wow.
I was wrong, it took one setence to break my heart all over again. "Kurt you made a statement yesterday, we're not lovers" I didn't mean it like that. If we both love another, then it is what it is. I hope she heard my heart snap in two via handset, because its the last time. I do NOT deserve this, one bit. I bare a heart of gold, and devotion. Why waste it on someone who self proclaims to not even love themself? What is a special place in her heart for me? Its impossible. I've realized that I can't try anymore, I'm not going to. I'm telling myself this, this is it. She's missing out, she'll realize one day, when her husband is beating the shit out of her, and not fucking her right, that she should have given me that shot. I don't say this is a condescending form, not talking down, but like I said, if she knew what she was in for, if she just accepted my love. GIRLS WOULD KILL for a guy like me, and I most definitely have my pick, but I let them all know my love for a woman, and I turn them away. My love for her is infinite. She's the flame that burns me, just so I know I'm alive. Unfortunately, she's fireproof.
I tried to comfort her yesterday, and I thought it worked, she was sick, I wanted to bring her soup. I just wanted her in my arms feeling safe, and just plain feeling in general. I don't know how to get her, but until then, I've realized I have to tough this out. No more running to alcohol to hide the pain in my chest, ii just have to treat her like she's treating me, just another fuck. Well at least that's how I feel.
I'm optimistic, and I look forward, and what is left behind is nothing but clean air. I've changed for the better, and this journal is my sanctuary of venting, just the get things off my chest.
I tried to comfort her yesterday, and I thought it worked, she was sick, I wanted to bring her soup. I just wanted her in my arms feeling safe, and just plain feeling in general. I don't know how to get her, but until then, I've realized I have to tough this out. No more running to alcohol to hide the pain in my chest, ii just have to treat her like she's treating me, just another fuck. Well at least that's how I feel.
I'm optimistic, and I look forward, and what is left behind is nothing but clean air. I've changed for the better, and this journal is my sanctuary of venting, just the get things off my chest.