Oh, indeed. I am given to believe that Drake is quite suited for his job. He certainly seems as though he would be competent and sudden and directed acts of violence.

Some of what? Are you maligning my fair nation, Ran? I shall have you know that we are quite glorious and magnificent. Unlike the French. Really, even if there were enough for a swarm, all you need do is look at them pointedly, and they surrender.

Fellow friend of the metaphysical? You are a -- woman? man? -- person after my own heart. Mmm. Yes. That would be a trifle irksome, especially as it leads me to question the priorities of the girl in question. "Hairy" is not precisely the first characteristic I would trouble myself about, given the sort of squirrels we have around here.

[nobodysheroine]

You two friends? Seems like a handy fella to have around in a bar fight. Not that I'm presuming to hang around in bars. Or know how to fight. You are British, after all.

Not so much maligning as standing back at arm's length and giving it a long, discerning stare. How's that sound? Consider me a world-weary traveler, Argent. Anything not home gets a speculative look. Even you. Granted, that requires me to remember where home is, but I remember enough to know that 'British' equals 'other'. Oh, so that's the trick with them. See, we never got around to mastering that look. Pompous, yes. Self-righteous, sure. Hell, I think we even managed to get ironically valiant? But pointedly, never.

Neither? I'm a girl. None of this woman business. At least not if you want us to get along. Exactly my point! Part of me wishes I had a writer's reference set just so that I could lob both the dictionary and the thesaurus at her every time she runs past. Dammit woman, say massive or uncanny or even grotesque. But hairy?

[twoninths]

We are yes, though I have been fortunate enough not to need his assistance in that manner. He is valuable to have about in other ways, though. Be that as it may. I'll have you know I have been learning to fight! It is something of the national pastime around here, unfortunately.

So you are saying we have to work for your favour? I suppose I cannot ask anything more. I know a fellow or two who speak in a manner similar to you, and they see to feel the same way about my "Britishness" so I should say you are in good company there. Pompous is a good start, but it is hard to out-pompous the French.

Ah! My apologies. A girl after my own heart, then. Perhaps with some coaxing, her vocabulary could be improved? A word-of-the-day slipped under her door each morning? For the sake of us all! I suggest beginning with "gargantuan."

[nobodysheroine]

Should I bother asking what those other ways might be? Oh god, that sounds worse than baseball. Do you mean like toe-to-toe fist-to-fist fighting? Wild dogs wouldn't get me to try. It'd be like throwing marshmellows at a monster. Pointless and squishy.

Is this place crawling with Yanks? Not enough Britons to keep you company? I don't know, Argent. You clearly haven't been keeping up on the times. Pretty sure we can go 10 rounds with the French when it comes to pompousness and general ass-hattery.

You know what they say about lost causes, Argent? Sometimes, some people can't help but just be them. Though it would give me something to do with myself. What do you do all day?

I personally would toss "behemoth" into the ring, but that's solely based on the belief that she wouldn't know how to pronounce "gargantuan". I'm just glad that I've managed to retain my vocabulary. Screw my name. At least this way I can hope to have an intelligent conversation.

[twoninths]

Well, he's rather a sharp-thinker. And there's a sense of humour there as well when you can coax it out. A marshmallow? What, the plant or the candy? Because I think either could be an effective weapon in the right hands.

I think we are rather evenly matched, Yanks to Britons, actually. Oh, you don't say? You lot are still a rather tiny, mouthy ex-colony where I am from. No offense intended.

No one is a lost cause, Ran! Have you not heard the story of Pygmalion? She could become your disciple! Ah-ha. I am rather a lay-about, I am ashamed to admit.

And you believe she could master "behemoth"? Perhaps you should start smaller: colossal? Now you speak my language, Miss Ran. I would be quite a great deal more upset than I am at present if I had also lost my capacity for banter and turns of phrase.

[nobodysheroine]

A sense of humor. Really. That requires laughing and smiling and the occassional use of facial muscles to result in things other than scowls. Pardon me while I refuse to willingly suspend my disbelief. The candy. And I hope that this isn't being too forward for your European sensibilities, but if you know how to wield a marshmallow like a weapon, you are giving me lessons.

None taken. I'll own up to the mouthy, ex-colony business, but last I checked you were the tiny ones. Don't tell me you're from the 18th century. Are you?

Granted any points you may loose from being from the 18th century and being British I think you'll quickly win back after the fact, especially given that you've served up my first literary allusion in this life. We are talking Shaw here, right? A lay-about, with your vocabulary? Is that what they call academics around here?

"Behemoth" isn't that daunting of a word is it? Maybe I should bring it way down and start really small. Like, "huge". Oh I don't know if I speak your language entirely, Argent

[twoninths]

Surprising, isn't it? But I promise you, it is there if you are willing to search a bit. I should think it only a matter of aim, really?

Oh, hardly. You won't see me faffing about in one of those silly powdered wigs, acting as though gravity were a new invention. I promise.

We are operating on a points basis here, hm? I do say, it hardly seems fair for you to bring that up now. I've barely been trying. (Yes, we are discussing Mr. Shaw's work.) No, I'm afraid. There seems little use for such things here. All work seems to be of the menial, physical labour sort, save greeting.

Oh, dear. Huge? Really? Is it that severe a case? I should say your brain seems quite sharp, though I admittedly have nothing to compare it to from your previous existence. This intellect of yours, however, is quite dazzling already.

[nobodysheroine]

And was this something you stumbled upon by accident or actually went digging for like some spelunker of the soul? Is aim alone enough to bring down a savage beast with nothing but sugar in your arsenal? Beam the bastard several times right between the eyes and I'm sure it would hardly even tickle. Unless we're talking at cross-purposes here and marshmallows from where you're from are candies that explode on contact or are of full of battery acid. Both of which render the candies completely pointless...

Oh good, that means we can still be friends. Or well, whatever we are, considering the fact that I've never met you and you could feasibly still turn out to be some creepy old guy ogling his journal in some basement trying to pass himself off as an intellectual type, like an internet stalker.I think points work best in these situations. Quick, easy, to the point and much harder to lose track, though it does tend to be rather arbitrary. Though knowing there's a system gives you an unfair advantage, so fork over two more points,

[twoninths]

I had the benefit of others stumbling on it before me and I mostly happening to be in the room when it happened. Well, the marshmallow candies I am used to are rather like small rocks. It could be a very David and Goliath sort of match, but I expect it could be done.

Internet? Oh dear. Well, whatever that might be, I assure that I am still quite young, and that I am not the sort to ogle things except with permission or possibly by accident.

Goodness. I do hope I still have some points. Do I start from zero or is there a base amount gifted to everyone to begin with? Most we earn our points, like your favour, right from the beginning, dear Ran? (I do not mean to deprive Galatea of her due, but I did think the Shaw was more applicable to your particular circumstances.) I have had the rare privilege of having a young man with a more than adequate income take a fancy to me. I am quite kept, you see. But I shouldn't worry. There are always things to do around here, though perhaps few or none will be really to your taste.That perhaps it is

current score :: 13.

[nobodysheroine]

Ah, so you left the dirty work to other people and merely reaped the benefits? Tsk tsk. Hard candies? Well, then that makes marginally more sense, though I place emphasis on the word marginally. Where I'm from they are these small puff balls of aerated sugar and gelatin and other ingredients, some of which I put forth should not occur in nature.

So where you're from has hard marshmallows, Shaw, gravity, no powdered wigs, but America is still a tiny colony? Odd.

How young?

Perhaps. If it makes you feel any better, your leagues ahead of the competition. Not that there's an actual competition going on, but something tells me you'd appreciate knowing. And you, just like everybody else, start at zero -- them's the rules. The way I see it, Argent, this is the way the world works. Just most people don't like to see it that way, or at least fess up to it. You meet somebody new, you start off neutral. They make good conversation, they piss you off -- in the end, it helps and it hurts. I just happen to have a system about it

[distant_dragon]

That's pretty much it in a nutshell, yes. I'm not a greeter, I leave the cheery skipping happy oh welcome to our paradise in a giant globe which makes no damned sense to the people who actually do that kind of thing. I'm a guard who works stupidly long hours, because I have no social life beyond my roommate.

...all right. The squirrels are bigger than we are and all she can shriek about is that they're hairy?? Evidently someone needs a priority transplant.

[nobodysheroine]

Hey, I'm not asking you to sugar coat things, pal. In fact, sugar coating is what grown-ups do in order to get kids like us to swallow down the status quo. Asking you to do that would make me the biggest hypocrite ever. What am saying is that if you're not a greeter, don't greet people. It's clearly not your forte.

...priority transplant? Try brain.