Douchey Moments in History
Welcome to another edition of Douchey Moments in History!
"I love you"
I know, I know... when it comes to douchey phrases, "I love you" wouldn't be one of the first to come to mind. And the fact is, Noah doesn't actually do any thing douchey in this clip. In fact, he's not even in the scene I've linked to, and the text message that gets Luke all worried and upset didn't come from Noah at all -- it came from Noah's phone, but Zoey and Zack are the ones who sent it. But, for real, how much of a douche does Noah have to be if the big warning sign that sends an alarm off in Luke's head, the one thing that makes Luke start to think that the message didn't sound like something Noah would say, and that maybe Noah wasn't the one who sent the message, is the fact that the message was signed "I love you"? IMO? A VERY BIG DOUCHE, that's how much!
General Z-Twins Storyline Observation
I'm starting to think ATWT had some kind of "douche quota" they had to fill or something. I mean, seriously, once Zoey and Zack kidnapped Noah (which is right before the clip posted above), there are a couple weeks worth of looooong episodes (3, 4, even 5 clips per episode) where Noah doesn't do anything douchey enough to mention, but Holden steps up to fill that void. Holden keeps Damian from meeting Lily, so somehow it's Damian's fault that Lily met with Zoey alone. It's also all Damian's fault that Luke was kidnapped, because Damian committed the horribly dastardly deed of.... giving his son millions upon millions of dollars. That fiend! How could he!
I mean, seriously, Holden, WTF? I know Damian has done a lot of awful things and he will never be nominated for father of the year. But really Holden, giving Luke a shit ton of money? So totally NOT one of the awful things on Damian's list of transgressions!
When Holden brings the douchiness, he really brings it... almost makes Noah look like an amateur douche in comparison.
But I'm almost to the end of this piece of crap Z-Twins story (people keep thanking me for taking so much time to put together all the douchey-Noah moments, but that has actually been a lot of fun for me. But I will definitely accept any thanks you want to give me for watching THIS story, and for sharing so little of it with you!). Time was, I would have called this storyline a train wreck, but since ATWT had the bad taste to end their show with a storyline that was a train wreck not just figuratively but also literally, it somehow just doesn't seem right to use that term when the train wreck was purely figurative.
"When are you going to say it?"
You could almost get whiplash, watching how quickly Noah returns to his natural douchey state after the kidnapping story is over. He'd been shot and lost a lot of blood, and probably injured himself further when he tackled Zoey to save Luke from "a fate worse than death" (aka her twisted plan to rape Luke so she could get pregnant with a Grimaldi heir)... and upon waking up in the hospital and finally getting some time alone with Luke, one of the first things Noah says pretty much boils down to "I told you so" about Damian, starting with a demand that Luke admit that he had been wrong and Noah had been right. And it really is all about the way he brings up the subject. I probably wouldn't have half as much of a problem with it if Noah had started out saying something like, "So, now that you know Damian didn't have anything to do with any of the crap that's been going on, do you think you might want to give him another chance?" But the way he brings it up, it's not even like his primary concern is getting Luke to reconcile with Damian; it seems like it's all about getting Luke to admit "Yes, you were right and I was wrong; you're smart and I'm an idiot." I don't know... just the way he starts out, with "when are you going to say it?" just makes me want to punch him in his stupid douchey face.
And at the end of the clip, even after Luke has gone to the police to make sure they know Damian had nothing to do with the kidnapping, but he still isn't sure whether he wants anything resembling a relationship with Damian, Noah refuses to let it go. There is a point where expressing your opinion turns into nagging, and Noah crossed that line about a month before this and hasn't gone back. It's like he refuses to let Luke have a personality of his own... he wants Luke to make up with Damian, and he is not going to stop being a nagging bitch until Luke gives in. If you have an opinion about something you want your boyfriend to do, that's fine, and if you want to express it once, maybe even twice, that's fine too... then you LET IT GO. Luke is supposed to be your boyfriend, Noah, not your puppet. Douche.
"Hey! Do you want to move here?"
This one isn't so much a douchiness clip as one demonstrating that Luke and Noah simply aren't compatible. Noah is really enjoying their day in New York, so much that he comes up with a spur-of-the-moment idea that they should move there, go to college there and everything (apparently assuming that, even with the getting expelled and all, Luke will have no problem finding a college in New York that will take him). And there's nothing wrong with Noah wanting that. Particularly with his film-career ambitions, he's going to need to live in a place like New York or Los Angeles if he wants a shot at being a big success. But Luke is an Oakdale boy. His family is just so important to him, they're a part of him... he'd never be very happy if he moved away from them for very long. Even as he's imagining a future where, 10 years down the line, he and Noah *might* move to New York together, IMO it's still pretty clear he's saying it because he thinks it's what Noah wants to hear, and not so much because he can picture himself ever actually wanting it.
"Maybe this whole good-guy act is just a cover, so people won't suspect what he's really up to."
Here Noah gives us whiplash again. How much time and effort did Noah put into getting Luke to give Damian a chance? A great big butt load of time and effort, that's how much. So, Luke finally decides to give Damian a chance and to try to build a relationship with him, and for about three seconds Noah is supportive of that decision before he starts making noises about how, gee, maybe you shouldn't trust Damian after all. And the thing is, Noah being suspicious of Damian wouldn't be douchey at all if it wasn't for the fact that he had just spent over a month continuously haranguing Luke for NOT giving Damian a chance, and then demanded Luke acknowledge that Noah had been right about Damian all along. It's like he can't be happy unless he can find some way to question any decision Luke makes... not even when that decision came about as a result of his own input. He just HAS to make sure Luke knows his own judgment is not to be trusted. Douche.
"He's the reason we were in danger in the first place"
It's like he just can't help himself... there's something inside of Noah that compels him to find fault with every damned decision Luke makes. Luke has decided he wants a relationship with Damian. He knows Damian had nothing to do with the kidnapping. In fact, Damian is the one who found them and saved their lives, and then Damian offered to fund all the foundation's operations until they get back the money that Zoey and Zack transferred out of the foundation account. Now they've found out that he's been helping Luke's cousin Lucy smuggle medical supplies to a war zone. As far as Luke is concerned, these are all good things, and he thinks Damian deserves the benefit of the doubt.
The fact that Luke has to deal with Holden questioning Damian's every move is bad enough -- Holden has known and hated Damian for years, so his reaction is only to be expected. But the fact that Noah, who questioned Luke's judgment for weeks on end back when Luke wanted nothing to do with Damian, is now once again questioning Luke's judgment specifically because Luke now does want a relationship with Damian, is just unforgivable. Even more unforgivable is the bullshit crap he pulled out of Holden's playbook that, somehow, because he gave Luke vast sums of money, Damian is responsible for the fact that they'd been kidnapped.
I guess the reasoning goes that they were only kidnapped because Damian had given Luke the money. The big flaw in that reasoning is that Luke didn't take the money because Damian gave it to him; initially, he didn't want to accept at all. That is, until he was talked into it by Lucinda and... someone else... who was that again? Oh. Wait. I remember, it was NOAH! So, no, Noah, even if we attempt to follow your feeble attempt at reasoning (I mean, it's not like we could say Zoey and Zack are to blame for the kidnapping or anything, is it?), Damian is NOT the reason you and Luke were in danger in the first place... YOU ARE!
"You're no stranger to going off on your own"
There's just one small douchey moment in this clip, so there's no need to watch the whole thing, but I have to say, I am kind of in awe of Noah's consistency here. Luke should trust Damian, until he does, and then he shouldn't! Now Paul Ryan has taken off with his and Meg's daughter, Luke's baby cousin Eliza, and Damian had gone and done something with Meg to try to get her back, which apparently failed spectacularly. So Luke tells Damian that he shouldn't have done that, that what Damian did had just made things worse, and that he should have gone to the police. That sounds like the sort of thing Noah ought to agree with, right? That's the kind of thing "the guy Noah fell in love with" would do or say, right? So, let's all listen in as Noah takes Luke's side and says that Luke is right!
"Luke, you're no stranger to going off on your own."
Well, damn. He doesn't take Luke's side after all. In fact, he seems to think Luke was out of line for what he just said to Damian.... Nobody could have seen that coming, could they?
Well, nobody, that is, except every single one of us here! What a fucking douche.
"Luke, I asked you to help me fill out applications for grants; I didn't want you to run and ask your rich relatives"
I suppose we could debate whether or not it's truly douchey for Noah to get upset with Luke for asking Damian for money for Noah's film rather than filling out a whole bunch of paperwork to apply for grants. Personally, I do think it's douchey, but at this point, Noah could say "good morning" and I'd think it was douchey. Noah needed money for his film, Luke got him more than he needed, and he's upset because Luke didn't do it the way Noah would have liked? And, besides, grant money should be for people who NEED it... IMO, if you take grant money when you have other financing available to you, you're basically stealing from other people who actually need to rely on grants.
But even if someone disagrees with all that and thinks it wasn't douchey for Noah to prefer applying for a grant to getting the money from Damian, one thing it definitely SCREAMS is that, regardless of all the times he's implied otherwise, Noah does NOT consider Luke to be his family. Families rely on each other when things are bad, and if one member of a family has more money than the other, they help each other out. If two people with different levels of wealth are supposed to be together, they don't live down to the standards the poorer of them can afford; they live up to the standards available to the wealthier of the two. I watch this clip, and I see a situation where Luke clearly considers Noah to be part of his family -- the person he wants to be with forever and who he already considers practically his husband in everything but the legalities -- and Noah doesn't even come close to feeling the same way. It just seems like Luke is incredibly invested in the relationship, and Noah has already at least partially checked out of it.
This ends today's edition of "Douchey Moments in History: Noah Mayer Edition" -- I'll be posting future editions from time to time from now until December 19th. The next edition is scheduled for Tuesday, December 14th.
"I love you"
I know, I know... when it comes to douchey phrases, "I love you" wouldn't be one of the first to come to mind. And the fact is, Noah doesn't actually do any thing douchey in this clip. In fact, he's not even in the scene I've linked to, and the text message that gets Luke all worried and upset didn't come from Noah at all -- it came from Noah's phone, but Zoey and Zack are the ones who sent it. But, for real, how much of a douche does Noah have to be if the big warning sign that sends an alarm off in Luke's head, the one thing that makes Luke start to think that the message didn't sound like something Noah would say, and that maybe Noah wasn't the one who sent the message, is the fact that the message was signed "I love you"? IMO? A VERY BIG DOUCHE, that's how much!
Click to viewGeneral Z-Twins Storyline Observation
I'm starting to think ATWT had some kind of "douche quota" they had to fill or something. I mean, seriously, once Zoey and Zack kidnapped Noah (which is right before the clip posted above), there are a couple weeks worth of looooong episodes (3, 4, even 5 clips per episode) where Noah doesn't do anything douchey enough to mention, but Holden steps up to fill that void. Holden keeps Damian from meeting Lily, so somehow it's Damian's fault that Lily met with Zoey alone. It's also all Damian's fault that Luke was kidnapped, because Damian committed the horribly dastardly deed of.... giving his son millions upon millions of dollars. That fiend! How could he!
I mean, seriously, Holden, WTF? I know Damian has done a lot of awful things and he will never be nominated for father of the year. But really Holden, giving Luke a shit ton of money? So totally NOT one of the awful things on Damian's list of transgressions!
When Holden brings the douchiness, he really brings it... almost makes Noah look like an amateur douche in comparison.
But I'm almost to the end of this piece of crap Z-Twins story (people keep thanking me for taking so much time to put together all the douchey-Noah moments, but that has actually been a lot of fun for me. But I will definitely accept any thanks you want to give me for watching THIS story, and for sharing so little of it with you!). Time was, I would have called this storyline a train wreck, but since ATWT had the bad taste to end their show with a storyline that was a train wreck not just figuratively but also literally, it somehow just doesn't seem right to use that term when the train wreck was purely figurative.
"When are you going to say it?"
You could almost get whiplash, watching how quickly Noah returns to his natural douchey state after the kidnapping story is over. He'd been shot and lost a lot of blood, and probably injured himself further when he tackled Zoey to save Luke from "a fate worse than death" (aka her twisted plan to rape Luke so she could get pregnant with a Grimaldi heir)... and upon waking up in the hospital and finally getting some time alone with Luke, one of the first things Noah says pretty much boils down to "I told you so" about Damian, starting with a demand that Luke admit that he had been wrong and Noah had been right. And it really is all about the way he brings up the subject. I probably wouldn't have half as much of a problem with it if Noah had started out saying something like, "So, now that you know Damian didn't have anything to do with any of the crap that's been going on, do you think you might want to give him another chance?" But the way he brings it up, it's not even like his primary concern is getting Luke to reconcile with Damian; it seems like it's all about getting Luke to admit "Yes, you were right and I was wrong; you're smart and I'm an idiot." I don't know... just the way he starts out, with "when are you going to say it?" just makes me want to punch him in his stupid douchey face.
And at the end of the clip, even after Luke has gone to the police to make sure they know Damian had nothing to do with the kidnapping, but he still isn't sure whether he wants anything resembling a relationship with Damian, Noah refuses to let it go. There is a point where expressing your opinion turns into nagging, and Noah crossed that line about a month before this and hasn't gone back. It's like he refuses to let Luke have a personality of his own... he wants Luke to make up with Damian, and he is not going to stop being a nagging bitch until Luke gives in. If you have an opinion about something you want your boyfriend to do, that's fine, and if you want to express it once, maybe even twice, that's fine too... then you LET IT GO. Luke is supposed to be your boyfriend, Noah, not your puppet. Douche.
"Hey! Do you want to move here?"
This one isn't so much a douchiness clip as one demonstrating that Luke and Noah simply aren't compatible. Noah is really enjoying their day in New York, so much that he comes up with a spur-of-the-moment idea that they should move there, go to college there and everything (apparently assuming that, even with the getting expelled and all, Luke will have no problem finding a college in New York that will take him). And there's nothing wrong with Noah wanting that. Particularly with his film-career ambitions, he's going to need to live in a place like New York or Los Angeles if he wants a shot at being a big success. But Luke is an Oakdale boy. His family is just so important to him, they're a part of him... he'd never be very happy if he moved away from them for very long. Even as he's imagining a future where, 10 years down the line, he and Noah *might* move to New York together, IMO it's still pretty clear he's saying it because he thinks it's what Noah wants to hear, and not so much because he can picture himself ever actually wanting it.
"Maybe this whole good-guy act is just a cover, so people won't suspect what he's really up to."
Here Noah gives us whiplash again. How much time and effort did Noah put into getting Luke to give Damian a chance? A great big butt load of time and effort, that's how much. So, Luke finally decides to give Damian a chance and to try to build a relationship with him, and for about three seconds Noah is supportive of that decision before he starts making noises about how, gee, maybe you shouldn't trust Damian after all. And the thing is, Noah being suspicious of Damian wouldn't be douchey at all if it wasn't for the fact that he had just spent over a month continuously haranguing Luke for NOT giving Damian a chance, and then demanded Luke acknowledge that Noah had been right about Damian all along. It's like he can't be happy unless he can find some way to question any decision Luke makes... not even when that decision came about as a result of his own input. He just HAS to make sure Luke knows his own judgment is not to be trusted. Douche.
"He's the reason we were in danger in the first place"
It's like he just can't help himself... there's something inside of Noah that compels him to find fault with every damned decision Luke makes. Luke has decided he wants a relationship with Damian. He knows Damian had nothing to do with the kidnapping. In fact, Damian is the one who found them and saved their lives, and then Damian offered to fund all the foundation's operations until they get back the money that Zoey and Zack transferred out of the foundation account. Now they've found out that he's been helping Luke's cousin Lucy smuggle medical supplies to a war zone. As far as Luke is concerned, these are all good things, and he thinks Damian deserves the benefit of the doubt.
The fact that Luke has to deal with Holden questioning Damian's every move is bad enough -- Holden has known and hated Damian for years, so his reaction is only to be expected. But the fact that Noah, who questioned Luke's judgment for weeks on end back when Luke wanted nothing to do with Damian, is now once again questioning Luke's judgment specifically because Luke now does want a relationship with Damian, is just unforgivable. Even more unforgivable is the bullshit crap he pulled out of Holden's playbook that, somehow, because he gave Luke vast sums of money, Damian is responsible for the fact that they'd been kidnapped.
I guess the reasoning goes that they were only kidnapped because Damian had given Luke the money. The big flaw in that reasoning is that Luke didn't take the money because Damian gave it to him; initially, he didn't want to accept at all. That is, until he was talked into it by Lucinda and... someone else... who was that again? Oh. Wait. I remember, it was NOAH! So, no, Noah, even if we attempt to follow your feeble attempt at reasoning (I mean, it's not like we could say Zoey and Zack are to blame for the kidnapping or anything, is it?), Damian is NOT the reason you and Luke were in danger in the first place... YOU ARE!
"You're no stranger to going off on your own"
There's just one small douchey moment in this clip, so there's no need to watch the whole thing, but I have to say, I am kind of in awe of Noah's consistency here. Luke should trust Damian, until he does, and then he shouldn't! Now Paul Ryan has taken off with his and Meg's daughter, Luke's baby cousin Eliza, and Damian had gone and done something with Meg to try to get her back, which apparently failed spectacularly. So Luke tells Damian that he shouldn't have done that, that what Damian did had just made things worse, and that he should have gone to the police. That sounds like the sort of thing Noah ought to agree with, right? That's the kind of thing "the guy Noah fell in love with" would do or say, right? So, let's all listen in as Noah takes Luke's side and says that Luke is right!
"Luke, you're no stranger to going off on your own."
Well, damn. He doesn't take Luke's side after all. In fact, he seems to think Luke was out of line for what he just said to Damian.... Nobody could have seen that coming, could they?
Well, nobody, that is, except every single one of us here! What a fucking douche.
"Luke, I asked you to help me fill out applications for grants; I didn't want you to run and ask your rich relatives"
I suppose we could debate whether or not it's truly douchey for Noah to get upset with Luke for asking Damian for money for Noah's film rather than filling out a whole bunch of paperwork to apply for grants. Personally, I do think it's douchey, but at this point, Noah could say "good morning" and I'd think it was douchey. Noah needed money for his film, Luke got him more than he needed, and he's upset because Luke didn't do it the way Noah would have liked? And, besides, grant money should be for people who NEED it... IMO, if you take grant money when you have other financing available to you, you're basically stealing from other people who actually need to rely on grants.
But even if someone disagrees with all that and thinks it wasn't douchey for Noah to prefer applying for a grant to getting the money from Damian, one thing it definitely SCREAMS is that, regardless of all the times he's implied otherwise, Noah does NOT consider Luke to be his family. Families rely on each other when things are bad, and if one member of a family has more money than the other, they help each other out. If two people with different levels of wealth are supposed to be together, they don't live down to the standards the poorer of them can afford; they live up to the standards available to the wealthier of the two. I watch this clip, and I see a situation where Luke clearly considers Noah to be part of his family -- the person he wants to be with forever and who he already considers practically his husband in everything but the legalities -- and Noah doesn't even come close to feeling the same way. It just seems like Luke is incredibly invested in the relationship, and Noah has already at least partially checked out of it.
This ends today's edition of "Douchey Moments in History: Noah Mayer Edition" -- I'll be posting future editions from time to time from now until December 19th. The next edition is scheduled for Tuesday, December 14th.