Oh, HOUSE. <3
You know, I actually FORGOT how much I love this show. Basically, I have two things to say :
1. "It's a moose. On a Jew." I... I don't think I can STAND much more of these two. They are too good to me!!! Oh, my heart. Really, I'm being killed over here. Softly.
(Also: House, you're not kidding anyone with all that hooker-with-a-donkey talk. We all know what you REALLY want for Xmas is your very own moose show.)
(Seriously, Wilson was FLIRTING. WITH. HIS. ANTLERS. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!)
2. Thirteen continues to be fucking FABULOUS. She got him vinyl!!! I wanna marry this woman. Now if only we could, I don't know, FIND OUT HER NAME. That would be nice! And my Mary Sue fantasies about her would be so much easier! Come on, people.
As for the rest of the ep, I can't think of anything that the fabulous bironic hasn't already thoroughly and thoughtfully covered in her review so... yeah.
Can't wait to watch this ep again. Oh, show!!!
***
Today has otherwise been made of fail. While cleaning my bulk mail folder, I found a 5-day-old promo email from a Roundabout associate group with a special offer of 2 tickets for a Members Only reading - if I donated $125. The reading was to be performed by Alec Baldwin, ROBERT SEAN LEONARD (!!!!!!), and Hunter Foster... and the deadline was MONDAY.
Yeah.
Of course, I called immediately to find out if they'd make an exception, but no cigar; in fact, I think the reading actually took place two days ago.
Please excuse me while I go drown myself in the bathtub.
***
Okay, switching gears into something a bit more entertaining...
From the story "The Life and Times of Estelle Walks Above" (found in the collection Ten Little Indians by Sherman Alexie), check out
Rules for Homoerotic Circle Jerks
1. Keep your hands to yourself.
2. You must open your eyes at least every thirty seconds, and you must keep them open at least thirty seconds at a time.
3. No making fun of larger or smaller penises.
4. Bring your own tissues for cleanup.
5. If you bring pornography, then you must share it.
6. You cannot fantasize about the girlfriends of the boys standing next to you, but you can fantasize about the girlfriends of every other boy in the circle.
7. You can fantasize about about any of the boys in the circle jerk, but not if they are standing next to you.
8. An official circle jerk contains seven boys.
9. If fewer than seven boys want to jerk off together, they must stand in single file, and it shall be known as a firing line.
10. If more than seven boys want to jerk off together, it shall be called a Joint Session of Congress.
***
And possibly the most "OMGWTF?!?" movie review I've EVER read... from the February 2008 Harper's Magazine, here is an ADVISORY excerpt "[f]rom a report by Li Li published November 7 in the Chinese daily Information Times. Director Ang Lee's Lust, Caution was released in September. Translated from Chinese by C. Janru Huang.
Sense and FlexibilityThe hottest topic in movie circles in Lust, Caution and its three high-difficulty bedroom scenes, which are already considered classic. One viewer exclaimed, "Amazing, too amazing!" This reporter interviewed twenty young men and women who saw Lust, Caution in Hong Kong. Ninety percent responded that, given the opportunity, they would try the positions shown in the film. One viewer believes those positions "have a very strong impact, causing people inadvertently to rub their hands in anticipation." Another said, "It's very artistic. As long as my legs don't cramp up, I must give it a try."
But there are also people who find the contortions silly and are not interested in personally attempting them. Psychologists claim that occasional use of high-difficulty movements can increase arousal, but as time passes, they will become unexciting. Thus, these movements are only the "little condiments" of life. Gynecologist Yu Zaoze cautions that high-difficulty positions are detrimental to the physical health of both parties. "Only women whose bodies are more flexible from yoga or gymnastics can manage abnormal configurations. Normal people who blindly imitate them will cause unnecessary injury to their bodies." She says vigorous movements often cause abrasions and tears in the vagina that lead to significant bleeding. Some highly aroused women cannot even sense the pain and only realize they are hurt afterward. Dr. Wang Kefei advises men not to pursue high-difficulty movements because they can injure the male reproductive organ, which might even rupture - when the organ is inflated with blood and subjected to pressure from the female in an abnormal configuration, the membrane around the spongy tissue can tear under the strain.
Dr. Li Bo says that because every person has different physical characteristics - and even erogenous zones vary - one cannot rely on mere imitation but must follow one's own feelings in exploration. By that reasoning, everyone has positions that are personally held to be the best and most comfortable. These positions are not anything that other people can learn of - one can hardly list them - so take what works, leave what doesn't.
Priceless, isn't it? Of course, now I feel like I should really see this movie - though I strongly doubt the aforementioned "high-difficulty positions" will be nearly as interesting as the DOOM&GLOOM!!!! middle of the article made them sound.
Also? I wonder what the "official" medical opinion might be on the inherent dangers of gay sex. Does it make penises explode? Or, wait - I bet they spontaneously combust!!!
1. "It's a moose. On a Jew." I... I don't think I can STAND much more of these two. They are too good to me!!! Oh, my heart. Really, I'm being killed over here. Softly.
(Also: House, you're not kidding anyone with all that hooker-with-a-donkey talk. We all know what you REALLY want for Xmas is your very own moose show.)
(Seriously, Wilson was FLIRTING. WITH. HIS. ANTLERS. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!)
2. Thirteen continues to be fucking FABULOUS. She got him vinyl!!! I wanna marry this woman. Now if only we could, I don't know, FIND OUT HER NAME. That would be nice! And my Mary Sue fantasies about her would be so much easier! Come on, people.
As for the rest of the ep, I can't think of anything that the fabulous bironic hasn't already thoroughly and thoughtfully covered in her review so... yeah.
Can't wait to watch this ep again. Oh, show!!!
***
Today has otherwise been made of fail. While cleaning my bulk mail folder, I found a 5-day-old promo email from a Roundabout associate group with a special offer of 2 tickets for a Members Only reading - if I donated $125. The reading was to be performed by Alec Baldwin, ROBERT SEAN LEONARD (!!!!!!), and Hunter Foster... and the deadline was MONDAY.
Yeah.
Of course, I called immediately to find out if they'd make an exception, but no cigar; in fact, I think the reading actually took place two days ago.
Please excuse me while I go drown myself in the bathtub.
***
Okay, switching gears into something a bit more entertaining...
From the story "The Life and Times of Estelle Walks Above" (found in the collection Ten Little Indians by Sherman Alexie), check out
Rules for Homoerotic Circle Jerks
1. Keep your hands to yourself.
2. You must open your eyes at least every thirty seconds, and you must keep them open at least thirty seconds at a time.
3. No making fun of larger or smaller penises.
4. Bring your own tissues for cleanup.
5. If you bring pornography, then you must share it.
6. You cannot fantasize about the girlfriends of the boys standing next to you, but you can fantasize about the girlfriends of every other boy in the circle.
7. You can fantasize about about any of the boys in the circle jerk, but not if they are standing next to you.
8. An official circle jerk contains seven boys.
9. If fewer than seven boys want to jerk off together, they must stand in single file, and it shall be known as a firing line.
10. If more than seven boys want to jerk off together, it shall be called a Joint Session of Congress.
***
And possibly the most "OMGWTF?!?" movie review I've EVER read... from the February 2008 Harper's Magazine, here is an ADVISORY excerpt "[f]rom a report by Li Li published November 7 in the Chinese daily Information Times. Director Ang Lee's Lust, Caution was released in September. Translated from Chinese by C. Janru Huang.
Sense and FlexibilityThe hottest topic in movie circles in Lust, Caution and its three high-difficulty bedroom scenes, which are already considered classic. One viewer exclaimed, "Amazing, too amazing!" This reporter interviewed twenty young men and women who saw Lust, Caution in Hong Kong. Ninety percent responded that, given the opportunity, they would try the positions shown in the film. One viewer believes those positions "have a very strong impact, causing people inadvertently to rub their hands in anticipation." Another said, "It's very artistic. As long as my legs don't cramp up, I must give it a try."
But there are also people who find the contortions silly and are not interested in personally attempting them. Psychologists claim that occasional use of high-difficulty movements can increase arousal, but as time passes, they will become unexciting. Thus, these movements are only the "little condiments" of life. Gynecologist Yu Zaoze cautions that high-difficulty positions are detrimental to the physical health of both parties. "Only women whose bodies are more flexible from yoga or gymnastics can manage abnormal configurations. Normal people who blindly imitate them will cause unnecessary injury to their bodies." She says vigorous movements often cause abrasions and tears in the vagina that lead to significant bleeding. Some highly aroused women cannot even sense the pain and only realize they are hurt afterward. Dr. Wang Kefei advises men not to pursue high-difficulty movements because they can injure the male reproductive organ, which might even rupture - when the organ is inflated with blood and subjected to pressure from the female in an abnormal configuration, the membrane around the spongy tissue can tear under the strain.
Dr. Li Bo says that because every person has different physical characteristics - and even erogenous zones vary - one cannot rely on mere imitation but must follow one's own feelings in exploration. By that reasoning, everyone has positions that are personally held to be the best and most comfortable. These positions are not anything that other people can learn of - one can hardly list them - so take what works, leave what doesn't.
Priceless, isn't it? Of course, now I feel like I should really see this movie - though I strongly doubt the aforementioned "high-difficulty positions" will be nearly as interesting as the DOOM&GLOOM!!!! middle of the article made them sound.
Also? I wonder what the "official" medical opinion might be on the inherent dangers of gay sex. Does it make penises explode? Or, wait - I bet they spontaneously combust!!!