GHOSTS OF SEASONS PAST - J2 - PG 13 - 1/2
Title: Ghosts of Seasons Past. Part One
Author: Zenamydog
Rating: PG 13
Fandom: Supernatural/Real
Characters/Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Warnings: Nope none, apart from its J2. *grins*
Beta: Formally jdSampson Now just my best friend!
Disclaimer: Not Real Folks!
AN: April 2012 was the last time I wrote a story, I am hoping I still have it, so please be kind.
Summary: Set just after the filming of the iconic 300th episode and before the official announcement of a 15th season.
Jeff wants to hang around for a few days and so all 3 J’s hire a cabin in the woods. They get into a bar fight, Jared gets lost in the woods and Jared and Jensen need to work out how their past feelings are effecting them now. If they don’t, there may not be a season 15.
“What’s next?” John asked and Dean gave his dad a lopsided grin.
“We eat,” Dean said as he slapped his dad on the shoulder and then walked away.
Jensen walked off camera and the camera moved in for Jeff’s reaction shot. Jensen closed his eyes the moment Bob yelled cut. He could feel the well of a tear under his eye lid when Bob added, “That’s a wrap,” and the crew cheered.
“Thank god for that,” Jeff said quietly as the grip pulled the camera from his face and away. “If I had to say, ‘me verses your mom,’ one more time...”
Jensen opened his eyes and gave his onscreen dad a brief smile. “I hear you.” He kept the smile plastered on his face as Bob and some of the crew came up to congratulate them and shake their hands.
“Three hundred, can you believe that?” Bob said, but it wasn’t really a question so Jensen just nodded and continued to smile. “Okay,” Bob continued, let’s pack up, we’ll have lot’s more time to congratulate each other on red carpet night.”
He was tired and it had been a harrowing day of reshoots. If it wasn’t the lighting it was the angle, if it wasn’t the angle it was a tech problem. Jensen figured he and Jeff had nailed that particular scene at least 3 times, but they’d done it at least 5. Bob just wasn’t satisfied. As a director himself, Jensen could identify, still, he was grateful the episode was now wrapped. Actually, that was a lie. He wasn’t really sure how he feltl about finishing up this historic episode.
Jeff brushed his hair back with his fingers as everyone else walked away and then moved forward with a grin. “It’s been pretty cool working with you again, Jen,” he said as he wrapped strong arms around Jensen in a lingering hug.
“You, too,” Jensen responded and gently pulled away.
“Grab Jared if he’s still around and we’ll have a couple of drinks in my trailer. Talk shit about the old days.”
Jensen nodded. “Sure, sounds good... Jared’s last call was a couple of hours ago, but I’ll see if he’s still here.”
Jeff headed towards the row of Trailers and Jensen wasn’t quite sure why, but he just stood there. He watched as the crew swung into action, tearing down sets, disabling lights and moving all of the gear into their respective crates. It wasn’t like this was the last episode ever or anything; season 14 still had 7 episodes to film. He couldn’t quite understand the feeling of melancholy that had plagued him the entire day. Maybe it was just having Jeff back on the set, he thought, albeit briefly. It bought back memories of the ‘old days’ when the show was fresh. When coming to work was still exciting and new.
“Hey Jen, can you come here for a moment," Bob’s voice bellowed and Jerked Jensen out of his thoughts. Bob was looking at the small monitor with a strange look on his face and Jensen had the fearful thought that Bob wasn’t satisfied with the scene after all.
“What’s wrong?”
“Take a look,” Bob said and jutted his chin towards the small screen.
It was only 2 minutes of air time, probably less when they did the final cut, but Jensen felt that same tear well as he watched Dean struggle with the fact that John would have to leave again.
He’d watched himself as Dean at least a thousand times, so much so, he never bothered with the rushes any more, but this was different, he couldn’t stop running the lines in his head as it played in front of him and that single tear finally spilt over as his eyes met Bobs.
“Worth it?” Bob asked and Jensen nodded.
“Yeah,” he said softly, trying not to let his voice crack. “Totally worth it.”
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KNOCK KNOCK
“Hey Jare, you still in there?” Jensen said loudly before turning the trailer handle and climbing the two steps. He poked his head in to see Jared sitting at the table staring at two sets of papers. “Hey, Jeff wants us to go grab a few drinks.”
Jared looked up and Jensen could see a small flush in his face.
“What ya doing?” Jensen sat down beside his friend.
“It’s the two scripts,” Jared said quietly. “They were here when I got back.”
“Oh,” Jensen responded with a deep sigh. He didn’t need to ask what they were, he knew exactly. They’d probably be in his trailer when he got back, too. “They any good?”
Jared shrugged. “Can’t decide which one to read first.” He placed his hand on one pile. “This one where we do season 15.” He moved his hand over. “Or this one where we don’t.”
Jensen sat down and placed his hand on Jared’s shoulder and then rested his chin on that hand. It hit him then, the reason he’d been so melancholy. It wasn’t about the CW picking up the show anymore. The only real factors were if he and Jared would both sign the contract for another year. The time was drawing close to make that decision. Jeff coming back for a guest spot had unconsciously drawn attention to that fact. Jeff had been quoted as saying he’d be back before the show was over. “Hey,” Jensen said softly, without moving. “Let’s leave this for now and go have a few with Jeff.”
Jared nodded and tilted his head sideway to connect with Jensen’s. “Okay,” Jared laughed after a few seconds. “Let’s go get royally drunk, like we used to.” Jared stood and Jensen felt the absence of the physical contact.
Jensen stood to follow Jared out of the trailer door. Getting drunk really did sound like an excellent plan.
“You know, Jen, I really didn’t want to think about it before now,” Jared said as they walked in sync the length of the trailers.
“I know... same.”
“But you’re right... let’s just enjoy tonight,” Jared continued as they reached the guest trailer. “Not like we get to party with Jeff very often.”
KNOCK KNOCK...
“Come in boys,” Jeff said in a very ‘John’ voice.
When they entered the trailer, it was clear that Jeff had a head start. There was a bottle of Jack on the table and three glasses. Jeff’s was half full. “What took you so long?” he asked as he opened the bottle and poured the thick brown liquid into the other two glasses, a sly grin on his face. “You two aren’t still---,”
“Jeff,” Jensen interrupted quickly and sat down opposite. He knew exactly what he was about to say. Jeff had been one of very few who had known about their ‘old days’. A small blush rose in Jensen’s cheeks. “We’re married with kids remember.”
“Yeah.” Jeff chuckled and his grin grew wider as he looked from one to the other. “Okay, well... Cheers,” he said, lifting his glass. “Here’s to wives and kids.”
They all clinked their glasses and Jared gazed at Jensen for a moment. It was a look full of warmth and memory, but Jensen couldn’t hold the stare for too long. He didn’t want to have to think about that. He wasn’t going to think about that. He had enough memories whirling around in his head for now.
“So,” Jeff said as he refilled his glass and topped up theirs. “Tell me what’s been going on ‘round here for the last 13 years. What have I missed?”
The second bourbon had done the trick and Jensen felt himself starting to unwind and relax. They had all released their drivers, told them to go home, they’d catch a cab and the next two hours went fast as they recounted bad episodes and funny events. It was kind of like a convention, with Jeff being the audience.
“No way,” Jeff laughed. “Did you seriously fill his car with coins?”
“Yep,” Jared said with a giggle. “He started it. It was payback because he owed me $1970 and he dumped them all in my trailer first.”
“Wait... what? Why did he owe you---,”
“Because I bet him on ‘Words with Friends,” Jared waved a dismissive hand and continued. “Anyhow, I told him he could give the money to his charity...” Jared laughed. “...and dumped it all in his front seat.”
Jensen laughed as well. “And the kicker was that he kept finding coins in the car everywhere for the next 6 months.”
“Ha ha, I think I like this Misha.”
“Yeah, he grows on ya.” Jared said, throwing back the last of his drink.
“Eventually,” Jensen added with a grin.
Jared stretched long arms above his head and yawned. “You know, I think it’s time to call it a night.”
“I agree,” Jensen said. “Flight back to tomorrow isn’t until 4:00pm, but I got a lot to pack and organise before I go. You think I’d have it down to a fine art by now.”
Jared grinned. “I got a long weekend. First call’s not until Wednesday morning. I’m meeting Gen and the kids in LA on Sunday.”
“Wednesday?” Jensen exclaimed. “How the hell did you wrangle that?”
“Not what you know my friend,” Jared said, patting Jensen on the shoulder.
Jeff laughed. “Well I’ll see your 4 O’clock flight and your Wednesday first call and raise you both. I’m spending 4 nights in Bellingham.”
Jared frowned. “What’s in Bellingham?”
“Just a little, out of the way cabin.” Jeff said with a smile. “Right near the lake. At least 20 miles from anyone else. Real peaceful. Thought I do a little fishing, build a bonfire, have a few beers. Just unwind without any distractions.” Jeff chugged the last of his drink. “Hilarie’s at her Moms, so...” He gestured with his hand. “Why not? Think it’s going to be a while before I’m back here...” Jeff made a face, like he’d just remembered something. “Had planned on asking you two to join me. Last hurrah and all, but I get its last minute. Anyhow...” Jeff half stood and leaned to his left, grabbing a Manila envelope from the sideboard. He flopped hard back into his seat and belched. “Oh... Pardon me,” he said, tapping his chest slightly. “I got to ask you something before you go. It’s about episode 20.”
“What’s that?” Jared asked, gesturing to the envelope in Jeff’s hand.
“It’s a contract for another 2 day shoot.” He looked from Jared to Jensen and then back again. “Thing is, I have to know in the next week or 2 what’s happening. That is...” He waved a hand in the air. “If this really is the end, I mean.”
“They want you to do another episode?” Jensen asked.
“Yeah...” Jeff looked confused. “Haven’t you read the script yet?”
“Only got it today,” Jared explained.
“Well there’s a clause saying if you two don’t re-sign for 14 or 15 or whatever it is, they need me and if you do sign, they don’t. I get paid either way, of course, but...” Jeff laughed.
Jensen narrowed his eyes. “So why do you have to know in the next 2 weeks?”
“I’ve only got 4 weeks before I fly to Australia for 3 months. They want to get it in the can before I leave.”
“Australia?” Both J’s said in unison and Jeff laughed. “You two still got that twin thing happening?” A clear reference to when they use to say the same thing at the same time, all the time and not just as Sam and Dean. “Anyhow...” Jeff held a finger to his lips in a ‘shh’ motion. “Big secret, not supposed to tell. Got a gig on this Netflix film, being shot in a studio in Queensland.”
“Wow,” Jared said. “I shot House of Wax there. Nice place. Hot though.”
“So I’ve been told,” Jeff agreed. “Thing is, we’ll be going down a couple of weeks early, I’m taking Hilarie and the kids. If I’m doing this last Ep with you guys though, then we’ll only go a week early. But I need to know. I mean, I don’t, but Hilarie wants to know. You know how woman are. Have to pack a month before. Anyhow...” Jeff continued. “We don’t want another debacle like last time when I was filming Accidental Husband.”
“Yeah, that was pretty shit,” Jensen agreed, remembering the green-screens and stand-ins. The fans had been all over the fact that none of their scenes together had them actually in the same room.
“So?” Jeff looked at them both with expectation, like they were going to make up their minds on the spot. “What do you think? We gonna go out with a bang or not?”
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“Oh, shit,” Jensen said to himself as he sat up in bed and swiveled to put his feet to the floor. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. It had been a long time since he’d been that drunk and the throbbing in his temples reminded him of that. He opened his eyes and picked up his cell from the bed-side- table. First thing he noticed was the time. 11:07AM. Next thing he noticed was the 6 missed calls, all from Jared. He’d only just seen the name when the phone started vibrating in his hand. Yep... Jared.
“Hey,” he said into the phone groggily. “What’s up?”
“Why didn’t you call me back?”
Jensen furrowed his brow. “I just woke up, man. Phone was on silent.” He was a little annoyed.
“We need to figure out what we’re going to do. I didn’t get much sleep last night thinking about it.”
“Shit, Jared. Can this wait until Monday when I get back from Texas? Or even better, Wednesday when you get back. I know we need to talk ab---,” Jensen was interrupted by the sound of beeping. He looked at the phone and then put it back to his ear. “Sorry, Jay, Danneel’s calling; I’ll have to call you back.” He heard the cut off words of ‘no, wait I...’, but it was too late, he’d already hung up. “Hey Babe,” Jensen picked up the other call.
“Hey, Honey, look, nothing to worry about, but me and the kids are flying to Mom’s in a few hours.”
“What? Why? What’s wrong?” Jensen couldn’t keep the alarm out of his tone.
“It’s Dad, he---,”
“Ed’s sick?” Jensen interrupted, suddenly wide awake. “I can get an earlier flight, be there in a few hours.”
“Jen, stop. No, no one’s sick. Well,” Danneel paused. “Not really. He fell off the ladder fixing a leak in the ceiling and broke his foot. Nothing to worry about, bed rest, then he’ll be on crutches for a few weeks, but you know Dad, he’s already talking about going back to work.”
Jensen stood up. The small rush of adrenaline made him want to move. “When did this happen?” he said as he tilted his head from side to side and rubbed the back of his neck, only now realizing he must have slept in an odd position.
“Yesterday, late afternoon, I think. Anyhow, Mom wants us to come up there for a few days, keep him occupied, grandkids and all.”
“I could meet you there,” Jensen offered as he walked from the bedroom to the kitchen.
“You... could,” Danneel responded, but Jensen could tell there was a hesitation in her voice.
“But?”
“Well... like you, when I got the call, I thought the worst. It... it shook me up a little. I just feel like I need to spend some time with them, you know? If you come, the kids won’t settle and JJ will want to be with you and want to go into town and do stuff, which, of course is perfectly natural, but...”
“But you want to just stay at home and do the family thing?” He opened the fridge and grabbed the milk. He really did need coffee. There were no pods left for the machine, so instant was going to have to do.
“Exactly. I’m sorry, Honey. It’ll only be a few days and we’ll be back for next weekend, promise.” There was now softness in her voice that sounded more like a plea.
“It’s okay, I get it,” Jensen responded with a sigh. “I just miss you all, you know?” He unscrewed the coffee jar one handed and grabbed a spoon from the drawer. “Was looking forward to sleeping beside you and being woken at 2:00AM,” he added as he switched the kettle on and put a large amount of coffee in the cup.
“I could still call and wake you at 2:00AM if you miss it that much.”
“Haha,” Jensen laughed again, genuinely this time. “Nah, I’m good.”
“So how was yesterday? Last day with Jeff wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, good... great actually. Brought back a lot of memories and Bob really got a lot from me that I didn’t know was still there.”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, I don’t know...” Jensen shrugged, even though the gesture was for himself only. “I worked a little harder maybe. I slip into Dean so easily,” he said sadly as he poured the boiled water into his cup and added the milk. “I sometimes forget to give it my all. I mean, I just go into Dean autopilot. It was a tough scene with Jeff and it took a bit of time, 5 takes actually, to get it right. Bob could see that, I... I guess I couldn’t.”
“You’re a great actor, Baby, you shouldn’t doubt that.”
Jensen took a sip of his coffee and had to stop himself from spilling the hot liquid. “I used to be,” he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I’m rusty as all hell. When I needed to play Michael I struggled. It makes me think...” Jensen didn’t continue.
“Makes you think what?” Danneel prompted.
“We have to make a decision about session 15 in the next couple of weeks.”
“How come? Thought they’d already worked out the storyline either way?”
“Yeah they have, but if we don’t do 15 then they’ve signed Jeff to be on the finale’. Long story, but we’ll be filming it in the next couple of weeks if it goes that way. He’s filming in Australia for 3 months and they want this done and dusted before he takes off.”
“Makes sense.” There was a pause and Jensen heard Danneel take in a breath. “You sound down, Jen... What were you going to say before?”
Jensen took another, smaller sip of his coffee and let his gaze lift towards the ceiling. He was vaguely aware he was just staring and acutely aware he didn’t really understand what he was feeling. “I’ve always thought that I’d be a director... or at least try to be, when this was over. I... I really like that side of things and I also really want to make a go of our brewery, but... I love acting too.”
“And?”
“I don’t think I’m ready to give acting up, not completely.”
“Okay... I don’t think I’m following. Are you saying you want to do another season?”
“Actually, I’m saying I don’t think I should.” Jensen closed his eyes. He’d finally said it out loud. “If I’m going to have any chance at doing big screen or theater, then I have to hone my skills again. It was a bit of a shock realizing how robotic I am.”
“What does Jared think?”
“I was on the phone with him when you called. Said I’d call him back. I don’t know is the short answer. That’s why he was calling. He wants to make a decision.”
“You never know, Jen, he might be feeling the same way.”
“Maybe...” Jensen sighed, placing his cup down on the table and then returning the milk to the fridge. “There’s so much more to consider, though.”
“Like what?”
“Like the crew for one thing... some of them have been with us this whole time. The other cast... contractors and drivers, makeup artist and hairdressers and a shit load of others who rely on the show for their pay check. They’re all going to be suddenly unemployed. ”
“They all know it has to come to an end, sooner or later. I’m sure they’ve already started thinking about---,”
“Is that Daddy? Is that Daddy?” Jensen could hear JJ’s excited voice in the background. “I wanna talk to Daddy. Let me talk to Daddy.”
“Hang on, honey, Mommy is talking.”
Jensen heard a rustle and could see in his mind’s eye, JJ crawling all over her mother reaching for the phone while Danneel held the phone to her ear and tried to keep it from being snatched. “It’s okay...” Jensen said with a small grin on his face. “Put her on. Let her say hi.”
“Hey, Daddy... Guess what? We’re going to visit Grandma and Grandpa. Did you know Grandpa broke his leg? We’re going to go and cheer him up.”
“Yeah, Mommy told me. I think he broke his foot though, not his leg... but I’m proud of you helping Mommy cheer him up.”
“That’s okay, Grandma needs our help and Mom said I can write my name on Grandpa’s cast.”
Jensen laughed and felt a little choked up when he noticed the picture JJ had drawn over a year ago still stuck to the fridge. God, she was gorgeous. He couldn’t imagine his life without her now. In the early years he was adamant he wasn’t going to have kids until he could be a full-time father. Now, though... “Well, can you write a big kiss from me?”
“How do you write a kiss, Daddy? That’s silly.”
Jensen laughed. “Well, you write an X, like Daddy did on your birthday card.”
“Oh, yeah,” JJ exclaimed. “And the O is a hug.”
“That’s right.”
“Okay, I’ll write a big O hug from you, not an X, because boys don’t kiss boys. That’s yuck!”
Jensen’s smile faded as he couldn’t help the flashback that assaulted his mind. He wanted to say, ‘some do,’ but he let out a calming breath instead. He hadn’t expected the need to explain homophobia to a 5 year old. “Okay, well... can you put Mommy back on the phone?”
“Mommy said you might take us somewhere special next weekend.”
“Did she?” Jensen laughed again. “Well, maybe... I’ll have to see what Mom says. See if you’ve been a good girl.”
“I will be... Okay, Mommy wants the phone back now. See ya.”
“Love you,” Jensen started to say, but just like that, Danneel was back on the line.
“I have to go, Honey, JJ’s trying to pack and everything is everywhere, and Arrow needs changing. No rest for the wicked. We’ll talk more later, okay?”
“Okay... give Arrow and Zepp a kiss for me.”
“Will do. Love you... Bye.”
With the click of the phone, Jensen sighed. He really missed them. Still... he wasn’t unhappy he could go back to bed and sleep off the raging headache he had. Headache... drinking... Jared. He still had to call Jared back. Jensen tipped the rest of his coffee into the sink and felt anxiety rise in his chest. He wasn’t ready to have that particular conversation, not yet, not with Jared.
Jensen sat back down on his bed and seriously thought about going back to sleep, but he could imagine Jared sitting there with the phone in his hand. “Damn it,” Jensen said softly as he scrolled through his contacts. It was a new phone and he didn’t have Jared on speed dial yet. He swiped too hard and it scrolled too far down. “Hmm,” Jensen vocalized and raised an eyebrow. Not really knowing why, he hit the call button.
“Hello.”
“Hey, Jeff...”
“Hey, Jen, What’s up?” Jeff sounded surprised. “Wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon.”
“Is that offer to join you at the cabin still open?”
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Jared looked at his watch for the umpteenth time. It had been over 2 hours since he got off the phone to Jensen. He’d taken a shower had three coffees and just as many Aspirin. He wondered if Jensen’s head was as bad as his. “Damn it,” he said as he fought the urge to call Jensen again. “What the hell are you doing?” Jensen was getting on a plane in a couple of hours and he knew he’d be too busy once he reached Texas. He flopped down on the sofa and reached for the remote. He couldn’t believe it when the first thing he switched to was a re-run of a season 2 episode. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” He turned the TV off in frustration and threw his head back to rest against the soft leather. He closed his eyes and tried to analyse why all of this had him so flustered. It was a technique he knew well, trying to figure out the root cause of his emotions. It was no secret he suffered from mental health issues, specifically depression and he could feel himself spiraling, but why? Sure, the thought of the show ending, had him wondering about the future, but it wasn’t like he needed the money. It wasn’t like he was going to miss the 5:00am calls, either. Yes he’d miss the cast and crew; yes he’d miss the work. He knew he’d especially miss Jensen, but it wasn’t like he would never see him again. Jensen was his brother, on and off the show. Family really didn’t end with blood and shit, they lived within driving distance of each other. He felt the wetness of a tear as it leaked from his left eye and started to roll down his cheek. Who was he kidding; he knew why he was so conflicted. Speak of the devil, he thought when his phone rang and Jensen’s name came up on the screen.
“Jen, what the hell...” he said when he answered. “You said you were going to call me back over 2 hours ago.”
“Yeah, I know, sorry. I was on the phone to Danneel for a while. Her father had a fall and---”
“Oh shit,” Jared interrupted as a full pang of guilt hit. God he could be a selfish bastard sometimes. “Is he okay?”
“No, I mean yeah... he’s fine, really. Broke his foot and Danneel and the kids are going up there for a few days.”
“Oh, Man... Here I was thinking you were avoiding me or something.” Jared wiped the tear that had settled on his cheek. There was silence on the other end of the phone and Jared wondered for a moment if Jensen was still there. “Jen?”
“Still here,” Jensen said with hesitancy in his voice. “Look... The reason I’m calling is I’ve decided to take Jeff up on his offer to go to that cabin in Bellingham. No reason to go home now, so... I know you’re meeting Gen tomorrow, but I thought---,”
“Totally on board,” Jared interrupted. “Gen will completely understand.” Jared was sure. He felt a rush of excitement and what he was feeling only a few moments ago was now totally buried. “I’ll call her and get back to you, okay?”
Jensen laughed. “You’re sure she won’t mind. You did have plans.”
“Nah, she’ll be cool, trust me. I’ll call you back in 5.”
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“Hey... How did it go?” Jensen asked the moment he answered the phone.
“Yeah, well, she wasn’t that cool,” Jared said with a croak in his voice.
“You okay?”
Jared swiped his hand down the front of his face and took in a breath. “Yeah, fine. She just took it heart, like I was choosing you and Jeff over her and the kids. Man.... totally stupid logic. It’s not like I get to do this every day.”
“So you’re not coming then?”
“Bullshit, yes I am. She’s right... This time round I am choosing you and Jeff. This could be the last time we actually get to do this, the 3 of us. I’m coming, regardless.” Jared made himself sound more certain than he was.
“Great. Jeff’s hired a Jeep, so can you come here. He’s picking us up in an hour.”
“An hour?” Jared was already doing calculations in his head. “Shit, that’s gonna cut it fine. I need to pack.”
“Dude, it’s the country. A couple of pair of jeans. Some boots and/or sneakers. A few sweaters, that’s it.”
“Yeah, okay,” Jared said, “See you soon.”
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Jeff listened to the 2 boys chatter as they unpacked their gear. The walls were paper thin and he could hear every word. “Huh,” he laughed softly to himself as they went back and forward with their banter. Those boys hadn’t changed much. Boys? That was... what... 14 years ago, they were men now. Still, he’d spent 2 years calling them ‘his’ boys and in a way they were. Supernatural was the show that had really launched his career. Sure he’d had acting gigs prior to landing the role, but these guys had made this show so enormous, that good fortune had definitely rubbed off on him.
They were staying in a 2 bedroom cabin, a double bed in one room, which he opted for the moment they walked in and 2 singles in the other room. It was meant for a family and Jeff hadn’t really expected the boys to take him up on the invitation. Jensen had already made comment about Jared’s feet hanging over the edge of the kid-sized bed. Jeff grinned, because they actually would. It occurred to him to offer the double bed, but nah... he didn’t have a reputation as a dick, for no reason. “So,” he said as they both walked into the living space where he was sitting. “What are we going to do first?”
“I’m kind of hungry,” Jared said with a child-like look on his face.
“You’re always hungry,” Jensen deadpanned.
Jared grinned and looked at Jensen, then shrugged his shoulders. “What can I say, I’m a growing boy.”
Jensen rolled his eyes and Jeff got up from the couch. “How about we head into the town and grab some supplies. There’s a pub, so we can eat and grab the other kind of supplies.
It was Jensen’s turn to grin. “I remember when we all got stuck at that location in...” He snapped his fingers. “I can’t remember the name of it, but we were filming Route 666. We all drank for 2 days straight then, too.”
“That’s right,” Jared laughed as they all made their way out to the car. “That was the best, not planned, weekend we had.” He laughed again.
“I don’t remember,” Jeff said as he put his seat-belt on and started the engine. “Was I there?”
“Yeah... on the top of that mountain. Except I think we were doing parts of Devil’s Trap as well. They couldn’t get the trailers back down in the snow after filming. We could have come back but we opted to stay up there in that cabin with the open fire place. Jared tried to jog his memory.”
Jeff gestured, throwing his head back. “Oh, that’s right... Man that was really early on. They ended up making you two do the voiceover’s for the DVD extras.”
Jared almost giggled. “Little did they know we were off our heads.”
“Oh they knew,” Jensen chimed in. “They just didn’t care.”
They all laughed and the conversation flowed freely as they drove into town and a lot more freely as they ate dinner in the small town pub and discussed and dissected all the things they’d done together. It made Jeff quite conscious of how much he had missed being a part of the show, and hanging out with these, now men. It was the natural camaraderie and easy banter that got to him most. He also enjoyed watching the two of them, the way he did back then. The way they teased each other was actually quite merciless, but it was filled with warmth and... Jeff chuckled to himself. It was almost flirtatious.
They hadn’t noticed that they’d been there for almost 2 hours, just like they hadn’t noticed that the bar had filled up with people. Mostly locals, there for a Saturday night drink. “You know, this place actually reminds me of that time we went drinking and I ended up with a broken hand,” Jared laughed.
“Broken hand? How’d you do that?” Jeff asked with a smile.
“Got into a fight,” they said in unison.
“You’re joking”.
“Nope,” Jensen laughed and gestured toward Jared. “I had to double back and save his ass.”
“I was fine on my---,” Jared started to say and then as if the Gods were having their own joke, a drunken voice bellowed from behind them.
“Hey! Aren’t you two those sissy guys on TV that hunt ghosts?”
“Oh, shit,” Jensen said and put his hand to his face and shook his head in an ‘I can’t believe this’ way.
“Yeah, that’s them,” another voice said. “Me Misses watches it all the time.”
“I think it’s time to leave,” Jeff said quietly.
They all stood, but before they could even push their chairs in, the second guy was in Jared’s face. The fact that he chose Jared was not a good sign and this guy was at least his height, maybe a half an inch taller.
“Look, Man, we don’t want any trouble. We’re just about to leave,” Jared tried diplomacy, but held his ground and met the guy’s stare.
Jensen moved quickly around the table to stand beside Jared and there was a glimpse of something in his eyes that Jeff had only seen when ‘Dean’ felt ‘Sammy’ was under threat.
“Let’s go,” Jensen said and tugged at Jared’s elbow.
Jared started to move past when the guy sidestepped to be in front of him again. “Lilly says you’re hot. She won’t even get up to get me a beer when your pretty face is on.”
“Well maybe you could get your own beer once and a while,” Jared responded.
“Here we go,” Jeff said under his breath and looked around the room for alternative exits. This wasn’t going to end well.
Guy one moved to flank guy two and the room had gone all but silent. A couple of people had taken out their cell phones, and Jeff had little doubt they were recording. They would probably make the 8:00 O’clock news. Oh for fuck-sake, he thought as he braced himself. This really really wasn’t going to end well, but he wasn’t going to let the boys do this alone. If he was 20 years younger, it might have been fun, but shit, he was too old for this crap.
The first punch hit Jared to the side of the head so hard that Jared stumbled 2 or 3 steps, tripped backwards against the table and crashed to the floor. There was no second punch though because Jensen was lightning fast, with a fierceness that made Jeff think he really was ‘Dean’. One punch to the torso and another to the face had the guy’s nose bleeding and he looked very disoriented.
Jeff moved in front of guy one to stop him from taking Jensen from behind. “Don’t,” Jeff said in the gruffest voice he could manage. He felt a sense of relief when the guy took a step back.
“Get the fuck out of here you faggots,” guy 2 said, dabbing at the blood dripping from his nose with his sleeve.
Jensen had already moved to Jared’s side and it was clear that Jared was groggy. “Can you get up?” he asked from a crouched position. Jared nodded and Jensen cradled his back with one hand and his elbow with the other, using strength to get Jared to his feet. He gave the guy that hit Jared, the one he’d just belted, a look that would kill as he slung Jared’s arm around his shoulder and started to move towards the door.
Guy 2 moved forward with a snarl and again Jeff ran interference. “I wouldn’t if you value your teeth,” he said and he meant it. Jensen was just as protective as Dean.
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“I’m fine,” Jared said as Jensen led him through the door to the cabin and then to the couch. “Stop fussing.”
“Did you black out?” Jeff asked. He was standing over him and for a moment he really did feel like Jared’s dad.
“Do you want a drink of water?” Jensen asked a second later.
“Cut it out, the both of you. I’m fine!” Jared said, almost angrily. He looked at Jeff pointedly. “And no, I didn’t black out, I was just stunned.” He looked at Jensen. “And yes, water would be great and some Tylenol.”
“You’ve got a headache?” Both Jeff and Jensen said together. They both looked at each other and then back to Jared who obviously thought their synchronicity was funny, because he was grinning.
“Yes, I have a headache, but that’s to be expected, right? I did just get punched in the head.”
Jensen frowned and looked at Jeff. “Do we have a first aid kit?”
“Yeah, it’s in the top draw of the kitchen and before you ask, it has Tylenol. I came prepared for headaches, although I have to admit, I didn’t think it would be this kind.”
Jared laughed, but Jensen just walked out of the room towards the kitchen.
Jeff grabbed his phone and turned the flashlight app on. He moved in front of Jared and shone the light into his eyes.
Jared squinted. “What are you doing?”
“Checking your pupils.” He turned the phone away and then shone the light back into Jared’s eyes and repeated.
“What are you doing?” Jensen asked from behind him. Glass of water and two red and white tablets in his hand.
“Your pupils are huge, Jared. I’m no doctor, but my guess is that you’ve got a concussion.” He patted Jared on the shoulder and turned to Jensen.
“I feel fine,” Jared said, but he had a goofy grin on his face. “Actually, I feel kind of good... Well, except for the headache part. Actually, I wouldn’t mind a beer.”
“Are you sure?” Jensen asked Jeff, ignoring Jared completely before handing him the glass and Tylenol.
“No, but I---,”
Jared started to giggle. “You two crack me up, you know that? Seriously guys,” Jared said and threw one of the pills into his mouth and took a gulp of the water. “You’re worse than Gen. She can be a mother hen, too.” He giggled again. “Except when she’s mad. Then she’s defiantly not motherly. And she is a mother.” Jared frowned and tilted his head in a question. “Hmm... That didn’t sound right, did it? She’s is a mother, like, you know, the mother of my kids, but she not a mother, like---,”
“Okay, Jared,” Jeff cut him off. “Just take the other pill.” He looked at Jensen with an amused look on his face. “Actually, I take that back. I am sure. He’s concussed.”
“He should see a doctor.” There was a touch of authority in Jensen’s voice.
Jeff looked at Jared critically. He knew from his time playing sports that concussion shouldn’t be taken lightly. He’d known at least one football player who had never recovered. “Probably,” Jeff agreed.
“No, way!” Jared chimed in. “I am not going to any---,”
“I’m sure we passed a Clinic in town,” Jensen offered.
“Yeah...” Jeff looked at the clock on the wall. “It’s past eleven, though. I doubt it’d still be open.”
“That means driving to a hospital,” Jensen continued.
“Hey...” Jared started waving his right arm. “I’m sitting right here, you know.”
Jeff scratched the back of his head. This wasn’t exactly how he’d seen the weekend going. “Closest would be Vancouver I guess.”
“Surely there’s something closer?” Jensen asked rhetorically. “I’ll grab my phone.” He started to turn to walk away.
“Hold on.” Jared stood up. “No,” he said and this time there was an edge in his tone. “I’m not going to any doctor and I’m definitely not going to a freaking hospital in Vancouver. That’s a 2 hour drive.”
“Jay,” Jensen said with warmth in his voice, clearly about to do the ‘better safe than sorry speech.’ Jeff didn’t see Jared sway, but Jensen did, because in an instant Jensen took the three steps forward to be in front of Jared. “Whoa, steady,” he said as he grabbed Jared by both arms and lowered him back down to the couch. He crouched in front of Jared and didn’t let go, even when Jared was safely seated. Jeff could see the worry on Jensen’s face.
“Just got up too quickly, is all,” Jared explained pinching the bridge of his nose. “I think I should just get some shut-eye. I’m pretty beat.”
“No,” Jeff and Jensen said together and looked at each other again, with a grin. Maybe it was true about people in close quarters, thinking as one.
“No?” Jared asked.
“If you’re not getting medical advice, then you have to stay awake,” Jensen said. “Even I know that.”
“He’s right,” Jeff added. “At least for the next few hours.” A look of apology on his face.
Jared rolled his eyes. “Okay, well can I at least lay down. The room really is spinning.”
Jensen stood up and then looked to Jeff for advice. “What do you think?”
Jeff nodded. “Yeah, we could take shifts to keep him awake.”
“No need,” Jensen said as he again took Jared’s elbow, indicating for him to stand. “It’s fine. You go crash, I’ll keep him awake.”
Jeff grinned. He couldn’t help himself. He always did enjoy stirring the pot. “Okay, well its paper thin walls, so if keeping him awake was anything like it used to be, keep it down okay?”
Jared laughed and Jensen shot him a look. “You’re such a dick sometimes, Jeff,” Jensen said, but there was a smile on his face. “See you in the morning,” he added as he guided Jared to the bedroom.
Jeff’s cheeky grin lasted long after they had both disappeared into the other room. He scratched his chin through the thick greying beard and wondered if that had anything to do with their hesitation in calling it quits on Supernatural.
Nah... he shook his head and headed to bed himself. He was imagining things.
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Jared was still a little dizzy but laying down had helped. He found it amusing and sweet the way Jensen had helped him with his boots and had covered him over with the blanket. He was tired, but they were right. It wasn’t a good idea to sleep on a concussion. Problem was, if he did close his eyes, that’s exactly what was going to happen. “So,” he said and raised one eyebrow in a suggestive gesture. “How do you plan on keeping me awake?”
Jensen sat on the edge of his own bed and kicked off his sneakers. It was a small room, the two beds side by side with barely 2 feet between them. It only had one chest of draws and a built in wardrobe that could hardly fit one person’s clothes, let alone 2. Jensen shook his head, but there was no heat in his words. “Seriously, if you weren’t concussed I’d thump you.”
Jared tried to fight off some of the cloudiness in his mind. He laughed, but didn’t even know why he was laughing so hard. Emotions were running unchecked through him. “Hey,” he said, not understanding why the question just popped into his head. “You know that story you told last convention. That boy that pushed JJ at the farm outing.”
“What about him?”
“Did you really let him go near the goat so it could ram him?”
Jensen’s lips tilted sideways in a crooked smile. “He pushed my daughter. I was in protective mode. What can I say? I did pull him back in time though.”
“Yeah,” Jared said with a nod. “You’re pretty ruthless when it comes to protecting the people you love.”
There was a beat of silence and the air hung heavily, because they both knew it wasn’t just JJ Jared was referring to. “We could talk about the show?” Jared said a moment later. “Figure out what we’re going to do.”
Jensen hesitated and seemed to think about it for a moment. His face made Jared wonder if he should have bought it up. “Okay... so... what are you thinking?” Jensen finally asked.
Jared rolled from his side onto his back, and placed his knitted fingers behind his neck. He stared at the ceiling and did his best to formulate words. It felt like all thoughts were on the edge of his mind and he had to concentrate to retrieve them. Everything really was a jumble, but he couldn’t figure out if that was the knock to the head, or he just didn’t know what to think about this particular subject. “Gen wants me to quit,” he said as a starting point.
“Gen does?” Jensen frowned.
“Yeah... I mean... I can’t blame her. She wants a husband and a father full-time. I want that too, but...” Jared turned his head to look at Jensen. “What does Danneel say?”
“We’ve talked about it, sure...” Jensen shrugged, “but she’s not said much. It’s my... our,” he corrected, “decision.”
Jensen met Jared’s eyes and suddenly that roller-coaster of emotions saw Jared’s good mood plummet. “You know,” he confessed. “We had a whopper of a fight before coming up here.”
“You and Gen?”
“Yeah... she was serious about me picking you and Jeff over her and the kids.”
“Well, you did have plans to meet in LA.”
Jared was suddenly angry. He sat up and threw his legs over the side of the bed. “Which we can do next weekend, or the weekend after! ... And fuck... Whose side are you on? If we finish up this year, we can go to LA...” He waved a hand. “... every day if we want.”
“True,” Jensen said in a calming voice. He shifted forward and now their knees were touching as they sat across from each other on their beds. “That’s Gen, but what is it you want?”
Jared shook his head. “I don’t know. I’m pretty conflicted. I think that’s why I was so keen to talk to you. It’s kind of eating me up. We’ve spent half of our adult lives doing this and there’s so much more to think about than just us. What about the crew and the other actors and all the people that rely on the show?”
Jared could see the light in Jensen’s eyes fade. “I said the same thing to Danneel, but ultimately it really does have to be about us and our willingness to commit for another year.”
Jared reached across and put his hand on top of Jensen’s. This was the only person in the entire world that could relate to how he was feeling. He could see Jensen’s middle knuckle was puffy and he knew that was because of him. “What about you? What are you thinking?”
Jensen sat back, sliding his hand away from the touch. His face was a mixture of determination and regret and Jared’s anxiety levels shot up, 10 fold. “I... I think we need...” Jensen hesitated. “... I need to move on.”
Jared’s eyes widened, he wasn’t expecting such a straight forward answer and it threw him. “I see,” was all he could manage around the confusion in his brain. He felt a sudden sense of overwhelming grief and he couldn’t help the tears that welled in his eyes.
Jensen looked like he was about to cry, too. “We’ve achieved all that we can with this. I want to make a real go of the business and I want to direct. I just feel like... like time’s slipping away.”
I get it, Jared thought, but he was suddenly white-knuckled angry and he couldn’t really understand why, nor could he control it. Jensen clearly didn’t have the same attachment he felt. “So that’s it then? Just like that... it’s over. I can’t...” Jared started to say, but felt a sharp pain in the small of his back and grimaced.
“Jay?”
“I’m fine,” he spat. “Has it been a couple of hours yet?” He laid back down and turned away from Jensen. “I really want to get some sleep.”
“Jesus,” Jensen said and moved to sit on the lower half of Jared’s bed. He lifted the bottom of his T-shirt up. “Your skin is really red.”
Jensen touched it and Jared let out a small, “ouch.”
“That table was wood. Looks like you’ve got a couple of splinters. They’re huge actually.”
Jared took in a huge breath. “Deal with it in the morning. I just want to sleep now.”
“Well it’s only been an hour,” Jensen replied sternly. “I’m going to get the first aid kit. Get them out.” He walked out of the room before Jared could stop him and returned a moment later, kit in hand. “Take your shirt off and roll onto your stomach,” Jensen instructed and Jared sighed, his back was really sore, but he just didn’t want to cooperate.
Jensen sat back down, opened the kit at his feet and tugged at Jared’s T-shirt.
“Leave it,” he said and pulled his T-shirt down over the wound. He was aware that he was acting like a child, but emotions were overriding all logic. “It’s fine... I’m fine.”
“Don’t be an idiot,” Jensen scolded and lifted the T again.
“I said, don’t touch me!” Jared rolled and got off of the bed from the other side.
“What the fuck?” Jensen’s mouth hung open. “What is going on with you?”
“What’s going on with me?!” Jared raised his voice. “Fifteen years and you’re not even hesitating. It’s like you never gave a shit. You just want to walk away!”
Jensen’s brow furrowed. “That’s not true and you know it.” He stood up and started to walk around the bed. “I don’t understand.”
“That’s right, you don’t.” Jared sat down, grabbed his boots and started to put them on.
Jensen squinted. “What are you doing?”
“Putting my boots on,” Jared answered without missing a beat.
“I can see that, but why?”
Jared finished lacing up his boot and stood. “I’m going for a walk.”
“What? It’s dark, it’s cold and you’ve got a fucking head injury, Jay. Don’t be stupid.”
“Oh I’m stupid now?” Jared grabbed his jacket and put it on.
“Dude, please... Why are you so upset? Is it because I was honest about the show?”
“It’s because you didn’t even hesitate, there’s no conflict!” Jared was really mad, unreasonably so and he knew it, but he couldn’t help himself. Something had snapped inside. “I meant...” he stopped and reconfigured his words. “The show meant nothing if you can walk away so easily.”
Jared could see that Jensen looked totally confused, but he didn’t care. The fact was he was confused too. He had no idea why he was having such a meltdown about Jensen wanting to quit. Hell, he kind of wanted to, too. “I’m going for a walk.” He reached to open the door and Jensen stepped to be in his way.
“Stupid idea, Man.” Jensen’s eyes were soft, almost pleading and it calmed him, the way Jensen always could, but he pushed past anyhow. This time when his hand reached for the door knob, Jensen’s hand was over it, holding it still with force.
They were almost chest to chest and Jensen’s face held serious resolve. “If you try to go outside, Jared, I will physically stop you.”
There was a moment where they just stood there and stared at each other, a kind of standoff, but it was only a moment before Jared felt the weight of his words and actions. He couldn’t hold back the tears as he started to weep. He leaned into rest his forehead on Jensen’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s happening. It’s so hard to think straight. I don’t know what I’m going to do when you’re gone.”
“It’s okay, it’s just the concussion.” Jensen led him back to the bed and sat beside him. They had arms around each other as Jared continued to cry on Jensen’s shoulder... literally.
“No matter what happens. I’ll never be gone, Jay,” Jensen reassured softly in Jared’s ear. He stroked his head in long soothing movements. “I will always be there for you, don’t ever doubt that.”
“I know.” Jared nodded into Jensen’s shoulder and the tears subsided, but he didn’t move away and neither did Jensen.
CHAPTER TWO
Author: Zenamydog
Rating: PG 13
Fandom: Supernatural/Real
Characters/Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Warnings: Nope none, apart from its J2. *grins*
Beta: Formally jdSampson Now just my best friend!
Disclaimer: Not Real Folks!
AN: April 2012 was the last time I wrote a story, I am hoping I still have it, so please be kind.
Summary: Set just after the filming of the iconic 300th episode and before the official announcement of a 15th season.
Jeff wants to hang around for a few days and so all 3 J’s hire a cabin in the woods. They get into a bar fight, Jared gets lost in the woods and Jared and Jensen need to work out how their past feelings are effecting them now. If they don’t, there may not be a season 15.
“What’s next?” John asked and Dean gave his dad a lopsided grin.
“We eat,” Dean said as he slapped his dad on the shoulder and then walked away.
Jensen walked off camera and the camera moved in for Jeff’s reaction shot. Jensen closed his eyes the moment Bob yelled cut. He could feel the well of a tear under his eye lid when Bob added, “That’s a wrap,” and the crew cheered.
“Thank god for that,” Jeff said quietly as the grip pulled the camera from his face and away. “If I had to say, ‘me verses your mom,’ one more time...”
Jensen opened his eyes and gave his onscreen dad a brief smile. “I hear you.” He kept the smile plastered on his face as Bob and some of the crew came up to congratulate them and shake their hands.
“Three hundred, can you believe that?” Bob said, but it wasn’t really a question so Jensen just nodded and continued to smile. “Okay,” Bob continued, let’s pack up, we’ll have lot’s more time to congratulate each other on red carpet night.”
He was tired and it had been a harrowing day of reshoots. If it wasn’t the lighting it was the angle, if it wasn’t the angle it was a tech problem. Jensen figured he and Jeff had nailed that particular scene at least 3 times, but they’d done it at least 5. Bob just wasn’t satisfied. As a director himself, Jensen could identify, still, he was grateful the episode was now wrapped. Actually, that was a lie. He wasn’t really sure how he feltl about finishing up this historic episode.
Jeff brushed his hair back with his fingers as everyone else walked away and then moved forward with a grin. “It’s been pretty cool working with you again, Jen,” he said as he wrapped strong arms around Jensen in a lingering hug.
“You, too,” Jensen responded and gently pulled away.
“Grab Jared if he’s still around and we’ll have a couple of drinks in my trailer. Talk shit about the old days.”
Jensen nodded. “Sure, sounds good... Jared’s last call was a couple of hours ago, but I’ll see if he’s still here.”
Jeff headed towards the row of Trailers and Jensen wasn’t quite sure why, but he just stood there. He watched as the crew swung into action, tearing down sets, disabling lights and moving all of the gear into their respective crates. It wasn’t like this was the last episode ever or anything; season 14 still had 7 episodes to film. He couldn’t quite understand the feeling of melancholy that had plagued him the entire day. Maybe it was just having Jeff back on the set, he thought, albeit briefly. It bought back memories of the ‘old days’ when the show was fresh. When coming to work was still exciting and new.
“Hey Jen, can you come here for a moment," Bob’s voice bellowed and Jerked Jensen out of his thoughts. Bob was looking at the small monitor with a strange look on his face and Jensen had the fearful thought that Bob wasn’t satisfied with the scene after all.
“What’s wrong?”
“Take a look,” Bob said and jutted his chin towards the small screen.
It was only 2 minutes of air time, probably less when they did the final cut, but Jensen felt that same tear well as he watched Dean struggle with the fact that John would have to leave again.
He’d watched himself as Dean at least a thousand times, so much so, he never bothered with the rushes any more, but this was different, he couldn’t stop running the lines in his head as it played in front of him and that single tear finally spilt over as his eyes met Bobs.
“Worth it?” Bob asked and Jensen nodded.
“Yeah,” he said softly, trying not to let his voice crack. “Totally worth it.”
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KNOCK KNOCK
“Hey Jare, you still in there?” Jensen said loudly before turning the trailer handle and climbing the two steps. He poked his head in to see Jared sitting at the table staring at two sets of papers. “Hey, Jeff wants us to go grab a few drinks.”
Jared looked up and Jensen could see a small flush in his face.
“What ya doing?” Jensen sat down beside his friend.
“It’s the two scripts,” Jared said quietly. “They were here when I got back.”
“Oh,” Jensen responded with a deep sigh. He didn’t need to ask what they were, he knew exactly. They’d probably be in his trailer when he got back, too. “They any good?”
Jared shrugged. “Can’t decide which one to read first.” He placed his hand on one pile. “This one where we do season 15.” He moved his hand over. “Or this one where we don’t.”
Jensen sat down and placed his hand on Jared’s shoulder and then rested his chin on that hand. It hit him then, the reason he’d been so melancholy. It wasn’t about the CW picking up the show anymore. The only real factors were if he and Jared would both sign the contract for another year. The time was drawing close to make that decision. Jeff coming back for a guest spot had unconsciously drawn attention to that fact. Jeff had been quoted as saying he’d be back before the show was over. “Hey,” Jensen said softly, without moving. “Let’s leave this for now and go have a few with Jeff.”
Jared nodded and tilted his head sideway to connect with Jensen’s. “Okay,” Jared laughed after a few seconds. “Let’s go get royally drunk, like we used to.” Jared stood and Jensen felt the absence of the physical contact.
Jensen stood to follow Jared out of the trailer door. Getting drunk really did sound like an excellent plan.
“You know, Jen, I really didn’t want to think about it before now,” Jared said as they walked in sync the length of the trailers.
“I know... same.”
“But you’re right... let’s just enjoy tonight,” Jared continued as they reached the guest trailer. “Not like we get to party with Jeff very often.”
KNOCK KNOCK...
“Come in boys,” Jeff said in a very ‘John’ voice.
When they entered the trailer, it was clear that Jeff had a head start. There was a bottle of Jack on the table and three glasses. Jeff’s was half full. “What took you so long?” he asked as he opened the bottle and poured the thick brown liquid into the other two glasses, a sly grin on his face. “You two aren’t still---,”
“Jeff,” Jensen interrupted quickly and sat down opposite. He knew exactly what he was about to say. Jeff had been one of very few who had known about their ‘old days’. A small blush rose in Jensen’s cheeks. “We’re married with kids remember.”
“Yeah.” Jeff chuckled and his grin grew wider as he looked from one to the other. “Okay, well... Cheers,” he said, lifting his glass. “Here’s to wives and kids.”
They all clinked their glasses and Jared gazed at Jensen for a moment. It was a look full of warmth and memory, but Jensen couldn’t hold the stare for too long. He didn’t want to have to think about that. He wasn’t going to think about that. He had enough memories whirling around in his head for now.
“So,” Jeff said as he refilled his glass and topped up theirs. “Tell me what’s been going on ‘round here for the last 13 years. What have I missed?”
The second bourbon had done the trick and Jensen felt himself starting to unwind and relax. They had all released their drivers, told them to go home, they’d catch a cab and the next two hours went fast as they recounted bad episodes and funny events. It was kind of like a convention, with Jeff being the audience.
“No way,” Jeff laughed. “Did you seriously fill his car with coins?”
“Yep,” Jared said with a giggle. “He started it. It was payback because he owed me $1970 and he dumped them all in my trailer first.”
“Wait... what? Why did he owe you---,”
“Because I bet him on ‘Words with Friends,” Jared waved a dismissive hand and continued. “Anyhow, I told him he could give the money to his charity...” Jared laughed. “...and dumped it all in his front seat.”
Jensen laughed as well. “And the kicker was that he kept finding coins in the car everywhere for the next 6 months.”
“Ha ha, I think I like this Misha.”
“Yeah, he grows on ya.” Jared said, throwing back the last of his drink.
“Eventually,” Jensen added with a grin.
Jared stretched long arms above his head and yawned. “You know, I think it’s time to call it a night.”
“I agree,” Jensen said. “Flight back to tomorrow isn’t until 4:00pm, but I got a lot to pack and organise before I go. You think I’d have it down to a fine art by now.”
Jared grinned. “I got a long weekend. First call’s not until Wednesday morning. I’m meeting Gen and the kids in LA on Sunday.”
“Wednesday?” Jensen exclaimed. “How the hell did you wrangle that?”
“Not what you know my friend,” Jared said, patting Jensen on the shoulder.
Jeff laughed. “Well I’ll see your 4 O’clock flight and your Wednesday first call and raise you both. I’m spending 4 nights in Bellingham.”
Jared frowned. “What’s in Bellingham?”
“Just a little, out of the way cabin.” Jeff said with a smile. “Right near the lake. At least 20 miles from anyone else. Real peaceful. Thought I do a little fishing, build a bonfire, have a few beers. Just unwind without any distractions.” Jeff chugged the last of his drink. “Hilarie’s at her Moms, so...” He gestured with his hand. “Why not? Think it’s going to be a while before I’m back here...” Jeff made a face, like he’d just remembered something. “Had planned on asking you two to join me. Last hurrah and all, but I get its last minute. Anyhow...” Jeff half stood and leaned to his left, grabbing a Manila envelope from the sideboard. He flopped hard back into his seat and belched. “Oh... Pardon me,” he said, tapping his chest slightly. “I got to ask you something before you go. It’s about episode 20.”
“What’s that?” Jared asked, gesturing to the envelope in Jeff’s hand.
“It’s a contract for another 2 day shoot.” He looked from Jared to Jensen and then back again. “Thing is, I have to know in the next week or 2 what’s happening. That is...” He waved a hand in the air. “If this really is the end, I mean.”
“They want you to do another episode?” Jensen asked.
“Yeah...” Jeff looked confused. “Haven’t you read the script yet?”
“Only got it today,” Jared explained.
“Well there’s a clause saying if you two don’t re-sign for 14 or 15 or whatever it is, they need me and if you do sign, they don’t. I get paid either way, of course, but...” Jeff laughed.
Jensen narrowed his eyes. “So why do you have to know in the next 2 weeks?”
“I’ve only got 4 weeks before I fly to Australia for 3 months. They want to get it in the can before I leave.”
“Australia?” Both J’s said in unison and Jeff laughed. “You two still got that twin thing happening?” A clear reference to when they use to say the same thing at the same time, all the time and not just as Sam and Dean. “Anyhow...” Jeff held a finger to his lips in a ‘shh’ motion. “Big secret, not supposed to tell. Got a gig on this Netflix film, being shot in a studio in Queensland.”
“Wow,” Jared said. “I shot House of Wax there. Nice place. Hot though.”
“So I’ve been told,” Jeff agreed. “Thing is, we’ll be going down a couple of weeks early, I’m taking Hilarie and the kids. If I’m doing this last Ep with you guys though, then we’ll only go a week early. But I need to know. I mean, I don’t, but Hilarie wants to know. You know how woman are. Have to pack a month before. Anyhow...” Jeff continued. “We don’t want another debacle like last time when I was filming Accidental Husband.”
“Yeah, that was pretty shit,” Jensen agreed, remembering the green-screens and stand-ins. The fans had been all over the fact that none of their scenes together had them actually in the same room.
“So?” Jeff looked at them both with expectation, like they were going to make up their minds on the spot. “What do you think? We gonna go out with a bang or not?”
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“Oh, shit,” Jensen said to himself as he sat up in bed and swiveled to put his feet to the floor. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. It had been a long time since he’d been that drunk and the throbbing in his temples reminded him of that. He opened his eyes and picked up his cell from the bed-side- table. First thing he noticed was the time. 11:07AM. Next thing he noticed was the 6 missed calls, all from Jared. He’d only just seen the name when the phone started vibrating in his hand. Yep... Jared.
“Hey,” he said into the phone groggily. “What’s up?”
“Why didn’t you call me back?”
Jensen furrowed his brow. “I just woke up, man. Phone was on silent.” He was a little annoyed.
“We need to figure out what we’re going to do. I didn’t get much sleep last night thinking about it.”
“Shit, Jared. Can this wait until Monday when I get back from Texas? Or even better, Wednesday when you get back. I know we need to talk ab---,” Jensen was interrupted by the sound of beeping. He looked at the phone and then put it back to his ear. “Sorry, Jay, Danneel’s calling; I’ll have to call you back.” He heard the cut off words of ‘no, wait I...’, but it was too late, he’d already hung up. “Hey Babe,” Jensen picked up the other call.
“Hey, Honey, look, nothing to worry about, but me and the kids are flying to Mom’s in a few hours.”
“What? Why? What’s wrong?” Jensen couldn’t keep the alarm out of his tone.
“It’s Dad, he---,”
“Ed’s sick?” Jensen interrupted, suddenly wide awake. “I can get an earlier flight, be there in a few hours.”
“Jen, stop. No, no one’s sick. Well,” Danneel paused. “Not really. He fell off the ladder fixing a leak in the ceiling and broke his foot. Nothing to worry about, bed rest, then he’ll be on crutches for a few weeks, but you know Dad, he’s already talking about going back to work.”
Jensen stood up. The small rush of adrenaline made him want to move. “When did this happen?” he said as he tilted his head from side to side and rubbed the back of his neck, only now realizing he must have slept in an odd position.
“Yesterday, late afternoon, I think. Anyhow, Mom wants us to come up there for a few days, keep him occupied, grandkids and all.”
“I could meet you there,” Jensen offered as he walked from the bedroom to the kitchen.
“You... could,” Danneel responded, but Jensen could tell there was a hesitation in her voice.
“But?”
“Well... like you, when I got the call, I thought the worst. It... it shook me up a little. I just feel like I need to spend some time with them, you know? If you come, the kids won’t settle and JJ will want to be with you and want to go into town and do stuff, which, of course is perfectly natural, but...”
“But you want to just stay at home and do the family thing?” He opened the fridge and grabbed the milk. He really did need coffee. There were no pods left for the machine, so instant was going to have to do.
“Exactly. I’m sorry, Honey. It’ll only be a few days and we’ll be back for next weekend, promise.” There was now softness in her voice that sounded more like a plea.
“It’s okay, I get it,” Jensen responded with a sigh. “I just miss you all, you know?” He unscrewed the coffee jar one handed and grabbed a spoon from the drawer. “Was looking forward to sleeping beside you and being woken at 2:00AM,” he added as he switched the kettle on and put a large amount of coffee in the cup.
“I could still call and wake you at 2:00AM if you miss it that much.”
“Haha,” Jensen laughed again, genuinely this time. “Nah, I’m good.”
“So how was yesterday? Last day with Jeff wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, good... great actually. Brought back a lot of memories and Bob really got a lot from me that I didn’t know was still there.”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, I don’t know...” Jensen shrugged, even though the gesture was for himself only. “I worked a little harder maybe. I slip into Dean so easily,” he said sadly as he poured the boiled water into his cup and added the milk. “I sometimes forget to give it my all. I mean, I just go into Dean autopilot. It was a tough scene with Jeff and it took a bit of time, 5 takes actually, to get it right. Bob could see that, I... I guess I couldn’t.”
“You’re a great actor, Baby, you shouldn’t doubt that.”
Jensen took a sip of his coffee and had to stop himself from spilling the hot liquid. “I used to be,” he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I’m rusty as all hell. When I needed to play Michael I struggled. It makes me think...” Jensen didn’t continue.
“Makes you think what?” Danneel prompted.
“We have to make a decision about session 15 in the next couple of weeks.”
“How come? Thought they’d already worked out the storyline either way?”
“Yeah they have, but if we don’t do 15 then they’ve signed Jeff to be on the finale’. Long story, but we’ll be filming it in the next couple of weeks if it goes that way. He’s filming in Australia for 3 months and they want this done and dusted before he takes off.”
“Makes sense.” There was a pause and Jensen heard Danneel take in a breath. “You sound down, Jen... What were you going to say before?”
Jensen took another, smaller sip of his coffee and let his gaze lift towards the ceiling. He was vaguely aware he was just staring and acutely aware he didn’t really understand what he was feeling. “I’ve always thought that I’d be a director... or at least try to be, when this was over. I... I really like that side of things and I also really want to make a go of our brewery, but... I love acting too.”
“And?”
“I don’t think I’m ready to give acting up, not completely.”
“Okay... I don’t think I’m following. Are you saying you want to do another season?”
“Actually, I’m saying I don’t think I should.” Jensen closed his eyes. He’d finally said it out loud. “If I’m going to have any chance at doing big screen or theater, then I have to hone my skills again. It was a bit of a shock realizing how robotic I am.”
“What does Jared think?”
“I was on the phone with him when you called. Said I’d call him back. I don’t know is the short answer. That’s why he was calling. He wants to make a decision.”
“You never know, Jen, he might be feeling the same way.”
“Maybe...” Jensen sighed, placing his cup down on the table and then returning the milk to the fridge. “There’s so much more to consider, though.”
“Like what?”
“Like the crew for one thing... some of them have been with us this whole time. The other cast... contractors and drivers, makeup artist and hairdressers and a shit load of others who rely on the show for their pay check. They’re all going to be suddenly unemployed. ”
“They all know it has to come to an end, sooner or later. I’m sure they’ve already started thinking about---,”
“Is that Daddy? Is that Daddy?” Jensen could hear JJ’s excited voice in the background. “I wanna talk to Daddy. Let me talk to Daddy.”
“Hang on, honey, Mommy is talking.”
Jensen heard a rustle and could see in his mind’s eye, JJ crawling all over her mother reaching for the phone while Danneel held the phone to her ear and tried to keep it from being snatched. “It’s okay...” Jensen said with a small grin on his face. “Put her on. Let her say hi.”
“Hey, Daddy... Guess what? We’re going to visit Grandma and Grandpa. Did you know Grandpa broke his leg? We’re going to go and cheer him up.”
“Yeah, Mommy told me. I think he broke his foot though, not his leg... but I’m proud of you helping Mommy cheer him up.”
“That’s okay, Grandma needs our help and Mom said I can write my name on Grandpa’s cast.”
Jensen laughed and felt a little choked up when he noticed the picture JJ had drawn over a year ago still stuck to the fridge. God, she was gorgeous. He couldn’t imagine his life without her now. In the early years he was adamant he wasn’t going to have kids until he could be a full-time father. Now, though... “Well, can you write a big kiss from me?”
“How do you write a kiss, Daddy? That’s silly.”
Jensen laughed. “Well, you write an X, like Daddy did on your birthday card.”
“Oh, yeah,” JJ exclaimed. “And the O is a hug.”
“That’s right.”
“Okay, I’ll write a big O hug from you, not an X, because boys don’t kiss boys. That’s yuck!”
Jensen’s smile faded as he couldn’t help the flashback that assaulted his mind. He wanted to say, ‘some do,’ but he let out a calming breath instead. He hadn’t expected the need to explain homophobia to a 5 year old. “Okay, well... can you put Mommy back on the phone?”
“Mommy said you might take us somewhere special next weekend.”
“Did she?” Jensen laughed again. “Well, maybe... I’ll have to see what Mom says. See if you’ve been a good girl.”
“I will be... Okay, Mommy wants the phone back now. See ya.”
“Love you,” Jensen started to say, but just like that, Danneel was back on the line.
“I have to go, Honey, JJ’s trying to pack and everything is everywhere, and Arrow needs changing. No rest for the wicked. We’ll talk more later, okay?”
“Okay... give Arrow and Zepp a kiss for me.”
“Will do. Love you... Bye.”
With the click of the phone, Jensen sighed. He really missed them. Still... he wasn’t unhappy he could go back to bed and sleep off the raging headache he had. Headache... drinking... Jared. He still had to call Jared back. Jensen tipped the rest of his coffee into the sink and felt anxiety rise in his chest. He wasn’t ready to have that particular conversation, not yet, not with Jared.
Jensen sat back down on his bed and seriously thought about going back to sleep, but he could imagine Jared sitting there with the phone in his hand. “Damn it,” Jensen said softly as he scrolled through his contacts. It was a new phone and he didn’t have Jared on speed dial yet. He swiped too hard and it scrolled too far down. “Hmm,” Jensen vocalized and raised an eyebrow. Not really knowing why, he hit the call button.
“Hello.”
“Hey, Jeff...”
“Hey, Jen, What’s up?” Jeff sounded surprised. “Wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon.”
“Is that offer to join you at the cabin still open?”
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Jared looked at his watch for the umpteenth time. It had been over 2 hours since he got off the phone to Jensen. He’d taken a shower had three coffees and just as many Aspirin. He wondered if Jensen’s head was as bad as his. “Damn it,” he said as he fought the urge to call Jensen again. “What the hell are you doing?” Jensen was getting on a plane in a couple of hours and he knew he’d be too busy once he reached Texas. He flopped down on the sofa and reached for the remote. He couldn’t believe it when the first thing he switched to was a re-run of a season 2 episode. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” He turned the TV off in frustration and threw his head back to rest against the soft leather. He closed his eyes and tried to analyse why all of this had him so flustered. It was a technique he knew well, trying to figure out the root cause of his emotions. It was no secret he suffered from mental health issues, specifically depression and he could feel himself spiraling, but why? Sure, the thought of the show ending, had him wondering about the future, but it wasn’t like he needed the money. It wasn’t like he was going to miss the 5:00am calls, either. Yes he’d miss the cast and crew; yes he’d miss the work. He knew he’d especially miss Jensen, but it wasn’t like he would never see him again. Jensen was his brother, on and off the show. Family really didn’t end with blood and shit, they lived within driving distance of each other. He felt the wetness of a tear as it leaked from his left eye and started to roll down his cheek. Who was he kidding; he knew why he was so conflicted. Speak of the devil, he thought when his phone rang and Jensen’s name came up on the screen.
“Jen, what the hell...” he said when he answered. “You said you were going to call me back over 2 hours ago.”
“Yeah, I know, sorry. I was on the phone to Danneel for a while. Her father had a fall and---”
“Oh shit,” Jared interrupted as a full pang of guilt hit. God he could be a selfish bastard sometimes. “Is he okay?”
“No, I mean yeah... he’s fine, really. Broke his foot and Danneel and the kids are going up there for a few days.”
“Oh, Man... Here I was thinking you were avoiding me or something.” Jared wiped the tear that had settled on his cheek. There was silence on the other end of the phone and Jared wondered for a moment if Jensen was still there. “Jen?”
“Still here,” Jensen said with hesitancy in his voice. “Look... The reason I’m calling is I’ve decided to take Jeff up on his offer to go to that cabin in Bellingham. No reason to go home now, so... I know you’re meeting Gen tomorrow, but I thought---,”
“Totally on board,” Jared interrupted. “Gen will completely understand.” Jared was sure. He felt a rush of excitement and what he was feeling only a few moments ago was now totally buried. “I’ll call her and get back to you, okay?”
Jensen laughed. “You’re sure she won’t mind. You did have plans.”
“Nah, she’ll be cool, trust me. I’ll call you back in 5.”
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“Hey... How did it go?” Jensen asked the moment he answered the phone.
“Yeah, well, she wasn’t that cool,” Jared said with a croak in his voice.
“You okay?”
Jared swiped his hand down the front of his face and took in a breath. “Yeah, fine. She just took it heart, like I was choosing you and Jeff over her and the kids. Man.... totally stupid logic. It’s not like I get to do this every day.”
“So you’re not coming then?”
“Bullshit, yes I am. She’s right... This time round I am choosing you and Jeff. This could be the last time we actually get to do this, the 3 of us. I’m coming, regardless.” Jared made himself sound more certain than he was.
“Great. Jeff’s hired a Jeep, so can you come here. He’s picking us up in an hour.”
“An hour?” Jared was already doing calculations in his head. “Shit, that’s gonna cut it fine. I need to pack.”
“Dude, it’s the country. A couple of pair of jeans. Some boots and/or sneakers. A few sweaters, that’s it.”
“Yeah, okay,” Jared said, “See you soon.”
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Jeff listened to the 2 boys chatter as they unpacked their gear. The walls were paper thin and he could hear every word. “Huh,” he laughed softly to himself as they went back and forward with their banter. Those boys hadn’t changed much. Boys? That was... what... 14 years ago, they were men now. Still, he’d spent 2 years calling them ‘his’ boys and in a way they were. Supernatural was the show that had really launched his career. Sure he’d had acting gigs prior to landing the role, but these guys had made this show so enormous, that good fortune had definitely rubbed off on him.
They were staying in a 2 bedroom cabin, a double bed in one room, which he opted for the moment they walked in and 2 singles in the other room. It was meant for a family and Jeff hadn’t really expected the boys to take him up on the invitation. Jensen had already made comment about Jared’s feet hanging over the edge of the kid-sized bed. Jeff grinned, because they actually would. It occurred to him to offer the double bed, but nah... he didn’t have a reputation as a dick, for no reason. “So,” he said as they both walked into the living space where he was sitting. “What are we going to do first?”
“I’m kind of hungry,” Jared said with a child-like look on his face.
“You’re always hungry,” Jensen deadpanned.
Jared grinned and looked at Jensen, then shrugged his shoulders. “What can I say, I’m a growing boy.”
Jensen rolled his eyes and Jeff got up from the couch. “How about we head into the town and grab some supplies. There’s a pub, so we can eat and grab the other kind of supplies.
It was Jensen’s turn to grin. “I remember when we all got stuck at that location in...” He snapped his fingers. “I can’t remember the name of it, but we were filming Route 666. We all drank for 2 days straight then, too.”
“That’s right,” Jared laughed as they all made their way out to the car. “That was the best, not planned, weekend we had.” He laughed again.
“I don’t remember,” Jeff said as he put his seat-belt on and started the engine. “Was I there?”
“Yeah... on the top of that mountain. Except I think we were doing parts of Devil’s Trap as well. They couldn’t get the trailers back down in the snow after filming. We could have come back but we opted to stay up there in that cabin with the open fire place. Jared tried to jog his memory.”
Jeff gestured, throwing his head back. “Oh, that’s right... Man that was really early on. They ended up making you two do the voiceover’s for the DVD extras.”
Jared almost giggled. “Little did they know we were off our heads.”
“Oh they knew,” Jensen chimed in. “They just didn’t care.”
They all laughed and the conversation flowed freely as they drove into town and a lot more freely as they ate dinner in the small town pub and discussed and dissected all the things they’d done together. It made Jeff quite conscious of how much he had missed being a part of the show, and hanging out with these, now men. It was the natural camaraderie and easy banter that got to him most. He also enjoyed watching the two of them, the way he did back then. The way they teased each other was actually quite merciless, but it was filled with warmth and... Jeff chuckled to himself. It was almost flirtatious.
They hadn’t noticed that they’d been there for almost 2 hours, just like they hadn’t noticed that the bar had filled up with people. Mostly locals, there for a Saturday night drink. “You know, this place actually reminds me of that time we went drinking and I ended up with a broken hand,” Jared laughed.
“Broken hand? How’d you do that?” Jeff asked with a smile.
“Got into a fight,” they said in unison.
“You’re joking”.
“Nope,” Jensen laughed and gestured toward Jared. “I had to double back and save his ass.”
“I was fine on my---,” Jared started to say and then as if the Gods were having their own joke, a drunken voice bellowed from behind them.
“Hey! Aren’t you two those sissy guys on TV that hunt ghosts?”
“Oh, shit,” Jensen said and put his hand to his face and shook his head in an ‘I can’t believe this’ way.
“Yeah, that’s them,” another voice said. “Me Misses watches it all the time.”
“I think it’s time to leave,” Jeff said quietly.
They all stood, but before they could even push their chairs in, the second guy was in Jared’s face. The fact that he chose Jared was not a good sign and this guy was at least his height, maybe a half an inch taller.
“Look, Man, we don’t want any trouble. We’re just about to leave,” Jared tried diplomacy, but held his ground and met the guy’s stare.
Jensen moved quickly around the table to stand beside Jared and there was a glimpse of something in his eyes that Jeff had only seen when ‘Dean’ felt ‘Sammy’ was under threat.
“Let’s go,” Jensen said and tugged at Jared’s elbow.
Jared started to move past when the guy sidestepped to be in front of him again. “Lilly says you’re hot. She won’t even get up to get me a beer when your pretty face is on.”
“Well maybe you could get your own beer once and a while,” Jared responded.
“Here we go,” Jeff said under his breath and looked around the room for alternative exits. This wasn’t going to end well.
Guy one moved to flank guy two and the room had gone all but silent. A couple of people had taken out their cell phones, and Jeff had little doubt they were recording. They would probably make the 8:00 O’clock news. Oh for fuck-sake, he thought as he braced himself. This really really wasn’t going to end well, but he wasn’t going to let the boys do this alone. If he was 20 years younger, it might have been fun, but shit, he was too old for this crap.
The first punch hit Jared to the side of the head so hard that Jared stumbled 2 or 3 steps, tripped backwards against the table and crashed to the floor. There was no second punch though because Jensen was lightning fast, with a fierceness that made Jeff think he really was ‘Dean’. One punch to the torso and another to the face had the guy’s nose bleeding and he looked very disoriented.
Jeff moved in front of guy one to stop him from taking Jensen from behind. “Don’t,” Jeff said in the gruffest voice he could manage. He felt a sense of relief when the guy took a step back.
“Get the fuck out of here you faggots,” guy 2 said, dabbing at the blood dripping from his nose with his sleeve.
Jensen had already moved to Jared’s side and it was clear that Jared was groggy. “Can you get up?” he asked from a crouched position. Jared nodded and Jensen cradled his back with one hand and his elbow with the other, using strength to get Jared to his feet. He gave the guy that hit Jared, the one he’d just belted, a look that would kill as he slung Jared’s arm around his shoulder and started to move towards the door.
Guy 2 moved forward with a snarl and again Jeff ran interference. “I wouldn’t if you value your teeth,” he said and he meant it. Jensen was just as protective as Dean.
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“I’m fine,” Jared said as Jensen led him through the door to the cabin and then to the couch. “Stop fussing.”
“Did you black out?” Jeff asked. He was standing over him and for a moment he really did feel like Jared’s dad.
“Do you want a drink of water?” Jensen asked a second later.
“Cut it out, the both of you. I’m fine!” Jared said, almost angrily. He looked at Jeff pointedly. “And no, I didn’t black out, I was just stunned.” He looked at Jensen. “And yes, water would be great and some Tylenol.”
“You’ve got a headache?” Both Jeff and Jensen said together. They both looked at each other and then back to Jared who obviously thought their synchronicity was funny, because he was grinning.
“Yes, I have a headache, but that’s to be expected, right? I did just get punched in the head.”
Jensen frowned and looked at Jeff. “Do we have a first aid kit?”
“Yeah, it’s in the top draw of the kitchen and before you ask, it has Tylenol. I came prepared for headaches, although I have to admit, I didn’t think it would be this kind.”
Jared laughed, but Jensen just walked out of the room towards the kitchen.
Jeff grabbed his phone and turned the flashlight app on. He moved in front of Jared and shone the light into his eyes.
Jared squinted. “What are you doing?”
“Checking your pupils.” He turned the phone away and then shone the light back into Jared’s eyes and repeated.
“What are you doing?” Jensen asked from behind him. Glass of water and two red and white tablets in his hand.
“Your pupils are huge, Jared. I’m no doctor, but my guess is that you’ve got a concussion.” He patted Jared on the shoulder and turned to Jensen.
“I feel fine,” Jared said, but he had a goofy grin on his face. “Actually, I feel kind of good... Well, except for the headache part. Actually, I wouldn’t mind a beer.”
“Are you sure?” Jensen asked Jeff, ignoring Jared completely before handing him the glass and Tylenol.
“No, but I---,”
Jared started to giggle. “You two crack me up, you know that? Seriously guys,” Jared said and threw one of the pills into his mouth and took a gulp of the water. “You’re worse than Gen. She can be a mother hen, too.” He giggled again. “Except when she’s mad. Then she’s defiantly not motherly. And she is a mother.” Jared frowned and tilted his head in a question. “Hmm... That didn’t sound right, did it? She’s is a mother, like, you know, the mother of my kids, but she not a mother, like---,”
“Okay, Jared,” Jeff cut him off. “Just take the other pill.” He looked at Jensen with an amused look on his face. “Actually, I take that back. I am sure. He’s concussed.”
“He should see a doctor.” There was a touch of authority in Jensen’s voice.
Jeff looked at Jared critically. He knew from his time playing sports that concussion shouldn’t be taken lightly. He’d known at least one football player who had never recovered. “Probably,” Jeff agreed.
“No, way!” Jared chimed in. “I am not going to any---,”
“I’m sure we passed a Clinic in town,” Jensen offered.
“Yeah...” Jeff looked at the clock on the wall. “It’s past eleven, though. I doubt it’d still be open.”
“That means driving to a hospital,” Jensen continued.
“Hey...” Jared started waving his right arm. “I’m sitting right here, you know.”
Jeff scratched the back of his head. This wasn’t exactly how he’d seen the weekend going. “Closest would be Vancouver I guess.”
“Surely there’s something closer?” Jensen asked rhetorically. “I’ll grab my phone.” He started to turn to walk away.
“Hold on.” Jared stood up. “No,” he said and this time there was an edge in his tone. “I’m not going to any doctor and I’m definitely not going to a freaking hospital in Vancouver. That’s a 2 hour drive.”
“Jay,” Jensen said with warmth in his voice, clearly about to do the ‘better safe than sorry speech.’ Jeff didn’t see Jared sway, but Jensen did, because in an instant Jensen took the three steps forward to be in front of Jared. “Whoa, steady,” he said as he grabbed Jared by both arms and lowered him back down to the couch. He crouched in front of Jared and didn’t let go, even when Jared was safely seated. Jeff could see the worry on Jensen’s face.
“Just got up too quickly, is all,” Jared explained pinching the bridge of his nose. “I think I should just get some shut-eye. I’m pretty beat.”
“No,” Jeff and Jensen said together and looked at each other again, with a grin. Maybe it was true about people in close quarters, thinking as one.
“No?” Jared asked.
“If you’re not getting medical advice, then you have to stay awake,” Jensen said. “Even I know that.”
“He’s right,” Jeff added. “At least for the next few hours.” A look of apology on his face.
Jared rolled his eyes. “Okay, well can I at least lay down. The room really is spinning.”
Jensen stood up and then looked to Jeff for advice. “What do you think?”
Jeff nodded. “Yeah, we could take shifts to keep him awake.”
“No need,” Jensen said as he again took Jared’s elbow, indicating for him to stand. “It’s fine. You go crash, I’ll keep him awake.”
Jeff grinned. He couldn’t help himself. He always did enjoy stirring the pot. “Okay, well its paper thin walls, so if keeping him awake was anything like it used to be, keep it down okay?”
Jared laughed and Jensen shot him a look. “You’re such a dick sometimes, Jeff,” Jensen said, but there was a smile on his face. “See you in the morning,” he added as he guided Jared to the bedroom.
Jeff’s cheeky grin lasted long after they had both disappeared into the other room. He scratched his chin through the thick greying beard and wondered if that had anything to do with their hesitation in calling it quits on Supernatural.
Nah... he shook his head and headed to bed himself. He was imagining things.
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Jared was still a little dizzy but laying down had helped. He found it amusing and sweet the way Jensen had helped him with his boots and had covered him over with the blanket. He was tired, but they were right. It wasn’t a good idea to sleep on a concussion. Problem was, if he did close his eyes, that’s exactly what was going to happen. “So,” he said and raised one eyebrow in a suggestive gesture. “How do you plan on keeping me awake?”
Jensen sat on the edge of his own bed and kicked off his sneakers. It was a small room, the two beds side by side with barely 2 feet between them. It only had one chest of draws and a built in wardrobe that could hardly fit one person’s clothes, let alone 2. Jensen shook his head, but there was no heat in his words. “Seriously, if you weren’t concussed I’d thump you.”
Jared tried to fight off some of the cloudiness in his mind. He laughed, but didn’t even know why he was laughing so hard. Emotions were running unchecked through him. “Hey,” he said, not understanding why the question just popped into his head. “You know that story you told last convention. That boy that pushed JJ at the farm outing.”
“What about him?”
“Did you really let him go near the goat so it could ram him?”
Jensen’s lips tilted sideways in a crooked smile. “He pushed my daughter. I was in protective mode. What can I say? I did pull him back in time though.”
“Yeah,” Jared said with a nod. “You’re pretty ruthless when it comes to protecting the people you love.”
There was a beat of silence and the air hung heavily, because they both knew it wasn’t just JJ Jared was referring to. “We could talk about the show?” Jared said a moment later. “Figure out what we’re going to do.”
Jensen hesitated and seemed to think about it for a moment. His face made Jared wonder if he should have bought it up. “Okay... so... what are you thinking?” Jensen finally asked.
Jared rolled from his side onto his back, and placed his knitted fingers behind his neck. He stared at the ceiling and did his best to formulate words. It felt like all thoughts were on the edge of his mind and he had to concentrate to retrieve them. Everything really was a jumble, but he couldn’t figure out if that was the knock to the head, or he just didn’t know what to think about this particular subject. “Gen wants me to quit,” he said as a starting point.
“Gen does?” Jensen frowned.
“Yeah... I mean... I can’t blame her. She wants a husband and a father full-time. I want that too, but...” Jared turned his head to look at Jensen. “What does Danneel say?”
“We’ve talked about it, sure...” Jensen shrugged, “but she’s not said much. It’s my... our,” he corrected, “decision.”
Jensen met Jared’s eyes and suddenly that roller-coaster of emotions saw Jared’s good mood plummet. “You know,” he confessed. “We had a whopper of a fight before coming up here.”
“You and Gen?”
“Yeah... she was serious about me picking you and Jeff over her and the kids.”
“Well, you did have plans to meet in LA.”
Jared was suddenly angry. He sat up and threw his legs over the side of the bed. “Which we can do next weekend, or the weekend after! ... And fuck... Whose side are you on? If we finish up this year, we can go to LA...” He waved a hand. “... every day if we want.”
“True,” Jensen said in a calming voice. He shifted forward and now their knees were touching as they sat across from each other on their beds. “That’s Gen, but what is it you want?”
Jared shook his head. “I don’t know. I’m pretty conflicted. I think that’s why I was so keen to talk to you. It’s kind of eating me up. We’ve spent half of our adult lives doing this and there’s so much more to think about than just us. What about the crew and the other actors and all the people that rely on the show?”
Jared could see the light in Jensen’s eyes fade. “I said the same thing to Danneel, but ultimately it really does have to be about us and our willingness to commit for another year.”
Jared reached across and put his hand on top of Jensen’s. This was the only person in the entire world that could relate to how he was feeling. He could see Jensen’s middle knuckle was puffy and he knew that was because of him. “What about you? What are you thinking?”
Jensen sat back, sliding his hand away from the touch. His face was a mixture of determination and regret and Jared’s anxiety levels shot up, 10 fold. “I... I think we need...” Jensen hesitated. “... I need to move on.”
Jared’s eyes widened, he wasn’t expecting such a straight forward answer and it threw him. “I see,” was all he could manage around the confusion in his brain. He felt a sudden sense of overwhelming grief and he couldn’t help the tears that welled in his eyes.
Jensen looked like he was about to cry, too. “We’ve achieved all that we can with this. I want to make a real go of the business and I want to direct. I just feel like... like time’s slipping away.”
I get it, Jared thought, but he was suddenly white-knuckled angry and he couldn’t really understand why, nor could he control it. Jensen clearly didn’t have the same attachment he felt. “So that’s it then? Just like that... it’s over. I can’t...” Jared started to say, but felt a sharp pain in the small of his back and grimaced.
“Jay?”
“I’m fine,” he spat. “Has it been a couple of hours yet?” He laid back down and turned away from Jensen. “I really want to get some sleep.”
“Jesus,” Jensen said and moved to sit on the lower half of Jared’s bed. He lifted the bottom of his T-shirt up. “Your skin is really red.”
Jensen touched it and Jared let out a small, “ouch.”
“That table was wood. Looks like you’ve got a couple of splinters. They’re huge actually.”
Jared took in a huge breath. “Deal with it in the morning. I just want to sleep now.”
“Well it’s only been an hour,” Jensen replied sternly. “I’m going to get the first aid kit. Get them out.” He walked out of the room before Jared could stop him and returned a moment later, kit in hand. “Take your shirt off and roll onto your stomach,” Jensen instructed and Jared sighed, his back was really sore, but he just didn’t want to cooperate.
Jensen sat back down, opened the kit at his feet and tugged at Jared’s T-shirt.
“Leave it,” he said and pulled his T-shirt down over the wound. He was aware that he was acting like a child, but emotions were overriding all logic. “It’s fine... I’m fine.”
“Don’t be an idiot,” Jensen scolded and lifted the T again.
“I said, don’t touch me!” Jared rolled and got off of the bed from the other side.
“What the fuck?” Jensen’s mouth hung open. “What is going on with you?”
“What’s going on with me?!” Jared raised his voice. “Fifteen years and you’re not even hesitating. It’s like you never gave a shit. You just want to walk away!”
Jensen’s brow furrowed. “That’s not true and you know it.” He stood up and started to walk around the bed. “I don’t understand.”
“That’s right, you don’t.” Jared sat down, grabbed his boots and started to put them on.
Jensen squinted. “What are you doing?”
“Putting my boots on,” Jared answered without missing a beat.
“I can see that, but why?”
Jared finished lacing up his boot and stood. “I’m going for a walk.”
“What? It’s dark, it’s cold and you’ve got a fucking head injury, Jay. Don’t be stupid.”
“Oh I’m stupid now?” Jared grabbed his jacket and put it on.
“Dude, please... Why are you so upset? Is it because I was honest about the show?”
“It’s because you didn’t even hesitate, there’s no conflict!” Jared was really mad, unreasonably so and he knew it, but he couldn’t help himself. Something had snapped inside. “I meant...” he stopped and reconfigured his words. “The show meant nothing if you can walk away so easily.”
Jared could see that Jensen looked totally confused, but he didn’t care. The fact was he was confused too. He had no idea why he was having such a meltdown about Jensen wanting to quit. Hell, he kind of wanted to, too. “I’m going for a walk.” He reached to open the door and Jensen stepped to be in his way.
“Stupid idea, Man.” Jensen’s eyes were soft, almost pleading and it calmed him, the way Jensen always could, but he pushed past anyhow. This time when his hand reached for the door knob, Jensen’s hand was over it, holding it still with force.
They were almost chest to chest and Jensen’s face held serious resolve. “If you try to go outside, Jared, I will physically stop you.”
There was a moment where they just stood there and stared at each other, a kind of standoff, but it was only a moment before Jared felt the weight of his words and actions. He couldn’t hold back the tears as he started to weep. He leaned into rest his forehead on Jensen’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s happening. It’s so hard to think straight. I don’t know what I’m going to do when you’re gone.”
“It’s okay, it’s just the concussion.” Jensen led him back to the bed and sat beside him. They had arms around each other as Jared continued to cry on Jensen’s shoulder... literally.
“No matter what happens. I’ll never be gone, Jay,” Jensen reassured softly in Jared’s ear. He stroked his head in long soothing movements. “I will always be there for you, don’t ever doubt that.”
“I know.” Jared nodded into Jensen’s shoulder and the tears subsided, but he didn’t move away and neither did Jensen.
CHAPTER TWO