Amnesia and Realizations. And Maple-Glazed Turkey. - Parts 9-10
Title: Amnesia and Realizations. And Maple-Glazed Turkey. - Parts 9-10
Written By: nancygrew
Category: Noah Who?
Rating: PG-13 [a swear word or five]
Author's Notes: Futurefic. Takes place late November 2015 more than a year after my fic Amnesia is Stupid. You do not have to read any of my other fics in order to understand this one. AU after Reid drives off to Bay City for some silly errand. Extreme Noah-bashing. Characters belong to ATWT.
Summary: Noah wakes up in Oakdale Memorial Hospital
Amnesia and Realizations. And Maple-Glazed Turkey. - Parts 1-4
Amnesia and Realizations. And Maple-Glazed Turkey. - Parts 5-6
Amnesia and Realizations. And Maple-Glazed Turkey. - Parts 7-8
CHAPTER NINE: THANKSGIVING AFTERNOON
Soon more people began arriving. Some solo, some in twos or threes. There were more strangers than there were people that Noah recognized. Some brought wine or cider or side dishes. One couple in their early sixties brought a ham. Noah was excited to see Faith finally arrive with Casey. Noah approached Faith while she and Casey were talking to Luke and Reid. Reid was pouring Faith and Casey some sparkling cider.
Faith noticed Noah. He hadn’t had a chance to say a word before she was glaring at him. “I don’t care that you have amnesia and don’t remember the jerky things you did after 2008. You did plenty of hurtful and mean things to Luke prior to 2008. Stay away from me.”
“Faith, please don’t argue with Noah,” pleaded Luke as he clasped her hand. “The Autumnal Harvest Feast is not the time for unkindness or ill-will.”
“Yeah, Faith,” chimed in Dr. Buttface. “What would the Baby Autumnal Equinox think of your lack of Autumnal Equinox spirit?”
Faith smirked at her brother-in-law. “You are in an awfully good mood for someone whose husband’s ex-boyfriend is living with them. Did you receive life and attitude-changing visits from the Ghosts of Autumnal Equinox Past, Autumnal Equinox Present and Autumnal Equinox Future?”
“Precisely,” replied Dr. Buttface. “Then an angel arrived and showed me what the world would have been like if I’d never been born. It was a hideous, nightmarish world. Oakdale was particularly dystopic without my civilizing influence. And Luke had remained clueless about what good sex actually entailed.”
Luke pinched Dr. Buttface in his side. From the volume of his yelp, it had been a loud pinch. Noah received little satisfaction from Dr. Buttface’s pain. He noticed that Holden had arrived and was standing outside in the courtyard speaking with a woman who was a few in her late fifties or early sixties. Noah decided to go and catch up with Holden.
“Holden, I don’t trust Dr. Oliver with Luke,” Noah said when he reached him. “He’s rude and arrogant and I don’t think he’ll stick around for Luke when Luke needs him.”
Holden and the woman with him appeared startled by Noah’s words. Noah wondered if Holden had somehow failed to notice how horrible Dr. Buttface was.
“Noah, I realize that everything must be really confusing and upsetting to you right now but you’ll just have to trust Luke’s judgement about Reid.”
“Luke’s too emotional to have good judgement about people,” replied Noah.
“Caring deeply about the people he loves and causes he believes in doesn’t mean that Luke has bad judgement about people,” Holden said with a frown. “Reid isn’t the man I would have picked for my son. Which was a failure of insight on my part. Reid has always stood by Luke. And frankly, that’s something that you’ve never done.”
“I’ve realized that I made a mistake by pushing him away after the school election,” said Noah. “But I’ve never been in a relationship before. I feel horrible that he was going through something big and painful and that I failed to stand by him.”
“You left Luke to fend for himself on a regular basis, Noah,” answered Holden.
“I thought that you and I were friends,” said a hurt Noah.
“I did too. Up until the time that you skipped my funeral so that you could party with Jude Law in L.A. You left my son to take care of his grieving mother and siblings by himself. Reid would never have done that. He once gave up his dream job in order to be with Luke. Reid makes Luke happy. If you truly cared about Luke, you’d be happy for him.”
“I skipped your funeral?” asked an appalled Noah.
Holden sighed. “It was a long time ago and I don’t bear you any grudge. But I want my son to be with someone who takes care of him as much as he takes care of them. And even though it took me a few years to realize it, that man is Reid Oliver.”
The woman that had been speaking with Holden introduced herself to Noah. “Hello. I’m Iva Snyder. I’m Luke’s aunt. I don’t think you’ve all of the family. Why don’t I take you around and introduce you to everyone?”
Noah thanked her.
Iva led Noah to the latest arrivals to the festivities. “Noah, this is my oldest brother Seth Snyder and his wife Angel. Seth is a novelist. He recently returned to Oakdale in order to accept a teaching position at Oakdale University. Angel does a lot of volunteer work for disadvantaged youth. She helped organize a mentoring program at Oakdale high.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” said Noah.
“It’s nice to meet you. Are you close friends with Luke and Reid?” asked Angel.
“I was Luke’s first love,” said Noah. “I’m surprised that we’ve never met before.”
Seth narrowed his eyes all Eastwood-like at Noah. “Are you the ex-boyfriend who missed my baby brother’s funeral to go to Los Angeles in order to meet Jude Law?”
Noah wondered if it would be immature to run from the room in embarrassment and to hide underneath the nearest bed. With his luck, Reid and Luke would show up and start having wild bonobo monkey sex on top of the bed while Noah cowered below. And the suddenly bi-curious Casey would probably join in while Faith filmed it.
“It’s my understanding that Luke actually talked Noah into going to LA,” said Iva while patting Noah on the arm in a comforting manner. “Noah wanted to support Luke but Luke didn’t want Noah to miss out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. And Noah is currently suffering from amnesia so I think we should cut him a break for right now.”
Noah decided that he should excuse himself. He wandered off to a corner of the room and watched the interactions of the Snyder family and their friends and dates and, most likely, homeless strangers they had met that morning and had decided to include in the good will. He noticed that Luke and Reid made sure that people had hors d’oerves and beverages. They made sure to introduce people to anyone that they didn’t know. They made sure to touch each other gently whenever they crossed paths.
Noah saw Davis walk in the door with another man. Noah recognized the other man as Roth, the gay guy from college that he had caught Luke fawning over.
“I can’t believe that Luke invited you,” hissed Noah.
“I can’t believe that Luke invited you,” hissed Kevin right back.
Dr. Buttface approached the group of men.
“Kevin, Noah has amnesia and doesn’t remember anything after December 2008,” said Dr. Buttface. “Noah, Kevin and Luke are friends now. Also, Kevin is bisexual and Roth here is his boyfriend. If anyone hits anyone during the Autumnal Harvest Feast, it will really upset Luke. If Luke gets upset, the odds are good that Damian will have you all murdered horribly.”
“You really have amnesia?” asked that Roth guy.
“Yeah. Are you and Kevin friends? You should know that he has a problem with gay people,” Noah warned Roth.
Kevin shifted uncomfortably. “Roth is my boyfriend. I’m bisexual. The reason I reacted so negatively towards Luke coming out was because I had feelings for him and didn’t want to face what those feelings meant. I’ve tried to show Luke how sorry I am. I’ve been lucky enough that he was willing to forgive me. We’ve managed to become friends again.”
Noah could not believe his ears. “And Luke forgave you, just like that?”
“Luke and I were friends for a lot of years when we were young,” explained Kevin. “We went through a lot together.”
“I can’t believe that---”
Kevin interrupted Noah. “Look, I think that most people on Earth would have every right to take me to task for the way that I betrayed Luke’s friendship and trust and for the idiotic and cruel way I acted. You are not one of those people. You hurt Luke far worse than I ever did. You are the worst boyfriend that anyone has ever had. I was his opponent during the election and I still can’t believe that you actually turned Luke into the dean over the whole mess.”
Noah couldn’t believe that Kevin, of all people, was judging him for how he treated Luke. Kevin had viciously turned on Luke, his best friend, when Luke came out to him when they were teenagers. For Kevin to judge him hurt. A lot. He excused himself and wandered back into Luke’s orbit. He saw that Luke was speaking with Parker and a young woman about Faith’s age.
“Hope, I’m making the succotash with bacon and the stuffing is going to include chorizo,” said Luke as he rubbed her arm. “But there should be plenty of vegetarian options for you. Mashed potatoes, grilled vegetables, squash casserole, candied yams, cranberries, applesauce. And I’ve made a barley pilaf with seitan so that you’d get plenty of protein in the meal.”
“Thanks so much,” said Hope with a sweet smile. “That’s really nice of you to be so concerned about my nutrition. But you don’t have to fuss over my vegetarian diet every time I come over. Vegetarians usually get plenty of protein if they eat a balanced diet.”
“I just want the meal to be as special for you as it is for us carnivores,” replied Luke. “Autumnal Harvest comes but once a year.”
Hope giggled. Reid arrived and placed his arm around Luke’s shoulders. Noah decided to wander away before Luke saw him.
Soon the meal was ready and the tables were laden with food. People sat down and Emma said grace. Noah was seated between Lily, who mainly seemed concerned with making goo goo eyes at her new husband across the table, and Jade, who mainly seemed concerned with shooting seductive glances at her boyfriend across the table. Noah barely spoke a word during the meal but he doubted anyone noticed. People laughed and debated and told jokes and caught up with each other’s lives. This was what a family should be. This is what he had once had with the Snyders. He bitterly resented Luke breaking up with him.
After the meal, some people left to go to the homes of other loved ones. Other people arrived after leaving the homes of other loved ones. Noah decided to plead a headache and to retire to bed early. Luke smiled kindly and wished Noah a good night’s sleep.
CHAPTER TEN: FRIDAY MORNING
Noah was sitting on a lounge chair on the rooftop terrace. He felt close to crying.
Reid stepped out onto the terrace. He was carrying a cup of coffee and a medical journal. He appeared startled to see Noah.
Reid looked as uncomfortable as it was possible to look. Like his skin had suddenly become ten sizes too small. “Have you regained your memory or are you feeling stressed about the amnesia?”
“I remember,” said Noah. “I’ve known for a long time that I messed up my relationship with Luke. That it was my fault that I had lost him. But I don’t think I understood how much I . . . I think that I might have hated him more than I loved him.”
“Duh,” said Reid before sipping his coffee.
“For the past couple days, I just kept trying to make him unhappy. I actively tried to discourage him and make him feel bad about himself. I was angry at him the whole time. About the stupidest stuff. The worst part is that I think that’s how I felt about him and treated him back when we were together.”
“Too bad you didn’t recognize the fact that you hated Luke back when you were dating him,” said Reid. “If you had made a clean break with him, you both would have been happier.”
“You wouldn’t have been able to take Luke from me if I hadn’t messed up so badly.”
“But you are, Blanche! You are stuck in that chair!” said Reid.
Noah gave a puzzled look. “What?!?”
“It’s a quote from What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? I guess I meant it as you don’t have any choice but to accept the situation in which you find yourself.”
“That movie is incredibly gay.”
“That’s one of about a million differences between you and me,” said Reid. “I don’t think that ‘gay’ should be used as a pejorative. Maybe you’d be happier if you didn’t think so either.”
“Maybe I haven’t ever completely silenced my father’s voice saying that being gay is wrong,” admitted Noah. “Maybe I treated Luke so badly because part of me thought that Luke was the reason I couldn’t pretend to be the ever-so heterosexual Noah Mayer anymore. It’s really weird to think of the Great Dr. Oliver as watching something so campy, by the way.”
“About a year and a half ago, Faith went through a phase where she insisted we have ‘Gay Movie Night’ every other Sunday. Lily was deliciously freaked out about it until she realized that the movies were things like The Wizard of Oz and Mommy Dearest instead of Rimming Private Ryan.”
Noah snorted and then frowned. “I hate that you have the life that I should have with Luke.”
“Don’t be a moron. This is the life that Luke and I have built together. If you had somehow miraculously not been a complete jerk, you would have built a different life with him. Maybe in LA or New York. He would have insisted on helping you realize your dreams about being a film maker.”
“He would have,” admitted Noah. “My happiness was more important to him than his own. And I threw him away like garbage. Actually, I’ve probably treated my garbage with more tenderness than I did Luke.”
“If you think I’m going to tell you not to blame yourself, you’re wrong.”
“I destroyed my life because I didn’t understand what it meant to be in a relationship,” Noah sighed.
“You are such a drama queen,” sneered Reid. “First of all, you’re still a few years from your thirtieth birthday. You not having made a splash in the highly competitive field you chose for your career and not having found a person that you’d be willing to sacrifice for isn’t exactly some Dickensian tragedy.”
“Are you giving me a pep talk?” asked Noah. “Has Armageddon begun?”
“You should probably seek some counseling regarding your myriad psychological issues,” Reid continued while ignoring Noah’s interruption. “You’d probably be less of a tool if you didn’t hate yourself so much. Bobbo’s daughter, Frannie Hughes, has opened up a psychology practice in Old Town. You should call her. Also, you’re an idiot if you think that everyone else in the world was given some kind of rulebook about relationships. Everyone’s clueless. Do you think being raised by the Great Star-Crossed Lovers gave Luke a frakking clue about relationships?”
“He had a head start over me,” insisted Noah. “He came from a solid, loving family.”
“Puh-lease,” said Reid. “Loving, sure. Solid? The reason he’s so good at being in a relationship is because he’s reacting against his parents’ example.”
“Lily and Holden broke up a few times but it’s not like Luke was raised by my dad,” said Noah.
“Golly gee, it must have been rough to be raised by a strict father,” answered Reid. “All Luke had to live through was various kidnappings, attempted murder, seeing his beloved aunt humiliated at her own wedding before she collapsed due to a fatal dose of poison, have his sister taken away and replaced by another sister, almost die due to kidney failure, overcome alcoholism--”
“Please shut up,” said Noah. “I get it. Even though Luke had a loving family, he also went through some horrible crap and I shouldn’t feel resentful towards him because he has family who loves him.”
“They loved you too, you know,” said Reid. Noah thought there might even be a smidgen of compassion in Reid’s tone.
“I think they loved me because Luke loved me,” replied Noah. “Not because I was worthy of being loved. I considered myself a part of the family when it was convenient or easy for me but I didn’t stick around for the hard parts. I didn’t stick around for Holden’s funeral or keep in touch with the kids when Luke and I broke up. I didn’t stick with Luke when he thought his biological father was dead or when Holden was arrested for his murder.”
“Well, you probably blew your chance at being considered family with some of them, especially Faith and Lucinda,” said Reid. “But you could probably restore you relationships with Lily and Emma if you really want to.”
“It wouldn’t be fair to Luke for me to try to glom onto his family again,” sighed Noah.
“He’s not the type of man who would begrudge you something like that,” said Reid rolling his eyes. “Don’t use him as an excuse for doing or not doing something.”
Luke came up onto the rooftop terrace. He looked between Reid and Noah.
“Noah has his memory back,” said Reid. “I’m going to go . . . do something.”
Reid nuzzled Luke’s cheek and left.
“So, having your memory back must be pretty great,” said Luke.
“I’m sorry, Luke.”
“For what? Back-seat cooking?”
“I was so horrible to you. I’ve know that I was the reason our relationship failed but I don’t think I ever gave you the courtesy of being completely honest with you. I’ve never told you how sorry I was or how I knew everything was my fault. I never thanked you for loving me even when I didn’t deserve it. Which was probably 85% of the time.”
“We weren’t right for one another. It’s nobody’s fault that we didn’t stay together forever.”
Noah picked up Luke’s hand. “Even if we weren’t right for each other, I should have been kinder to you while we were together. I rarely stood by you when you needed me but I always expected you to drop everything for me. Unless I decided that I didn’t want you around.”
“Maybe if I hadn’t kept forcing you into being my boyfriend when you obviously didn’t want to be my boyfriend, you wouldn’t have been so resentful of me.”
“You were the best thing that ever happened to me and I know that I didn’t appreciate you like I should have but I really did love you.”
Luke sighed gently. “I loved you too.”
“I hate Reid with every fiber of my being.”
“Yeah, I sort of picked up on that,” smiled Luke.
“But I’m glad that you have him,” said Noah. “He’s smart and successful and he loves you like you should be loved. And can we pretend that that sounded less sexual than it did?”
Luke laughed.
“He’s supportive of you and values you for everything that you are. I wish that I could have given you that.”
“I wish that I could have let you go when you wanted to be let go.”
“So, what do we do now?” asked Noah.
“I’m thinking breakfast.”
“No. Do we really have a chance at a real friendship? Or are we fooling ourselves?”
Luke fidgeted. “Do we have to make a decision about this right now?”
Noah smiled sadly. “No. No pressure. Why don’t we go and dig into the leftovers?”
“Reid’s been gone for over three minutes. Odds are pretty good that the leftovers are now gone.”
Luke bumped his shoulder against Noah’s and they went downstairs together.
Written By: nancygrew
Category: Noah Who?
Rating: PG-13 [a swear word or five]
Author's Notes: Futurefic. Takes place late November 2015 more than a year after my fic Amnesia is Stupid. You do not have to read any of my other fics in order to understand this one. AU after Reid drives off to Bay City for some silly errand. Extreme Noah-bashing. Characters belong to ATWT.
Summary: Noah wakes up in Oakdale Memorial Hospital
Amnesia and Realizations. And Maple-Glazed Turkey. - Parts 1-4
Amnesia and Realizations. And Maple-Glazed Turkey. - Parts 5-6
Amnesia and Realizations. And Maple-Glazed Turkey. - Parts 7-8
CHAPTER NINE: THANKSGIVING AFTERNOON
Soon more people began arriving. Some solo, some in twos or threes. There were more strangers than there were people that Noah recognized. Some brought wine or cider or side dishes. One couple in their early sixties brought a ham. Noah was excited to see Faith finally arrive with Casey. Noah approached Faith while she and Casey were talking to Luke and Reid. Reid was pouring Faith and Casey some sparkling cider.
Faith noticed Noah. He hadn’t had a chance to say a word before she was glaring at him. “I don’t care that you have amnesia and don’t remember the jerky things you did after 2008. You did plenty of hurtful and mean things to Luke prior to 2008. Stay away from me.”
“Faith, please don’t argue with Noah,” pleaded Luke as he clasped her hand. “The Autumnal Harvest Feast is not the time for unkindness or ill-will.”
“Yeah, Faith,” chimed in Dr. Buttface. “What would the Baby Autumnal Equinox think of your lack of Autumnal Equinox spirit?”
Faith smirked at her brother-in-law. “You are in an awfully good mood for someone whose husband’s ex-boyfriend is living with them. Did you receive life and attitude-changing visits from the Ghosts of Autumnal Equinox Past, Autumnal Equinox Present and Autumnal Equinox Future?”
“Precisely,” replied Dr. Buttface. “Then an angel arrived and showed me what the world would have been like if I’d never been born. It was a hideous, nightmarish world. Oakdale was particularly dystopic without my civilizing influence. And Luke had remained clueless about what good sex actually entailed.”
Luke pinched Dr. Buttface in his side. From the volume of his yelp, it had been a loud pinch. Noah received little satisfaction from Dr. Buttface’s pain. He noticed that Holden had arrived and was standing outside in the courtyard speaking with a woman who was a few in her late fifties or early sixties. Noah decided to go and catch up with Holden.
“Holden, I don’t trust Dr. Oliver with Luke,” Noah said when he reached him. “He’s rude and arrogant and I don’t think he’ll stick around for Luke when Luke needs him.”
Holden and the woman with him appeared startled by Noah’s words. Noah wondered if Holden had somehow failed to notice how horrible Dr. Buttface was.
“Noah, I realize that everything must be really confusing and upsetting to you right now but you’ll just have to trust Luke’s judgement about Reid.”
“Luke’s too emotional to have good judgement about people,” replied Noah.
“Caring deeply about the people he loves and causes he believes in doesn’t mean that Luke has bad judgement about people,” Holden said with a frown. “Reid isn’t the man I would have picked for my son. Which was a failure of insight on my part. Reid has always stood by Luke. And frankly, that’s something that you’ve never done.”
“I’ve realized that I made a mistake by pushing him away after the school election,” said Noah. “But I’ve never been in a relationship before. I feel horrible that he was going through something big and painful and that I failed to stand by him.”
“You left Luke to fend for himself on a regular basis, Noah,” answered Holden.
“I thought that you and I were friends,” said a hurt Noah.
“I did too. Up until the time that you skipped my funeral so that you could party with Jude Law in L.A. You left my son to take care of his grieving mother and siblings by himself. Reid would never have done that. He once gave up his dream job in order to be with Luke. Reid makes Luke happy. If you truly cared about Luke, you’d be happy for him.”
“I skipped your funeral?” asked an appalled Noah.
Holden sighed. “It was a long time ago and I don’t bear you any grudge. But I want my son to be with someone who takes care of him as much as he takes care of them. And even though it took me a few years to realize it, that man is Reid Oliver.”
The woman that had been speaking with Holden introduced herself to Noah. “Hello. I’m Iva Snyder. I’m Luke’s aunt. I don’t think you’ve all of the family. Why don’t I take you around and introduce you to everyone?”
Noah thanked her.
Iva led Noah to the latest arrivals to the festivities. “Noah, this is my oldest brother Seth Snyder and his wife Angel. Seth is a novelist. He recently returned to Oakdale in order to accept a teaching position at Oakdale University. Angel does a lot of volunteer work for disadvantaged youth. She helped organize a mentoring program at Oakdale high.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” said Noah.
“It’s nice to meet you. Are you close friends with Luke and Reid?” asked Angel.
“I was Luke’s first love,” said Noah. “I’m surprised that we’ve never met before.”
Seth narrowed his eyes all Eastwood-like at Noah. “Are you the ex-boyfriend who missed my baby brother’s funeral to go to Los Angeles in order to meet Jude Law?”
Noah wondered if it would be immature to run from the room in embarrassment and to hide underneath the nearest bed. With his luck, Reid and Luke would show up and start having wild bonobo monkey sex on top of the bed while Noah cowered below. And the suddenly bi-curious Casey would probably join in while Faith filmed it.
“It’s my understanding that Luke actually talked Noah into going to LA,” said Iva while patting Noah on the arm in a comforting manner. “Noah wanted to support Luke but Luke didn’t want Noah to miss out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. And Noah is currently suffering from amnesia so I think we should cut him a break for right now.”
Noah decided that he should excuse himself. He wandered off to a corner of the room and watched the interactions of the Snyder family and their friends and dates and, most likely, homeless strangers they had met that morning and had decided to include in the good will. He noticed that Luke and Reid made sure that people had hors d’oerves and beverages. They made sure to introduce people to anyone that they didn’t know. They made sure to touch each other gently whenever they crossed paths.
Noah saw Davis walk in the door with another man. Noah recognized the other man as Roth, the gay guy from college that he had caught Luke fawning over.
“I can’t believe that Luke invited you,” hissed Noah.
“I can’t believe that Luke invited you,” hissed Kevin right back.
Dr. Buttface approached the group of men.
“Kevin, Noah has amnesia and doesn’t remember anything after December 2008,” said Dr. Buttface. “Noah, Kevin and Luke are friends now. Also, Kevin is bisexual and Roth here is his boyfriend. If anyone hits anyone during the Autumnal Harvest Feast, it will really upset Luke. If Luke gets upset, the odds are good that Damian will have you all murdered horribly.”
“You really have amnesia?” asked that Roth guy.
“Yeah. Are you and Kevin friends? You should know that he has a problem with gay people,” Noah warned Roth.
Kevin shifted uncomfortably. “Roth is my boyfriend. I’m bisexual. The reason I reacted so negatively towards Luke coming out was because I had feelings for him and didn’t want to face what those feelings meant. I’ve tried to show Luke how sorry I am. I’ve been lucky enough that he was willing to forgive me. We’ve managed to become friends again.”
Noah could not believe his ears. “And Luke forgave you, just like that?”
“Luke and I were friends for a lot of years when we were young,” explained Kevin. “We went through a lot together.”
“I can’t believe that---”
Kevin interrupted Noah. “Look, I think that most people on Earth would have every right to take me to task for the way that I betrayed Luke’s friendship and trust and for the idiotic and cruel way I acted. You are not one of those people. You hurt Luke far worse than I ever did. You are the worst boyfriend that anyone has ever had. I was his opponent during the election and I still can’t believe that you actually turned Luke into the dean over the whole mess.”
Noah couldn’t believe that Kevin, of all people, was judging him for how he treated Luke. Kevin had viciously turned on Luke, his best friend, when Luke came out to him when they were teenagers. For Kevin to judge him hurt. A lot. He excused himself and wandered back into Luke’s orbit. He saw that Luke was speaking with Parker and a young woman about Faith’s age.
“Hope, I’m making the succotash with bacon and the stuffing is going to include chorizo,” said Luke as he rubbed her arm. “But there should be plenty of vegetarian options for you. Mashed potatoes, grilled vegetables, squash casserole, candied yams, cranberries, applesauce. And I’ve made a barley pilaf with seitan so that you’d get plenty of protein in the meal.”
“Thanks so much,” said Hope with a sweet smile. “That’s really nice of you to be so concerned about my nutrition. But you don’t have to fuss over my vegetarian diet every time I come over. Vegetarians usually get plenty of protein if they eat a balanced diet.”
“I just want the meal to be as special for you as it is for us carnivores,” replied Luke. “Autumnal Harvest comes but once a year.”
Hope giggled. Reid arrived and placed his arm around Luke’s shoulders. Noah decided to wander away before Luke saw him.
Soon the meal was ready and the tables were laden with food. People sat down and Emma said grace. Noah was seated between Lily, who mainly seemed concerned with making goo goo eyes at her new husband across the table, and Jade, who mainly seemed concerned with shooting seductive glances at her boyfriend across the table. Noah barely spoke a word during the meal but he doubted anyone noticed. People laughed and debated and told jokes and caught up with each other’s lives. This was what a family should be. This is what he had once had with the Snyders. He bitterly resented Luke breaking up with him.
After the meal, some people left to go to the homes of other loved ones. Other people arrived after leaving the homes of other loved ones. Noah decided to plead a headache and to retire to bed early. Luke smiled kindly and wished Noah a good night’s sleep.
CHAPTER TEN: FRIDAY MORNING
Noah was sitting on a lounge chair on the rooftop terrace. He felt close to crying.
Reid stepped out onto the terrace. He was carrying a cup of coffee and a medical journal. He appeared startled to see Noah.
Reid looked as uncomfortable as it was possible to look. Like his skin had suddenly become ten sizes too small. “Have you regained your memory or are you feeling stressed about the amnesia?”
“I remember,” said Noah. “I’ve known for a long time that I messed up my relationship with Luke. That it was my fault that I had lost him. But I don’t think I understood how much I . . . I think that I might have hated him more than I loved him.”
“Duh,” said Reid before sipping his coffee.
“For the past couple days, I just kept trying to make him unhappy. I actively tried to discourage him and make him feel bad about himself. I was angry at him the whole time. About the stupidest stuff. The worst part is that I think that’s how I felt about him and treated him back when we were together.”
“Too bad you didn’t recognize the fact that you hated Luke back when you were dating him,” said Reid. “If you had made a clean break with him, you both would have been happier.”
“You wouldn’t have been able to take Luke from me if I hadn’t messed up so badly.”
“But you are, Blanche! You are stuck in that chair!” said Reid.
Noah gave a puzzled look. “What?!?”
“It’s a quote from What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? I guess I meant it as you don’t have any choice but to accept the situation in which you find yourself.”
“That movie is incredibly gay.”
“That’s one of about a million differences between you and me,” said Reid. “I don’t think that ‘gay’ should be used as a pejorative. Maybe you’d be happier if you didn’t think so either.”
“Maybe I haven’t ever completely silenced my father’s voice saying that being gay is wrong,” admitted Noah. “Maybe I treated Luke so badly because part of me thought that Luke was the reason I couldn’t pretend to be the ever-so heterosexual Noah Mayer anymore. It’s really weird to think of the Great Dr. Oliver as watching something so campy, by the way.”
“About a year and a half ago, Faith went through a phase where she insisted we have ‘Gay Movie Night’ every other Sunday. Lily was deliciously freaked out about it until she realized that the movies were things like The Wizard of Oz and Mommy Dearest instead of Rimming Private Ryan.”
Noah snorted and then frowned. “I hate that you have the life that I should have with Luke.”
“Don’t be a moron. This is the life that Luke and I have built together. If you had somehow miraculously not been a complete jerk, you would have built a different life with him. Maybe in LA or New York. He would have insisted on helping you realize your dreams about being a film maker.”
“He would have,” admitted Noah. “My happiness was more important to him than his own. And I threw him away like garbage. Actually, I’ve probably treated my garbage with more tenderness than I did Luke.”
“If you think I’m going to tell you not to blame yourself, you’re wrong.”
“I destroyed my life because I didn’t understand what it meant to be in a relationship,” Noah sighed.
“You are such a drama queen,” sneered Reid. “First of all, you’re still a few years from your thirtieth birthday. You not having made a splash in the highly competitive field you chose for your career and not having found a person that you’d be willing to sacrifice for isn’t exactly some Dickensian tragedy.”
“Are you giving me a pep talk?” asked Noah. “Has Armageddon begun?”
“You should probably seek some counseling regarding your myriad psychological issues,” Reid continued while ignoring Noah’s interruption. “You’d probably be less of a tool if you didn’t hate yourself so much. Bobbo’s daughter, Frannie Hughes, has opened up a psychology practice in Old Town. You should call her. Also, you’re an idiot if you think that everyone else in the world was given some kind of rulebook about relationships. Everyone’s clueless. Do you think being raised by the Great Star-Crossed Lovers gave Luke a frakking clue about relationships?”
“He had a head start over me,” insisted Noah. “He came from a solid, loving family.”
“Puh-lease,” said Reid. “Loving, sure. Solid? The reason he’s so good at being in a relationship is because he’s reacting against his parents’ example.”
“Lily and Holden broke up a few times but it’s not like Luke was raised by my dad,” said Noah.
“Golly gee, it must have been rough to be raised by a strict father,” answered Reid. “All Luke had to live through was various kidnappings, attempted murder, seeing his beloved aunt humiliated at her own wedding before she collapsed due to a fatal dose of poison, have his sister taken away and replaced by another sister, almost die due to kidney failure, overcome alcoholism--”
“Please shut up,” said Noah. “I get it. Even though Luke had a loving family, he also went through some horrible crap and I shouldn’t feel resentful towards him because he has family who loves him.”
“They loved you too, you know,” said Reid. Noah thought there might even be a smidgen of compassion in Reid’s tone.
“I think they loved me because Luke loved me,” replied Noah. “Not because I was worthy of being loved. I considered myself a part of the family when it was convenient or easy for me but I didn’t stick around for the hard parts. I didn’t stick around for Holden’s funeral or keep in touch with the kids when Luke and I broke up. I didn’t stick with Luke when he thought his biological father was dead or when Holden was arrested for his murder.”
“Well, you probably blew your chance at being considered family with some of them, especially Faith and Lucinda,” said Reid. “But you could probably restore you relationships with Lily and Emma if you really want to.”
“It wouldn’t be fair to Luke for me to try to glom onto his family again,” sighed Noah.
“He’s not the type of man who would begrudge you something like that,” said Reid rolling his eyes. “Don’t use him as an excuse for doing or not doing something.”
Luke came up onto the rooftop terrace. He looked between Reid and Noah.
“Noah has his memory back,” said Reid. “I’m going to go . . . do something.”
Reid nuzzled Luke’s cheek and left.
“So, having your memory back must be pretty great,” said Luke.
“I’m sorry, Luke.”
“For what? Back-seat cooking?”
“I was so horrible to you. I’ve know that I was the reason our relationship failed but I don’t think I ever gave you the courtesy of being completely honest with you. I’ve never told you how sorry I was or how I knew everything was my fault. I never thanked you for loving me even when I didn’t deserve it. Which was probably 85% of the time.”
“We weren’t right for one another. It’s nobody’s fault that we didn’t stay together forever.”
Noah picked up Luke’s hand. “Even if we weren’t right for each other, I should have been kinder to you while we were together. I rarely stood by you when you needed me but I always expected you to drop everything for me. Unless I decided that I didn’t want you around.”
“Maybe if I hadn’t kept forcing you into being my boyfriend when you obviously didn’t want to be my boyfriend, you wouldn’t have been so resentful of me.”
“You were the best thing that ever happened to me and I know that I didn’t appreciate you like I should have but I really did love you.”
Luke sighed gently. “I loved you too.”
“I hate Reid with every fiber of my being.”
“Yeah, I sort of picked up on that,” smiled Luke.
“But I’m glad that you have him,” said Noah. “He’s smart and successful and he loves you like you should be loved. And can we pretend that that sounded less sexual than it did?”
Luke laughed.
“He’s supportive of you and values you for everything that you are. I wish that I could have given you that.”
“I wish that I could have let you go when you wanted to be let go.”
“So, what do we do now?” asked Noah.
“I’m thinking breakfast.”
“No. Do we really have a chance at a real friendship? Or are we fooling ourselves?”
Luke fidgeted. “Do we have to make a decision about this right now?”
Noah smiled sadly. “No. No pressure. Why don’t we go and dig into the leftovers?”
“Reid’s been gone for over three minutes. Odds are pretty good that the leftovers are now gone.”
Luke bumped his shoulder against Noah’s and they went downstairs together.