You'll try and try and one day you'll fly away
My eyes went to Illyria as I watched her talk to Connor. More like scold him though wasn't it? She seems to be doing that a lot lately. She might've not done as much in the way of scolding me - no, that had been Faith's job - but Illyria had told me what she'd felt at the time. It was strange that Illyria was the one who was giving all of us advice. Illyria and Faith. At one point in the past I'd been the one to tell Faith nearly the same things she'd beat into me earlier tonight. Only now Faith was unconscious and Wesley had begun carrying her back to the house. Illyria then left after telling Connor what she'd wanted and that left just the two of us. Raising my eyes to his again, I just looked at him.
We were the same, he and I, in so many ways. At the same time they were so different, but we were both just as lost as the other. Connor was trying to get himself lost in the rage and anger he felt towards Kakistos, and I was lost in the guilt I'd let build up over the past ten years if not much, much longer. I just stood there in front of him, unsure of what he was going to do and what I would then do. If he went inside the house I'd no doubt go in after him, but I hoped for the both of us that he didn't. I wasn't sure if I was ready and Connor was too eager. His eagerness was deserved of course, but it would only lead to someone else unconscious or worse.
For a moment I thought the change in his eyes meant he'd come back with us, with me. The next thing I knew I saw him running towards the building and jumping through a window just as Faith had fallen from one. Running towards where he'd disappeared I thought the worst for merely a moment when I caught the smell of his blood. Just as I'd reached the window, he jumped back through it and headed back to the house, following Illyria and Wes.
I stood there for a moment, unsure of what had just happened. My eyes lifted to the window, but soon after I tore my eyes away and walked after the rest of them. Wes had moved on ahead and Illyria was only a short distance behind. Connor wasn't far in front of me, but with the speed he was walking I didn't bother trying catching up to him though only matched his pace so he wouldn't get any further ahead. It seemed much faster reaching the house as it had to find the building Faith had been taken to. Once I'd reached the edge of the yard I noticed that Wes had already taken Faith inside the house. Illyria and Connor were no where to be seen at the moment and I stared at the door from the grass and decided against on going inside just yet.
As much as I wanted to see if Faith was alright, I just sat down on one of the front steps and leaned on my knees. Spike would no doubt be awake now and I wasn't ready to face him just yet no matter what Faith and I had yelled back and forth to each other about tonight. Hitting Spike again was always in the back of my mind, but I wouldn't do that again.. or at least I thought I wouldn't. Sighing needlessly, I leaned forward, resting my head in my hands. Wasn't this the usual point where I used to come up with some plan and soon enough go back out and fight with swords a-blazing? Key word - used to. I wasn't him anymore - or at least not yet and I honestly wasn't sure what to do except wait for Faith to heal and Wesley tell us when he was ready to go kill the bastard.
For now I'd just wait. Wait and keep the thoughts of running away pushed to the back of my mind that in a way seemed so easy to do right now. But I couldn't, not now. Not with Faith hurt and Connor.. hurting. For the first time in a long while I felt.. needed. I may not know how exactly just yet, but the feeling was there all the same. I didn't feel worthless any longer.
We were the same, he and I, in so many ways. At the same time they were so different, but we were both just as lost as the other. Connor was trying to get himself lost in the rage and anger he felt towards Kakistos, and I was lost in the guilt I'd let build up over the past ten years if not much, much longer. I just stood there in front of him, unsure of what he was going to do and what I would then do. If he went inside the house I'd no doubt go in after him, but I hoped for the both of us that he didn't. I wasn't sure if I was ready and Connor was too eager. His eagerness was deserved of course, but it would only lead to someone else unconscious or worse.
For a moment I thought the change in his eyes meant he'd come back with us, with me. The next thing I knew I saw him running towards the building and jumping through a window just as Faith had fallen from one. Running towards where he'd disappeared I thought the worst for merely a moment when I caught the smell of his blood. Just as I'd reached the window, he jumped back through it and headed back to the house, following Illyria and Wes.
I stood there for a moment, unsure of what had just happened. My eyes lifted to the window, but soon after I tore my eyes away and walked after the rest of them. Wes had moved on ahead and Illyria was only a short distance behind. Connor wasn't far in front of me, but with the speed he was walking I didn't bother trying catching up to him though only matched his pace so he wouldn't get any further ahead. It seemed much faster reaching the house as it had to find the building Faith had been taken to. Once I'd reached the edge of the yard I noticed that Wes had already taken Faith inside the house. Illyria and Connor were no where to be seen at the moment and I stared at the door from the grass and decided against on going inside just yet.
As much as I wanted to see if Faith was alright, I just sat down on one of the front steps and leaned on my knees. Spike would no doubt be awake now and I wasn't ready to face him just yet no matter what Faith and I had yelled back and forth to each other about tonight. Hitting Spike again was always in the back of my mind, but I wouldn't do that again.. or at least I thought I wouldn't. Sighing needlessly, I leaned forward, resting my head in my hands. Wasn't this the usual point where I used to come up with some plan and soon enough go back out and fight with swords a-blazing? Key word - used to. I wasn't him anymore - or at least not yet and I honestly wasn't sure what to do except wait for Faith to heal and Wesley tell us when he was ready to go kill the bastard.
For now I'd just wait. Wait and keep the thoughts of running away pushed to the back of my mind that in a way seemed so easy to do right now. But I couldn't, not now. Not with Faith hurt and Connor.. hurting. For the first time in a long while I felt.. needed. I may not know how exactly just yet, but the feeling was there all the same. I didn't feel worthless any longer.