(no subject)
so tired. ust wish i could fall asleep and not wake up again. just want all this crap to be over. can't take too much more stress or i swear i'm going to blow up. only thing that's keeping me together is playing kingdom hearts 2 and i can't even do that today or tomorrow or even the day after. and i'm at the last battle. stuck there forever like i'm stuck here. god i wish i was normal. i wish....for things that will never happen. i just want to be like everyone else. they go off to work, pay bills, hang out with friends, and even when they hurt they don't take to heart the way i do. oh sure, i know i'm not alone in this need for things to be different. but it seems to me that no one really knows what it takes for me to even leave the house. they go about their days and things go right and things go wrong, but at least they go. i'm stuck in this place that's full of darkness and i can't see a way out. and i'm scared of the dark. i sleep with a light on, the only way the ligth goes out is when larry comes to bed. i can't even get up to pee in the middle of the night anymore. and i'm not crazy enough for disablilty? what the fuck do they know? do they live with me? do they have any idea what i go through every day? no of course not. do they even care? hell no why should they? i'm just one little crazy girl in their own country and there's too many nasty gun toting bad guys out there for them to care about me right? i fucking hate this. i hate sitting here whining about how much my life sucks when people die everyday cause they can't eat. i hate myself. and i wish..........that it was all over. but i'm too fucking scared to just do it myself. god how much of a coward do i have to be in this life? too scared to die too scared to live. what the fuck do i do now?