Amnesia and Realizations. And Maple-Glazed Turkey. - Parts 1-4
Title: Amnesia and Realizations. And Maple-Glazed Turkey. - Parts 1-4
Written By: nancygrew
Category: Noah Who?
Rating: PG-13 [a swear word or five]
Author's Notes: Futurefic. Takes place late November 2015 more than a year after my fic Amnesia is Stupid. You do not have to read any of my other fics in order to understand this one. AU after Reid drives off to Bay City for some silly errand. Extreme Noah-bashing. Characters belong to ATWT.
Summary: Noah wakes up in Oakdale Memorial Hospital
CHAPTER ONE: NOAH WAKES UP IN THE HOSPTIAL
Noah woke up in a hospital room. His head was throbbing. The throbbing seemed to be set to a disco beat. Great, a concussion that thought his head was Studio 54. Not that Noah listened to disco. Not that he would admit anyway. Although he had never understood why Adrian Zmed was considered to be a less talented host of Dance Fever than Deney Terio. From all of the clips he had watched on UsTube, he had thought it obvious that Adrian was a much better dancer than Deney. Plus, Adrian had the most glorious hair that any dance-show host ever sported including Andy Gibb of Solid Gold.
A brunette nurse was placing a water pitcher on Noah’s bedside. She smiled gently at Noah.
“It’s nice to see you awake, Mr. Mayer,” she exclaimed happily. “How are you feeling?”
“My head hurts,” Noah replied. He looked around for Luke. “Have you seen my boyfriend?”
“Not that I know of. You were just brought in about an hour ago,” answered the nurse. “But I can look for him in the hallway and waiting room when I go get your doctor to let her know that you’re awake. What’s your boyfriend’s name and what does he look like?”
“His name is Luke Snyder,” answered Noah. “He has blond hair and big brown eyes. He has beautiful eyes.”
The nurse, whose nametag read Gretchen Weinen, suddenly looked panicked. Noah had the thought that nurses should never look panicked. It made patients feel less than confident in their abilities. Someone really should lecture the woman about keeping her emotions in check. Noah assumed that the nurse was bothered by the fact that he was gay. Truth be told, he wasn’t always comfortable with the fact that he was gay. He supposed that given his headache, this wasn’t the best time for self-reflection. The nurse scurried out of the room after hurriedly exclaiming that she was going to get his doctor.
Approximately ten minutes later, a pretty, older woman entered the room.
“Good morning,” said the woman. “I’m Dr. Karen Haines. I’m a neurosurgeon here at Oakdale Memorial. How are you feeling?”
“My head hurts,” Noah complained. Complained in a manly and stoic, not at all gay, manner. “What happened to me?”
“You disregarded every work safety video ever made and were trying to get something off of a shelf at work by standing on a wheeled chair. You fell and hit your head,” answered Dr. Haines. She pulled a pen light out of her lab coat and studied Noah’s eyes. She nodded as though satisfied by whatever she had managed to see while examining his eyes. Maybe she had somehow managed to see the artistic nature of his soul. “I need to ask you a few questions in order to figure out how you’re doing. Can you tell me your name?”
“I’m Noah Mayer.”
“Can you tell me the date?” asked Dr. Haines.
“It’s December 8th. Stardate 2008,” Noah huffed a laugh. Stardate. Ha!
Dr. Haines gave Noah a sympathetic look. Frankly, it made Noah feel a little leery.
“The brain is an amazing, complicated organ,” pronounced Dr. Haines as she patted Noah on the knee. “Sometimes, head injuries cause memories to become fuzzy or to be lost. The great thing is that after a head injury, memory loss is rarely indicative of serious brain injury.”
“Are you saying that I have amnesia?” asked Noah nervously.
“Seems like it. But there’s no need to worry. Everyone here at Oakdale Memorial is going to take excellent care of you. We’re going to start off with a few tests so that we have a better idea of what exactly is going on in that head of yours.”
“Well, good luck with that. Even prior to my accident, I didn’t always know what was going on in my own head. It’s very mysterious and complicated in there,” Noah said self-depreciatingly in an attempt to be brave and nonchalant about the horror of having amnesia. Dr. Haines smiled at Noah.
“What’s the current date?” Noah asked. “Have I lost a lot of time?”
“It’s November 24th, 2015,” replied Dr. Haines. “It’s the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. It’s perfectly natural for you to feel nervous about not remembering the last seven years but I want you to know that Oakdale Memorial has an excellent medical staff and we have more experience with amnesia than most hospitals on the planet. Combined. In fact, Oakdale Memorial has made amazing strides in amnesia research over the years due to the large number of available case studies. There’s a conspiracy website that has named Oakdale as the Bermuda Triangle of Memory Loss. Of course, it’s the same website that claims that the Grimaldi family are Reptilians, an alien race that are body-morphing, blood drinking lizards that are plotting to take over Earth.”
“Can you have someone call my boyfriend to let him know that I’m here?” asked Noah. “His name is Luke Snyder and I can give you his phone number.”
“I can have Gretchen call Luke,” replied Dr. Haines while seemingly trying to avoid eye contact with Noah. Noah wondered if Dr. Haines had a problem with gay people. It’s not like Noah acted gay. “You don’t have to give me Luke’s phone number because I already have it. Mr. Mayer, we take doctor-patient confidentiality very seriously here. May I have your permission to fill in my Chief of Staff in on your medical condition even though he won’t be treating you himself? Dr. Oliver is a widely respected neurosurgeon and I would value his opinion on your case.”
“Sure,” said Noah. “I don’t mind you telling Dr. Oliver about my case. What happened to Dr. Bob?”
“Dr. Hughes retired about five years ago. Dr. Oliver is his hand-picked successor. But Dr. Hughes comes in for weekly visits. He has lunch with Dr. Oliver every Wednesday to check up on the hospital and to offer what Dr. Oliver considers to be back-seat-chief-of-staffing. I think Dr. Hughes just enjoys making Dr. Oliver grumble.”
“I’m sure Dr. Bob must be enjoying retirement. Why do you have Luke’s phone number?”
“Luke is a colleague and a friend,” answered Dr. Haines.
“How is Luke a colleague of yours?” asked a confused Noah. “There’s no way he went to medical school. Science isn’t exactly Luke’s strong suit.”
“He’s a member of the Hospital Board and has been very involved in fundraising for us,” answered Dr. Haines.
“Luke must have really changed a lot in seven years if he’s ambitious enough for something like that,” replied Noah. Noah watched as Dr. Haines’ face became still and emotionless.
“We’re very fortunate that Luke has been such an active participant on our Board,” Dr. Haines said ever so politely. “Not only has he been instrumental in raising funds to turn Oakdale Memorial into a cutting-edge, technology-rich hospital but his ultimate concern is always the well-being of our patients. He doesn’t hesitate to get his hands dirty when it comes to researching protocols and equipment or interviewing architects or lobbying the zoning commission.”
Noah felt like Dr. Haines had just ‘schooled’ him. Or perhaps it was ‘pwnd’ him. He wasn’t really sure what the kids [or neurosurgeons] were saying these days. As a naturally introverted person who had moved around a lot while growing up as an “army brat”, he had never had a clue what slang the kids [or neurosurgeons] were using even before he had developed amnesia.
Noah tried to explain his remarks to Dr. Haines. “It’s just that the Luke Snyder I remember wasn’t exactly . . . enterprising.”
Dr. Haines tilted her head. “Not many people would have been ‘enterprising’ enough to give a fortune away when they were merely a teenager in order to affect change to make the world a better place by helping people gain access to needed medical care or fighting discrimination of all forms. Most people, myself included, would have taken those millions and millions of dollars and partied like former Disney stars run amok.”
Noah was embarrassed at being lectured. He always worked hard at not disappointing people. That was one of the increasingly rare nice things about dating Luke; Noah never felt like he had to work hard for Luke’s approval. “You’re right. I didn’t have the intention of insulting Luke. I have always been very proud of Luke.”
Dr. Haines nodded at him. “I’m going to go check on the availability of the Imaging Department and we’ll start on your tests as soon as possible.
Dr. Haines exited the room. She returned about fifteen minutes later followed by a scowling, auburn-haired doctor in his late thirties.
“Do you have any idea how rare amnesia is?” asked the scowling doctor.
Noah was thrown by the man’s rudeness. It’s not like he had planned on getting amnesia when he woke up this morning. Not that he could remember anyway. He could feel himself grow angry and defensive.
“It must not be all that rare,” Noah muttered truculently. “One time I was having a pizza night with friends and we got to talking about amnesia. My friend Alison’s great-grandfather, David Stewart, once suffered from amnesia. And my friend Casey’s great-aunt Penny, grandmother Lisa, and step-grandmother Kim all had amnesia at different times. And my boyfriend Luke’s cousin-once-removed Jack, cousin Lucy and dad all had amnesia at different times. His dad’s amnesia was supposed to be permanent but--”
“Your boyfriend?” sneered the doctor.
“Do you have a problem with me being gay?” demanded Noah angrily. Sometimes Noah felt that his life would have been so much easier if he had stayed in the closet. He could have been happy with Maddie. The brief time they had spent together had been wonderful until Luke had made everything so painfully complicated.
“Not at all,” replied the man. “I’m all for hot, sweaty man-on-man action. Go Team Rainbow! You do realize that Dr. Haines is going to be running some incredibly expensive medical tests and she’ll be able to tell if you’re faking, right? You better not be wasting her valuable time when she has patients that really do need her.”
“What’s your problem?” Noah snarled.
The man looked as though he was about to give Noah a long list enumerating his problems, beginning with Noah’s existence, when Dr. Haines placed her arm upon the man’s arm.
“Dr. Oliver, Mr. Mayer is my patient,” Dr. Haines said firmly. “I’m going to run some tests on him now. Why don’t you go and do some Chief of Staffing.” Dr. Oliver glared at Dr. Haines who glared right back at him. Noah wondered if neurosurgeons ever engaged in barbed wire steel cage death matches. ‘Oakdale Memorial Hospital Thunderdome: Two neurosurgeons enter, one neurosurgeon leaves.’
Dr. Oliver huffed and left the room.
“Well, that was bracing,” said Dr. Haines heartily. “Gretchen is calling Luke now. I’m going to roll you down to Imaging myself so we can get started on this little medical mystery of ours.”
There must have been a reason for the doctor to be so emotional with Noah. He realized what the problem might be. “Is Dr. Oliver my boyfriend?”
Dr. Haines laughed until she was gasping for air. Noah thought that maybe she thought the age difference between Noah and Dr. Oliver was big enough to make the idea of them dating funny. “Nope. Let’s wheel you down to Imaging.”
Dr. Haines took Noah down to Imaging and they ran tests. He noticed that several hospital employees watched him with wide-eyes as he was wheeled back to his room after the tests. He wasn’t sure why everyone seemed so interested in him. It was probably his connection to the Snyders. They were well known in Oakdale. The best thing about dating Luke was being considered an honorary Snyder. He loved being part of a real family.
Noah looked over his shoulder at the orderly who was wheeling his chair back to his room. “Do you know if Alison Stewart is working today?”
“Wow. Name from the past, man. Alison Stewart moved to New Zealand with Dr. Chris Hughes a few years ago. I heard that they became Luddite hippies and are living in a free-love commune now. But I also heard that they were part of some sort of anti-government, computer terrorism cell. So who knows what’s true.”
Noah was disappointed that Alison wasn’t still working at Oakdale Memorial. He could have used someone to talk to that wasn’t Luke. Luke always seemed to make everything all about him. Luke never seemed to understand that Noah valued his independence and didn’t want to be an appendage to Luke and Luke’s Emotion Follies.
About a half an hour after the orderly had taken Noah back to his room, Dr. Haines came to see Noah. She advised him about the location and type of swelling in his brain caused by his fall and that it most likely indicated that his amnesia was going to be of a short duration. She prescribed him medication that would help accelerate his healing. She let him know that she wanted to keep him for observation for a few more hours but then she’d let him go as long as he agreed to come in every few days for a check up until he regained his memory.
CHAPTER TWO: LUKE ARRIVES
Noah had found his street clothes in a drawer in his hospital room. He put them on and waited for Luke. Noah was staring at the wall when Luke finally arrived. Unfortunately, the auburn-haired Dr. Buttface followed Luke into the room.
Noah noticed that Luke was dressed in an exquisitely tailored, black pinstriped suit, gleaming white shirt and embroidered silk tie. Luke’s shoes and briefcase were rich black leather. Noah briefly wondered if they were Corinthian leather. He wondered exactly what Corinthian leather was. Given Luke’s wealthy background, it could be leather handcrafted from the hides of some rare and exotic animal. Like Ostrich. Or baby Loch Ness Monsters. The luxurious overcoat Luke carried folded over his arm appeared to be cashmere. Luke’s hair was shorter and darker than Noah had ever seen it. Noah felt thrown by how much his Luke had changed. It seemed wrong for Luke to look like he had just stepped out of a glossy advertisement for designer clothing instead of someone who was always ready to saw into a Hubbard squash on a moment’s notice.
“Hey, Noah,” Luke greeted cheerily. “I heard you were having an Amnesia Adventure.”
“Where have you been?!?” demanded Noah. “I had them call you a couple of hours ago.”
For some reason, Luke looked taken aback by Noah’s understandable frustration. Why didn’t Luke get that Noah needed his support right now? Sometimes Noah felt that he didn’t know Luke at all.
“I was in a meeting when I was notified that you were having a memory issue,” answered Luke. “I came as soon as I could finish up the meeting.”
“You heard I was in a horrible accident and you finished your meeting first?” asked an astonished Noah.
“Horrible accident!” laughed Dr. Buttface. “You fell down and went ‘boom.’ You have a tiny bit of memory loss, which is most likely temporary. It’s not like you were freaking shot in the head while you were innocently getting coffee or anything.”
Noah wasn’t sure why Luke was smirking at the rude doctor instead of defending Noah from being defamed. “You weren’t here for me when I needed you!” Noah accused Luke. “I don’t even recognize who you are anymore. The man I fell in love with wouldn’t be acting this way.”
Luke turned back towards Noah. “I apologize that I didn’t realize that you would be so upset about losing some of your memory. I was under the impression that the injury wasn’t serious. Since you always hated it when I crowded you, I took it for granted that you wouldn’t appreciate me rushing over here to fuss over you. I’m so sorry that I made an assumption about how you would feel instead of making sure that you were emotionally okay.”
Noah decided that he could be gracious. “You’re forgiven.” Noah was surprised when Dr. Buttface gave a little huff of laughter.
“So, what’s the last thing that you remember?” asked Luke as he patted Noah on his knee.
“Early December 2008,” replied Noah.
“Noah, we weren’t together in early December 2008,” said a confused Luke.
“No, we weren’t,” answered Noah. “But I knew that we were going to get back together.”
If Noah was surprised that Luke shot him a filthy look, he was astonished when Luke turned around and headed out the door. Dr. Buttface looked completely amused at the surprising turn of events. Dr. Buttface followed Luke out of the room. After a moment of being too stunned to move, Noah headed to the door and had barely opened it a crack when he heard Luke’s and Dr. Buttface’s quiet whispers. He paused in opening the door so that he could hear what Luke and the doctor were discussing. He wanted to make sure that Luke didn’t presume that he could be in charge of making the decisions regarding Noah’s condition.
“It’s bad enough that he just assumed that we were going to get back together, but maybe if he had filled me in on his top secret plan to eventually reconcile with me, I wouldn’t have spent all that time trying to drink myself to death,” hissed Luke.
“You are going to regret it later if you just abandon Goofus during his time of need,” said Dr. Buttface cheerily. “Also, you know you’ve lived in Oakdale too long when you’ve become downright blase about someone developing amnesia or finding a long lost relative or meeting their own doppelganger.”
“It would be one thing if his memory had reverted to one of the three times when we were happy together,” said Luke. “Then he’d have a valid reason to be mad at me for not rushing to his side. But early December 2008 was one of those times during which he had decided to push me away. I was humiliated at being kicked out of school and depressed and I didn’t know what to do about Grandmother and Brian. The last thing that Noah remembers is abandoning me during one of the darkest periods of my life and he’s trying to guilt me about not rushing to his side because he has a little bit of memory loss?”
Luke’s voice was shaking with emotion. Noah’s first reaction was to be appalled by Luke’s over emotionality. Luke had grown up rich and had been given everything on a silver platter. So it was natural that Luke was spoiled and dramatic about every little thing. Noah had to work for everything that he’d ever gotten. But Luke’s words disturbed Noah. He honestly hadn’t looked at his actions as abandoning Luke. He had been showing Luke tough love. Just like his dad had always shown him. His psychotic, murderous dad. Huh.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Goofus is a jerk. This is a surprise to no one. I’m pretty sure that Jerk Magazine would pay a fortune to have him as their centerfold.”
“You wouldn’t be jealous of Jerk Magazine offering the coveted centerfold to someone else?” asked a suddenly amused-sounding Luke.
“Jerk Magazine would want Goofus for their ‘Emotionally Abusive, Passive-Aggressive Boyfriends with Daddy Issues’ issue. Jerk Magazine would want me for their ‘Justifiably Arrogant Bastards’ issue,” replied Dr. Buttface. “Do you think it would be undignified for a Chief of Staff to pose for full-frontal photos?”
Noah heard Luke laugh. “Yes. Also, why do you even care if I ‘abandon’ Noah?”
“Noah Mayer could die horribly in a fire for all I care,” replied Dr. Buttface. “You, I’m crazy in love with. And I’ve reluctantly learned to accept that you have this insanely freakish tendency to care about people who don’t deserve you. The list of people who don’t deserve you would include everyone on Earth who isn’t me, by the way. If you walk out on Goofus, later on you’re going to start worrying about whether he’s scared or lonely or not wearing a hat in the cold weather.”
“No matter how I try to help him get through this, he’s just going to push me away,” sighed Luke.
“Probably,” chirped Dr. Buttface happily. “Odds are that he’ll find a way to blame it on you too!”
“Yeah,” sighed Luke. “I probably caused him to fall and hit his head because I was off being too gay somewhere. The Gay Butterfly Effect.”
“Look, don’t let him guilt you into doing anything you don’t want to,” said Dr. Buttface. “Karen will probably release him today. If he gives you a hard time, foist him off on your mom. The two of them can sit around talking about how amazing Noah is and how the practically sexless relationship that you and Noah shared was pure and true and not at all indicative of pathological neuroses.”
“Well, he’ll probably insist on being independent and staying at his own place even if he doesn’t remember it. But I’m going to try to talk him into staying at Mom’s.”
“If you want to invite him to stay at our place for a few days until he feels steadier, I can put up with it.”
Noah heard Luke give a bark of laughter. “You want Noah to stay with us for a few days? Should I be checking the hospital basement for pods?”
“Want Noah to stay with us? No. Am willing to accept it so that you don’t end up feeling all guilty? Sure. But I expect my patience and good will to be rewarded with lots of kinky, depraved sex,” said Dr. Buttface.
“So, pretty much like every night then?” laughed Luke.
Noah heard the smacking sounds of kissing and hurried back to his bed.
Moments later, Luke walked back into the room. Noah was relieved that Dr. Buttface didn’t return with Luke.
“I apologize for inadvertently downplaying how upsetting it must be to you that you’ve developed amnesia,” Luke said to Noah. “I hope that you’ll let me help make this difficult time easier for you. I know that the amnesia is supposed to be short-lived but has anyone filled you in yet about your life?”
“Well, I assume that you and I are still together,” said Noah hoping to catch Luke in a lie after he had just caught Luke kissing another man. The devious bastard!
“No, you and I broke up years ago,” said Luke casually. Noah was royally pissed off that Luke didn’t even sound guilty about their breakup. Noah briefly wondered if royalty had more rage issues than non-royalty. Were Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip sitting around in their underwear shooting at television sets on a nightly basis?
Luke continued. “I don’t know if you’re dating anyone seriously right now. But you’ll be happy to know that you earned your film degree. You went to L.A. for a couple of years but you didn’t really like it out there. You came back to Oakdale a couple of years ago. You’re working at WOAK as a director and you make short films on the side. I think you’ll discover that the life Future!Noah is living is pretty great.”
“What happened between you and me?” asked Noah. He couldn’t believe that Luke could be so cavalier about discussing the end of their relationship. Luke had always been so clingy and demanding and now he was being so cold.
Luke smiled gently at Noah. “We finally realized that even though we loved one another, we weren’t right for one another. But I think that we both ended up with the lives that we wanted. Just not together.”
“You once told me that I was the love of your life and that you pictured us spending our lives together,” said Noah accusingly.
“Well, you once told me that you were straight. I guess we’re even on being big, pants-on-fire-hanging-from-a-telephone-wire-turn-them-in-turn-them-out-turn-them-into-saurkraut liars.” Luke didn’t seem overly concerned about hurting Noah’s feelings by bringing up a matter that had been very, very painful for Noah. Coming out of the closet had been so much harder for Noah than it had been for Luke. Luke could never understand what Noah had gone through.
“So, is the rude doctor your new boyfriend now? Is he the love of your life this week?”
Luke held up his hand in order to display a plain, platinum wedding band. “Reid is actually my husband. And I’m sorry that because of your amnesia that it seems to you that you and I just broke up. I’m going to ask you to trust me when I tell you that you and I are both so much happier now than when we were together. You know that I would never lie to you. You and I were far too different to ever be able to build a successful relationship.”
Noah had no idea what to say. Sure, he and Luke had problems but he always figured that when Luke matured a little that they would be able to work through their issues.
Dr. Haines came into the room.
“Good afternoon, Luke,” beamed Dr. Haines. “How are you?”
“I’m great,” replied Luke. “How are you, Karen? Are you all set for Thanksgiving?”
“Yes. I have to do rounds in the morning but then I’m spending the holiday with the Ward family again this year. I’ve been asked to bring some cider instead of making anything. Surprisingly, it seems that people just don’t appreciate my mashed turnips side dish. I hear that you’re having the big Autumnal Harvest Feast again this year.”
Luke sighed. “Yes. Reid is still priding himself on being too socially conscious to celebrate a holiday that disregards the later genocide of the Native Americans by Europeans. But somehow he has managed to convince himself that it’s okay to celebrate an Autumnal Harvest Feast on the fourth Thursday of November every year as long as it’s not called Thanksgiving.”
Dr. Haines laughed.
“You and Dr. Buttface aren’t invited to Emma’s for Thanksgiving?” asked Noah. “Has he somehow managed to be the first person in history to alienate Emma?” He noticed that Dr. Haines frowned at him but he ignored it. Since Dr. Buttface was her boss, she probably had to pretend to like him.
“Actually, last year Grandma Emma decided that she was ready to retire from being responsible for Thanksgiving dinner for the Snyder clan. She figured that she’s done her time and she wanted released for good behavior.”
“But it’s tradition for everyone to go to the Snyder Farm for Thanksgiving,” said an upset Noah. “You can’t ignore tradition.”
Luke shrugged. “Traditions evolve. The important thing is that the meal is shared with loved ones. Everything else is, much like Scarlet O’Hara’s dress, just window-dressing.”
“So the entire family doesn’t get together?” asked Noah.
“We get together,” replied Luke. “It’s just that we do it at mine and Reid’s place. It seems that the Snyder Diaspora is over and that most of us are all living in Oakdale again. Which means that there’s a kajillion of us in town. Maybe even a kajillion and one. Reid and I are the only ones with enough space to host a sit-down dinner for that many people so it makes sense that we host the meal.”
“So you’re trying to be the Snyder Patriarch now?” asked Noah snidely.
Luke laughed. “Not at all! My original idea last year had been to just invite Grandma Emma, and Grandmother Lucinda and her husband John Dixon over. I figured that everyone else would want to celebrate with their nuclear families. Somehow, everyone just assumed that Reid and I were going to host the dinner for the whole family. It turned out pretty groovy so we decided to host the meal every year. Everyone even appeases Reid by calling it the Autumnal Harvest Feast.”
Noah didn’t understand how Luke could think it was okay for him to be in charge of Thanksgiving instead of Emma. Thanksgiving at the Snyder farm was very important to Noah. Sure, the last Thanksgiving that he could remember had involved Luke being completely miserable due to his own poor decisions. And drunk, to boot! And the Thanksgiving before that Luke had been in a wheelchair. But they were the best Thanksgivings that Noah had ever experienced.
“So Karen, would you like me to leave the room so that you can examine Noah?” asked Luke.
“Actually, I stopped by to release him. I do want to see him here on Friday morning at eleven a.m. but he’s free as a freebird until then,” advised Dr. Haines. “Noah, please feel free to call me if you experience any additional symptoms. Do you have any questions for me before I let you go?”
“No. Thanks, though.” Dr. Haines gave Noah her card and bid Luke and Noah farewell before she left the room.
Noah got his wallet, watch and keys from the bedside drawer.
“I briefly spoke with Katie after I heard about your accident. She’s your boss at WOAK, by the way. She advised me that your car is safe in the parking lot at WOAK until you’re well enough to go get it. She’s having your HR department do the paperwork for short-term disability for you. Since your car is still at WOAK, I’m thinking that you would probably like a ride over to your apartment,” said Luke. “Are you ready to get a glimpse into the life of 2015!Noah?”
“I wish you wouldn’t treat this like a joke,” said Noah. “This is a really big deal for me.”
Luke remained silent for a moment. “Okay. You have the right to have people treat you in a manner that makes you feel comfortable. Especially when you’re dealing with something that’s probably a little scary. I’ll refrain from trying to use levity in manner that bothers you.”
Noah nodded.
“Why don’t we head to your place and you can decide whether you want to stay there or whether you just want to pick up some clothes. If you don’t want to stay someplace that’s unfamiliar to you, I can bring you over to my Mom’s place. You’ve always been really comfortable at the Lilypad. I mean my mom’s house.”
While Luke and Noah were making their way out of the hospital, it seemed to Noah that every single person felt the need to address Luke. Luke made sure to greet each person by name and to find out how they were spending the holiday. It’s like Luke had suddenly become Mayor of Oakdale or something. Noah was surprised because it wasn’t that long ago that Luke couldn’t even muster up enough votes to win a stupid college election. He wondered if he had ever forgiven Luke for being immoral enough to steal the election. Maybe they hadn’t gotten back together at all after Luke’s poor behavior with stealing the election.
While they were walking through the parking lot, Noah asked, “So, how are your mom and dad?”
“They’re good. But Oakdale’s version of Abelard and Heloise are no longer together. I mean there wasn’t castration and a convent involved or anything like that. We thought my dad was dead. So, naturally Mom married Damian. Then Mom and Damian ended their marriage and Dad almost married Molly Conlan, my sister Abigail’s mother. Then Mom and Dad got back together and remarried. Then they divorced. Then Dad married Lien Hughes, Tom Hughe’s daughter. And Cougar!Mom married Adam Hughes, Tom Hughe’s son. Humorless Tom is really not thrilled with all of his relatives suddenly being hit with the urge to wed Snyders. He’s one Hughes-Snyder wedding away from having a stroke.”
Noah was annoyed by Luke’s blatant disrespect for his parents and their marriages. Luke had always been so dramatic about Lily and Holden’s marriages and divorces. Luke never understood how lucky he was to have Lily and Holden. Sometimes, Noah felt that Luke didn’t deserve the great family he had.
“So, my mom loves you like a son. At times it felt as though you were her favorite son. If you want to stay at her place, she will be thrilled to pieces. Faith won’t be there because she doesn’t live at home anymore. She’s attending law school at Northwestern in Chicago. She’ll be in town for the Autumnal Harvest Feast. But Natalie and Ethan are living at the Lilypad this week and I’m sure that they’d like to spend some time with you.”
Luke stopped in front of a car. It was a sleek, black sedan. Noah didn’t recognize the make and model.
“What kind of car is this?” he asked curiously.
“Oh, this is a Cabot Motors Valhalla,” said Luke. “Cabot Motors put a lot of money into R&D in order to come up with a high-performance, luxury car that gets the mileage of a hybrid. They just came out a few months ago. It handles like a dream. A wet dream. A wet dream with a voice navigation system. In addition to having a leather interior I want to marry and have babies with, it has all of the bells and whistles. And doodads. We mustn’t forget the doodads.”
The Epicurean excess displayed by Luke owning a luxury sedan disgusted Noah. Luke had always taken his family’s wealth for granted. Why wouldn’t he? Luke had never had to work a day in his life.
Luke and Noah got into the car. Luke continued, “Reid mocked me mercilessly about being a trust fund brat when I bought the car. Until I let him drive it. After he got a load of how completely nifty it is, he bought one in silver. I suppose that story is funnier if you know that Reid’s sort of the living personification of one of those vintage communist propaganda posters that glorify the proud and noble hard-working peasant over the decadent and morally corrupt capitalist.”
“Given that he married someone with money, he sounds like a huge hypocrite.”
Luke snorted. “Although it’s true that he ‘aint messin with no broke broke’, it’s not like he’s some gold digger after me for the bundles of cash I keep hidden in my mattress. He’s a neurosurgeon. He wouldn’t exactly be hurting for cash if he wasn’t married to me. We’ve had philosophical discussions about whether his having been born with a genius IQ and photographic memory is any less unfair than me being born into wealth. We sort of came to the agreement that you aren’t responsible for what advantages you’re born with but you are responsible for what you accomplish by using those advantages.”
“Maybe we can go for ten minutes without you extolling the virtues of the man you left me for,” said Noah.
Luke pulled out of the parking slot and started driving. “I know that you don’t remember your life after 2008, but it’s not true that I left you for Reid. You and I had broken up before Reid and I started dating.”
“Why exactly did we break up?” asked Noah.
“You had an accident and lost your sight for awhile,” said Luke softly. “Our relationship wasn’t strong enough to survive the pressure.”
“So you left me when I lost my sight and needed you?” asked an aggrieved Noah.
“Fuck you,” replied Luke calmly. Noah was stunned. He didn’t think that he had ever heard Luke swear before. Luke remained silent. He made no attempt to apologize to Noah for either his language or his abandonment of Noah during his blindness. After driving in uncomfortable silence for about ten minutes, Luke pulled the car up to Oakdale Court, an apartment complex that had seen better days. There were hobos riding the rails who were currently seeing better days than the days Oakdale Court was now seeing. Luke led Noah to an apartment on the second floor of the complex. He waved a hand at Noah in order to indicate that this was his apartment and that Noah should use his keys to open the door. Noah entered the apartment and Luke followed him.
It was a studio apartment. It was tiny but clean. Ruthlessly clean. Noah suspected that it would have passed inspection by even the harshest of drill instructors. Or Winston Mayer. There weren’t any pictures on the wall or knick knacks on the furniture. There were pieces of audio-visual equipment neatly lined up on the built-in shelves.
“So, I live in a prison cell?” asked Noah sadly. “Do I get to go out to the yard for an hour a day to lift weights and to shank other prisoners?”
Luke scratched his ear. “It’s small but I think you chose a smaller place because you wanted to spend your discretionary income on making movies instead of on rent. Creative fulfillment is more important to you than having a big apartment. Maddie and I bought you a couple of framed movie posters as a housewarming gift but you preferred to hang them at your office at WOAK.”
“There are Ingmar Bergman movies that aren’t as depressing as this apartment,” said Noah.
Luke grinned at Noah. “If you want to pack a bag of clothes, I can drive you over to my mom’s place. She’ll fuss over you and even though you don’t remember living there, you spent enough time there that it should feel comfortable to you.”
“Can I stay with you?” asked Noah. He hated asking for anything. Especially from Luke. But it was scary to not remember his life.
“Sure,” said Luke without hesitation. “I’ll do anything you want to make this easier for you.”
Noah packed a bag and he and Luke walked back to the Moneyed Mobile [“Like a Batmobile but for spoiled, rich kids instead of a superhero,” thought Noah meanly]. Noah was surprised when Luke drove to the Mill Town section of Oakdale. It was close to the hospital but it wasn’t exactly a fancy part of town. Noah was surprised when they drove by a couple of large modern homes. The homes had an arresting, sophisticated look. Luke explained that the converted firehouse that they passed belonged to his brother Aaron and Aaron’s wife Carolyn. He explained that the deconsecrated and renovated church that was across the street from Aaron and Carolyn’s home was the home of his sister Abigail and her husband Gregory. Luke advised Noah that Abigail and Gregory had bought the home from Rosanna Cabot when she decided to move to New Zealand the previous year. A moment later, Luke pointed out an old steel mill that had been converted to high end, luxury condominiums. Luke explained that he had bought the closed-down mill and had hired the most brilliant and iconoclastic architect that ever lived to design the renovations. He explained that each condominium had been sold even before the building was completed. Due to half of the condos having been bought by various Snyders, the building was jokingly referred to as ‘Snyder Village.’
Luke pulled the car into a garage and led Noah into a converted warehouse. The house was large and sleek. There was a lot of glass and steel. The furniture was modern and the art that hung on the walls was colorful and quirky. Noah felt annoyance at the injustice of Luke living in splendor while Noah lived in a monastic cell while trying to create important art that would change people’s lives. Noah remembered how much Luke had loved living the simple life at the Snyder Farm. He assumed that this house and its décor had been Dr. Buttface’s decision. He had no respect for Luke’s choice to subvert his own desires in deference to his husband’s.
CHAPTER THREE: TUESDAY NIGHT AT THE SNOLIVER ESTATE
A young red-haired woman dressed in black trousers and a white button down shirt greeted Luke and Noah.
“Noah, this is our household manager, Ms. Crichton,” introduced Luke. “Ms. Crichton, this is Noah. He’s going to be staying with me and Reid for a few days.”
“Dr. Oliver called me earlier to advise me of your houseguest. I’ve prepared both guestrooms so that he can decide which he would prefer to stay in.”
“You have a butler?” an appalled Noah asked Luke.
“Yep,” replied an unembarrassed Luke. “She’s completely magical and we’re really lucky to have her. Not magical in a supernatural Mary Poppins way, but magical in a hyper-competent Jeeves 2: Electric Boogaloo way. Ms. Crichton, I’m going to run upstairs to change clothing. Can you get Noah something to drink?”
“Of course, Mr. Snyder,” replied Ms. Crichton. “Mr. Mayer, Dr. Oliver already let me know that alcohol wouldn’t be appropriate for you due to the medication, but I can get you juice, iced tea, coffee--”
“Coffee’s fine,” said Noah hurriedly. He felt uncomfortable about being alone with a servant. He wasn’t sure how to act or what to say. He hadn’t spent a lot of time interacting with Lucinda’s staff at the Walsh Estate or with Lily and Holdens’ housekeeper or nanny. How much eye contact did it take to go from friendly fellow member of the proletariat to creepy?
“It must be nice to be rich and to be able to afford people doing everything for you,” Noah said to Ms. Crichton in an effort to commiserate with her when she handed him a cup of coffee.
Ms. Crichton picked a piece of invisible lint from her sleeve. “Mr. Snyder and Dr. Oliver have high-pressure, time-consuming careers. They also spend a great deal of time raising funding for the hospital and the foundation. If having someone take care of the mundane domestic chores enables them to spend what little free time they have together, then I fail to see how that is anything other than positive.”
“It’s just that it seems like it would be really humiliating to be a servant and to have rich people expect you to wait on them hand and foot,” Noah explained.
Ms. Crichton permitted herself a small smile. “I’m a highly trained professional who gets extremely well-paid. Neither Mr. Snyder nor Dr. Oliver have ever treated me with less respect than I so richly deserve. In fact, when I insisted that it would be unprofessional of me to call them by their first names, they insisted on calling me Ms. Crichton even though most employers wouldn’t have felt the need to reciprocate the formal address.”
Luke returned from upstairs. He had changed into a pair of faded jeans and a dark blue, long-sleeved T-shirt.
Ms. Crichton informed Luke that dinner was ready. Luke and Noah sat at the dining table and she served them a meal of salmon, jasmine rice, grilled vegetables and carrot juice. Luke thanked Ms. Crichton for the excellent meal.
“Noah and I can take care of the dishes,” Luke advised Ms. Crichton. “You probably have some last minute arrangements to make for your holiday paraskiing trip with your girlfriend. You can head out.”
“Thank you,” replied Ms. Crichton. “I’ll be in early tomorrow so that I can make some of the arrangements for your Autumnal Harvest Feast before I leave for vacation. Is there anything special you’d like for breakfast?”
Luke grinned. “Surprise us.”
Ms. Crichton informed Luke and Noah that there was strawberry-rhubarb compote in the refrigerator for dessert. She then left.
“This is pretty good food,” Noah said in an attempt at small talk with his ex-boyfriend.
“Ms. Crichton is a great cook,” exclaimed Luke. “It’s really important to Reid that we eat healthy and exercise regularly. So we’re really appreciative of the fact that Ms. Crichton can make healthy food taste great.”
“It’s a shame that you had to change your lifestyle just because the doctor is so much older than us,” Noah sympathized. “I remember how much you liked junk food.”
“We’ve actually made a point to start living healthier because of my health issues,” answered Luke. “Not that either one of us was living unhealthily before. We were both fit and in good health but it doesn’t hurt to turn up the healthy living to eleven. Of course when I’m out of town on business, Reid hits the barbecue and the pizza pretty hard. And Grandmother enables his not-so-secret barbecue addiction.”
“What health issues?” asked Noah.
“Well, the anti-rejection meds I’m on can wreak havoc on my immune system,” said Luke. “Reid has always been a little over-protective of my health, especially when I don’t get enough down time. However, I got pretty sick about six months ago because I ran myself ragged and he shifted into uber-worry mode. Hence, the healthy eating thing.”
“You never really seemed to worry about your health before,” said Noah. “The only time we ever discussed your kidney transplant was when you were drinking.”
“I tend to concentrate on how some kidney transplants have lasted forty years and that new anti-rejection protocols are being developed all the time. Being a doctor, it’s not as easy for Reid. He concentrates on the fact that the average kidney transplant only lasts ten to fifteen years and that there are serious side-effects to the anti rejection meds. So he worries while pretending that he’s merely annoyed at the inconvenience of my inevitable demise.”
“I knew that you could kill yourself by drinking but I don’t think I ever thought about your transplant as being some kind of chronic condition that was a big deal,” said Noah. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Luke shrugged. “I never tried to mislead you about my medical condition. I always just assumed that you understood what living with a kidney transplant entailed.”
“Does . . . your husband work late every night?” Noah asked in order to divert attention from the fact that he had never fussed over Luke’s health except when Luke was drinking and basically behaving like a jerk. It wasn’t Noah’s fault that Luke had never spelled out the complications of living with a transplant for Noah.
“Tuesdays and Thursdays are our work late nights,” answered Luke. “Usually I wouldn’t be home on a Tuesday night either but I’ve been trying to get some things done prior to the Autumnal Harvest Feast instead of doing everything on Thursday.”
“So your husband has abandoned you to do all of the work for the holiday?” asked Noah. “That’s doesn’t seem very supportive of him.”
“Reid’s first choice would be to have the whole thing catered,” said Luke. “Therefore, I wouldn’t be able to complain if he refused to participate in any of the preparations that I insist on making. However, he has been helping me with the details because that’s just how my man rolls. This past Saturday, we baked and froze a couple of batches of Mexican tea cakes and chocolate chip and walnut cookies. Sunday we made and froze a couple of batches of crab puffs and spinach balls for hors d’oeuvres. On Monday, we made side dishes of apple & pear sauce and cranberries with ginger & citrus. Tonight, I’m going to bake a bunch of cornbread for the cornbread and chorizo stuffing and I’m going to start brining the turkeys. I don’t really need Reid holding my hand to do any of that.”
Noah wasn’t sure if he should explain to Luke that his marriage still didn’t seem equitable. Maybe Luke didn’t mind that Dr. Buttface put his career in front of Luke. Luke had never been a go-getter. Maybe he was just fine with being the “wife” of the relationship.
“Emma doesn’t make cornbread and chorizo stuffing,” Noah informed Luke. “She makes chestnut stuffing.”
“What can I say? I’m a stuffing rebel,” replied Luke proudly.
Noah was very disappointed in Luke not wanting to make the correct Thanksgiving stuffing. It was pretty thoughtless of Luke to force everyone to eat the wrong stuffing on Thanksgiving.
“If you’re done eating, I can show you to the guest rooms and you can choose which one you want to stay in,” suggested Luke. Noah nodded.
Luke took Noah up the glass and steel stairway to the second floor of the house. “Natalie likes to refer to our house as The Snoliver Estate,” said Luke. “A couple of years ago, she had some stationary made for us for Christmas with a letterhead that read, ‘The Snoliver Estate.’ Last year, she made postcards for us for Christmas. The face of the postcards said, ‘Greetings from the Snoliver Estate’ and they featured a picture of the house that she had taken.’”
“That’s nice,” said Noah. He wasn’t paying close attention to what Luke was saying because he was busy trying to decide if he should let Luke know that his house was ostentatious. Luke showed Noah both guestrooms. Luke referred to one as The Girl Detective Room and to one as The Dinosaur Room. Noah wasn’t amused at the thought that Luke might think that he’d want to stay in a girl’s room. He elected to stay in The Dinosaur Room. While unpacking his clothing, Noah noticed that a couple of the drawers already had clothing in them.
“The top drawer is Ethan’s. The second drawer is Jacob’s,” Luke explained to Noah. “It’s easier if the kids just keep a couple of sets of clothes here for whenever one of them decide to spend the night. The third drawer should be empty. Hold on, I’ll be right back,” Luke left the room. Noah continued unpacking.
“Here we go,” said Luke when he returned moments later. “I’ve brought you one of my electronic readers. This one is loaded up with all kinds of fiction. It has everything from Grandma Emma’s romance novels that she wrote under the pseudonym of Amber D’Amour to Uncle Seth’s novels to the works of Jane Austen and Jules Verne. If you get bored during your stay, you’ll have something to read to keep you busy.” Luke handed Noah the electronic reader.
Noah placed the electronic book upon the bedside table. Noah was a little annoyed. Luke was the reader, not him. Luke cared so little about Noah that he couldn’t even seem to remember that.
“Since you’re unpacked, come with me and I’ll show you the media room in the basement,” said Luke. “Reid and I don’t spend a lot of time watching movies but we have a pretty nice selection. While you’re staying with us here, I hope that you feel comfortable enough to make yourself at home.”
Luke led Noah downstairs to the basement. In the basement, there was a storage room, a home gym and a large media room. A huge television hung on one wall. Colorful art hung on the other walls. A cabinet full of movies sat beneath the television screen. Large overstuffed couches sat facing the screen.
“I have to go and start on the cornbread and brine,” Luke advised Noah. “You can hang out down here watching movies if you’d like. Or I can call Maddie and see if she’s free to come hang out with you tonight. I don’t really know any of your other friends.”
“Actually, I’m kind of tired,” said Noah. “I think I’ll go upstairs and lay down. I’ll see you in the morning. Good night.”
“Good night.”
Noah went upstairs to the Dinosaur Room. He threw on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt and crawled into bed. He awoke several hours later. Fortunately, his headache seemed to have cleared up. No more Gloria Gaynor. He headed downstairs to see if Luke was still awake. Noah was coming down the stairs when he saw them in the kitchen area. Dr. Buttface was cradling Luke’s face and exchanging gentle kisses with him. Luke’s hands were resting on Dr. Buttface’s hips. Luke pulled back and grinned at Dr. Buttface. Sometimes, Noah had hated the fact that Luke always wore his emotions on his sleeve. It was always so daunting that Luke’s emotions had always been bright neon flashing lights compared to the dull grays of other peoples’ emotions. They were impossible to miss and Noah had often felt bludgeoned by them. Until now when he saw the joy and happiness that Luke’s face exuded as he looked at Dr. Buttface. Now, Noah just hated the fact that someone else was the target of all of that LOVE pouring off of Luke. It wasn’t fair. Noah turned around and headed back upstairs to go back to sleep.
CHAPTER FOUR: WEDNESDAY MORNING AT THE SNOLIVER ESTATE
Noah awoke. He noticed that the clock on his bedside reflected that it was 6:30 a.m. He got up to go to the bathroom. He glanced out of the bedroom window and noticed that Luke and his husband were in the courtyard doing what appeared to be yoga. Or ninja calisthenics. He was annoyed to see that both men were incredibly bend-y. Circus freak bend-y. Or really hot porn bend-y. Noah went into the guest bathroom to shower. And to ruthlessly ignore his body’s reactions to the images he had inadvertently conjured in his head.
Noah dressed and headed downstairs.
Ms. Crichton greeted Noah politely when he arrived downstairs. She served Noah oatmeal made with almond milk and brown sugar, a soft-boiled egg, cantaloupe slices topped with whipped cream with a touch of honey and orange juice. Luke and Dr. Buttface arrived downstairs. Luke was dressed in a three-piece suit and Reid was dressed in black jeans and a maroon-colored button down shirt.
“Good morning!” Luke greeted Noah and Ms. Crichton. Dr. Buttface greeted them by nodding at Ms. Crichton and sneering at Noah. Luke and his husband sat down and Ms. Crichton served their breakfast.
“Noah, I’m sorry but I have to go into work today,” Luke explained. “You can hang out here or I can drop you off at the farm or my mom’s or anywhere else you want to go.”
“Do you work at the Foundation?” asked Noah who was hoping that Luke had finally found a direction for his life. Getting expelled from school was really unfortunate for someone with Luke’s lack of ambition. If only Luke had made better decisions while he was at college!
“Actually, Aunt Iva is running the foundation right now,” said Luke. “I got tied up with other things and I needed someone I could trust to take over the foundation.”
“What other things?” asked Noah while trying to ignore how much food Dr. Buttface could shovel into his mouth at one time.
“Well, I’m running Grimaldi Shipping, I’m on the boards of both Kingsley Malta and Oakdale Memorial, and I created and co-own a few local businesses,” said Luke.
Noah didn’t know whether to be appalled that Luke was working for the Grimaldi family or to be appalled by Luke behaving like some sort of flighty dilettante with a short attention span when it came to his career. Heck, he could be appalled at Luke for more than one thing at a time. But Noah really didn’t want to spend the day alone and worrying about whether his memory loss might be permanent regardless of what Dr. Haines had said.
“Can I come to Grimaldi Shipping with you today?” asked Noah.
“What, the bump on your head suddenly turned you into someone with an interest in international shipping?” Dr Buttface said after swallowing the biggest mouthful of food anyone had ever attempted before in the history of mankind. “Maybe we should contact Oliver Sacks so that he could write one of his neurological-disorder-as-a-charmingly-wacky-anecdote articles.”
“Did I hate you when I remembered you?” asked Noah.
“We were bestest friends,” replied Dr. Buttface. “We like to hang out together and play Pictionary and giggle over boy bands.”
“You punched him in the face once,” Luke helpfully informed Noah.
“If he didn’t steal you from me, then why did I punch him in the face?” asked Noah suspiciously.
“Because you’re a dick,” explained Dr. Buttface. Noah wished that Dr. Buttface had waited to explain until after he had swallowed the mouthful of chewed food he had in his mouth.
Luke ignored both Noah’s question and Dr. Buttface’s rudeness. “You’re welcome to come with me to Grimaldi Shipping but it’s probably going to seem really boring to you. You might want to bring the electronic reader so that you have something to read when you’re surrounded by people debating the Carriage of Goods by Sea Act. Which on the streets we call COGSA.”
“I’d like to see where you work,” said Noah with a smile while pointedly ignoring Dr. Buttface. “I bet you’re really cute when you’re acting like a businessman.”
Dr. Buttface rolled his eyes so hard that the vibrations were felt in China. “Hey, Luke. How would you feel about Ethan and Natalie coming over tonight to bake gingerbread men for the Autumnal Harvest Feast and spending the night?”
“Everybody knows that gingerbread men are for Winter Solstice and not for the Autumnal Harvest Feast,” replied Luke. “If you start serving baked goods all willy nilly with disregard for the seasons, anarchy will be the inevitable result. Besides, we’re going to have to use both ovens for the turkeys tomorrow. And since they’re each the size of a small pony, they’ll have to cook for a long time. It will be easier if I have both ovens free tonight to use for baking the pies for dessert.”
“Hypothetically speaking, if Ethan had called me yesterday at work and asked me if it was alright and I told him that it was, how big of a problem would that be?” asked Dr. Buttface curiously.
Luke smirked at his husband. “It’s fine. I’ll try to get home a little early to start on the baking. What time will they be showing up tonight?”
“At six. Also, by the time Ethan thought to call me to seek permission, he and Natalie had already invited Sage, Eliza, Hallie and Jacob over. They’re all bringing sleeping bags. I’m not sure what the problem is with today’s youth that they want to spend their evenings baking instead of trying to download porn off of the internet.”
“Well there’s probably a lot of peer pressure about baking. We should be grateful that it’s just gingerbread men and not something hardcore like Baked Alaska or Sacher tortes,” answered Luke with a solemn expression.
“Everybody knows that gingerbread men are a gateway dessert,” answered Dr. Buttface. “I’m heading out so that I can heal the sick and intimidate the hale and hearty. I’ll try to get home as early as I can to help with the baking and child-beating duties.”
Dr. Buttface got up from the table and walked towards Luke. He leaned down and kissed Luke hard on the mouth. Then he gave him a little slap on the cheek. Luke grinned.
“Ms. Crichton, have fun on your holiday,” said Dr. Buttface. “Remember to wear a safety helmet.”
Ms. Crichton approached Dr. Buttface and handed him a wicker basket. “I packed enough lunch for both you and Dr. Hughes. I packed a couple of Cobb salads, a couple of multigrain rolls, some fruit and some cranapple juice. Should I wear the safety helmet only when I’m paraskiing or should I wear it for the whole holiday including when I’m sitting in front of a fire at the lodge?”
“You can never be too careful,” replied Dr. Buttface. “Thanks for lunch.”
After Dr. Buttface left, Noah decided to offer Luke his sympathy. “It must make you mad that he invited Natalie and Ethan over to spend the night without even double-checking it with you. It was really selfish of him. There should be communication in a relationship.”
Luke shrugged. “Am I supposed to be mad at him over the fact that he loves my younger brother and sisters and that he makes an effort to make sure that they always feel welcome here? I think that it’s sweet that Ethan called Reid instead of me because he, and the girls, know that Reid is a soft, if sarcastic, touch for them.”
“It’s not good to let the kids think that they can play you and your husband against each other,” said Noah.
Luke shrugged as though he didn’t particularly care about Noah’s child-rearing philosophies.
“Are you ready to head out?” asked Luke. “I like to be in the office by eight.”
“Yeah, I’ll just go grab my stuff,” replied Noah.
When Noah and Luke left, Ms. Crichton handed them a wicker basket containing lunch. Luke and Noah wished her a pleasant holiday before they left.
Amnesia and Realizations. And Maple-Glazed Turkey. - Parts 5-6
Amnesia and Realizations. And Maple-Glazed Turkey. - Parts 7-8
Amnesia and Realizations. And Maple-Glazed Turkey. - Parts 9-10
Written By: nancygrew
Category: Noah Who?
Rating: PG-13 [a swear word or five]
Author's Notes: Futurefic. Takes place late November 2015 more than a year after my fic Amnesia is Stupid. You do not have to read any of my other fics in order to understand this one. AU after Reid drives off to Bay City for some silly errand. Extreme Noah-bashing. Characters belong to ATWT.
Summary: Noah wakes up in Oakdale Memorial Hospital
CHAPTER ONE: NOAH WAKES UP IN THE HOSPTIAL
Noah woke up in a hospital room. His head was throbbing. The throbbing seemed to be set to a disco beat. Great, a concussion that thought his head was Studio 54. Not that Noah listened to disco. Not that he would admit anyway. Although he had never understood why Adrian Zmed was considered to be a less talented host of Dance Fever than Deney Terio. From all of the clips he had watched on UsTube, he had thought it obvious that Adrian was a much better dancer than Deney. Plus, Adrian had the most glorious hair that any dance-show host ever sported including Andy Gibb of Solid Gold.
A brunette nurse was placing a water pitcher on Noah’s bedside. She smiled gently at Noah.
“It’s nice to see you awake, Mr. Mayer,” she exclaimed happily. “How are you feeling?”
“My head hurts,” Noah replied. He looked around for Luke. “Have you seen my boyfriend?”
“Not that I know of. You were just brought in about an hour ago,” answered the nurse. “But I can look for him in the hallway and waiting room when I go get your doctor to let her know that you’re awake. What’s your boyfriend’s name and what does he look like?”
“His name is Luke Snyder,” answered Noah. “He has blond hair and big brown eyes. He has beautiful eyes.”
The nurse, whose nametag read Gretchen Weinen, suddenly looked panicked. Noah had the thought that nurses should never look panicked. It made patients feel less than confident in their abilities. Someone really should lecture the woman about keeping her emotions in check. Noah assumed that the nurse was bothered by the fact that he was gay. Truth be told, he wasn’t always comfortable with the fact that he was gay. He supposed that given his headache, this wasn’t the best time for self-reflection. The nurse scurried out of the room after hurriedly exclaiming that she was going to get his doctor.
Approximately ten minutes later, a pretty, older woman entered the room.
“Good morning,” said the woman. “I’m Dr. Karen Haines. I’m a neurosurgeon here at Oakdale Memorial. How are you feeling?”
“My head hurts,” Noah complained. Complained in a manly and stoic, not at all gay, manner. “What happened to me?”
“You disregarded every work safety video ever made and were trying to get something off of a shelf at work by standing on a wheeled chair. You fell and hit your head,” answered Dr. Haines. She pulled a pen light out of her lab coat and studied Noah’s eyes. She nodded as though satisfied by whatever she had managed to see while examining his eyes. Maybe she had somehow managed to see the artistic nature of his soul. “I need to ask you a few questions in order to figure out how you’re doing. Can you tell me your name?”
“I’m Noah Mayer.”
“Can you tell me the date?” asked Dr. Haines.
“It’s December 8th. Stardate 2008,” Noah huffed a laugh. Stardate. Ha!
Dr. Haines gave Noah a sympathetic look. Frankly, it made Noah feel a little leery.
“The brain is an amazing, complicated organ,” pronounced Dr. Haines as she patted Noah on the knee. “Sometimes, head injuries cause memories to become fuzzy or to be lost. The great thing is that after a head injury, memory loss is rarely indicative of serious brain injury.”
“Are you saying that I have amnesia?” asked Noah nervously.
“Seems like it. But there’s no need to worry. Everyone here at Oakdale Memorial is going to take excellent care of you. We’re going to start off with a few tests so that we have a better idea of what exactly is going on in that head of yours.”
“Well, good luck with that. Even prior to my accident, I didn’t always know what was going on in my own head. It’s very mysterious and complicated in there,” Noah said self-depreciatingly in an attempt to be brave and nonchalant about the horror of having amnesia. Dr. Haines smiled at Noah.
“What’s the current date?” Noah asked. “Have I lost a lot of time?”
“It’s November 24th, 2015,” replied Dr. Haines. “It’s the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. It’s perfectly natural for you to feel nervous about not remembering the last seven years but I want you to know that Oakdale Memorial has an excellent medical staff and we have more experience with amnesia than most hospitals on the planet. Combined. In fact, Oakdale Memorial has made amazing strides in amnesia research over the years due to the large number of available case studies. There’s a conspiracy website that has named Oakdale as the Bermuda Triangle of Memory Loss. Of course, it’s the same website that claims that the Grimaldi family are Reptilians, an alien race that are body-morphing, blood drinking lizards that are plotting to take over Earth.”
“Can you have someone call my boyfriend to let him know that I’m here?” asked Noah. “His name is Luke Snyder and I can give you his phone number.”
“I can have Gretchen call Luke,” replied Dr. Haines while seemingly trying to avoid eye contact with Noah. Noah wondered if Dr. Haines had a problem with gay people. It’s not like Noah acted gay. “You don’t have to give me Luke’s phone number because I already have it. Mr. Mayer, we take doctor-patient confidentiality very seriously here. May I have your permission to fill in my Chief of Staff in on your medical condition even though he won’t be treating you himself? Dr. Oliver is a widely respected neurosurgeon and I would value his opinion on your case.”
“Sure,” said Noah. “I don’t mind you telling Dr. Oliver about my case. What happened to Dr. Bob?”
“Dr. Hughes retired about five years ago. Dr. Oliver is his hand-picked successor. But Dr. Hughes comes in for weekly visits. He has lunch with Dr. Oliver every Wednesday to check up on the hospital and to offer what Dr. Oliver considers to be back-seat-chief-of-staffing. I think Dr. Hughes just enjoys making Dr. Oliver grumble.”
“I’m sure Dr. Bob must be enjoying retirement. Why do you have Luke’s phone number?”
“Luke is a colleague and a friend,” answered Dr. Haines.
“How is Luke a colleague of yours?” asked a confused Noah. “There’s no way he went to medical school. Science isn’t exactly Luke’s strong suit.”
“He’s a member of the Hospital Board and has been very involved in fundraising for us,” answered Dr. Haines.
“Luke must have really changed a lot in seven years if he’s ambitious enough for something like that,” replied Noah. Noah watched as Dr. Haines’ face became still and emotionless.
“We’re very fortunate that Luke has been such an active participant on our Board,” Dr. Haines said ever so politely. “Not only has he been instrumental in raising funds to turn Oakdale Memorial into a cutting-edge, technology-rich hospital but his ultimate concern is always the well-being of our patients. He doesn’t hesitate to get his hands dirty when it comes to researching protocols and equipment or interviewing architects or lobbying the zoning commission.”
Noah felt like Dr. Haines had just ‘schooled’ him. Or perhaps it was ‘pwnd’ him. He wasn’t really sure what the kids [or neurosurgeons] were saying these days. As a naturally introverted person who had moved around a lot while growing up as an “army brat”, he had never had a clue what slang the kids [or neurosurgeons] were using even before he had developed amnesia.
Noah tried to explain his remarks to Dr. Haines. “It’s just that the Luke Snyder I remember wasn’t exactly . . . enterprising.”
Dr. Haines tilted her head. “Not many people would have been ‘enterprising’ enough to give a fortune away when they were merely a teenager in order to affect change to make the world a better place by helping people gain access to needed medical care or fighting discrimination of all forms. Most people, myself included, would have taken those millions and millions of dollars and partied like former Disney stars run amok.”
Noah was embarrassed at being lectured. He always worked hard at not disappointing people. That was one of the increasingly rare nice things about dating Luke; Noah never felt like he had to work hard for Luke’s approval. “You’re right. I didn’t have the intention of insulting Luke. I have always been very proud of Luke.”
Dr. Haines nodded at him. “I’m going to go check on the availability of the Imaging Department and we’ll start on your tests as soon as possible.
Dr. Haines exited the room. She returned about fifteen minutes later followed by a scowling, auburn-haired doctor in his late thirties.
“Do you have any idea how rare amnesia is?” asked the scowling doctor.
Noah was thrown by the man’s rudeness. It’s not like he had planned on getting amnesia when he woke up this morning. Not that he could remember anyway. He could feel himself grow angry and defensive.
“It must not be all that rare,” Noah muttered truculently. “One time I was having a pizza night with friends and we got to talking about amnesia. My friend Alison’s great-grandfather, David Stewart, once suffered from amnesia. And my friend Casey’s great-aunt Penny, grandmother Lisa, and step-grandmother Kim all had amnesia at different times. And my boyfriend Luke’s cousin-once-removed Jack, cousin Lucy and dad all had amnesia at different times. His dad’s amnesia was supposed to be permanent but--”
“Your boyfriend?” sneered the doctor.
“Do you have a problem with me being gay?” demanded Noah angrily. Sometimes Noah felt that his life would have been so much easier if he had stayed in the closet. He could have been happy with Maddie. The brief time they had spent together had been wonderful until Luke had made everything so painfully complicated.
“Not at all,” replied the man. “I’m all for hot, sweaty man-on-man action. Go Team Rainbow! You do realize that Dr. Haines is going to be running some incredibly expensive medical tests and she’ll be able to tell if you’re faking, right? You better not be wasting her valuable time when she has patients that really do need her.”
“What’s your problem?” Noah snarled.
The man looked as though he was about to give Noah a long list enumerating his problems, beginning with Noah’s existence, when Dr. Haines placed her arm upon the man’s arm.
“Dr. Oliver, Mr. Mayer is my patient,” Dr. Haines said firmly. “I’m going to run some tests on him now. Why don’t you go and do some Chief of Staffing.” Dr. Oliver glared at Dr. Haines who glared right back at him. Noah wondered if neurosurgeons ever engaged in barbed wire steel cage death matches. ‘Oakdale Memorial Hospital Thunderdome: Two neurosurgeons enter, one neurosurgeon leaves.’
Dr. Oliver huffed and left the room.
“Well, that was bracing,” said Dr. Haines heartily. “Gretchen is calling Luke now. I’m going to roll you down to Imaging myself so we can get started on this little medical mystery of ours.”
There must have been a reason for the doctor to be so emotional with Noah. He realized what the problem might be. “Is Dr. Oliver my boyfriend?”
Dr. Haines laughed until she was gasping for air. Noah thought that maybe she thought the age difference between Noah and Dr. Oliver was big enough to make the idea of them dating funny. “Nope. Let’s wheel you down to Imaging.”
Dr. Haines took Noah down to Imaging and they ran tests. He noticed that several hospital employees watched him with wide-eyes as he was wheeled back to his room after the tests. He wasn’t sure why everyone seemed so interested in him. It was probably his connection to the Snyders. They were well known in Oakdale. The best thing about dating Luke was being considered an honorary Snyder. He loved being part of a real family.
Noah looked over his shoulder at the orderly who was wheeling his chair back to his room. “Do you know if Alison Stewart is working today?”
“Wow. Name from the past, man. Alison Stewart moved to New Zealand with Dr. Chris Hughes a few years ago. I heard that they became Luddite hippies and are living in a free-love commune now. But I also heard that they were part of some sort of anti-government, computer terrorism cell. So who knows what’s true.”
Noah was disappointed that Alison wasn’t still working at Oakdale Memorial. He could have used someone to talk to that wasn’t Luke. Luke always seemed to make everything all about him. Luke never seemed to understand that Noah valued his independence and didn’t want to be an appendage to Luke and Luke’s Emotion Follies.
About a half an hour after the orderly had taken Noah back to his room, Dr. Haines came to see Noah. She advised him about the location and type of swelling in his brain caused by his fall and that it most likely indicated that his amnesia was going to be of a short duration. She prescribed him medication that would help accelerate his healing. She let him know that she wanted to keep him for observation for a few more hours but then she’d let him go as long as he agreed to come in every few days for a check up until he regained his memory.
CHAPTER TWO: LUKE ARRIVES
Noah had found his street clothes in a drawer in his hospital room. He put them on and waited for Luke. Noah was staring at the wall when Luke finally arrived. Unfortunately, the auburn-haired Dr. Buttface followed Luke into the room.
Noah noticed that Luke was dressed in an exquisitely tailored, black pinstriped suit, gleaming white shirt and embroidered silk tie. Luke’s shoes and briefcase were rich black leather. Noah briefly wondered if they were Corinthian leather. He wondered exactly what Corinthian leather was. Given Luke’s wealthy background, it could be leather handcrafted from the hides of some rare and exotic animal. Like Ostrich. Or baby Loch Ness Monsters. The luxurious overcoat Luke carried folded over his arm appeared to be cashmere. Luke’s hair was shorter and darker than Noah had ever seen it. Noah felt thrown by how much his Luke had changed. It seemed wrong for Luke to look like he had just stepped out of a glossy advertisement for designer clothing instead of someone who was always ready to saw into a Hubbard squash on a moment’s notice.
“Hey, Noah,” Luke greeted cheerily. “I heard you were having an Amnesia Adventure.”
“Where have you been?!?” demanded Noah. “I had them call you a couple of hours ago.”
For some reason, Luke looked taken aback by Noah’s understandable frustration. Why didn’t Luke get that Noah needed his support right now? Sometimes Noah felt that he didn’t know Luke at all.
“I was in a meeting when I was notified that you were having a memory issue,” answered Luke. “I came as soon as I could finish up the meeting.”
“You heard I was in a horrible accident and you finished your meeting first?” asked an astonished Noah.
“Horrible accident!” laughed Dr. Buttface. “You fell down and went ‘boom.’ You have a tiny bit of memory loss, which is most likely temporary. It’s not like you were freaking shot in the head while you were innocently getting coffee or anything.”
Noah wasn’t sure why Luke was smirking at the rude doctor instead of defending Noah from being defamed. “You weren’t here for me when I needed you!” Noah accused Luke. “I don’t even recognize who you are anymore. The man I fell in love with wouldn’t be acting this way.”
Luke turned back towards Noah. “I apologize that I didn’t realize that you would be so upset about losing some of your memory. I was under the impression that the injury wasn’t serious. Since you always hated it when I crowded you, I took it for granted that you wouldn’t appreciate me rushing over here to fuss over you. I’m so sorry that I made an assumption about how you would feel instead of making sure that you were emotionally okay.”
Noah decided that he could be gracious. “You’re forgiven.” Noah was surprised when Dr. Buttface gave a little huff of laughter.
“So, what’s the last thing that you remember?” asked Luke as he patted Noah on his knee.
“Early December 2008,” replied Noah.
“Noah, we weren’t together in early December 2008,” said a confused Luke.
“No, we weren’t,” answered Noah. “But I knew that we were going to get back together.”
If Noah was surprised that Luke shot him a filthy look, he was astonished when Luke turned around and headed out the door. Dr. Buttface looked completely amused at the surprising turn of events. Dr. Buttface followed Luke out of the room. After a moment of being too stunned to move, Noah headed to the door and had barely opened it a crack when he heard Luke’s and Dr. Buttface’s quiet whispers. He paused in opening the door so that he could hear what Luke and the doctor were discussing. He wanted to make sure that Luke didn’t presume that he could be in charge of making the decisions regarding Noah’s condition.
“It’s bad enough that he just assumed that we were going to get back together, but maybe if he had filled me in on his top secret plan to eventually reconcile with me, I wouldn’t have spent all that time trying to drink myself to death,” hissed Luke.
“You are going to regret it later if you just abandon Goofus during his time of need,” said Dr. Buttface cheerily. “Also, you know you’ve lived in Oakdale too long when you’ve become downright blase about someone developing amnesia or finding a long lost relative or meeting their own doppelganger.”
“It would be one thing if his memory had reverted to one of the three times when we were happy together,” said Luke. “Then he’d have a valid reason to be mad at me for not rushing to his side. But early December 2008 was one of those times during which he had decided to push me away. I was humiliated at being kicked out of school and depressed and I didn’t know what to do about Grandmother and Brian. The last thing that Noah remembers is abandoning me during one of the darkest periods of my life and he’s trying to guilt me about not rushing to his side because he has a little bit of memory loss?”
Luke’s voice was shaking with emotion. Noah’s first reaction was to be appalled by Luke’s over emotionality. Luke had grown up rich and had been given everything on a silver platter. So it was natural that Luke was spoiled and dramatic about every little thing. Noah had to work for everything that he’d ever gotten. But Luke’s words disturbed Noah. He honestly hadn’t looked at his actions as abandoning Luke. He had been showing Luke tough love. Just like his dad had always shown him. His psychotic, murderous dad. Huh.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Goofus is a jerk. This is a surprise to no one. I’m pretty sure that Jerk Magazine would pay a fortune to have him as their centerfold.”
“You wouldn’t be jealous of Jerk Magazine offering the coveted centerfold to someone else?” asked a suddenly amused-sounding Luke.
“Jerk Magazine would want Goofus for their ‘Emotionally Abusive, Passive-Aggressive Boyfriends with Daddy Issues’ issue. Jerk Magazine would want me for their ‘Justifiably Arrogant Bastards’ issue,” replied Dr. Buttface. “Do you think it would be undignified for a Chief of Staff to pose for full-frontal photos?”
Noah heard Luke laugh. “Yes. Also, why do you even care if I ‘abandon’ Noah?”
“Noah Mayer could die horribly in a fire for all I care,” replied Dr. Buttface. “You, I’m crazy in love with. And I’ve reluctantly learned to accept that you have this insanely freakish tendency to care about people who don’t deserve you. The list of people who don’t deserve you would include everyone on Earth who isn’t me, by the way. If you walk out on Goofus, later on you’re going to start worrying about whether he’s scared or lonely or not wearing a hat in the cold weather.”
“No matter how I try to help him get through this, he’s just going to push me away,” sighed Luke.
“Probably,” chirped Dr. Buttface happily. “Odds are that he’ll find a way to blame it on you too!”
“Yeah,” sighed Luke. “I probably caused him to fall and hit his head because I was off being too gay somewhere. The Gay Butterfly Effect.”
“Look, don’t let him guilt you into doing anything you don’t want to,” said Dr. Buttface. “Karen will probably release him today. If he gives you a hard time, foist him off on your mom. The two of them can sit around talking about how amazing Noah is and how the practically sexless relationship that you and Noah shared was pure and true and not at all indicative of pathological neuroses.”
“Well, he’ll probably insist on being independent and staying at his own place even if he doesn’t remember it. But I’m going to try to talk him into staying at Mom’s.”
“If you want to invite him to stay at our place for a few days until he feels steadier, I can put up with it.”
Noah heard Luke give a bark of laughter. “You want Noah to stay with us for a few days? Should I be checking the hospital basement for pods?”
“Want Noah to stay with us? No. Am willing to accept it so that you don’t end up feeling all guilty? Sure. But I expect my patience and good will to be rewarded with lots of kinky, depraved sex,” said Dr. Buttface.
“So, pretty much like every night then?” laughed Luke.
Noah heard the smacking sounds of kissing and hurried back to his bed.
Moments later, Luke walked back into the room. Noah was relieved that Dr. Buttface didn’t return with Luke.
“I apologize for inadvertently downplaying how upsetting it must be to you that you’ve developed amnesia,” Luke said to Noah. “I hope that you’ll let me help make this difficult time easier for you. I know that the amnesia is supposed to be short-lived but has anyone filled you in yet about your life?”
“Well, I assume that you and I are still together,” said Noah hoping to catch Luke in a lie after he had just caught Luke kissing another man. The devious bastard!
“No, you and I broke up years ago,” said Luke casually. Noah was royally pissed off that Luke didn’t even sound guilty about their breakup. Noah briefly wondered if royalty had more rage issues than non-royalty. Were Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip sitting around in their underwear shooting at television sets on a nightly basis?
Luke continued. “I don’t know if you’re dating anyone seriously right now. But you’ll be happy to know that you earned your film degree. You went to L.A. for a couple of years but you didn’t really like it out there. You came back to Oakdale a couple of years ago. You’re working at WOAK as a director and you make short films on the side. I think you’ll discover that the life Future!Noah is living is pretty great.”
“What happened between you and me?” asked Noah. He couldn’t believe that Luke could be so cavalier about discussing the end of their relationship. Luke had always been so clingy and demanding and now he was being so cold.
Luke smiled gently at Noah. “We finally realized that even though we loved one another, we weren’t right for one another. But I think that we both ended up with the lives that we wanted. Just not together.”
“You once told me that I was the love of your life and that you pictured us spending our lives together,” said Noah accusingly.
“Well, you once told me that you were straight. I guess we’re even on being big, pants-on-fire-hanging-from-a-telephone-wire-turn-them-in-turn-them-out-turn-them-into-saurkraut liars.” Luke didn’t seem overly concerned about hurting Noah’s feelings by bringing up a matter that had been very, very painful for Noah. Coming out of the closet had been so much harder for Noah than it had been for Luke. Luke could never understand what Noah had gone through.
“So, is the rude doctor your new boyfriend now? Is he the love of your life this week?”
Luke held up his hand in order to display a plain, platinum wedding band. “Reid is actually my husband. And I’m sorry that because of your amnesia that it seems to you that you and I just broke up. I’m going to ask you to trust me when I tell you that you and I are both so much happier now than when we were together. You know that I would never lie to you. You and I were far too different to ever be able to build a successful relationship.”
Noah had no idea what to say. Sure, he and Luke had problems but he always figured that when Luke matured a little that they would be able to work through their issues.
Dr. Haines came into the room.
“Good afternoon, Luke,” beamed Dr. Haines. “How are you?”
“I’m great,” replied Luke. “How are you, Karen? Are you all set for Thanksgiving?”
“Yes. I have to do rounds in the morning but then I’m spending the holiday with the Ward family again this year. I’ve been asked to bring some cider instead of making anything. Surprisingly, it seems that people just don’t appreciate my mashed turnips side dish. I hear that you’re having the big Autumnal Harvest Feast again this year.”
Luke sighed. “Yes. Reid is still priding himself on being too socially conscious to celebrate a holiday that disregards the later genocide of the Native Americans by Europeans. But somehow he has managed to convince himself that it’s okay to celebrate an Autumnal Harvest Feast on the fourth Thursday of November every year as long as it’s not called Thanksgiving.”
Dr. Haines laughed.
“You and Dr. Buttface aren’t invited to Emma’s for Thanksgiving?” asked Noah. “Has he somehow managed to be the first person in history to alienate Emma?” He noticed that Dr. Haines frowned at him but he ignored it. Since Dr. Buttface was her boss, she probably had to pretend to like him.
“Actually, last year Grandma Emma decided that she was ready to retire from being responsible for Thanksgiving dinner for the Snyder clan. She figured that she’s done her time and she wanted released for good behavior.”
“But it’s tradition for everyone to go to the Snyder Farm for Thanksgiving,” said an upset Noah. “You can’t ignore tradition.”
Luke shrugged. “Traditions evolve. The important thing is that the meal is shared with loved ones. Everything else is, much like Scarlet O’Hara’s dress, just window-dressing.”
“So the entire family doesn’t get together?” asked Noah.
“We get together,” replied Luke. “It’s just that we do it at mine and Reid’s place. It seems that the Snyder Diaspora is over and that most of us are all living in Oakdale again. Which means that there’s a kajillion of us in town. Maybe even a kajillion and one. Reid and I are the only ones with enough space to host a sit-down dinner for that many people so it makes sense that we host the meal.”
“So you’re trying to be the Snyder Patriarch now?” asked Noah snidely.
Luke laughed. “Not at all! My original idea last year had been to just invite Grandma Emma, and Grandmother Lucinda and her husband John Dixon over. I figured that everyone else would want to celebrate with their nuclear families. Somehow, everyone just assumed that Reid and I were going to host the dinner for the whole family. It turned out pretty groovy so we decided to host the meal every year. Everyone even appeases Reid by calling it the Autumnal Harvest Feast.”
Noah didn’t understand how Luke could think it was okay for him to be in charge of Thanksgiving instead of Emma. Thanksgiving at the Snyder farm was very important to Noah. Sure, the last Thanksgiving that he could remember had involved Luke being completely miserable due to his own poor decisions. And drunk, to boot! And the Thanksgiving before that Luke had been in a wheelchair. But they were the best Thanksgivings that Noah had ever experienced.
“So Karen, would you like me to leave the room so that you can examine Noah?” asked Luke.
“Actually, I stopped by to release him. I do want to see him here on Friday morning at eleven a.m. but he’s free as a freebird until then,” advised Dr. Haines. “Noah, please feel free to call me if you experience any additional symptoms. Do you have any questions for me before I let you go?”
“No. Thanks, though.” Dr. Haines gave Noah her card and bid Luke and Noah farewell before she left the room.
Noah got his wallet, watch and keys from the bedside drawer.
“I briefly spoke with Katie after I heard about your accident. She’s your boss at WOAK, by the way. She advised me that your car is safe in the parking lot at WOAK until you’re well enough to go get it. She’s having your HR department do the paperwork for short-term disability for you. Since your car is still at WOAK, I’m thinking that you would probably like a ride over to your apartment,” said Luke. “Are you ready to get a glimpse into the life of 2015!Noah?”
“I wish you wouldn’t treat this like a joke,” said Noah. “This is a really big deal for me.”
Luke remained silent for a moment. “Okay. You have the right to have people treat you in a manner that makes you feel comfortable. Especially when you’re dealing with something that’s probably a little scary. I’ll refrain from trying to use levity in manner that bothers you.”
Noah nodded.
“Why don’t we head to your place and you can decide whether you want to stay there or whether you just want to pick up some clothes. If you don’t want to stay someplace that’s unfamiliar to you, I can bring you over to my Mom’s place. You’ve always been really comfortable at the Lilypad. I mean my mom’s house.”
While Luke and Noah were making their way out of the hospital, it seemed to Noah that every single person felt the need to address Luke. Luke made sure to greet each person by name and to find out how they were spending the holiday. It’s like Luke had suddenly become Mayor of Oakdale or something. Noah was surprised because it wasn’t that long ago that Luke couldn’t even muster up enough votes to win a stupid college election. He wondered if he had ever forgiven Luke for being immoral enough to steal the election. Maybe they hadn’t gotten back together at all after Luke’s poor behavior with stealing the election.
While they were walking through the parking lot, Noah asked, “So, how are your mom and dad?”
“They’re good. But Oakdale’s version of Abelard and Heloise are no longer together. I mean there wasn’t castration and a convent involved or anything like that. We thought my dad was dead. So, naturally Mom married Damian. Then Mom and Damian ended their marriage and Dad almost married Molly Conlan, my sister Abigail’s mother. Then Mom and Dad got back together and remarried. Then they divorced. Then Dad married Lien Hughes, Tom Hughe’s daughter. And Cougar!Mom married Adam Hughes, Tom Hughe’s son. Humorless Tom is really not thrilled with all of his relatives suddenly being hit with the urge to wed Snyders. He’s one Hughes-Snyder wedding away from having a stroke.”
Noah was annoyed by Luke’s blatant disrespect for his parents and their marriages. Luke had always been so dramatic about Lily and Holden’s marriages and divorces. Luke never understood how lucky he was to have Lily and Holden. Sometimes, Noah felt that Luke didn’t deserve the great family he had.
“So, my mom loves you like a son. At times it felt as though you were her favorite son. If you want to stay at her place, she will be thrilled to pieces. Faith won’t be there because she doesn’t live at home anymore. She’s attending law school at Northwestern in Chicago. She’ll be in town for the Autumnal Harvest Feast. But Natalie and Ethan are living at the Lilypad this week and I’m sure that they’d like to spend some time with you.”
Luke stopped in front of a car. It was a sleek, black sedan. Noah didn’t recognize the make and model.
“What kind of car is this?” he asked curiously.
“Oh, this is a Cabot Motors Valhalla,” said Luke. “Cabot Motors put a lot of money into R&D in order to come up with a high-performance, luxury car that gets the mileage of a hybrid. They just came out a few months ago. It handles like a dream. A wet dream. A wet dream with a voice navigation system. In addition to having a leather interior I want to marry and have babies with, it has all of the bells and whistles. And doodads. We mustn’t forget the doodads.”
The Epicurean excess displayed by Luke owning a luxury sedan disgusted Noah. Luke had always taken his family’s wealth for granted. Why wouldn’t he? Luke had never had to work a day in his life.
Luke and Noah got into the car. Luke continued, “Reid mocked me mercilessly about being a trust fund brat when I bought the car. Until I let him drive it. After he got a load of how completely nifty it is, he bought one in silver. I suppose that story is funnier if you know that Reid’s sort of the living personification of one of those vintage communist propaganda posters that glorify the proud and noble hard-working peasant over the decadent and morally corrupt capitalist.”
“Given that he married someone with money, he sounds like a huge hypocrite.”
Luke snorted. “Although it’s true that he ‘aint messin with no broke broke’, it’s not like he’s some gold digger after me for the bundles of cash I keep hidden in my mattress. He’s a neurosurgeon. He wouldn’t exactly be hurting for cash if he wasn’t married to me. We’ve had philosophical discussions about whether his having been born with a genius IQ and photographic memory is any less unfair than me being born into wealth. We sort of came to the agreement that you aren’t responsible for what advantages you’re born with but you are responsible for what you accomplish by using those advantages.”
“Maybe we can go for ten minutes without you extolling the virtues of the man you left me for,” said Noah.
Luke pulled out of the parking slot and started driving. “I know that you don’t remember your life after 2008, but it’s not true that I left you for Reid. You and I had broken up before Reid and I started dating.”
“Why exactly did we break up?” asked Noah.
“You had an accident and lost your sight for awhile,” said Luke softly. “Our relationship wasn’t strong enough to survive the pressure.”
“So you left me when I lost my sight and needed you?” asked an aggrieved Noah.
“Fuck you,” replied Luke calmly. Noah was stunned. He didn’t think that he had ever heard Luke swear before. Luke remained silent. He made no attempt to apologize to Noah for either his language or his abandonment of Noah during his blindness. After driving in uncomfortable silence for about ten minutes, Luke pulled the car up to Oakdale Court, an apartment complex that had seen better days. There were hobos riding the rails who were currently seeing better days than the days Oakdale Court was now seeing. Luke led Noah to an apartment on the second floor of the complex. He waved a hand at Noah in order to indicate that this was his apartment and that Noah should use his keys to open the door. Noah entered the apartment and Luke followed him.
It was a studio apartment. It was tiny but clean. Ruthlessly clean. Noah suspected that it would have passed inspection by even the harshest of drill instructors. Or Winston Mayer. There weren’t any pictures on the wall or knick knacks on the furniture. There were pieces of audio-visual equipment neatly lined up on the built-in shelves.
“So, I live in a prison cell?” asked Noah sadly. “Do I get to go out to the yard for an hour a day to lift weights and to shank other prisoners?”
Luke scratched his ear. “It’s small but I think you chose a smaller place because you wanted to spend your discretionary income on making movies instead of on rent. Creative fulfillment is more important to you than having a big apartment. Maddie and I bought you a couple of framed movie posters as a housewarming gift but you preferred to hang them at your office at WOAK.”
“There are Ingmar Bergman movies that aren’t as depressing as this apartment,” said Noah.
Luke grinned at Noah. “If you want to pack a bag of clothes, I can drive you over to my mom’s place. She’ll fuss over you and even though you don’t remember living there, you spent enough time there that it should feel comfortable to you.”
“Can I stay with you?” asked Noah. He hated asking for anything. Especially from Luke. But it was scary to not remember his life.
“Sure,” said Luke without hesitation. “I’ll do anything you want to make this easier for you.”
Noah packed a bag and he and Luke walked back to the Moneyed Mobile [“Like a Batmobile but for spoiled, rich kids instead of a superhero,” thought Noah meanly]. Noah was surprised when Luke drove to the Mill Town section of Oakdale. It was close to the hospital but it wasn’t exactly a fancy part of town. Noah was surprised when they drove by a couple of large modern homes. The homes had an arresting, sophisticated look. Luke explained that the converted firehouse that they passed belonged to his brother Aaron and Aaron’s wife Carolyn. He explained that the deconsecrated and renovated church that was across the street from Aaron and Carolyn’s home was the home of his sister Abigail and her husband Gregory. Luke advised Noah that Abigail and Gregory had bought the home from Rosanna Cabot when she decided to move to New Zealand the previous year. A moment later, Luke pointed out an old steel mill that had been converted to high end, luxury condominiums. Luke explained that he had bought the closed-down mill and had hired the most brilliant and iconoclastic architect that ever lived to design the renovations. He explained that each condominium had been sold even before the building was completed. Due to half of the condos having been bought by various Snyders, the building was jokingly referred to as ‘Snyder Village.’
Luke pulled the car into a garage and led Noah into a converted warehouse. The house was large and sleek. There was a lot of glass and steel. The furniture was modern and the art that hung on the walls was colorful and quirky. Noah felt annoyance at the injustice of Luke living in splendor while Noah lived in a monastic cell while trying to create important art that would change people’s lives. Noah remembered how much Luke had loved living the simple life at the Snyder Farm. He assumed that this house and its décor had been Dr. Buttface’s decision. He had no respect for Luke’s choice to subvert his own desires in deference to his husband’s.
CHAPTER THREE: TUESDAY NIGHT AT THE SNOLIVER ESTATE
A young red-haired woman dressed in black trousers and a white button down shirt greeted Luke and Noah.
“Noah, this is our household manager, Ms. Crichton,” introduced Luke. “Ms. Crichton, this is Noah. He’s going to be staying with me and Reid for a few days.”
“Dr. Oliver called me earlier to advise me of your houseguest. I’ve prepared both guestrooms so that he can decide which he would prefer to stay in.”
“You have a butler?” an appalled Noah asked Luke.
“Yep,” replied an unembarrassed Luke. “She’s completely magical and we’re really lucky to have her. Not magical in a supernatural Mary Poppins way, but magical in a hyper-competent Jeeves 2: Electric Boogaloo way. Ms. Crichton, I’m going to run upstairs to change clothing. Can you get Noah something to drink?”
“Of course, Mr. Snyder,” replied Ms. Crichton. “Mr. Mayer, Dr. Oliver already let me know that alcohol wouldn’t be appropriate for you due to the medication, but I can get you juice, iced tea, coffee--”
“Coffee’s fine,” said Noah hurriedly. He felt uncomfortable about being alone with a servant. He wasn’t sure how to act or what to say. He hadn’t spent a lot of time interacting with Lucinda’s staff at the Walsh Estate or with Lily and Holdens’ housekeeper or nanny. How much eye contact did it take to go from friendly fellow member of the proletariat to creepy?
“It must be nice to be rich and to be able to afford people doing everything for you,” Noah said to Ms. Crichton in an effort to commiserate with her when she handed him a cup of coffee.
Ms. Crichton picked a piece of invisible lint from her sleeve. “Mr. Snyder and Dr. Oliver have high-pressure, time-consuming careers. They also spend a great deal of time raising funding for the hospital and the foundation. If having someone take care of the mundane domestic chores enables them to spend what little free time they have together, then I fail to see how that is anything other than positive.”
“It’s just that it seems like it would be really humiliating to be a servant and to have rich people expect you to wait on them hand and foot,” Noah explained.
Ms. Crichton permitted herself a small smile. “I’m a highly trained professional who gets extremely well-paid. Neither Mr. Snyder nor Dr. Oliver have ever treated me with less respect than I so richly deserve. In fact, when I insisted that it would be unprofessional of me to call them by their first names, they insisted on calling me Ms. Crichton even though most employers wouldn’t have felt the need to reciprocate the formal address.”
Luke returned from upstairs. He had changed into a pair of faded jeans and a dark blue, long-sleeved T-shirt.
Ms. Crichton informed Luke that dinner was ready. Luke and Noah sat at the dining table and she served them a meal of salmon, jasmine rice, grilled vegetables and carrot juice. Luke thanked Ms. Crichton for the excellent meal.
“Noah and I can take care of the dishes,” Luke advised Ms. Crichton. “You probably have some last minute arrangements to make for your holiday paraskiing trip with your girlfriend. You can head out.”
“Thank you,” replied Ms. Crichton. “I’ll be in early tomorrow so that I can make some of the arrangements for your Autumnal Harvest Feast before I leave for vacation. Is there anything special you’d like for breakfast?”
Luke grinned. “Surprise us.”
Ms. Crichton informed Luke and Noah that there was strawberry-rhubarb compote in the refrigerator for dessert. She then left.
“This is pretty good food,” Noah said in an attempt at small talk with his ex-boyfriend.
“Ms. Crichton is a great cook,” exclaimed Luke. “It’s really important to Reid that we eat healthy and exercise regularly. So we’re really appreciative of the fact that Ms. Crichton can make healthy food taste great.”
“It’s a shame that you had to change your lifestyle just because the doctor is so much older than us,” Noah sympathized. “I remember how much you liked junk food.”
“We’ve actually made a point to start living healthier because of my health issues,” answered Luke. “Not that either one of us was living unhealthily before. We were both fit and in good health but it doesn’t hurt to turn up the healthy living to eleven. Of course when I’m out of town on business, Reid hits the barbecue and the pizza pretty hard. And Grandmother enables his not-so-secret barbecue addiction.”
“What health issues?” asked Noah.
“Well, the anti-rejection meds I’m on can wreak havoc on my immune system,” said Luke. “Reid has always been a little over-protective of my health, especially when I don’t get enough down time. However, I got pretty sick about six months ago because I ran myself ragged and he shifted into uber-worry mode. Hence, the healthy eating thing.”
“You never really seemed to worry about your health before,” said Noah. “The only time we ever discussed your kidney transplant was when you were drinking.”
“I tend to concentrate on how some kidney transplants have lasted forty years and that new anti-rejection protocols are being developed all the time. Being a doctor, it’s not as easy for Reid. He concentrates on the fact that the average kidney transplant only lasts ten to fifteen years and that there are serious side-effects to the anti rejection meds. So he worries while pretending that he’s merely annoyed at the inconvenience of my inevitable demise.”
“I knew that you could kill yourself by drinking but I don’t think I ever thought about your transplant as being some kind of chronic condition that was a big deal,” said Noah. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Luke shrugged. “I never tried to mislead you about my medical condition. I always just assumed that you understood what living with a kidney transplant entailed.”
“Does . . . your husband work late every night?” Noah asked in order to divert attention from the fact that he had never fussed over Luke’s health except when Luke was drinking and basically behaving like a jerk. It wasn’t Noah’s fault that Luke had never spelled out the complications of living with a transplant for Noah.
“Tuesdays and Thursdays are our work late nights,” answered Luke. “Usually I wouldn’t be home on a Tuesday night either but I’ve been trying to get some things done prior to the Autumnal Harvest Feast instead of doing everything on Thursday.”
“So your husband has abandoned you to do all of the work for the holiday?” asked Noah. “That’s doesn’t seem very supportive of him.”
“Reid’s first choice would be to have the whole thing catered,” said Luke. “Therefore, I wouldn’t be able to complain if he refused to participate in any of the preparations that I insist on making. However, he has been helping me with the details because that’s just how my man rolls. This past Saturday, we baked and froze a couple of batches of Mexican tea cakes and chocolate chip and walnut cookies. Sunday we made and froze a couple of batches of crab puffs and spinach balls for hors d’oeuvres. On Monday, we made side dishes of apple & pear sauce and cranberries with ginger & citrus. Tonight, I’m going to bake a bunch of cornbread for the cornbread and chorizo stuffing and I’m going to start brining the turkeys. I don’t really need Reid holding my hand to do any of that.”
Noah wasn’t sure if he should explain to Luke that his marriage still didn’t seem equitable. Maybe Luke didn’t mind that Dr. Buttface put his career in front of Luke. Luke had never been a go-getter. Maybe he was just fine with being the “wife” of the relationship.
“Emma doesn’t make cornbread and chorizo stuffing,” Noah informed Luke. “She makes chestnut stuffing.”
“What can I say? I’m a stuffing rebel,” replied Luke proudly.
Noah was very disappointed in Luke not wanting to make the correct Thanksgiving stuffing. It was pretty thoughtless of Luke to force everyone to eat the wrong stuffing on Thanksgiving.
“If you’re done eating, I can show you to the guest rooms and you can choose which one you want to stay in,” suggested Luke. Noah nodded.
Luke took Noah up the glass and steel stairway to the second floor of the house. “Natalie likes to refer to our house as The Snoliver Estate,” said Luke. “A couple of years ago, she had some stationary made for us for Christmas with a letterhead that read, ‘The Snoliver Estate.’ Last year, she made postcards for us for Christmas. The face of the postcards said, ‘Greetings from the Snoliver Estate’ and they featured a picture of the house that she had taken.’”
“That’s nice,” said Noah. He wasn’t paying close attention to what Luke was saying because he was busy trying to decide if he should let Luke know that his house was ostentatious. Luke showed Noah both guestrooms. Luke referred to one as The Girl Detective Room and to one as The Dinosaur Room. Noah wasn’t amused at the thought that Luke might think that he’d want to stay in a girl’s room. He elected to stay in The Dinosaur Room. While unpacking his clothing, Noah noticed that a couple of the drawers already had clothing in them.
“The top drawer is Ethan’s. The second drawer is Jacob’s,” Luke explained to Noah. “It’s easier if the kids just keep a couple of sets of clothes here for whenever one of them decide to spend the night. The third drawer should be empty. Hold on, I’ll be right back,” Luke left the room. Noah continued unpacking.
“Here we go,” said Luke when he returned moments later. “I’ve brought you one of my electronic readers. This one is loaded up with all kinds of fiction. It has everything from Grandma Emma’s romance novels that she wrote under the pseudonym of Amber D’Amour to Uncle Seth’s novels to the works of Jane Austen and Jules Verne. If you get bored during your stay, you’ll have something to read to keep you busy.” Luke handed Noah the electronic reader.
Noah placed the electronic book upon the bedside table. Noah was a little annoyed. Luke was the reader, not him. Luke cared so little about Noah that he couldn’t even seem to remember that.
“Since you’re unpacked, come with me and I’ll show you the media room in the basement,” said Luke. “Reid and I don’t spend a lot of time watching movies but we have a pretty nice selection. While you’re staying with us here, I hope that you feel comfortable enough to make yourself at home.”
Luke led Noah downstairs to the basement. In the basement, there was a storage room, a home gym and a large media room. A huge television hung on one wall. Colorful art hung on the other walls. A cabinet full of movies sat beneath the television screen. Large overstuffed couches sat facing the screen.
“I have to go and start on the cornbread and brine,” Luke advised Noah. “You can hang out down here watching movies if you’d like. Or I can call Maddie and see if she’s free to come hang out with you tonight. I don’t really know any of your other friends.”
“Actually, I’m kind of tired,” said Noah. “I think I’ll go upstairs and lay down. I’ll see you in the morning. Good night.”
“Good night.”
Noah went upstairs to the Dinosaur Room. He threw on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt and crawled into bed. He awoke several hours later. Fortunately, his headache seemed to have cleared up. No more Gloria Gaynor. He headed downstairs to see if Luke was still awake. Noah was coming down the stairs when he saw them in the kitchen area. Dr. Buttface was cradling Luke’s face and exchanging gentle kisses with him. Luke’s hands were resting on Dr. Buttface’s hips. Luke pulled back and grinned at Dr. Buttface. Sometimes, Noah had hated the fact that Luke always wore his emotions on his sleeve. It was always so daunting that Luke’s emotions had always been bright neon flashing lights compared to the dull grays of other peoples’ emotions. They were impossible to miss and Noah had often felt bludgeoned by them. Until now when he saw the joy and happiness that Luke’s face exuded as he looked at Dr. Buttface. Now, Noah just hated the fact that someone else was the target of all of that LOVE pouring off of Luke. It wasn’t fair. Noah turned around and headed back upstairs to go back to sleep.
CHAPTER FOUR: WEDNESDAY MORNING AT THE SNOLIVER ESTATE
Noah awoke. He noticed that the clock on his bedside reflected that it was 6:30 a.m. He got up to go to the bathroom. He glanced out of the bedroom window and noticed that Luke and his husband were in the courtyard doing what appeared to be yoga. Or ninja calisthenics. He was annoyed to see that both men were incredibly bend-y. Circus freak bend-y. Or really hot porn bend-y. Noah went into the guest bathroom to shower. And to ruthlessly ignore his body’s reactions to the images he had inadvertently conjured in his head.
Noah dressed and headed downstairs.
Ms. Crichton greeted Noah politely when he arrived downstairs. She served Noah oatmeal made with almond milk and brown sugar, a soft-boiled egg, cantaloupe slices topped with whipped cream with a touch of honey and orange juice. Luke and Dr. Buttface arrived downstairs. Luke was dressed in a three-piece suit and Reid was dressed in black jeans and a maroon-colored button down shirt.
“Good morning!” Luke greeted Noah and Ms. Crichton. Dr. Buttface greeted them by nodding at Ms. Crichton and sneering at Noah. Luke and his husband sat down and Ms. Crichton served their breakfast.
“Noah, I’m sorry but I have to go into work today,” Luke explained. “You can hang out here or I can drop you off at the farm or my mom’s or anywhere else you want to go.”
“Do you work at the Foundation?” asked Noah who was hoping that Luke had finally found a direction for his life. Getting expelled from school was really unfortunate for someone with Luke’s lack of ambition. If only Luke had made better decisions while he was at college!
“Actually, Aunt Iva is running the foundation right now,” said Luke. “I got tied up with other things and I needed someone I could trust to take over the foundation.”
“What other things?” asked Noah while trying to ignore how much food Dr. Buttface could shovel into his mouth at one time.
“Well, I’m running Grimaldi Shipping, I’m on the boards of both Kingsley Malta and Oakdale Memorial, and I created and co-own a few local businesses,” said Luke.
Noah didn’t know whether to be appalled that Luke was working for the Grimaldi family or to be appalled by Luke behaving like some sort of flighty dilettante with a short attention span when it came to his career. Heck, he could be appalled at Luke for more than one thing at a time. But Noah really didn’t want to spend the day alone and worrying about whether his memory loss might be permanent regardless of what Dr. Haines had said.
“Can I come to Grimaldi Shipping with you today?” asked Noah.
“What, the bump on your head suddenly turned you into someone with an interest in international shipping?” Dr Buttface said after swallowing the biggest mouthful of food anyone had ever attempted before in the history of mankind. “Maybe we should contact Oliver Sacks so that he could write one of his neurological-disorder-as-a-charmingly-wacky-anecdote articles.”
“Did I hate you when I remembered you?” asked Noah.
“We were bestest friends,” replied Dr. Buttface. “We like to hang out together and play Pictionary and giggle over boy bands.”
“You punched him in the face once,” Luke helpfully informed Noah.
“If he didn’t steal you from me, then why did I punch him in the face?” asked Noah suspiciously.
“Because you’re a dick,” explained Dr. Buttface. Noah wished that Dr. Buttface had waited to explain until after he had swallowed the mouthful of chewed food he had in his mouth.
Luke ignored both Noah’s question and Dr. Buttface’s rudeness. “You’re welcome to come with me to Grimaldi Shipping but it’s probably going to seem really boring to you. You might want to bring the electronic reader so that you have something to read when you’re surrounded by people debating the Carriage of Goods by Sea Act. Which on the streets we call COGSA.”
“I’d like to see where you work,” said Noah with a smile while pointedly ignoring Dr. Buttface. “I bet you’re really cute when you’re acting like a businessman.”
Dr. Buttface rolled his eyes so hard that the vibrations were felt in China. “Hey, Luke. How would you feel about Ethan and Natalie coming over tonight to bake gingerbread men for the Autumnal Harvest Feast and spending the night?”
“Everybody knows that gingerbread men are for Winter Solstice and not for the Autumnal Harvest Feast,” replied Luke. “If you start serving baked goods all willy nilly with disregard for the seasons, anarchy will be the inevitable result. Besides, we’re going to have to use both ovens for the turkeys tomorrow. And since they’re each the size of a small pony, they’ll have to cook for a long time. It will be easier if I have both ovens free tonight to use for baking the pies for dessert.”
“Hypothetically speaking, if Ethan had called me yesterday at work and asked me if it was alright and I told him that it was, how big of a problem would that be?” asked Dr. Buttface curiously.
Luke smirked at his husband. “It’s fine. I’ll try to get home a little early to start on the baking. What time will they be showing up tonight?”
“At six. Also, by the time Ethan thought to call me to seek permission, he and Natalie had already invited Sage, Eliza, Hallie and Jacob over. They’re all bringing sleeping bags. I’m not sure what the problem is with today’s youth that they want to spend their evenings baking instead of trying to download porn off of the internet.”
“Well there’s probably a lot of peer pressure about baking. We should be grateful that it’s just gingerbread men and not something hardcore like Baked Alaska or Sacher tortes,” answered Luke with a solemn expression.
“Everybody knows that gingerbread men are a gateway dessert,” answered Dr. Buttface. “I’m heading out so that I can heal the sick and intimidate the hale and hearty. I’ll try to get home as early as I can to help with the baking and child-beating duties.”
Dr. Buttface got up from the table and walked towards Luke. He leaned down and kissed Luke hard on the mouth. Then he gave him a little slap on the cheek. Luke grinned.
“Ms. Crichton, have fun on your holiday,” said Dr. Buttface. “Remember to wear a safety helmet.”
Ms. Crichton approached Dr. Buttface and handed him a wicker basket. “I packed enough lunch for both you and Dr. Hughes. I packed a couple of Cobb salads, a couple of multigrain rolls, some fruit and some cranapple juice. Should I wear the safety helmet only when I’m paraskiing or should I wear it for the whole holiday including when I’m sitting in front of a fire at the lodge?”
“You can never be too careful,” replied Dr. Buttface. “Thanks for lunch.”
After Dr. Buttface left, Noah decided to offer Luke his sympathy. “It must make you mad that he invited Natalie and Ethan over to spend the night without even double-checking it with you. It was really selfish of him. There should be communication in a relationship.”
Luke shrugged. “Am I supposed to be mad at him over the fact that he loves my younger brother and sisters and that he makes an effort to make sure that they always feel welcome here? I think that it’s sweet that Ethan called Reid instead of me because he, and the girls, know that Reid is a soft, if sarcastic, touch for them.”
“It’s not good to let the kids think that they can play you and your husband against each other,” said Noah.
Luke shrugged as though he didn’t particularly care about Noah’s child-rearing philosophies.
“Are you ready to head out?” asked Luke. “I like to be in the office by eight.”
“Yeah, I’ll just go grab my stuff,” replied Noah.
When Noah and Luke left, Ms. Crichton handed them a wicker basket containing lunch. Luke and Noah wished her a pleasant holiday before they left.
Amnesia and Realizations. And Maple-Glazed Turkey. - Parts 5-6
Amnesia and Realizations. And Maple-Glazed Turkey. - Parts 7-8
Amnesia and Realizations. And Maple-Glazed Turkey. - Parts 9-10